Looking for energy!

Hi there, I'm kind of new at this. I first discovered the site through the application on my Android phone, and thougth I would check it out. I found the Sportypal app on my phone and one night when I missed the bus from my friend's house, I decided to walk home. I was curious to find out how far it was and got the Sportypal app running, and when I got home I felt great and started to log my food for that day on MFP, and after that I was kind of hooked. This was August 22nd. I was going to the US (I live in Sweden) for business 11 days in September, and decided to try to lose some weight before that, just because I knew we would get plenty of food but no chance to exercise whilst there. I lost 7 pounds just by counting calories and walking at night. In the US I tried to watch what I ate and my boss actually told me that I probably think that I eat more than I do. When I was back from Chicago I jumped on my scale and was so happy to find that I only gained 2 pounds (I blame it on the wonderful restaurants my colleagues treated us to!).

My weight has been pretty much set at about 185-190 lbs since... I don't know, 3 years? The weight rarely changes but I have to buy a bigger size in clothes, so I am looking for some inches to come off, not only weight, to be able to fit into my huge collection of nice tops and shirts again.

After I came back from the US I started to really try to take my exercise time more seriously = really stick to it at least 5 times/week.. My number one reason for wanting to get in shape is actually to get more energy. I have a stressful job in a manager position with huge responsibilities, and usually I am dead when I walk through the door at night. I crash on my couch and watch TV until bed time. I can go for days without eating or drinking much, and then binge out really late at night. I really want to stop doing that and be careful with what I put in my mouth and take the time to exercise. I've been doing these walks around my neighbourhood, and it feels really good. I still have to talk my self into going out, but once I am out I feel like I don't want to go home, I just want to walk and walk and listen to my music and see the calories adding up on my Sportypal

I've been overweight my whole life, I think. I was a chubby child and even though I played a lot of sports, it was never enough to keep the weight off. I've always enjoyed being inside, playing by myself, doing a lot of reading, and that does your brain good but it doesn't really burn a lot of calories! In 4th grade one of my "dear" class mates gave me the nick name "Chubbie" and that kind of stuck to me all through school, Things like that can do two things to you - you either get mad and decide to "show them all by getting thin" - or you are like me, you laugh on the outside but die a bit on the inside and stays home even more by yourself, and find your comfort in food. Food, soda and candy has always been my comfort - to celebrate a good day or pick me up after a bad one.

I played a lot of sports in high school as well, but after that I dropped all kind of exercise except for skiing one week every winter. I've always been too ashamed to go to a gym, I didn't think I could stand to be around all those "perfect" bodies. I've been thinking about going about 1000 times - but I always ended up thinking that I would need to be in better shape before I went, so I would think about riding my bike every day for 1 hour to do some cardio, and then maybe after 2 months I would be able to go to the gym. Operative word - THINK. Oh, I've been thinking about my weight every day since I was 10, but I've never done something about it for real. I've never even talked about it with anyone. My friends has been complaining about their weights over and over again - but I've never joined in on any of those conversations, so no-one ever talks about my weight. Sometimes I wish they would- why couldn't just one person say "let's do something together about our bodies, let's go play some badminton" or whatever? To confront me with what I am doing to myself! I definately don't mean to put the blame on someone else but myself, but I just wish that someone would have had the courage to tell it to my face, to shake me up! But no-one ever did, and I never said anything.

Last year, well from about April 2009 to early August 2010, I was really depressed. I felt so bad and most of the time I really didn't want to live. I know that most of these thoughts came from me being disappointed in myself about being too lazy to get a grip on my life, to stop thinking about it and just start living! I'm 36 years old and it is time that I start doing the adult thing and really care about myself!

I'm not telling anyone about me trying to diet, because 1) it's not a diet, it's a change of lifestyle that I want to keep for the rest of my life and 2) I don't feel ready yet. Of course I am confident that I can do this, but I really want to take it slow and do it well, rather than burn out too quickly and lose interest. Don't want to have people asking me about it yet. That is why I am glad there is a site where I can read about other people's struggle, efforts, success and support. It's wonderful!

Sorry for me rambling on, but I really feel like this site could help me improve myself and improve the quality of my life. Thank you MFP for an awesome site and thank YOU for reading. :flowerforyou: