During Eating Disorder Recovery and after

You have to be at a good weight and this should go through your MD.I was restrcted til I got to a certain weight beyound walking slowly for short periods of times. Listen to your treatment team They will help a lot and trust them I am so glad I had an awesome team and they walked me back to an athlete's level again. I worked with them and then after about six months I was allowed back in a gym with a trainer who was then brought onboard and still is working with me. I am at a normal weight now for over 16 months and still I must admit the body is changing as I continue to build muscle but it is worth it. It is hard for me to grasp I was under 500 calories a day and now on workout days that Dylan goes long over 2 hrs I eat about 3,000 calories. I am a lucky one none of the damage from ED was permanent The only issue left is I still cant rely on hunger I have to monitor and make sure I eat what I need but no organs etc were effected I hope never to go back to ED for any reason

Congratulations on your steps to recovery - its a tough road - but you can do it. My body is not the same since I became healthy - and I love my curves and the muscle tone I now have. I do weigh more now - but that is because muscle weighs more than fat - and I have a lot of muscles now! :Loving it! With your Doctors help - you will have the beautiful body you have always searched for but could never find with ED.

First off - well done on taking the very scary journey towards recovery. At first any weight gain will terrify you. However there are a few things you need to 'know'.
1) Your doctor and their team know what they are doing, and will not allow you to 'balloon' or put on too much weight or too fast
2) Your weight gain will not be a straight line: when you first increase calories the body grabs on to them in order to try and repair itself as quickly as possible. It will start by restocking the glycogen in your muscles and liver. This will also cause water gain as the muscles 'rehydrate'. This can cause a sudden jump in weight, do not be panicked by this. Next it will start to replenish your protein stores. Initially your metabolism will be so sluggish that you will put on weight, but once you body has adjusted your metabolism will increase and your weight gain will slow or even stop. The calorie intake will then need to go up a notch, and you will have another gain followed by another levelling off. And so on...
3) Your fat mass will increase, but not excessively. Your body needs fat for lots of things, including the essential hormones for fertility and bone strength. It also is involved in producing the hormones that tell your brain when you have eaten enough.
4) As mentioned above, you will not be able to rely on hunger to tell you when to eat and how much. Follow what regimen the doctors set you and you will be safe.
5) It would be unwise to stress your body by exercising before you have been at a stable body weight for some time, and only with the guidance of your medical team. Your body needs time to repair from the ED, and your brain needs time to recover too.
(COI - a Dr)

I love curves, I just want mine to be the thin/skinny version but fit and lean...if that makes sense. Like a thin but curvy fitness model. I hope I can get the proper food, protein powders, ect, that are needed for this....since they can cost a lot...lol

and thank you

Honestly, I think this is how most people with EDs feel, at some point. I don't think that most people with anorexia nervosa begin by thinking they want to have a BMI of 17, and have zero curves and look like an adolescent boy. We all started out, wanting to look like a thin and fit model. It just becomes such an obsession, that it ends in unhealthy behaviors. The obsessive desire to look like a "thin but curvy fitness model" begins with earnest goals, but when we get to a low weight, and we still don't look like a fitness model, it's hard to stop the obsessive dieting, restricting, and other unhealthy compulsive behaviors. For me, it was a matter of letting go of unrealistic goals, and focus more on enjoying my life. Obsessing over what I wanted my body to look like, only made me into a crazy person. Even at my thinnest, I was unhappy, because I was never satisfied. I had to be WILLING to accept that I am imperfect, but I am still a beautiful person, inside and out. It's easier said than done, I realize, but willingness to change my thinking, is probably what helped me most.