Question re weight loss surgery and attitudes...

Pangea250
Pangea250 Posts: 965 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I was at a barbeque last week at a friend's house. While chatting away with a few people I just met, one of the women mentioned she had lost 76 lbs. I congratulated her and told her that she had lost an amazing amount of weight, and she looked great for it and must feel awesome too. I told her it was quite a coincidence to meet, because I have lost that same exact number of lbs. Yay for us! I asked her how she did it and she told me she had weight loss surgery a year ago. Another woman told us that she had surgery several years ago, lost weight but had gained it all back in the ensuing years.

Within a few minutes, both women moved away from me to the other side of the table and began their own conversation. I could hear they were definitely talking about losing weight. I just found it odd that they didn't include me. Did they think I would look down on them? That I wouldn't understand or want to hear about their unique journeys?

I want to hear about anyone's experiences with weight loss. I just wish they would have let me benefit from their experience.

Replies

  • Birder150
    Birder150 Posts: 677 Member
    Without asking them, you'll never know why they walked off and we can only assume what the reasons are. :flowerforyou:
  • qtgonewild
    qtgonewild Posts: 1,930 Member
    some people dont have the same wonderful thoughts as you. for instance, myself. yeah i know its a tool, but a tool that their stomach is smaller. my roomate is having it done in two months, to this day shes still eating whatever and however much she wants. but for me, doing it without surgery, the tool is in my head. i dont have the tool of not being able to put the food in my body, my tool has to be in my head. i have to choose to not put the food in my body. thats just my opinion, which im entitled to have especially since my roomate is going through it right now. she says she cant wait to lose the weight yet still stuffs her face with alot of unhealthy calories.
  • twinsmake3
    twinsmake3 Posts: 35 Member
    Perhaps they just wanted to talk about specific experiences of the surgery. I wouldn't take it personally.
  • MyOwnSunshine
    MyOwnSunshine Posts: 1,312 Member
    I was at a barbeque last week at a friend's house. While chatting away with a few people I just met, one of the women mentioned she had lost 76 lbs. I congratulated her and told her that she had lost an amazing amount of weight, and she looked great for it and must feel awesome too. I told her it was quite a coincidence to meet, because I have lost that same exact number of lbs. Yay for us! I asked her how she did it and she told me she had weight loss surgery a year ago. Another woman told us that she had surgery several years ago, lost weight but had gained it all back in the ensuing years.

    Within a few minutes, both women moved away from me to the other side of the table and began their own conversation. I could hear they were definitely talking about losing weight. I just found it odd that they didn't include me. Did they think I would look down on them? That I wouldn't understand or want to hear about their unique journeys?

    I want to hear about anyone's experiences with weight loss. I just wish they would have let me benefit from their experience.

    Have you ever read the opinions posted here by people who have not had WLS? That's why.
  • SkinnyFatAlbert
    SkinnyFatAlbert Posts: 482 Member
    It may be just a case of them having a more common experience rather than them thinking negatively that you'd look down on them.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    Well, I think since they both had the surgery was something they had in common and could talk about the specifics of that way of losing weight. There are a lot of things they would both have experienced that you would not have, losing weight in a more conventional way. I wouldn't take it personally. I don't think that they would be thinking you would look down on them, but that you did not have the same experience in common.
  • temptech
    temptech Posts: 17 Member
    Some people dont consider having weight loss surgery to be a legitimate way to lose weight. Some people think its cheating.
    Having had the vertical sleeve done in January 2012, I know from experience that its not as easy as one thinks. The ladies may have assumed (wrong on their part) that you would feel the same. Again from experience, its rather disheartening to have your
    weight loss dismissed because you "cheated" to get there. They should have included you, it sounds like you would have really appreciated their take on the subject.

    Rhonda
  • Pangea250
    Pangea250 Posts: 965 Member
    Have you ever read the opinions posted here by people who have not had WLS? That's why.
    No, I haven't. But I can imagine. That's my answer right there, huh?
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,785 Member
    Having the surgery was their common bond. You should have followed them and told them you were interested in their stories and even though you didn't have surgery.
  • SailorKnightWing
    SailorKnightWing Posts: 875 Member
    When I talk to people about comic books, I tend to veer off and talk to people who read Fables like I do rather than people who read Superman, which I don't read. It's just a more specified topic.
  • Phildog47
    Phildog47 Posts: 255 Member
    Congratulations, you met two bit**es! :laugh:

    Now go be your awesome self and take on the day! :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • MzPix
    MzPix Posts: 177 Member
    Did you wear deodorant to the barbeque? :laugh:

    (Maybe their walking away had absolutely nothing to do with weight loss surgery at all.)
  • garber6th
    garber6th Posts: 1,890 Member
    Have you ever read the opinions posted here by people who have not had WLS? That's why.
    No, I haven't. But I can imagine. That's my answer right there, huh?

    A lot of this. I have lost 68 lbs and I am scheduled for VSG surgery in a few weeks. People ask me how I have lost weight so far and when I tell them I eat right and exercise, I can see exactly when I start losing them. They don't want to hear that it takes some work. Then, when they find out I am having surgery, I get all sorts of comments from "that's a cop-out" to "you don't need to do that", "it's dangerous", etc. So, I can almost see why those women kept their conversation between them. There is often a lot of judgment and misunderstanding directed at people who have had WLS.
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
    Have you ever read the opinions posted here by people who have not had WLS? That's why.
    No, I haven't. But I can imagine. That's my answer right there, huh?

    EXACTLY this. it's kind of a shame actually.
  • jimshine
    jimshine Posts: 199 Member
    There is nothing wrong with the surgery. The problem is though there is an attempt to educate the people on how to rethink their eating habits, it often tends to not sink in. If someone gets this surgery and doesn't understand the mechanics behind it all, they likely will keep eating like they did and eventually stretch their stomach in the future. Some do "get it" and the surgery is a long term success, but often it isn't. The way we do it here is really no different. Some people want to lose the weight and think they can go back to eating whatever they want once they are small (because they know a skinny person that seemingly can do it). But no, the only way to make the change stick is to carry these lessons of eating through the rest of our lives.
  • garber6th
    garber6th Posts: 1,890 Member
    There is nothing wrong with the surgery. The problem is though there is an attempt to educate the people on how to rethink their eating habits, it often tends to not sink in. If someone gets this surgery and doesn't understand the mechanics behind it all, they likely will keep eating like they did and eventually stretch their stomach in the future. Some do "get it" and the surgery is a long term success, but often it isn't. The way we do it here is really no different. Some people want to lose the weight and think they can go back to eating whatever they want once they are small (because they know a skinny person that seemingly can do it). But no, the only way to make the change stick is to carry these lessons of eating through the rest of our lives.

    I agree with you! I think of the surgery as a tool, but I had to learn to make lifestyle changes months ago because I know if I can't get it right at this point, the surgery won't help.
  • Jessica791
    Jessica791 Posts: 1
    I was always against surgery. I think there are other possibilities to lose weight. I also had extra pounds but I worked out hard. First of all I found Fat Loss Program here: http://fatlossfactorsreviews.com/ and tried to follow all the pieces of advice. I went to the gym, kept a diet, ate healthy food. I avoided eating junk food and have a regime of eating. These tips helped me to lose weight and the surgery was unimportant.
  • dma15
    dma15 Posts: 6
    Have you ever read the opinions posted here by people who have not had WLS? That's why.
    No, I haven't. But I can imagine. That's my answer right there, huh?
    exactly there is your answer right there what people think about WLS and what is actual fact is often worlds apart people have a pre conceived opinion that is not at all based on fact at all and they have never known anyone to have it. :)
  • padams2359
    padams2359 Posts: 1,093 Member
    Below is a quote posted yesterday by a friend of mine. A little background, the post is from the patient's wife that I have known since birth. We were born in the same hospital, on the same day, at the same time, and our mother's stayed in the same room. We went to school together from kindergarten through college. The guy she married also graduated with us, but only knew him since we were about 10. He had gastric bypass about 6 years ago, and developed complication, and is the same size he was before he had the surgery. He has been in ICU for two weeks so far, and woke up a couple of days ago, and the ventilator was removed.

    "We crossed another hurdle-tube feeding was stopped. He is now on a liquid diet. The port for dialysis stopped working. They will do a small procedure to put a more permanent port in his chest early in the morning. I was able to see firsthand how weak he is. Physical therapy came work with him. He had trouble moving his feet back and forth and bending his legs. It took 3 people to hold him in a sitting position for 6 minutes-he couldn't do it by himself! It will take awhile to do the simple things again, but at least I still have him with me!"

    I was never a fan of this surgery, what do you think now?
  • kitticus15
    kitticus15 Posts: 152 Member
    Below is a quote posted yesterday by a friend of mine. A little background, the post is from the patient's wife that I have known since birth. We were born in the same hospital, on the same day, at the same time, and our mother's stayed in the same room. We went to school together from kindergarten through college. The guy she married also graduated with us, but only knew him since we were about 10. He had gastric bypass about 6 years ago, and developed complication, and is the same size he was before he had the surgery. He has been in ICU for two weeks so far, and woke up a couple of days ago, and the ventilator was removed.

    "We crossed another hurdle-tube feeding was stopped. He is now on a liquid diet. The port for dialysis stopped working. They will do a small procedure to put a more permanent port in his chest early in the morning. I was able to see firsthand how weak he is. Physical therapy came work with him. He had trouble moving his feet back and forth and bending his legs. It took 3 people to hold him in a sitting position for 6 minutes-he couldn't do it by himself! It will take awhile to do the simple things again, but at least I still have him with me!"

    I was never a fan of this surgery, what do you think now?


    I have dithered and thought about having the surgery, I was going to talk to my GP and ask about costs so I could save, I was hoping by the time I saved I would have lost a fair bit of weight, but now after reading this, I think I will save up, but instead of surgery, treat myself to a few luxurious days away, I am not going to risk my life to something that is not guaranteed to work and could cause me to be a burden to my children.
  • padams2359
    padams2359 Posts: 1,093 Member
    Yeah. He is 47 years old, and due to have his first grandchild this year.
  • padams2359
    padams2359 Posts: 1,093 Member
    Here is her Facebook post from Sept 30th.

    "After 11 nights of sleeping on a love seat in the lobby of the ICU waiting room, I can safely say that tonight I will sleep in a real bed at my son-****'s house. **** did another round of dialysis. He is producing a little more urine each day. Doctors are hoping that kidneys will begin working real soon. He did really well with his oxygen for 24 hours after taken off the vent. This is a great sign that his lungs are recovering! Simple tasks such as lifting his arm to scratch his face wears him out. He took many naps throughout the day. Physical therapy had him sit up on side of bed. He said it took everything he had in him to do that. Thanks again for all the prayers and well wishes!"

    I removed the names. Other than that, it's a verbatim quote.
  • padams2359
    padams2359 Posts: 1,093 Member
    Another big hurdle crossed!! After 18 days in ICU, we finally moved back to the 3rd floor! Now he doesn't have to be by himself! Doctors are hoping that sometime next week he can start with rehab! Physical therapy was able to get him in a chair. He was able to sit upright for about 3 hours today! Still in some pain, but getting better each day! Thanks again for all the prayers and well wishes!
  • Samstan101
    Samstan101 Posts: 699 Member
    Have you ever read the opinions posted here by people who have not had WLS? That's why.
    No, I haven't. But I can imagine. That's my answer right there, huh?

    A lot of this. I have lost 68 lbs and I am scheduled for VSG surgery in a few weeks. People ask me how I have lost weight so far and when I tell them I eat right and exercise, I can see exactly when I start losing them. They don't want to hear that it takes some work. Then, when they find out I am having surgery, I get all sorts of comments from "that's a cop-out" to "you don't need to do that", "it's dangerous", etc. So, I can almost see why those women kept their conversation between them. There is often a lot of judgment and misunderstanding directed at people who have had WLS.

    I hope you don't mind me asking but after losing so much already would you mind sharing why you have decided to have the surgery? Personally I'm a coward and hate needles never mind having elective surgery and possible side effects so would rather do my best to lose through diet & exercise (as you have done so far). Having lost about the same as you (and with probably another 90lbs to go) I have proved to myself that if I make the right choices then I will get to where I want to be and will hopefully keep the weight off. I can't imagine having WLS now. So I'm genuinely interested (and please believe me not in any way to be judgemental) as to why you've chosen surgery.
  • camiah
    camiah Posts: 146
    I'm torn on WLS. I considered it, until I talked to my doctor who said no, I shouldn't get it, and that he sees a lot of patients who have had it who have gained the weight back. I also am uncomfortable with the mortality rate and the sorts of complications that can develop that I learned about once I started reading up on it.

    People who get WLS are definitely not taking the easy way out, but I think there can also be a lack of understanding of the full picture of life to come (related to eating) after surgery. I know when I was considering it, I pretended that I understood and could make the changes stick, but in my heart of hearts I knew habit-wise, and to a degree mentally and emotionally, I wouldn't be able to do it. I would be a disastrous failure at it, and that the changes had to come from within and not from an external source if weight loss were ever going to happen.
  • StanhopeRSN
    StanhopeRSN Posts: 7
    Wow I guess I am totally naïve - I don't understand why anyone would put some sort of judgment on anyone's decision to have or not to have WLS. Those who choose to have WLS still have to adhere to a complete permanent change in lifestyle, diet, health/exercise routine and behavior in order for it to be successful. It's not like they have surgery and then sit in a lounge chair and the weight loss fairies come and take it away in their sleep or something. I think it is a tool that some choose for personal reasons after careful consideration. WLS isn't actually about getting the weight off, it's a tool to help keep it off once it is gone. On top of being naïve, I guess I have been lucky. I did choose to have a VSG very recently. It never dawned on me not to share it with anyone. I work in the medical field and have gotten nothing but support and encouragement, my friends family and coworkers express excitement and complete support - maybe because that is what I project - That it is something very positive that I am doing and I am happy and secure in my decision. I refuse to be apart of any culture of shame around the decision to have the surgery. Anyone struggling with weight issues should support someone who is doing all they can to regain their health and happiness. Period.
  • dward59
    dward59 Posts: 731 Member
    Below is a quote posted yesterday by a friend of mine. A little background, the post is from the patient's wife that I have known since birth. We were born in the same hospital, on the same day, at the same time, and our mother's stayed in the same room. We went to school together from kindergarten through college. The guy she married also graduated with us, but only knew him since we were about 10. He had gastric bypass about 6 years ago, and developed complication, and is the same size he was before he had the surgery. He has been in ICU for two weeks so far, and woke up a couple of days ago, and the ventilator was removed.

    "We crossed another hurdle-tube feeding was stopped. He is now on a liquid diet. The port for dialysis stopped working. They will do a small procedure to put a more permanent port in his chest early in the morning. I was able to see firsthand how weak he is. Physical therapy came work with him. He had trouble moving his feet back and forth and bending his legs. It took 3 people to hold him in a sitting position for 6 minutes-he couldn't do it by himself! It will take awhile to do the simple things again, but at least I still have him with me!"

    I was never a fan of this surgery, what do you think now?


    I have dithered and thought about having the surgery, I was going to talk to my GP and ask about costs so I could save, I was hoping by the time I saved I would have lost a fair bit of weight, but now after reading this, I think I will save up, but instead of surgery, treat myself to a few luxurious days away, I am not going to risk my life to something that is not guaranteed to work and could cause me to be a burden to my children.

    Mr Adams, I'm very sorry your friend had the issues you describe and taking you at your word, they are all because of surgical issues from WLS. However your friend had obviously reached the point where he felt it was in his best interest to do the surgery. I have no idea what his surgeon was like, I can guarantee you that mine told me often that there was always a chance of something going horribly wrong, but he gave me the percentage figures, and to me the percentage of successful surgeries vs. the health decline I was in made the decision I made the right one. I can certainly see where you form your WLS opinions, and reading something like this may have made me opt out of the surgery, but playing the game of "What if" goes two ways.

    What if I hadn't had the surgery, attended the classes before, and continued with support after the surgery? A bit easier to come to that picture. Not having the surgery, I would still be on 24 hour per day oxygen. Unable to walk more than 40 feet at a time when truly exerting myself. I'd still be a burden to my family by not being there. I missed my son's high school graduation because I was too fat to walk into his high school and make it to the auditorium. (This I will never forgive myself for, but I was years too late in making permanent changes.) I would be going to the doctor on average three times a month because minor things get blown way up when you are this unhealthy. One of these doctors was finally honest enough to tell me if I didn't do something drastic, I'd be dead in under 5 years. How supportive of my family would I be then? Not much less than I was, but I'd have failed them almost as much as I was failing myself.

    If I hadn't attended the classes before I might have the fantasy this was a magic-pill easy way out, and be doomed to failure. I have lost huge amounts of weight in the past. In 2006 I lost 152 lbs. but it almost all came back and I knew where I was headed if I didn't do something drastic before I got there.

    If I throw in the continued support, I still have 40+ years of habits I could easily fall back into. Even with the smaller stomach I could have one milkshake a day and soon be on my way back up. This has to be, just like Mr. Adams did, a lifestyle change. It will be two years in November since I started the pre-Op process. Where I was sitting all the time doing nothing but taking up space, using resources and pretty much waiting to die, I am now involved in life. I got to go see my daughter graduate from College with honors, I've been on vacation where most of the vacation was hiking and walking rather than driving from one hotel to another city, another hotel and unable to do anything.

    So Kitti, if surgery isn't right for you, that is great, but look at it from both sides. If you can lose the weight, get healthy and stay that way before you are too far gone. Please do it! But if you have turned that corner where you have so much to lose that it is truly no other choice and your doctors agree that there is little chance of you ever losing enough to let you live. The choice is yours, always.

    Best of luck to YOUR decision. Just do not make it from fear. Make it from knowledge of the risks and rewards based on where you are in your life.
  • maidentl
    maidentl Posts: 3,203 Member
    Perhaps they just wanted to talk about specific experiences of the surgery. I wouldn't take it personally.

    This was my thought, not that they wanted to specifically exclude you but were probably excited to meet someone with a shared experience and wanted to compare notes.

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