What I've learned since 2007: Part 2

2. I learned to love myself, flaws and all, by disengaging from what author Geneen Roth has named ‘The Voice’.

We all have it. That ‘little voice inside our heads’. Our ‘conscience’. What this voice tells us is how we really feel about ourselves, right? It’s our TRUE self, right?

WRONG!

The Voice is lying to you. Stop believing it.

The Voice is a combination of society’s influences on our lives: parents, teachers, authority figures. When we’re young, The Voice keeps us safe. We know that touching the stove will burn us because our parents have told us as much millions of times and, when they’re backs are turned, The Voice tells us we shouldn’t touch the stove.

The Voice has outlived its’ usefulness now that you are no longer a child. If your 'The Vouce' speaks to you the way mine spoke to me, you know how nasty The Voice can be. If any human being on this earth said all of those horrible things to you, I’m sure you wouldn’t listen to them or consider them an expert on who you really are. The Voice isn’t an expert. The Voice doesn't know you. The Voice has NO insight into your true self.

So how do you disengage from The Voice? It’s really hard because you’ve been listening to The Voice for years and are so used to believing it that disengaging may be a slow process. I disengaged from The Voice by envisioning two people in my head: (1) The Voice and (2) Loving Charmagne. Whatever nonsense The Voice threw out there, Loving Charmagne would counter:

The Voice: You are so fat and ugly.
Loving Charmagne: You’re wrong. I am beautiful today, as is. No one is more beautiful than I am and I am no more beautiful than any other human being.

The Voice: You are such a failure.
Loving Charmagne: Shut up! I don’t have to listen to you. You have no idea what you’re talking about. You don’t know me. I am not perfect, but I will not earn the love of society or my own love through success. I am worthy of love RIGHT NOW.

I also decided to be kind to myself the way I could be kind to others. I love my friends, flaws and all. If they told me that I shouldn’t love them until they were perfect, I would ignore this request and continue to love them. Even if they were mean and YELLED at me about how they were not worthy of my love, I would still disagree and continue to love them. Truly love them.

I now love myself this same way.

Don’t get me wrong. I still struggle, but the days where I love myself FAR outnumber the moments that I struggle to love myself. When The Voice rears it’s ugly head, 99.9% of the time I recognize it for what it is and counter its’ claims.