Unsupportive friends/family
jessejames1992
Posts: 1
Hey MFP users!
So I've been trying really hard to lose weight. I have made a little progress but keep hitting plateau after plateau. I try to have a good attitude about it and try to tell myself that I will eventually get to my goal. But then I make the mistake of talking to friends/family about my struggles. I recently went to my sister for some health advice and this entire week I have felt frusterated with myself, not confident, and just flushed my goals down the toilet. My sister has had her share of struggles with her weight. She lost a lot of weight by restricting and overexcersising.She has a poor self image and is one of those people who cries after eating a brownie sundae (no joke). I know this type of reaction to food isn't the healthiest and I probably shouldn't be asking her for advice. But she preaches healthy eating habits and something inside me made me want to talk to her about my struggles with eating. After talking to her I've been very upset and just ate junk this entire week. I start my day off right but end up giving into the sweets later on with the mindset of "I don't even care anymore". Can anyone give me advice on how to stay strong, stick to my goals, and stop listening to those who bring me down? This is not the only family member that does this. My family is European and food is a big part of our culture. Whenever I'm around cousins, aunts, etc. I get ripped apart for trying to eat healthy. I have a difficulty staying strong and sticking to my habits. I really want to lose a few extra pounds but need a little nudge of confidence. Thank you for any responses...
So I've been trying really hard to lose weight. I have made a little progress but keep hitting plateau after plateau. I try to have a good attitude about it and try to tell myself that I will eventually get to my goal. But then I make the mistake of talking to friends/family about my struggles. I recently went to my sister for some health advice and this entire week I have felt frusterated with myself, not confident, and just flushed my goals down the toilet. My sister has had her share of struggles with her weight. She lost a lot of weight by restricting and overexcersising.She has a poor self image and is one of those people who cries after eating a brownie sundae (no joke). I know this type of reaction to food isn't the healthiest and I probably shouldn't be asking her for advice. But she preaches healthy eating habits and something inside me made me want to talk to her about my struggles with eating. After talking to her I've been very upset and just ate junk this entire week. I start my day off right but end up giving into the sweets later on with the mindset of "I don't even care anymore". Can anyone give me advice on how to stay strong, stick to my goals, and stop listening to those who bring me down? This is not the only family member that does this. My family is European and food is a big part of our culture. Whenever I'm around cousins, aunts, etc. I get ripped apart for trying to eat healthy. I have a difficulty staying strong and sticking to my habits. I really want to lose a few extra pounds but need a little nudge of confidence. Thank you for any responses...
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Replies
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This is what I've been wondering: does witnessing someone else lose weight through diet and exercise:
a) make people be critical because they're competitive by nature and want to "win" even though they're not actually playing.
b) make people feel jealous because they secretly want to as well, but can't/won't do the hard work it takes, so they have to bring down everyone else in order to make themselves feel better.
c) totally irritate non-exercising/dieting people the way that loudly cracking your chewing gum on the bus, or driving with your windows down and very loud music blasting, irritates other people?
d) drives family members nuts because for the hour or less that you spend exercising, you're not completely available to them to fetch beers/make dinner/do laundry/find lost things, etc. - It's "ME" time which means they're automatically feeling rejected.
Somehow being successful and losing a few pounds or else talking about trying to do that, totally brings out the worst in some people. I don't get it at all - you're doing what the medical community and common sense says is right. And they get all negative and critical about it. You'd almost think there was a giant scale somewhere that has to remain balanced, so if you lose weight it means one of them will have to gain it.
You know what though? You look great in your profile photo - I'd say you're doing well, and probably when you do lose the weight you want to, and reach your goal, and totally look AWESOME - you'll find your family members suddenly talking all proud about your weight loss and telling other people how you lost weight with all kinds of pride, as if they did the hard work themselves! I guess the thing about fair-weather friends is that they will eventually be your friends again - when times are going well again!0 -
I know how you feel,
My husband is so unsupportive he says he likes me fat because no other men will want me. He sees me start a diet and he purposely goes out and bies 1Ls of Pepsi (My favorite drink I could have 4L a day) and leaves them around the house in the open for me to see. All he drinks is Dr. Peper so its not for his pleasure its to destroy mine. Along with pepsi he leaves Chips, Kitkats, Mcdonalds and pretty much any other temptation he can find. If I talk to him about my success he just puts me down trying to make me loose motivation.
What I am trying to say is I dont know what you can say I think misery loves company and thats why people are unsupportive not sure how to change that0 -
I have some unsupportable family members too. They can't loose weight because they are not willing to make changes to their eating habits or their lifestyle so they try to sabotage me.
I have not let them. I have stayed strong because of the reasons I have for wanting to loose weight. Write all your reasons down on paper so you can physically see them every morning.
You need to stay strong and don't let these people bring you down, at the end of the day you are the one that has to live with your body and how you feel about it.0 -
My husband is so unsupportive he says he likes me fat because no other men will want me. He sees me start a diet and he purposely goes out and bies 1Ls of Pepsi (My favorite drink I could have 4L a day) and leaves them around the house in the open for me to see. All he drinks is Dr. Peper so its not for his pleasure its to destroy mine. Along with pepsi he leaves Chips, Kitkats, Mcdonalds and pretty much any other temptation he can find. If I talk to him about my success he just puts me down trying to make me loose motivation.
Sounds to me like your husband is insecure and childish. To intentionally sabotage you when he is supposed to love you is a vile act. My partner would not do that for 2 reasons: 1 he has seen me cry too much about my weight and 2 I would tear him a new one if he tried **** like that.
So what if other men find you attractive? It does not mean you will suddenly run off with another man. Would not blame you if you did though.
Stay strong and fight for yourself and your right to be happy with your body. Do not let his insecurities bring you down. Next time may I suggest giving him a pepsi shower? He may think twice about buying it.0 -
My husband is so unsupportive he says he likes me fat because no other men will want me. He sees me start a diet and he purposely goes out and bies 1Ls of Pepsi (My favorite drink I could have 4L a day) and leaves them around the house in the open for me to see. All he drinks is Dr. Peper so its not for his pleasure its to destroy mine. Along with pepsi he leaves Chips, Kitkats, Mcdonalds and pretty much any other temptation he can find. If I talk to him about my success he just puts me down trying to make me loose motivation.
Sounds to me like your husband is insecure and childish. To intentionally sabotage you when he is supposed to love you is a vile act. My partner would not do that for 2 reasons: 1 he has seen me cry too much about my weight and 2 I would tear him a new one if he tried **** like that.
So what if other men find you attractive? It does not mean you will suddenly run off with another man. Would not blame you if you did though.
Stay strong and fight for yourself and your right to be happy with your body. Do not let his insecurities bring you down. Next time may I suggest giving him a pepsi shower? He may think twice about buying it.
I rip his *kitten* a new one trust me however i like this pepsi shower idea I might have to try it...last night he ate a pint of cherry garcia ice cream and panda express right infront of me
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I know how you feel,
My husband is so unsupportive he says he likes me fat because no other men will want me. He sees me start a diet and he purposely goes out and bies 1Ls of Pepsi (My favorite drink I could have 4L a day) and leaves them around the house in the open for me to see. All he drinks is Dr. Peper so its not for his pleasure its to destroy mine. Along with pepsi he leaves Chips, Kitkats, Mcdonalds and pretty much any other temptation he can find. If I talk to him about my success he just puts me down trying to make me loose motivation.
What I am trying to say is I dont know what you can say I think misery loves company and thats why people are unsupportive not sure how to change that
:noway:0 -
I think family and friends can sometimes seem unsupportive because they like/love the you they know.
After all, in many cases that is the person they were initially attracted to, or whom they have grown accustomed to over many years.
I don't think this is a conscious process, but a change in you that may be fundamental is a threat to the relationship they have with you (however illogical that may seem). The result can be what comes across as an unsupportive attitude.
I believe the only way around this is for you to stay strong and believe in what you are trying to achieve.
Incidentally, I don't think this applies only to weight loss.0 -
I also have that same problem. I have some support but not from family. A lot of my friends don't support either. I will post updates on f/b and not one family member will make a comment and acknowledge. Even my husband really doesn't.
If my husband would leave that stuff laying around my house there would be a war. Its not allowed in my house. If he does buy it, he needs to take it to work. Your husbands lack of support is his insecurity. You are working on getting healthy and looking good. If he doesn't like it, then that's his problem.
You are way stronger then Pepsi - kit kats - mcdonalds. When he leaves it laying around look at him and say MEH!! And just pick that crap up and get rid of it. He will get the point
I also agree: Pepsi shower next time
BTW: You look great0 -
According to your ticker, you need to lose 25 pounds....and you're 21 years old. My best advice to you is to read, read, read the forums here and the message boards. If you do, you will see the postings from the many people who didn't " stop the madness" when it was "25" pounds. You'll meet people who need to lose 25, 50, 100+ pounds......maybe that could be your motivation.
Most of family life is food based, dinner together, birthday celebrations, holidays.......but if you continue on , as you are you will need to lose 30 pounds, then 40.... You see how this weight thing works.
Your sister, well, you can do this-- with or without her support. You owe it to yourself to use your own inner strength. Good Luck.0 -
My husband is so unsupportive he says he likes me fat because no other men will want me. He sees me start a diet and he purposely goes out and bies 1Ls of Pepsi (My favorite drink I could have 4L a day) and leaves them around the house in the open for me to see. All he drinks is Dr. Peper so its not for his pleasure its to destroy mine. Along with pepsi he leaves Chips, Kitkats, Mcdonalds and pretty much any other temptation he can find. If I talk to him about my success he just puts me down trying to make me loose motivation.
Sounds to me like your husband is insecure and childish. To intentionally sabotage you when he is supposed to love you is a vile act. My partner would not do that for 2 reasons: 1 he has seen me cry too much about my weight and 2 I would tear him a new one if he tried **** like that.
So what if other men find you attractive? It does not mean you will suddenly run off with another man. Would not blame you if you did though.
Stay strong and fight for yourself and your right to be happy with your body. Do not let his insecurities bring you down. Next time may I suggest giving him a pepsi shower? He may think twice about buying it.
I rip his *kitten* a new one trust me however i like this pepsi shower idea I might have to try it...last night he ate a pint of cherry garcia ice cream and panda express right infront of me
I had a boyfriend like this. Notice the word "had" . lol He gained 60lbs trying to sabotage me. Eventually he got mad that I wasn't taking the bait and he was "wasting money" buying food that I would not eat and stopped.0 -
Hey MFP users!
So I've been trying really hard to lose weight. I have made a little progress but keep hitting plateau after plateau. I try to have a good attitude about it and try to tell myself that I will eventually get to my goal. But then I make the mistake of talking to friends/family about my struggles. I recently went to my sister for some health advice and this entire week I have felt frusterated with myself, not confident, and just flushed my goals down the toilet. My sister has had her share of struggles with her weight. She lost a lot of weight by restricting and overexcersising.She has a poor self image and is one of those people who cries after eating a brownie sundae (no joke). I know this type of reaction to food isn't the healthiest and I probably shouldn't be asking her for advice. But she preaches healthy eating habits and something inside me made me want to talk to her about my struggles with eating. After talking to her I've been very upset and just ate junk this entire week. I start my day off right but end up giving into the sweets later on with the mindset of "I don't even care anymore". Can anyone give me advice on how to stay strong, stick to my goals, and stop listening to those who bring me down? This is not the only family member that does this. My family is European and food is a big part of our culture. Whenever I'm around cousins, aunts, etc. I get ripped apart for trying to eat healthy. I have a difficulty staying strong and sticking to my habits. I really want to lose a few extra pounds but need a little nudge of confidence. Thank you for any responses...
You can do this with out them. My family is also non supportive. My mother is a big factor here.. She found out that I wanted to lose weight and refused to eat many of the things she offered when we were visiting and I explained to her that it was nothing personal but I was trying to watch what I ate/limiting my calories. Her response was to tell me to "just eat it" because I'll "never stick to this anyway". -_- Obesity is a very big issue in my family. (My mother had gastric bypass surgery in 2007 and had lost over 130+lbs just to to go back to her old habits and put 50lbs back on).As others have stated misery loves company. Crying over eating food is not healthy (in my opinion). I have learned to Eat to Live instead of Living to Eat. (I over ate for many years resulting in gaining 85lbs). Your family is going to be sh*tty about you wanting to change because they have low self esteem/issues of their own. The bottom line is YOU CAN DO THIS. Stay positive and hold your ground! Feel free to add me. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: 0 -
When I started going to the gym 2 months ago and actually truly STARTING my weightloss journey, I chose not to share with anyone besides my husband, and my BFF who is on her own journey and we motivate each other daily. Last week I finally shared accomplishments on facebook, I felt like I had gotten to a point that I could share it, I had lost 25 pounds, 3 dress sizes, and some health issues I had suffered with (sleeping, headaches) had went away, I also shared that I was only drinking water (with an occasional tea or coffee) and a few other things, I shared it for ME, I had SO many "LIKES" like A LOT, and great comments. the few people that I have seen in public since have cautiously asked me a few questions, no one said the "you didn't/don't need to lose weight" 1 did ask how many calories a day I eat, I told her the amount I aim for per meal, she dropped her jaw, then I said I also had snacks too if I needed them. A LOT of people aren't ready to cut out sodas, go to the gym 3 days a week for an hour, do short workouts at home, run (im just starting), make better eating choices, but so far no one has tried to knock me down for my choices, at least to my face. When I go to potlucks I bring a side and :"healthy" dessert that I enjoy eating, so that there is something that I can, will, and like to eat. recently it was a pizza party, I had a slice of supreme pizza, lots of fruit, the healthy cake I brought, and I brought my own side salad, I make the best out of a bad situation, I don't deprive myself, I join in, I just make different choices than I use to, my plate is full (fruit, veggies mostly) so no one can say "aren't you going to eat?" I try not to bring attention to the choices im making, I also cut out a LOT of meat, not a vegetarian just making some meat free subs, like black bean quisidillas, veggie, omelets, veggie sandwiches. eggplant parm, mushroom raviolis, veggie Mexican dishes, etc. ive made these at home and ordered them at resturants I have yet to feel like I was missing out on something GOOD by NOT having meat in it. It helps that my hubby and 4 kids (ages 5,8,10,11) also eat and enjoy the no meat dishes I make at home, at resturants they have meat in their whatever, but they eat anything I cook.0
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I don't think you need people to acknowledge your weight loss. However, you shouldn't feel like their attitude is trying to 'stop' you. Ultimately, it's for you and you cannot let other people keep you at their level. Don't give in to their nonsense, but don't try and pull them along either.
Luckily, my boyfriend likes fit chicks and is into his own fitness regime. With him I can chat about the stuff that most other family members don't want to.
But my family takes it as a personal affront any time I don't partake in eating poorly. Or make sort of back-handed comments when I'm going out for a jog. I don't even try to involve them, but they act like I'm preachy just because I actually do the work. Silly stuff.
Don't involve your family if they don't want to be involved. Do your own thing, and do it for you. You don't need "Congratulations" from others, you know you're already doing the right thing.0 -
I lost my 4 years long relations due to lack of his security..now he wants me back...phew...no way0
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I tend to shy away from the attention i get for losing weight. Supportive or unsupportive in real life. People had asked me how I dropped weight so quickly (which was a combo of really healthy clean eating and a lot of gym time). So far ive lost 75 lbs. 50 of it was in about a 4 month period of time. I got tired of feeling sick and unappreciative of my body. I dont feel its important to have really supportive people all the time (as far as fam and close friends) but if you feel they sabatoge you..id leave them alone. Addressing the issue is great if it envokes change (from them being unsupportive) but I find that I'm the one who needs to change the most in this journey.0
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Your family members are sucking the little bit of good energy you have. I would not go to them for any motivation. Put some space between them and you ,, because you need to be strong first in order to survive. its not mean, its survival. like one life preserver only enough room for you and these others are trying to get on but if they do, you all will go down with the sharks.0
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If your husband or other family keeps buying you bad food, like Pepsi or Cannoli or whatever - throw it out in front of them. Or do something similar that lets them know they just wasted a bunch of money on those items. You only have to do it once and they know it won't tempt you and it's a waste of food and money and they have to think of more creative ways to get to you.
And I suspect that if they have to put actual effort into thinking of ways to get a rise out of you, they sort of realize how childish they're being.
Sometimes people don't think. They know you liked Pepsi, so they buy it because their brains don't follow the thought to the next part, which is that you're not drinking that anymore. So they need to be shook up a bit to grasp the new thought pattern.
Just don't drink the Pepsi or eat what ever food they brought to be polite or because it's there - that gives the wrong message and their tiny brains can't deal with that! They'll keep bringing you Pepsi forever!0 -
Toxicity applies to unhealthy attitudes as well as to unhealthy food.
You need no justification whatsoever for eating healthy.
Believe in yourself and in what you are doing, even if others don't. They are not you.
Is it lonely? Heck, yeah. But the beauty of MFP is that we're all in this together.
Is it hard and slow and frustrating? Sometimes, but that's natural. Keep on keepin' on -- one day, one meal at a time.
There's no doubt about it, reaching out for support and not getting it hurts. Let that hurt make you stronger on the inside, so that you can love and nurture and celebrate yourself.0 -
Id keep some Mentos handy and when he brings the Pepsi Id yell "OH BOY!!" and run it outside and explode it, saying thank you for the fun!! As for snacks, the only way Ive found to not eat them is to dump dishwashing soap on them in the trash.0
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I also have had unsupportive friends and family all my life. My BFF recruited me to go work out with her for a while, and I did well and lost about 40 lbs in 3 months, but everyday that we went to work out (about 4 times a week), she would make us do "food confessions." She made me tell her all the food I ate for the day, and it became a competition of who ate less. I always felt guilty about eating anything other than a salad or vegetables. Also, she would look over at how fast or what incline I was going on the treadmill and would reach over, push the buttons and make me go faster or harder, even when my heart rate was already on target! One time, I wasn't paying attention and flew off the back of the threadmill and fell and hit the weight machine behind me!
All in all, she is always into the extremes, and I can't work in the extremes in the long-term. I've found more support from people I haven't met on MFP because they understand. Of course, there are a few judgmental people you'll find here, but I'm getting used to ignoring others and listening to my body and to my mind and knowing what works for me.
Feel free to add me! I have a long journey ahead of me but that's okay! Slow and steady wins the race!0 -
I know how you feel,
My husband is so unsupportive he says he likes me fat because no other men will want me. He sees me start a diet and he purposely goes out and bies 1Ls of Pepsi (My favorite drink I could have 4L a day) and leaves them around the house in the open for me to see. All he drinks is Dr. Peper so its not for his pleasure its to destroy mine. Along with pepsi he leaves Chips, Kitkats, Mcdonalds and pretty much any other temptation he can find. If I talk to him about my success he just puts me down trying to make me loose motivation.
What I am trying to say is I dont know what you can say I think misery loves company and thats why people are unsupportive not sure how to change that
How do people end up/stay in relationships like this?0 -
I know how you feel,
My husband is so unsupportive he says he likes me fat because no other men will want me. He sees me start a diet and he purposely goes out and bies 1Ls of Pepsi (My favorite drink I could have 4L a day) and leaves them around the house in the open for me to see. All he drinks is Dr. Peper so its not for his pleasure its to destroy mine. Along with pepsi he leaves Chips, Kitkats, Mcdonalds and pretty much any other temptation he can find. If I talk to him about my success he just puts me down trying to make me loose motivation.
What I am trying to say is I dont know what you can say I think misery loves company and thats why people are unsupportive not sure how to change that
How do people end up/stay in relationships like this?
Because we have been led to believe that being with someone (no matter if he or she is not the most supportive person) is better than being with no one at all.0 -
I know how you feel,
My husband is so unsupportive he says he likes me fat because no other men will want me. He sees me start a diet and he purposely goes out and bies 1Ls of Pepsi (My favorite drink I could have 4L a day) and leaves them around the house in the open for me to see. All he drinks is Dr. Peper so its not for his pleasure its to destroy mine. Along with pepsi he leaves Chips, Kitkats, Mcdonalds and pretty much any other temptation he can find. If I talk to him about my success he just puts me down trying to make me loose motivation.
What I am trying to say is I dont know what you can say I think misery loves company and thats why people are unsupportive not sure how to change that
I would also be tempted to unwrap the crappy food & shove it in his underwear drawer. Tell him you figured it must be his stuff, as he knows you aren't eating it anymore :bigsmile:0 -
Wow, ur in a bit of a pickle. I also have European roots and food is a large part of tradiftions. However, health must prevail. Crazy weight loss strategies dont pay off in the end. They usually set ya up for failure. Making real lifestyle changes is what does work. Slow and steady wins the race. Personally, Im proud of you!!!!! Keep on, keepen on. Dont allow family to guilt u into eating when your already full. Blessings!0
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