Venting: Facing the Friend cop-out.

jamaicanmircrzy
jamaicanmircrzy Posts: 27 Member
in Motivation and Support
It can get so frustrating when you chat with friends, family or even co workers about working out. They always chime in, "that sounds great! When are you working out next? I'll join you!" But then when I make plans to work out with said people and it's the morning of or when I get out of work people cop out by making up bogus excuses or ignoring my calls/texts all together. I still work out with out them but gosh it would be nice to have at least one person follow through.

I get so self conscious trying things like running outside or taking a class at the YMCA. These are usually the times I invite friends but end up doing a work out DVD by myself in my apartment. That gets old fast.

Didn't really have a point to this post just needed to vent. Anyone experience similar situations? What have you done to overcome these obstacles?

Replies

  • GoRun2
    GoRun2 Posts: 477 Member
    I'm looking for workout buddies too. I am going through MeetUp to find running groups. I'm trying a couple out to see where there is a good fit. I am also going to the classes at the gym to find a class that I like and social people.

    My plan is to find a group of people that work out and then get to know them.

    Love my friends but they aren't available when I want to work out, do different activities, or don't live close enough.
  • _Rogue
    _Rogue Posts: 37 Member
    It is a struggle to get to the gym, or to even get to a place in your life to want to go to the gym (if you are new to the line of thinking) so while some friends and family want to be supportive and join you, they too have insecurities or just aren't ready.

    Try not to let that frustrate you...it's great that you keep pushing through and doing what you need to do. Others not wanting to join you aren't really obstacles in the way of your success...yes it's a lot more fun and enjoyable sometimes to do "this" with others, but at the end of the day you are doing it for you.

    I have been you....venting about others and I've been the person people are venting about lol...best solutions?

    Do what you love to do.... If you like to hike, go hiking. Invite friends to do that and get people interested in being more physical that way and maybe they'll warm up to the "working out" idea.

    Or make a kick *kitten* playlist of your favorite "get up and go" powerhouse music and just get on that road and run. Go to a track or somewhere you feel safe but somewhere that's not out in the open that leaves you feeling super self conscious.

    I feel you on being timid about going into classes and such...lol but we have ALL gone to our "first class"...go in a little early and introduce yourself to the instructor or to someone else there early. Make a connection with someone so that when you do something silly, you can look at them and laugh at yourself and be OK with it....it gets easier and it is FUN!

    Also.....do you know any other mfper's in your area?
  • jamaicanmircrzy
    jamaicanmircrzy Posts: 27 Member
    Rumblefish, you hit the nail on the head!! I've debated with myself so many times that even though I am without a work out buddy sometimes I need to buck up and step out of my comfort zone and get out there! As far as local mfplers go, I have one good friend who works out with me on occasion but recently broke her ankle and is now out of commission. She was definitely one of my more reliable buddies and I'm pretty bummed that she's unable to work out the next 5 weeks but by no means am i frustrated with her! I'll have to do some homework and see if there are any mfp peeps in my area. I'm taking a Zumba class tonight at the Y and made plans with a friend to go yesterday. Regardless if she follows through or not you def gave me the right umph to get out there on my own if I have to!!
  • madworld1
    madworld1 Posts: 524
    All the time. I have family members that say they will go run with me, but they never follow through.

    The worst incident was when I lived on the other side of town. My neighbor rang my doorbell out of the blue one afternoon and asked if I would start walking in the mornings with her. I happily made plans to meet her outside after we dropped our kids off. Well, I got up early to get my workout clothes on so I would be ready to go as soon as I got back from the school.

    I waited. And waited. Finally, I heard the doorbell and it was her. She decided she couldn't do it that day, but maybe another time. I never made plans again. Keep in mind, I rarely ever talked to this neighbor to begin with. So it was very awkward anyhow.
  • jamaicanmircrzy
    jamaicanmircrzy Posts: 27 Member
    Madworld, I feel ya. It's become so automatic when my friends cop out on me and later in the day they txt me like "I'm so sorry I had [insert excuse xyz]." I'll respond with a hopeful "it's ok! Next time" after saying it's ok, next time like five separate times it's time to give up on that person! Haha
  • WeepingAngel81
    WeepingAngel81 Posts: 2,232 Member
    I was lucky enough to have my best friend join the Y at the same time I did. Sometimes our schedules just don't mesh though. I do what I can to motivate my friends and if they want to come then great! If not, I don't let it get to me, because in the end I am the one doing this for myself. I did have a friend at church last Wed. night ask me if I was going to Zumba. She made a last minute decision to run home and change and she came with me. I enjoy those moments when they come.
  • mrsamanda86
    mrsamanda86 Posts: 869 Member
    Sorry your friends and family are whack lol... I don't like working out with people, I like doing my own thing. I get super irritated because people try to ask me about my gym and when I go and whether they could come with me. I actually have gotten to the point where I will finally tell people I don't want to work out with anyone, but then I feel mean for saying it. It's my ME time, I don't have to be a Mommy or a wife or anything, I just put my headphones in and let daily life out of my head and go.
  • calliekitten9
    calliekitten9 Posts: 148 Member
    I do my own thing...mainly walking and core exercises at home. I'm going to look into the gym up the street when it gets a bit colder.
  • sumeetg37
    sumeetg37 Posts: 108 Member
    I'm kind of mean that way. My answer is always no I won't make plans with you, but I am going at such and such time and you can join me if you want to. That way if they are there awesome, if not, I still get my work in.
  • jamaicanmircrzy
    jamaicanmircrzy Posts: 27 Member
    I like your guys no bs attitude. :) Extend the offer but by no means base your decision to work out if so n so follows through or not. It's nice to hear different perspectives on the issue too. I do enjoy my me time, working out in the mornings ideally. But sometimes if I have no choice but to work out after work I tend to drag my feet. Knowing that I have to meet up with a friend keeps me more accountable, but this too is another crutch like habit I'll need to break through!
  • _Rogue
    _Rogue Posts: 37 Member
    :happy: :drinker:

    Yessssss! Grab it by the balls and show it who is boss! (the workouts) with or without a workout buddy!

    One of the hardest things about this lifestyle is stepping out of your comfort zone and continuing to challenge yourself...but those are the moments you make strides towards achieving greatness.
  • emirror
    emirror Posts: 842 Member
    I'm kind of mean that way. My answer is always no I won't make plans with you, but I am going at such and such time and you can join me if you want to. That way if they are there awesome, if not, I still get my work in.

    QFT This is the strategy I use. The bus is leaving at x:xx, if you aren't there, I'm leaving without you.
  • cdjs77
    cdjs77 Posts: 176 Member
    I'm kind of mean that way. My answer is always no I won't make plans with you, but I am going at such and such time and you can join me if you want to. That way if they are there awesome, if not, I still get my work in.

    This! When I wanted to start lifting, I tried to get my boyfriend to come with me to help and teach me. I would make plans to meet him at the gym during lunch, and just before lunch he would postpone it until after work because he and his colleagues were all going out for lunch. Then, after work came and he would cancel because he and hiss colleagues were going out for beers. I eventually just started telling him I would go to the gym at X time and hope to see him there. I found there were enough people that were kind enough to help me or spot me if I just asked. Eventually, my boyfriend noticed that not only was he getting out of shape, but that I was really getting in shape. He was having none of that and he comes with me all the time now.
  • GemmaRowlands
    GemmaRowlands Posts: 360 Member
    Yes, and I've learned to leave them to it. I plan what I want to do in my life, if they come great, if they don't then that's up to them too!
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    Good for you for not letting it be an excuse to skip your workout! Even if you're staying home and doing a workout DVD instead of whatever it is you planned with your friend, it's better than just sitting on the couch eating bon-bons because you're bummed out!!

    I've had gym buddies in the past who were pretty good but copped out on me after a while and unfortunately I used it as a convenient excuse to stop working out too. Thankfully my current workout buddy is awesome.

    I get feeling awkward about new things too but you just have to suck it up and do it. Honestly, most of the time everyone else in the gym gets it too and IF they are actually paying attention to what you're doing (most of the time they're too busy concentrating on their own thing), they're probably admiring you! Last week when I was on my own (sick gym buddy), I did a DVD workout in the gym all by myself and felt completely dorky...grunting, struggling, etc, but I did it anyway. Come to find out, the other people there thought I was pretty kick *kitten* - got a couple nice comments when I was done!
  • smithed812
    smithed812 Posts: 289
    This has happened to me before and a lot of times they would be night-time plans where I waited all day which really irritated me. Also I've made plans to go hiking countless times (which is something I won't do alone for safety reasons), and people always bail. I feel your pain.
  • leslturn8
    leslturn8 Posts: 505 Member
    I had no choice but to give up on people going anywhere or doing anything with me. Instead of being nasty to them im secretly using it as motivation to get in the best shape of my life. People rarely see me and next time they do they will be like WOW. Ill just be like nothing like hard work, commitment and my awesomeness to make this great package.
    It does erk me getting rejected. It erks me more if they say no to me and 2 weeks later doing something similar with someone else.
    Fuel to my fire.
    Step out of your confidence zone and act like your meant to be there :) You will feel comfortable more that way :)
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
    I used to work out a lot with my sister and she flaked a lot. Now I plan to go at such and such a time ALONE, if you want to join great if not? enjoy Survivor or whatever. I can't afford to lean on other people when it comes to my commitment to health and fitness. I am really diciplined and I hate flakes so gym dates are a bad idea for me lol
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
    This has happened to me before and a lot of times they would be night-time plans where I waited all day which really irritated me.

    YES! HATE THIS.
  • SkimFlatWhite68
    SkimFlatWhite68 Posts: 1,254 Member
    At the start of this year I invited a friend to join the gym with me. She didn't and that is fine with me, the invitation was there.

    As it turns out, it was probably a good thing, as the time that suits me to go is 5am, which probably would not suit her, and we wouldn't go together anyway...

    I don't rely on anyone but myself to reach my goals or motivate me. If home DVD's are getting boring, go and do the class that you want to try anyway - there are new people in classes all the time, and you might FIND a NEW friend or group of friends who are ALREADY going and will therefore inspire you to meet them there. Just do it. Try new things, find new friends with the same interests, rather than trying to change the friends that you have now.

    You are making a new life and routine for yourself - if your friends join in, that's great, but in the meantime go and carve a new path for yourself.

    Keep up the good work :)
  • MikaMojito
    MikaMojito Posts: 680 Member
    I kinda know what you mean and I've been on both sides of that coin. Thing is that the motivation has to come from inside - right now you or I are motivated to work out and shape up, so we get off our bums and do it. Our friends might well be in a compltely different emotional situation!

    I was trying to get one of my best mates to run with me, partially because I get a lot of stupid remarks from stupid people and he's tall and scary-looking. But also because he's not been living a healthy life and I was trying to get him to change that. We went for ONE run together and he decided I was too far ahead and he wouldn't be able to catch up. Which was nonsense - he would've been fine in a month's time. But it was too scary for him.

    Same as I hate working out with people who are much fitter than me because it makes me feel self-conscious.

    How am I dealing? I've got two gorgeous friends whom I've introduced to mfp - one to lose weight and one to get fit - and since I see at least one of them every weekend, we usually manage to squeeze in a run. During the week I'm on my own though.
  • I_Will_End_You
    I_Will_End_You Posts: 4,397 Member
    I got Focus T25 ONLY because my boyfriend said he wanted to do it, and we could do it together.......he's done it zero times with me. :laugh:
  • jamaicanmircrzy
    jamaicanmircrzy Posts: 27 Member
    Just got off the phone with my friend..who's goin to kick some butt at Zumba tonight solo? This gal! xD

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