I'm thinking Therapy will be in my future!
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FromFat2Phat2013
Posts: 73
Hello I am writing to who ever is listening. I feel like I can be as honest as I can around all you strangers (smile) I weigh 676 lbs. I am doing all that I can to lose weight, but I am starting to realize my problem. I jump on bored with losing weight I lose about 15 to 20 lbs I am excited but then something hit me and I fall to depression and start going back to old habits. Now I believe I am to comfortable being a big girl. I see myself losing weight but then I get scared and I have been losing inches lately and i see it in my stomach and my legs and I know your thinking UGH you should be happy. Well It depresses me because I have been over weight since i was a 3rd grader and I don't know anything different and the thought of me getting rid of 500lbs scares the crap out of me. I know I need to take one day at a time but I am scared. I honestly don't know what to do. I don't have anyone to talk to because no one understands my struggle. I am wanting to lose weight and I know I can but once I take 3 steps and move forward I take 10 steps back and say ugh no so if you or whoever reading this please help me stir me in the right direction. Please I don't need any negative comments I get enough of that from the people where i live and my father. Thanks for reading and listening 
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Replies
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First just t like to wish you good luck.
Make a list of all the reasons why you want to lose weight and keep it where you can see it. Start of slowly - it can be hard to make massive changes. Maybe for one week just frop 100 calories or walk for 10 minutes and then the next week add a bit more.
YOU can do this but as you say therapy might be a good idea - you might discover why you find it scares you.
I'll let you onto a massive secret though. Many of us scared of losing weight -there is so much hype about having the perfect body will make us happy ( bunch of lies though). We are worried that when we get there it wont achieve what we are looking for - sometimes because we secretly know that being thinner will not make us more popular, save our marriage or stop those around belittling us.
BUT instead look at WHAT YOU achieve - getting fitter, the health benefits and make your own goals. Set yourself a goal - walking for 20 mins if you cant do that now and when you get there be proud. This is about you and don't dismiss your achievements because others can do more. This is about YOU!!0 -
Sweetheart, if you ever need someone to talk to just pm me.
Undoing the damage will bring up lots of feelings. Lots of pain, lots of loss. There will be lots of crying. You've endured and suffered so much, there's a lot of grieving you have to do and it won't be fun.
but it will be worth it. And it will end. It will end. And you can always pm me. I will always support you. K?
You're being incredibly brave, you've taken on something that's incredibly daunting, but try not to look at the big picture, you know? It's like climbing a cliff. Just don't look down. Focus on the bit of the cliff you're on, and just keep climbing. You can get there. One day at a time.
You CAN win. You CAN get there.
bxx.0 -
I have struggled with my weight since I was 12. Started gaining and said I wouldn't go over 200 pounds, then I said I wouldn't go over 250, then 300...finally realized I was destroying myself when at 40 years old I was 335 lbs. Diabetes is all through my family but so far I have been lucky.
I was ok being that size, nobody bothered me and I ate what I wanted. But then the health problems kicked in. Thats when I knew things had to change.
Maybe talking to someone would help you, there is no harm in that. Sometimes its just to much to face alone.
Good luck with it sweety,
Feel free to add me as a friend if you want, we can all use help or we wouldn't be here 0 -
Don't give up. You can do this. It will take time and dedication and a lot of blood seat and tears, but eventually you will get there. I have only just started on my own weight loss journey recently and have over 100lbs to lose. I know it pales in comparison to what you are wanting to lose, but I am willing to go on this journey together if you need motivation and support.
Shell0 -
There's nothing scarier than trying to change something that makes up part of your identity...it sounds like you've been identfying yourself with being a "big girl" for most of your life, and changing that means giving up part of who you are. And yeah, that's scary as all get-out.
However, you are so much more than just that -- even just looking at the killer smile in your profile pic and without knowing anything else about you, I can tell that. And you know, maybe there are parts of our identity that it's not such a bad thing to let go of. I know that I am a much nicer person to be around now than when I was in school and was a -- happily, mind you -- self identified raging bi-atch, and while it was tough to let go of that layer of armor and actually allow people to talk to me (forget getting close to me, even allowing them to say "Hey, how's it going?" without making a wisea@@ remark back was a big step) -- it did good things for me.
If you're surrounded by the negativity -- then let it wash over you. And if they can only see that one side of your identity, then maybe that's their problem and not yours, but maybe that's all that you see if you're listening to their crap. Ask yourself what part of your identity would you rather lose -- that part where you label yourself a "big girl", or the part responsible for the amazing smile in your picture? Maybe you can keep both, but if you have to choose, my vote: go for the smile.
Easier said than done to make the decision and stick to it, I know. But being on here and writing what you have -- sounds to me like you know what choice you want to make.0 -
Just make a plan, then do it......don't worry about it while you are doing it. At one time I was a very big guy........very big. I didn't even notice I lost all the weight until one day I woke up and seen myself different.
Being overweight, actually makes it easier to lose weight in the beginning. Just cut back on calories.....your body will get use to it and you will start dropping lbs off at a fast rate. Then walk.......and speed walk......then walk........any movement will encourage weight loss at first.
You can do it !0 -
I can totally relate to your struggle. I have been a yo yo'er since I was 12. I'm 46 and currently weigh 325. I lived in denial for so many years that my weight was not affecting my health. I was lucky, I never had high blood pressure, cholesterol or diabetes. So I kept hiding in my house and only really going out when I had to, always picking up something to treat myself with when I got home to deal with the negative feelings of others and my judgement of myself. I popped my knee a few months ago, nothing serious but I had a hard time walking for a day or so. That really shook me up, thinking that my weight, something I had control over, could dictate my mobility or my ability to be independent. I'm only 46 and have so many things I want to do. Being housebound, depending on someone else to take care of me is not one of them and the choice is mine. I have since lost almost 20 pounds and sought the supervision of a trainer. Trust me, there is so much initial embarrassment and discomfort but I am moving away from where I don't want to be, one day at a time. Tomorrow will take care of itself if I work on today. Please feel free to add me, we are all here for the same reason and wish you the best.0
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It's scary how your life changes when you lose weight. So much of your identity is based upon being larger (maybe you're the fun and good-natured friend, life of the party), but when you lose weight, this changes. 5 years ago I dropped 65 pounds (and pretty much maintained it). The changes were scary. All of the sudden, I wasn't invisible any longer. I started getting attention I didn't know how to deal with.
So, I stopped losing weight, even though I still had a lot to lose.
My therapist has always been a big help for me. She gives me the kick in the butt by saying, "if there's something you don't like about yourself, change it!"
Contact me if you want to chat more. This may be an unpopular statement, but you may want to consider weight loss surgery at some point in the future. Talk to your family doctor and see what he/she thinks and maybe sign yourself up for a weight loss seminar. Knowing lots of people who've gone through this (several in my office) it is NOT a quick fix and they are still overweight, just no where near how overweight they were before.
One more thing - I always hear things like "you won't change until you're ready to change." Smokers say they can't quit smoking until they're ready for it. The same goes for dieting. For the first time ever, I actually feel like I'm READY to change.0 -
Thanks! I appreciate your comment0
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You are being strong by realizing what your fears are. The fact that you are trying to lose weight is a BIG step in the right direction. Your journey will not be easy but each day brings you closer to your goal. I felt ready to just give up on this battle but I kept going because I realized I'm not in a race, but take this weight loss one day at a time. If you feel like you need more personal support, there may be groups where you live with people that are feeling the same way as you do. I am one of your Fitness pal friends and face book friends. Don't hesitate to just PM me because I can relate to you. Stay strong and keep moving in the right direction!0
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Girl you know that I am here whenever you need to talk!! You need to get my number for real! You are strong and determined and a beautiful person inside and out! You got this! Take one day at a time. Just because you have a bad day today dont let it ruin your tomorrow! Breathe boo.0
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Take it to god in prayer!!! he's all you need in this time of need.....I was the same way once.....I would lose a lil weight and then my old eating habits would creep back up on me.....I mean I still battle with food but now if I eat something bad I just work it off....but before I would just eat and sit on my behind lol.....one day I thought to myself....i'm gonna turn to my best friend for help and that's god......I got on my knees and I asked him to walk this journey with me and he's been on it with me ever since......I can even hear him talking to me when I say i'm gonna have a rest day....in my head i'll hear him say "get up and move" and I do just that......he's the only therapist you need and all it'll cost you is faith, love and the will to live....... god knows your strengths and your weaknesses even before we realize them ourselves......I promise you if you do this you won't regret it.....don't just pray you have to pray and believe......everything will work out for you ......god is love.0
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There are times when I feel that what I have lost is no big deal because I have been that weight before so its no big deal and I should give up because no real change has been made. But my friend said "hey would you rather gain 1,5,10 lbs or loose 1,5,10 lbs?" And the answer is obvious regarless who we are. So accept that you are losing weight and becoming a role model for your daughter. She needs you to set an example for her, your example can tell her one of two things, it can say ,"When you feel bad about school or your situation in life give up because giving up is easier then making a change." Or "When you are in an uncomfortable position work through it, look for inspiration, give yourdelf time to get out of the funk work hard for good results and everyday will not be like today." You stated that you want to be there for your daughter, so do that, be there, the saying goes action speaks louder then words so show her that you are there by your actions. Do something nice for yourself, take a walk, or a nice bath with relaxing music and give yourself time to get your mind out of this place before immediately turning to food.0
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"Getting fit/healthy" is really about making a 'decision'. My guess, actually, is that it is really "decision-making" that you find challenging! Like any "skill-set", with practice, you'll get better-and-better at it.
So, as much as possible, practice making 'good decisions'. One after the other. After the other.
You won't be "perfect" - and you'll make some 'bad decisions' along the way.
Being a good-decision-maker will help you DECIDE what fitness/health/nutrition plan you REALLY want and then, I bet, you'll GO FOR IT!
Good luck to you!! Be kind to yourself...0 -
Question for you why do you want to lose weight? What is the benefit to weight loss? If you never lost weight what is the benefit to staying heavy? What is the negative to weight loss? What is the negative to staying your current weight? Honest, self evaluation how important is it for you to lose weight? Would you be happier where you are currently or at a smaller weight? Do you think since the concept of being smaller is not something that has ever been a part of your life that it makes it hard to picture what this would look, like, feel like, and live like?
How important is food to you? If you never could eat your favorite foods again how would you feel? Can you imagine your life without having food as a primary player? What will you do to help cope with your emotions when something bad happens, something good happens, or (sorry to be personal) you feel sexual? What will you do to replace the comfort?
I ask these not to be mean, but because it is the personal evaluation I have to take of myself all the time. I had to cry one night when I realized I couldnt binge anymore, my best friend was gone, I couldnt use my comfort, my enjoyment anymore.
Please feel free to add me if you feel like it. I'm at the same point in life and I often need support from others who understand. It's not going to be easy you will battle every day, every minute, and every meal but as long as your journey is forward you will succeed and you will win.0 -
Your thread title might have been facetious, but sometimes therapy really can be a valuable tool. If you are dealing with a lot of negativity and depression in your life, which it sounds like you might be, having someone to talk to honestly, especially a qualified mental health professional, can make a huge difference. Sometimes there's more to the root cause of weight gain than is always immediately obvious. It won't solve all your problems for you, but it can help guide you in the right direction to solving your problems for yourself.
And in terms of weight loss itself, like other people have said, just take it one day at a time! No one can commit to making the change for you except you, but if you need more friends, feel free to add me. I'm on here regularly, and have been for over two years. :flowerforyou:0 -
first of all I know where you are coming from and I can say honestly you are lovely and there is nothing wrong with you. Losing the weight should be a choice for some other reason besides looking good because you already do! Now that we have changed that idea start looking at the world around you what do you want to do but can't because of your weight? How about things you want to buy but are afraid too because of your size...trust me I know from being big myself. You can do anything if you let yourself because we stop ourselves from achieving our goals and the fact of the matter is the only opinion that matters is your's because people come in and out of our lives and yes that means parents too. We have one constant and that is us! We have to live with ourselves for the rest of our lives and we have to look ourselves in the mirror and say am I really happy....Do I love myself the way I am or is there things I want to change because I am not happy about it. No can judge you but you it is not their place to judge you and anyone who does is not worth the spit coming out of their mouth. Please remember these things: You are loved, you are beautiful, you are strong, you are normal and good.
If you love the way you look don't change it. If you want to be smaller to accomplish a goal in life lose the weight so you can fulfill your happiness!
Much love and joy to you my friend!0 -
Congrats to you for taking the huge step to talk about your desires and fears. I share many of your feelings--years of being the big girl wherever I go, and amazingly comfortable with that. What helped me was to take it slow, try not to think about losing weight, and focus on the new skills I was learning, like reading food labels, cooking beans and vegetables, and tofu!
I remodeled my kitchen with spices, and food containers for a variety of nuts, beans, rices, and seeds. I bought new cookbooks and spent time trying new recipes. These exciting changes made me feel good about eating and I started losing weight just by preparing my own food, and avoiding high fat proteins.
Please send me a friend request. I am happy to support you with encouragement. Best of luck to you.0 -
It's scary how your life changes when you lose weight. So much of your identity is based upon being larger (maybe you're the fun and good-natured friend, life of the party), but when you lose weight, this changes. 5 years ago I dropped 65 pounds (and pretty much maintained it). The changes were scary. All of the sudden, I wasn't invisible any longer. I started getting attention I didn't know how to deal with.
So, I stopped losing weight, even though I still had a lot to lose.
My therapist has always been a big help for me. She gives me the kick in the butt by saying, "if there's something you don't like about yourself, change it!"
Contact me if you want to chat more. This may be an unpopular statement, but you may want to consider weight loss surgery at some point in the future. Talk to your family doctor and see what he/she thinks and maybe sign yourself up for a weight loss seminar. Knowing lots of people who've gone through this (several in my office) it is NOT a quick fix and they are still overweight, just no where near how overweight they were before.
One more thing - I always hear things like "you won't change until you're ready to change." Smokers say they can't quit smoking until they're ready for it. The same goes for dieting. For the first time ever, I actually feel like I'm READY to change.
Same thing for me. Attention is hard when I maintain a specific viewpoint and then didnt know how to cope from sexual attraction/attention I was getting. I'd make a list and make small goals to get down the weight. Also keeping track of food really helps me..even putting cheat foods in etc. i work out two hours every day almost and still have like 60 lbs to lose approximately. Also therapy could be really beneficial if you feel it may help. Find someone you connect with...patient/doctor relationships are important and if you feel undue stress/guilt..it may not be a good fit. I tend to say people who are constructive yet supportive are the best bet.0 -
Hello I am writing to who ever is listening. I feel like I can be as honest as I can around all you strangers (smile) I weigh 676 lbs. I am doing all that I can to lose weight, but I am starting to realize my problem. I jump on bored with losing weight I lose about 15 to 20 lbs I am excited but then something hit me and I fall to depression and start going back to old habits. Now I believe I am to comfortable being a big girl. I see myself losing weight but then I get scared and I have been losing inches lately and i see it in my stomach and my legs and I know your thinking UGH you should be happy. Well It depresses me because I have been over weight since i was a 3rd grader and I don't know anything different and the thought of me getting rid of 500lbs scares the crap out of me. I know I need to take one day at a time but I am scared. I honestly don't know what to do. I don't have anyone to talk to because no one understands my struggle. I am wanting to lose weight and I know I can but once I take 3 steps and move forward I take 10 steps back and say ugh no so if you or whoever reading this please help me stir me in the right direction. Please I don't need any negative comments I get enough of that from the people where i live and my father. Thanks for reading and listening
Hi - first, what do YOU want to do - remember i said "WANT", not "CAN" or "WISH". so go and do that. even if it is scary. ok when i saw that i had 100 to 200 pounds to lose i thought what the heck how am i going to accomplish that, i haven't been able to do that ever, but i decided i would do it, coincidentally i found mfp which is not a diet, but a way to count calories, like a budget, not being deprived, thats the worst part, being deprived. and its a way to eat the rest of your life. so that is the key. so when you lost 15 pounds, you gave up. you settled, but thats your mistake. you should have said ok, another day starts today. and start again. actaully do that tomorrow. yesterday is gone. You got depressed because nothing changed. you fell back into what was familiar. being fat is familiar to you. like an old friend. well now that im half way losing 50 pounds, wow. im halfway down to my weight when i was out dancing, when i was a new person, when i was feeling athletic.. that feels good. so now its easy. im excited to see the new me. so you should keep on. its not that hard here on mfp. yyeah you might not be able to eat pizza all the time. but you can have a slice once a week or so.
i dont think you like being a fat girl,,, do you? really do you? do you like lugging around all that poundage and not be able to walk? and fit on chairs? in restaurants? or at home? on the bus? walk aroujnd stores? its a bummer. i cant even lug 200 extra pounds on me. i bet its hell for you
so just try again. little goals. say you are going to try to lose 60 pounds and go for that.. dont think about losing 500 pounds.. thats too much!!! or go for 30. when you accomplish that, then go for another 30. it will build up
dont settle please. try again.. tomorrow is a new day. xsurely you dont wanna be a fat girl. i dont think you really want that.0
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