Trying it again. Secong time around on MFP.

Been at this weight loss thing my entire life. Never really committed to change. Went so far as to have a LAP Band that helped me lose some weight and keep it off but not the results I should have gotten. I feel as though I have had a prettty good self image, until the day by 7 yo patted me on the tummy and said those words "Mommy you have a big tummy". I was mortified. But not mortified enough to do something about it except explain to him that he hurt my feelings and that people come in all shapes and sizes.

I will say I have had a bunch of sorrow and anxiety in my life. Lots of issues I have carried. I know they are the root to my eating poorly, my high cortisol levels and at times my depression. I have never felt pressured by those around me to loose weight. They have loved me for me. And for this unconditional love I am greatful.

Change happened for me when I suffered a miscarriage in August. I felt as if my weight, and hypertension could have played a role in the loss of the baby. I am coming to terms that it could have been something else, something out of my control. But there is some remorse for not being more healthy for my baby.

On 9/11 I decided enough was enough. I joined the local gym where my friends go, and where some of them are involved in group training sessions. I thougt that group training would keep me motivated and hold me accountable to my team members. Training is two times a week for an hour. My friends are so encouraging and supportive. I have committed to training two days and cardio at least four days a week.

I won't lie it is the hardest thing I have done. My coach knows what it is like to be heavy, he was obese for a good part of his life. What helped me was telling my life story to him. Getting the emotion out. Knowing that it played a large role in my weight and food choices. He has given me some really great suggestions. One of the best things I have learned from this process is to not call it a diet, it's a change in eating habit. Log what you eat. Ask yourself when you want the donut, why am I eating this? Do I really need it? If you eat it ,log it and your emotions. Get to know your triggers to poor eating. Get active, even if it is only for 10 min. Find a partner. Someone who will be there as a workout partner and your motivation. Remember that change doesn't happen over night. It took me 38 years to get to this point. I/We have to remember that this will be a slow steady progress. This is hard at times to remember, but don't quit. Quitting won't get you where you want to be. It will only allows you to go back to the same bad choices and further weight gain.

The scale won't always move as quickly as you think it should. Don't be obsessed, don't give up, keep with it. Look at how your cloths fit, how do you feel. Pick one day a week to weigh. Don't weigh everyday. I can report that I am down 14 pounds and feel great. Weighing every morning was, what I thought, a motivation. But on mornings it was the same or up, it was my worst enemy. I hated the scale. I would be frustrated, want to give in to poor eating and self pitty. But, I turned to my coach and friends, keep logging my food and exerecising and in a week it moved in my favor.