Bad Manners or a Healthy Decision?

CoryIda
CoryIda Posts: 7,870 Member
edited September 22 in Motivation and Support
Is it bad manners to not eat at someone's house when they are providing dinner? I would much rather make myself a healthy meal before my husband and I go to our church small group tonight but don't want to offend the couple providing dinner. They are making pasta and other not-so-healthy stuff and I don't want to eat empty carbs, extra salt, etc. --- I want nutritious food that I prepare so I know exactly what goes into it!
What do you think?

Replies

  • ambercole
    ambercole Posts: 426
    I just say no thank you and if they question me then I tell them that it is bad manners to pry. That usually shuts people up.
  • purplespeckle
    purplespeckle Posts: 652
    I don't think it's rude at all Like your signature says You are doing this for You, your family and your Health :)
  • azlady7
    azlady7 Posts: 471 Member
    i think you should fill up at home and maybe it a small serving of veggies there. maybe a smidge bite of something here and there to make it look like you are eating. otherwise, yes, they may find it rude. but do what your comfortable with. if your eating better is more important than possibly offending them, then just eat what you make!
  • 6Janelle13
    6Janelle13 Posts: 353 Member
    if they are having a salad fill up on it or ask if you can bring one? have small portions for dinner? As a host i would be mildly offended because i did work hard and planned out a meal. that being said i would hope that i did provide a healthy variety for people incase of diets or allergies. also share with the hubby. it works out well when i don't get the control of the menu. if they don't know you are on a diet take an oppertunity to let them know you are and that you hope they don't mind if you make a meal or side dish for yourself in the future to save YOU from stressing out about your diet.
  • DrBorkBork
    DrBorkBork Posts: 4,099 Member
    Split your dinner calories up, if you're really worried. Eat half your calories at home, and then half your calories at church. That way you can be selective about what you eat, and nobody gets offended.
  • ErinMarie25
    ErinMarie25 Posts: 733 Member
    Everyone is different, so some will think it's rude and some will have no problem with it. I honestly would politely say no, explain why, and that's it.
  • rjmalovany
    rjmalovany Posts: 12 Member
    I learned many years ago from a smart friend that it's just best to be honest when dieting. A simple "I'd love to come but please don't be offended at my picky eating habits. I have seen great progress on my diet and I'm not ready to cheat quite yet." How could anyone be offended? Even ask if you can bring a healthy dish if you feel comfortable.
  • terim3006
    terim3006 Posts: 12 Member
    Call the hostess and be up front with her. Tell her you are dieting and that you will be eating at home before you come to keep on track and that it is no negative reflection on her. She might just change the menu a bit so that you will not feel left out. That's what I would do. We entertain a lot in our home and one person in particular is striving to maintain his weight and fitness level. So we try to help him. Good luck.
  • goldilocks007
    goldilocks007 Posts: 107
    I would eat my healthy dinner prior to the event and probably eat small amounts of food at your friend's house. I find the more you try to politely decline the food served, the worse people will try to push food off to you. Many people (often our closest friends and family) just don't know how to graciously accept polite thank you or a flat out decline, and then proceed to take it personally.
    In my experience declining food adds fuel to the fire, and then people try harder to give you additional food. My coworkers have yet to discover this , I politely accept their food gifts and tell them I will save for "the afternoon sugar rush.' Most of the sweets they give me go to the security guards at the end of the day (I am always the last to leave)... I hate being dishonset, but my co workers just can't take no for an answer (3 years later) but I find I have to pick my battles, and accepting a positive gesture from others goes a long way, plus the security guards now look out for me in an inner city enviroment. Hope this helps
  • strongerthanb4
    strongerthanb4 Posts: 61
    don't go empty handed, bring a salad or a veggie tray, and that way you can make sure your healthy lifestyle is taken care of. if someone asks tell them what you are comfortable telling them, they will understand and hopefully respect that!
  • Soapbox
    Soapbox Posts: 38
    Honestly live a little. Eat the pasta and everything else but do so in moderation.

    If you decide not to eat at there place, it will look awkward but don't tell people its rude to ask you why. You should be proud you are dieting and tell everyone so they can also help you stay accountable to your goals.
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,870 Member
    Thanks for all of the suggestions.

    I'm not worried very much about calories - I never go over my calories, so I could certainly just control the portions - my big concern is that I have come to love the way my body feels when I give it nutritious, healthy foods and I DON'T like how it feels (bloated and lethargic) when I eat empty calorie or empty fat foods - not to mention all the salt I know this couple cooks with.
    I think I will eat a healthy dinner when I get home from work and explain to them that I really appreciate their willingness to cook, it looks/smells amazing (I am sure it will), but I am working really hard to get healthy and so I ate before I came so it wouldn't be an issue.
    I don't think they will be terribly offended, but my husband (who isn't quite fully on board with this whole "healthy lifestyle" thing) thought they might be.
    I guess I can always just apologize profusely if they are offended.
  • StacySkinny
    StacySkinny Posts: 984 Member
    In that situation I eat before I go and then dish myself up a tiny plate and maybe have a couple of bites but mostly just push the food around so people think that I've eaten more. lol No one ever even questions or asks about it and that way I don't make a big deal about being "on a diet" (aka living healthier) or run the risk of hurting anyone's feelings.
  • Soapbox
    Soapbox Posts: 38
    So the dinner sounds good. Can you send me some left overs :P
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,870 Member
    Stacy - great advice, except I'm NOT on a diet. I feel so good eating this way that I never want to go back! As much as I hate sweating, my day doesn't feel complete without exercise. I am looking at junk food sort of like I look at milk products (which I am allergic to): putting that in my body, regardless of the taste (and let's face it, ice cream is one of the most delicious foods on earth) is NOT worth how it makes my body feel or what it does to my body on the inside. It's not so much about the weight, although I have a ton to lose, it is about only giving my body what makes it healthy.
  • Holton
    Holton Posts: 1,018
    Call the hostess and be up front with her. Tell her you are dieting and that you will be eating at home before you come to keep on track and that it is no negative reflection on her. She might just change the menu a bit so that you will not feel left out. That's what I would do. We entertain a lot in our home and one person in particular is striving to maintain his weight and fitness level. So we try to help him. Good luck.

    THis is really solid and honest advice. I personally would be very caring and thoughtful of someone who is trying to lose weight and would like to think that others would as well. Hopefully with a pasta dinner, she would be serving a salad, which you could eat. And you can always offer to bring something to share with others if that would help her out. Stick with your food plan!
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,870 Member
    I talked to them and asked if I could bring a salad - I make AWESOME salads - and will make some sort of lean meat to bring for just me to go with the salad. They were very understanding and supportive. I love my friends! :smile:
  • azlady7
    azlady7 Posts: 471 Member
    In that situation I eat before I go and then dish myself up a tiny plate and maybe have a couple of bites but mostly just push the food around so people think that I've eaten more. lol No one ever even questions or asks about it and that way I don't make a big deal about being "on a diet" (aka living healthier) or run the risk of hurting anyone's feelings.

    Thats what I do too! It works good :)
  • redkoolayde
    redkoolayde Posts: 11
    I say this... It is up to you. No matter what you are the only one important. This is tough, believe me I dread going away on weekends because of it. Anyway, if you know the person well enought, explaining your diet really is or isn't their business. However, visualizing your plate and knowing what portions are, sometimes you can get away with eating a small amount. Eat light throughout the day and then you can visualize smaller portions. If it really stresses you out by all means, tell them; be honest and just decide to eat what you know you can have. No shame in your game. That is a tough one to ask........ Good luck...
  • bjberry
    bjberry Posts: 665 Member
    Yes, you do have good friends. Hugs, BJB
  • sbusarah
    sbusarah Posts: 163 Member
    CoryIda,

    I am sure your salad made with fresh veggies from your garden will be awesome. I wish I was there to partake of it. I am so glad your friends are so supportive. Enjoy your small group.
  • sbusarah
    sbusarah Posts: 163 Member
    Thanks for all of the suggestions.

    I'm not worried very much about calories - I never go over my calories, so I could certainly just control the portions - my big concern is that I have come to love the way my body feels when I give it nutritious, healthy foods and I DON'T like how it feels (bloated and lethargic) when I eat empty calorie or empty fat foods - not to mention all the salt I know this couple cooks with.
    I think I will eat a healthy dinner when I get home from work and explain to them that I really appreciate their willingness to cook, it looks/smells amazing (I am sure it will), but I am working really hard to get healthy and so I ate before I came so it wouldn't be an issue.
    I don't think they will be terribly offended, but my husband (who isn't quite fully on board with this whole "healthy lifestyle" thing) thought they might be.
    I guess I can always just apologize profusely if they are offended.

    Good for you for feeling this way about food and exercise! I can't wait to be like that...Exercise is painful and forced. I love the convenience of the microwave and hate cooking for just me so I find that I don't do as much fresh food as I should. I love it when I do it but need to do more. I plan on trying the recipes you shared in the Need to Lose 100 Pounds Group. They sound great. You truly inspire me to be more healthy. Thank you for all your help!
  • Net132
    Net132 Posts: 174 Member
    Total in the same boat tonight.Family night at church and not sure what was going to be there. They are a loving and understating group of women that I appreciate i just called to see what we were having to make sure I could eat. If is was something i could not eat i would just ate before I went. I share with everybody that will listen about what God is doing on my weight loss journey. I would just be honest.
  • Magenta15
    Magenta15 Posts: 850 Member
    rather then show up and decline food i would call and say you wont be eating when you arrive or even say you have other commitments and will be running late, what time should you come so you don't inturrup dinner :)
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