in the dumps :(

I just want you to be aware this will be a bit long and bit of a "debbie downer ". I'm Jenny and my son is a drug addict. He started using at about age 15. We had our typical teenage attitude and behaviour. But as the drug use became more evident the behaviour became worse. Skipping school, failing grades, and breaking cerfew. As a parent I believe in tough love. I called the police numerous times for various things. When I had an officer come to take him to school I thought he would shape up knowing I was very serious. He was taken to school in cuffs and escorted into the office. Didn't seem to phase him. 1 week after his 18th birthday I forced him to leave my home. At that point he jumped from couch to couch staying where ever he could. He went from smoking marajuana to stealing and using prescription pain meds and ecstacy. At this point he was selling as well. He got busted and was put on probation. I thought our lives would change. I was very wrong. He finally had his own place, I thought we had some peace. However I was wrong. During all of this my daughter, who was 13 when this all started, was crying out for help. I was so involved in my son that I didn't see her pain until he was out of the house. She was cutting, suffering from anxiety attacks, and her school and social life was suffering as well. So I did what needed to be done and got her help that I alone couldn't do. My son continued even on probation. He went from 5'10" 165 pounds to 105 pounds. He looked skelatal. After several failed attempts at sobriety his probation officer put him in jail. He was given the choice of rehab or prison. He chose rehab. Over the past year he has relapsed 3 times. Each time worse than the one before. This past relapse was in May and he never got back on the wagon. I booted him out the door in July an he had not spoken to me for months. He has recently turned himself in due to a warrant for his arrest. He called several times a day (I answered but didn't accept the charges) leaving short messages to tell his friends when they could visit. I was outraged, the boy hasn't spoken to me in months but now I should relay messages, grrrr. No one showed up for visitation and he tried calling again. I'm sure he thought I didn't relay the message. Then his probation officer finally went to see him and he hasn't tried calling in 5 days. He has not written and will not put me on his visitation list. He will now be in jail until january 14th. My amazing daughter got her life on track. She went to counseling and no longer cuts. She graduated high school and started college. And she just moved in to her own apartment. I am very proud of her. Before this part of my life started I had lost 70 pounds. I was 50 pounds from my goal weight. I have since put on 105 pounds. I joined my fitness pal again and ive lost 15 pounds to date. This past weekend was a horrible one. When life gets stressful like this, I like to get wrapped up in a project. This weekend I painted and redecorated the kitchen. The good part is emotionally I feel better. The bad part I paid 0 attention to what I ate. Back on the wagon for me today. I can do this but its going to be a roller coaster ride. Thanks for letting me rant.