Anorexia recovery

Majda1234
Majda1234 Posts: 64
in Motivation and Support
Is there anyone here who has recovered from anorexia? I decided to recover but in "recovery" i have developed compulsive overeating. I am extremely afraid and i have been eating 8000 calories every single day for 2 weeks and gained 10 kg in two weeks. I have now reached a healthy BMI and do not wish to gain more but i cannot stop overeating. It seems as if anythng less then 8000 calories is way to little for me but it must be emotional eating and psychological problem.

Replies

  • mag131
    mag131 Posts: 542 Member
    What does your recovery consist of? Are you going to any kind of treatment center, even an outpatient program? Are you seeing a therapist who has experience dealing with people in recovery for an eating disorder?

    I think it's very important to have a support team instead of trying to do this by yourself.

    Several years ago I went from anorexia to compulsive overeating, and I think the main reason was because after leaving in inpatient clinic in another state, I came home and had no support or follow up.
  • Majda1234
    Majda1234 Posts: 64
    How did you get rid of it? I don't have any money for those things right now. I do have a therapist, my moms friend is doing it for free.I wasn't even diagnosed but i weighed 88 lbs and i am 168 cm which put me to BMI of 14 and in these two weeks i have gained 10 kg, i know it seems impossible but i did eat 8000 calories so when you do the math it probably adds up. My mom is supportive but she won't frobid me to eat since she hates the idea of me going back to anorexia again so compuslive overeating seems like a better option to her.
  • ohellotheresa
    ohellotheresa Posts: 58
    I agree that the most important part of a recovery plan is to have some kind of support team / affinity group. I am in recovery.
  • cafeaulait7
    cafeaulait7 Posts: 2,459 Member
    I'm so sorry it's still tough for you. I was never anorexic, but I had the kind of bulimia where I'd go days without eating. I'd binge after the days, so my weight didn't drop like with anorexia.

    I know my binges were: #1 - a control thing. I really had very little I could control in my life at that age/family situation, etc. And #2, it was self-punishment. It didn't feel that way at first, but by the end of the binge/purge I hated myself and kind of wanted to :(

    I got on antidepressants soon after I started therapy, and that's what changed my overall mindset so much. I hate to say that, because that's not true for everyone, but I'd been chronically depressed for years and it was mostly biochemical.

    But I had my share of purely psychological issues that caused my ED. I ended it and got in therapy basically like a lot of alcoholics do: I just couldn't take it anymore. It sounds strange to say that I didn't care any more, but I stopped trying to control myself all the time about food while also trying to recognize when I was just being completely out of control. There were times in the binges where I could snap myself out of it then because I couldn't play the head game any more, if that makes sense. It's hard to describe :(

    Maybe there is a support group in the area that you could find? Or one online, preferably a 'steps' group similar to AA? I do think talking it out is very helpful, especially if you can't go to fully professional therapy. Take care and good luck!
  • Majda1234
    Majda1234 Posts: 64
    People keep saying that in recovery it is normal to overeat at the beginning but i beg to differ. I don't feel it is normal in any way to overeat at this rate. I have started the recovery a month ago and at first ate sort of normally, perhaps it was still too little but after awhile when i reahed a stable 45 kg i starte bingeing like a maniac. It has been two weeks since the bingeing started and i am exactly 10 kg up. I am satisfied with 50 kg and on't want to go up but now it is SO hard to stop eating. Yes i know it is a matter of control, in my case too. It is an escape tool for me just as anorexia was. I feel like when i decided to recover, get back to my own world and leave anorexia i pushed myself to complete opposite BED and there is no escape. I talked to my therapist, she keeps saying we'll work it through but i just started enjoying food and eating so much that i hate myself for it. I hate that i started loving and enjoying food and i know how horrible it sounds but sometimes i would so much rather be back to Ana and wish i had never even anted to recover.
  • cafeaulait7
    cafeaulait7 Posts: 2,459 Member
    :( It's good that you love food, and I'm not surprised folks in recovery eat a lot of it! That makes sense. You haven't been doing it long, and you recognize that it's too much. Those are both good things. Maybe you'll have your fill soon. Don't get too down on yourself, because you know that has to be part of the problem. You'll find your balance.

    I don't know if this would help, but could you have someone else put together a meal plan for you and just eat that for a while? Is it possible to take yourself out of the decision-making until you are more used to eating a regular diet for longer? It doesn't even have to be a pro, really. Just something to veer back to regular food, regular diet and try to take your mind out of it as much as possible.
  • Majda1234
    Majda1234 Posts: 64
    I tried doing that and got the nutritionist to make me a meal plan. It just didn't wrkout and i was craving MUCH more food and also i never have enough ingredients to prepar those meals, it is quite expensive to buy healthy foods. It wasn't a problem since i was eating so little before, so i did buy healthy food but since it was such a small amount i managed to do it but now that i have to eat more it is really hard. So i rely on the junk food and i actually crave it most of the time. I never feel the need for vegetables, only fats and simple carbs. I feel awful that is all i am eating.
  • soupandcookies
    soupandcookies Posts: 212 Member
    People keep saying that in recovery it is normal to overeat at the beginning but i beg to differ. I don't feel it is normal in any way to overeat at this rate. I have started the recovery a month ago and at first ate sort of normally, perhaps it was still too little but after awhile when i reahed a stable 45 kg i starte bingeing like a maniac. It has been two weeks since the bingeing started and i am exactly 10 kg up. I am satisfied with 50 kg and on't want to go up but now it is SO hard to stop eating. Yes i know it is a matter of control, in my case too. It is an escape tool for me just as anorexia was. I feel like when i decided to recover, get back to my own world and leave anorexia i pushed myself to complete opposite BED and there is no escape. I talked to my therapist, she keeps saying we'll work it through but i just started enjoying food and eating so much that i hate myself for it. I hate that i started loving and enjoying food and i know how horrible it sounds but sometimes i would so much rather be back to Ana and wish i had never even anted to recover.

    I can only share my own experience - take it for what it's worth. I know that people say it's normal to overeat, as part of the recovery process. You can understand WHY that would be the case. However, I would dispute that it's very very common, but that it's still not "normal" to be compulsively overeating. I have also been on both sides of the spectrum, with anorexia and compulsive overeating, and for me, it did not just "work itself out." I had to put in a lot of hard work, to stop my compulsive overeating, and all out binging. Yes, it can be a normal reaction to restricting, but it can also become a very very difficult habit/addiction to break. In my experience, it was very scary, to feel so out of control, and to see myself eating so much, with no end in site. It has taken years, for me to get to "normal." I would really recommend getting some good support to help with the overeating, so that it does not become a long term issue. If you are concerned about it (and it sounds like you are), it would be good to have a therapist who takes the concern seriously. When this happened to me, I felt that my therapist sort of brushed off my concerns with overeating, by calling it "normal," and I felt that if we had addressed the compulsive overeating earlier, it might have been easier for me to let it go. I know this isn't the best "advice," but I just want you to know, that you are not alone. Hope you will stick around, and keep writing for support!
  • Majda1234
    Majda1234 Posts: 64
    Thank you so much. That is exactly what i am concered with. I have reached a healthy weight (not just the low side of normal BMI) which is why i don't want this to become a habit for me. I do believe when you both physically and psychologically deprieve yourself it is just a normal respond to overeat but it can SO easily turn into a habit therefore i think anorexics should recover on a normal meal plan rather then having 5000 calories for breakfast which i did Today. It seems like it will never stop and i keep hearing "it will stop once your body reaches a happy weight" but i really stongly disagree because i have never weighed more than 55 kg and i do not think "my body would be happy at a higher weight" and i wouldn't even be bother if i consumed say 4000 but 8000 is just WAY too much even for severly underweight people wich i am not.

    I a talking to my therapist an she also doesn't consider overeating as such a big problem and wants to talk about other stuff. I feel like no one understands and i am alone in all of this. I am so depressed that i cannot get any support and i was actually thinking about going to mental institutuion since i am constatly thinking about suicide. I cannot sleep at night because i am costatly sweating and my heard is beating so fast.
  • Majda1234
    Majda1234 Posts: 64
    Oh and i just want to thank you all for replaying. I am so grateful really, i never had anyone really to listen to me and i have no one now so i find this very supportive. If there is a way to thank you all just let me now. I am so grateful to see that people actually do care, this has literally made me cry.
  • soupandcookies
    soupandcookies Posts: 212 Member
    Thank you so much. That is exactly what i am concered with. I have reached a healthy weight (not just the low side of normal BMI) which is why i don't want this to become a habit for me. I do believe when you both physically and psychologically deprieve yourself it is just a normal respond to overeat but it can SO easily turn into a habit therefore i think anorexics should recover on a normal meal plan rather then having 5000 calories for breakfast which i did Today. It seems like it will never stop and i keep hearing "it will stop once your body reaches a happy weight" but i really stongly disagree because i have never weighed more than 55 kg and i do not think "my body would be happy at a higher weight" and i wouldn't even be bother if i consumed say 4000 but 8000 is just WAY too much even for severly underweight people wich i am not.

    I a talking to my therapist an she also doesn't consider overeating as such a big problem and wants to talk about other stuff. I feel like no one understands and i am alone in all of this. I am so depressed that i cannot get any support and i was actually thinking about going to mental institutuion since i am constatly thinking about suicide. I cannot sleep at night because i am costatly sweating and my heard is beating so fast.

    Not giving medical advice, but...

    First of all, if you are having suicidal thoughts or ideations, you need to seek help, immediately.

    I also think that people who do not struggle with compulsive overeating, do not understand the misery of it. I have had many therapists, and none of them have considered overeating a big issue. I needed to go to OA, to find people who really got it.

    I also agree that overeating has absolutely nothing to do with being at a happy weight, or not. When I was recovering, my parents brought Pop-Tarts into the house, and I started binging on them, uncontrollably. I gained 20 pounds in a month. I'm sorry, but that is NOT normal. I don't care what anyone says!

    Just my experience....
  • maggie16sweetxoxo
    maggie16sweetxoxo Posts: 314 Member
    It sounds like you jumped from one eating disorder (anorexia) to another (Binge Eating Disorder) I deal with BED and eat 1500 calories a day as part of recovery... Long story.... I don't have much advice, because I know it's more difficult than "just don't eat so much." Good luck babe, you're not alone.
  • Majda1234
    Majda1234 Posts: 64
    Thank you so much. That is exactly what i am concered with. I have reached a healthy weight (not just the low side of normal BMI) which is why i don't want this to become a habit for me. I do believe when you both physically and psychologically deprieve yourself it is just a normal respond to overeat but it can SO easily turn into a habit therefore i think anorexics should recover on a normal meal plan rather then having 5000 calories for breakfast which i did Today. It seems like it will never stop and i keep hearing "it will stop once your body reaches a happy weight" but i really stongly disagree because i have never weighed more than 55 kg and i do not think "my body would be happy at a higher weight" and i wouldn't even be bother if i consumed say 4000 but 8000 is just WAY too much even for severly underweight people wich i am not.

    I a talking to my therapist an she also doesn't consider overeating as such a big problem and wants to talk about other stuff. I feel like no one understands and i am alone in all of this. I am so depressed that i cannot get any support and i was actually thinking about going to mental institutuion since i am constatly thinking about suicide. I cannot sleep at night because i am costatly sweating and my heard is beating so fast.

    Not giving medical advice, but...

    First of all, if you are having suicidal thoughts or ideations, you need to seek help, immediately.

    I also think that people who do not struggle with compulsive overeating, do not understand the misery of it. I have had many therapists, and none of them have considered overeating a big issue. I needed to go to OA, to find people who really got it.

    I also agree that overeating has absolutely nothing to do with being at a happy weight, or not. When I was recovering, my parents brought Pop-Tarts into the house, and I started binging on them, uncontrollably. I gained 20 pounds in a month. I'm sorry, but that is NOT normal. I don't care what anyone says!

    Just my experience....
    I would mostly prefer to go to inpatient treatment in hospital and sort of "let them heal me" but now that i am no longer at such a low weight i am afraid no one will take me seriously. I weighed 40 kg about 3-4 weeks ago but now i jumped to 55 kg by this overeating. I am considering going to a mental institution but i am 18 years old and i have schol to go to which i am completely unable to focus at. I gained that much weight in 3 weeks so i know what you mean by not being normal to gain that much. It isn't normal under any circumstances. My mom doesn't take me seriously at all and i am uncapable to even go to school and she does not see it at all. I am terrified of everything and i am seriously considering applying to some kind of mental instituion snce my family just doesn't seem to care.
  • Majda1234
    Majda1234 Posts: 64
    It sounds like you jumped from one eating disorder (anorexia) to another (Binge Eating Disorder) I deal with BED and eat 1500 calories a day as part of recovery... Long story.... I don't have much advice, because I know it's more difficult than "just don't eat so much." Good luck babe, you're not alone.
    Yes, i am trying to "just not eat as much" but here i am, finishing my breakfast that containd 5000 calories. It is harder then restricting, starving and overexercising ever eas. Than i was so deep in anorexic thoughts that i absolutely didn't care about anything else because i had control of that but now i feel so out of control in every single part of my life. I feel like everything is ruining and i am on the edge of a breakdown. I feel like i would kill myself this second if i had the courage to do it but i am pathetic enough to not even be able to do such a simple task. I am dreading every moment i have to spend on this earth and feel so alone all the time. I keep thinking " there is a way out of every single situation" but then i think what is my way? And i realise death is, the ony way out.
  • maggie16sweetxoxo
    maggie16sweetxoxo Posts: 314 Member
    Read the message I sent you. Also maybe inpatient isn't a bad idea?
  • Majda1234
    Majda1234 Posts: 64
    I know but now that i am a normal BMI i don't think anyone would really get me seriously. I don't feel "good enough" = "thin enough" to be classified as anorexic therefore i don't think they would accept me. I wish i have gone inpatient when i weighed 40 kg and not now that i feel like a whale.
  • soupandcookies
    soupandcookies Posts: 212 Member
    Where do you live - I'm assuming you don't live in the US, right? Do you have access to nutritional support?

    I think you may benefit from having a dietician, who may be able to set you up with a meal plan. Even though 6000 calories is not "normal eating," a goal of 1200 calories is not normal either - especially in recovery. 1200 calories is a weight loss intake, and it's very low. This is not about weight, but about having healthy and balanced thoughts and behaviors around food.
  • Majda1234
    Majda1234 Posts: 64
    I live in Serbia, there is no support system here. Anorexia is not really taken seriously where i am. It is very uncommon and eating disorders in general aren't. I don't have nutritiona support. 1200 is not my goal, i don't have a goal, i just want to maintain a normal and balanced lifestyle. I would be happy to consume 4000 calories but this is just beyond too much. I like to keep count of how much i am eating but i don't really have a goal number of calories.
  • Healthymind123
    Healthymind123 Posts: 1 Member
    Majda, how are you now?
  • madeleineld
    madeleineld Posts: 75 Member
    There's an ED recovery app called "recovery record" that helped me a lot. You log what you eat, how you feel when you're eating it, where you were, who you were with, etc, and it helps identify patterns. I was never anorexic, but it helped me with my compulsive binging--you can see what triggers it.
  • sofaking6
    sofaking6 Posts: 4,589 Member
    Edited due to resurrected post

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