New Guy :-)

Woo hello, everyone! Not used to introducing myself online, but here goes. My name is Dave, and I live in Connecticut and New York City. I'm a sophomore in college, and a singer/dancer/actor.

I've been overweight all of my life. It's always been a problem, but I'm usually in denial about it. In my head, there's got to be a reason why I can be eating the smallest portions at dinner and still weight twice as much as everyone around me, right? Every year when I go get a physical, the doctor says "So, you're overweight." ...Thanks, I know. I've been a yo-yo dieter since I was fourteen. Back when Atkins was cool, I did that... I'd steal slim fast shakes from my mom when I was way too young to care about dieting (8-10) and she wasn't paying attention... my freshman year in college, I went a month taking in about a total of 5,000 calories (all month)... when I was in fourth form in high school, I had a buddy who I would go to the dining hall with every day for lunch and dinner, and we'd go through the caf lines together and not let eachother get anything unhealthy. It's always been something I've tried to quietly deal with, and have hoped and prayed it would go away, but I'm kind of at the point where I'm sick of it.

It really sucks being obese. I'm used to seeing big men portrayed (stop me if i'm being too cliche) as lazy, sloppy and disgusting, always eating, very sedentary... that's not me, and it never has been. It's also really hard on me being a gay 20-year old, because gay culture is very mean to you if you don't fit in. It's really difficult to find a sweet, attractive gay man who's willing to look beyond your size-40 jeans. Guys don't introduce themselves to me when I'm at the club with my friends. I may be the "leader" in my group of friends, but I feel like by the end of the night, I'm always just being strung along. I don't like it. I have confidence in myself as a person, but I know that it's pointless in most situations. I want to be able to walk into a club and feel comfortable dancing with someone because I know he's not going to walk away from me. I also love fashion and dress really well, but I'm so limited on what I can wear. It is so difficult to find pants for my waist size that aren't saggy in the butt or under the crotch and isn't too loose on the legs.

I also really want to lose weight for health reasons. All my life, I've been plagued by a handful of sleep disorders that are incredibly disorienting. I'm told that half of my symptoms will go away if I get a healthy BMI, and that alone is worth dieting for me. I also have a b*tchin case of acanthosis nigricans. I may be explaining this too simply, but it's just darkened, sort of leathered-feeling skin in some areas... it really bothers me because it's all around my neck. When I was younger, it was just sort of along my collarbone on the side, but it's gone up to past the collar line of a t-shirt, and it's even sort of appearing on the front of my neck. I haven't been able to wear a shirt that isn't collared for a LONG time out in public. Like, five years. Every day, I wear a collared shirt - even when I'm dancing, I wear polos to class. Other than the incredibly awkward self-consciousness it provokes, it's also a warning sign that I'm at risk of diabetes, which is something I absolutely do not want to deal with.

Um... I feel like I've gotten off-topic. Anyways. My name is David. Right now I weight 307.8 pounds. When I started my diet on Oct 7, I was at 312. My all-time high is 317.2 pounds. The last time I weighed under 200 pounds, I think I was 13. My ultimate goal weight is 155 pounds, but I'm aiming to weigh 180 pounds by June 7, 2011, which means I have a total of 132 pounds to lose in eight months. Four down, 128 to go...

I've been using slim fast for the last four days, their 3-2-1 plan. So far, it's not that bad. I find myself wanting to trade off though... like, I'll eat [yummy food that's 800 calories] instead of the one 500 calorie meal, a 200 calorie shake, and a 100 calorie snack. I'm pretty sure that's not allowed, so I've been trying really hard to not do that... I drink a lot of water typically, but also love diet soda and coffee. Since coffee isn't allowed to happen anymore (caffeine does me no good, and I don't like it if it's not sweet), I'm going to nix it entirely and just stick with diet soda, which I'll hopefully be able to get rid of within a month or two? Idk, not exactly my focus right now. I exercise every week through dance and walking around usually, but I'm making an effort to go to the gym more - three or four times a week, and I always stay for at least 45 minutes. I like to do cardio for half an hour, then work with weights for the rest of my time.

So yeah, hello all! I'm really hoping to meet a lot of great people on here to keep me motivated, and really hope there are SOME men around.