So, how DO you change and how DO you believe ?

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  • toots99
    toots99 Posts: 3,794 Member
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    I'm saving this to read when I'm not dead tired!
  • ThePhatMan
    ThePhatMan Posts: 49
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    I WISH I KNEW!!!! Good Luck
  • bosanka
    bosanka Posts: 336 Member
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    Thanks :)

    Well- while i was reading your comment " theGodwithin" - one thing i've realized.

    You said- something like - it takes about 50ish months to lose 60 lbs. ( and that's if we are lucky and don't have a stubborn platoe:) ..
    But on the other side- how many months have i been living in this self-hatred-had i-only stuck to it -last year would-have been-done buy now - situation ?

    I mean - 12 months' a year- that's hm.. about 4 some years we are talking here. .. And i have been " super fat " since about 2002- that's - 8 years- so i had about " 3 " y ears extra to get it done with.. and i didn't.- because it just seemed tooo hard, tooo l ong.. etc- but see now- the time has passed nevertheless- the only difference is- i didn't make a difference. I'm still fat. And that was my choice- Every time i had seen progress i backed out.. every time i lost weight - i gave up-

    I don't think i'm missing willpower- .

    i'm missing endurence - and patience. I have been losing the big picture out of my sight because the obstacle ( scale ) would get in my way- and i would give it so much attention - that i would loose the big picture.

    Don't want to do that again. I know it's easy to say now while i still have motivation, and still have some energy and figting spirit in me- but when i get trapped in the same " tests' _ i hope i will remember all this - at that time. So far i was not able to pass the test of .. ' keep going - till the end, don't stop in the middle of the way "

    Another thing someone previousy mentioned- is - YES i do need other people to approve of me- in this point. I need other people to " notice " to give me compliments ( even though i don't know how to take them but i like to hear them ) .. I need the " wow factor " - and the first time when i actually started going down from 285 to 220 i had the " wow factor " everyone was amazed - people couldn't recognize me- and than - the " wow " factor stopped coming - because i didn't lose any more. I was stuck for over 6 months - i just couldn't get below that 220 no matter what i tried. Increased exercise, played with kcls- etc- but it just wouldn't move.. and eventually i l ost motivation - because it was super disappointing - every single night killing myself with workouts, counting every calorie- and week after week it was 220, 221, 223, 220, 224.. 220.. i just couldn't get it done it felt like coursed to me.. and i lost it - i stoped going to Weight watchers.. i started slacking- and the weight came back on.

    Yes there are " envious " people out there- some of them we tend to even call friends- and when the 285 came down to 250ish every one was " happy " for me.. after that.. the big " yaaay.. turned into .. Oh.. if you keep going like that you will look better than me ( yes - i had that comment one time ) .. " if you lose any more weight you will be a danger in our circle ) .. i heard it all - bla bla -.. so the encouragment somehow switched into negativity - or .. the people stopped complimenting me.

    The people i was relying on, the people that were very close to me- once i did all the work and everyone pretended like not noticing- i started doubting myself- uhm.. i just lost 5 lbs .. and since the last t ime she saw me i have lost another 15.. is she really not noticing anything ? hmm.. guess.. i'm too fat that 15 lbs would make a difference you can notice ..

    See- this is what " wrong " crowd can do to you. And see- just talking to you guys here - made me realize this stuff- just 15 minutes ago - i was not aware of this.. it just somehow came out .. it helps to talk .. :) until now i have been carring this stuff in me- not beeing abl eto talk about it - because how can i talk to my friends about it- they are the ones that somehow- intentionally or not- hurt me- i don't see myself go to them and say " hey girls- can you please give me s ome co mpliments, i need them, i have no self esteem since all of you are skinny - and i'm the fat one- can you have some sympathy here but honest , sincere.. not the type " oh girl.. that's ok you look good in it, .. oh you have such a pretty face and your skin ( noticing- they switched the subject from clothes /outfit to my pretty face and skin? - it's like that all the time.. " you are a great person- don't worry so much about your looks ( 10 minutes later .. same person .. weighing 150 lbs ) .. daaang.. my jeans don't fit me anymore.. i guess i have to start exercising again, can you believe i'm now in size 8 ???

    See- you see.. this's why i feel like screaming and crying and just running away - and i guess this is why i shut down - and isolated myself- it was easier to be with my own pain- allone than to keep adding more pain from others - like salt to injury..

    I guess- it wasn't the right decision to " shut myself and isolate " - - the right decision would have been - seeking the positive crowd that makes me feel better.

    shish.. i almost sound like " i'm giving a lecture here " - i hope you guys don't take it like that- i'm more like having a loud conversation with myself here.. it brings things out of me i wasn't aware of .. or was to scared to admit ? ..

    hope i dont bug you all.. but i guess you are all here as good as a consultation :) You make me think of stuff.. so .. keep it coming .
  • gillleeman
    gillleeman Posts: 397 Member
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    bump
  • Kate_UK
    Kate_UK Posts: 1,299 Member
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    I think what has helped me the most the last few years was I learned to meditate. That doesn't sound like it is something that would make a difference. but there are many different types of meditations and I do one called mindful meditation twice a day that seems to focus me and over time has made me calmer and less critical of myself. Yu can find many samples on line for free and on you tube. Find one that connects with you and start doing it. Find one that is self motivating and focuses on enhancing self appreciation.

    3 years ago when I first started thinking about losing weight and I looked into getting the lap band I developed a real sense of self hatred. I learned to meditate and start liking myself again. Learned how to be less critical of all my so called flaws and appreciate all my strengths. Meditating has helped me in all aspects of my life. Just a suggestion. Because I believe unless you really love the person you are you won't do all you can to help that person succeed. When I say I have made a life style change it is complete, from the mind out.

    I was going to suggest meditation too. Its a wonderful tool, and letting your mind just 'be' a few times a week helps you to look at problem from fesh angles and find new ways to work through them.

    Good luck.:flowerforyou:
  • theGODwithin
    theGODwithin Posts: 7
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    yes see? you had the answer inside you all along. although its easier said than done, its miles from impossible. youre right about "friends" not wanting you to improve or grow because it makes THEM uncomfortable and obsolete than you.. but the next time you hear bs like that, just say in your head "then i WILL look better than you, i WILL make you obsolete" with conviction.

    ive had friends like that in dance.. they started noticing that my freestyling was getting better than theirs then all of a sudden they say "oh dont waste your time freestyling just choreograph or take classes".. then i said to myself "alright then the next time we battle ill bash your head in (figuratively).

    you just gotta appreciate your successes. you said one time you went from 285-220.. you know how amazing that is? you mustve felt so much happier, lighter, and more positive. the focus and try to remember how you felt when you lost all that weight. convince yourself that you did it before, and you can do it again, but better.

    remember, optimism and enthusiasm.

    like i said i struggle through the things youre struggling through right now, most especially the patience and losing sight of the "big picture". sometimes when i imagine about the good things in my future, it entices me so much and motivates me even more to work harder, you know that "theres a light at the end of this tunnel feeling", then out of nowhere, it just suddenly stosp and i snack back to the present, and theres a little voice in my head that says "but youre still here". i mean, the voice doesnt say "youre never gonna get there" exactly, it just says that i CAN get there, but its gonna take time, and thats what upsets me because i have this inner spoiled brat that wants the best things right now without the hard work, but we all know thats far from the truth. but i choose to be more optimistic, im not an expert at it yet since i still get a lot of setbacks, but hey setbacks are only temporary.

    the late randy pausch said "brickwalls are there for a reason, they give us a chance to prove how badly we want things".. so be grateful for your brickwalls, because everytime you break one down, you a stronger person on the other side.

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