So, how DO you change and how DO you believe ?

bosanka · October 2010

There's a saying- If you do what you always do, you will get what you always got- something in that matter.

This is god knows my 150th time attempting to lose weight. I have been losing any where from 0 to 60 lbs- and gaining it all back again.

How do you make that " click " , how do you change the way you think. Not - just " eating right and exercise " but i mean like in your brain.. your feelings etc.

Yes- i'm exercising and i'm eating right- i know i'm " doing " the physical part. But how do you change your " mentality " about things-and actually believe in them - really belive ?

Why i'm not sure that i have changed - for example i still get super frustrated with the scale and i let it affect all my hard work- i can forget hours and hours of hard sweat and so many controled meals- in one second- the second i step on that stupid scale.
I feel i'm in a circle i just don't know how to get out of it. Read all the books out there- have so many " theories " but - don't know how to change.
If you used to be your own worse critic - if you used to always let your self down , if you don't know how to take a compliment and never really say " good job" and mean it - to yourself..

I say the words- but don't mean them.. i think " once " i get there.. - ( lose the weight ) something will happen to me and i will be happy and positiv and i will be proud of myself- but till i get there i just don't know how to deal with myself. I try to tell myself tha i have to learn to enjoy this trip to the goal, that it is all a part of my life, that i have to live today - and not " in the future " .. but again - somehow i'm just stuck in words and words- that i repeat but somehow can't really grasp ..

the ones of you who watch big. loser- - you know about the " emotional breakthrough " - so .. i'm thinking for months now - how can i get to the bottom of my problem. WHAT is my problem ?
I do have them. i do have " scars " from the past - related to my weight.. but i can't figure it out myself..

I had so many problems in my childhood- family-related .. hard times .. etc. So, did i have that many problems that " food " was my only escape , was food the only thing that made me feel safe and happy for a moment- or did all my problems come because of my food ? I don't know how to explain. I just don't know how many more times will i have to start and do stuff, but not really change from inside out- .. i don't know how to change. I don't know how to be positive, happy.. i don't know how to be proud of myself

No matter how much i do i'm not happy with it.

And - you all know the feeling- you work out all week , you pay attention to every detail - you step on that stupid scale and your heart just sinks.. i feel like my head starts spinning and so many emotions come up - i fight with tears- and no matter how many times i tell myself ' stay positive, no matter what the scale shows, don't let it affect you.. you did all you could " .. the moment i see the numbers - i can't help it.. it starts coming up " you didn't do nothing , you will stay fat for the rest of your life, if 6 -8 hours of working out in 5-6 days didn't help you to move 0,5 lbs .. or you even gained - why should you continue ? You have no clue what you doing.. you " think " you know- but you are just - fat you will always stay fat..

Here i go again.. i cry .. and i don't know how to get out of this

.. I want to change- but how do i make the transistion from empty words - that i keep repeating- hard work that i do but give up eventually - because i didn't learn how to BELIEVE in my own success.

(

amcmillan730 · October 2010

I feel like I just read something I would have written myself. I'm absolutely someone who never compliments herself, but can compliment others. And if people compliment me, I laugh and don't believe it anyway. I've started going to Zumba and Kickboxing in my gym. I've been going for about 2 months now... and while the scale isn't moving as much as I'd like it to... my kickboxing teacher notices differences in my strength. I kick and punch with more power than i did before... I make myself go do laps on the track instead of only dreading when she makes us go. I'm one of those people who needs praise from others to keep myself motivated, which when I think about it... sounds pathetic. While the scale isn't truly cooperating... I am finally starting to believe in my head and actually feel the compliments I'm getting, especially from a tough kickboxing instructor. Keep your head up. Find out what motivates you! It's different for every person. Find exercise you truly enjoy and look forward to. And maybe together we should throw the scales out the window

I'm proud of you for trying to make a difference. Some people talk about it... and never do anything. You're doing great!!!

suzikelley · October 2010

Have you thought about finding a good counselor? They seem to know how to get to the bottom of things and find the root of the problem. My heart ached for you as I read your post. I wish I had the magic words to help.. but I just don't. Saying "you're more than the a number on the scale" and really truly believing it are two totally different things. I get on the scale at least once a day... that's one of my biggest downfalls. But we really ARE more than the number on that scale! Think of how much healthier you are on the inside from working out and eating right... no matter what the scales says. (((hugs)))

tiffanyhd1 · October 2010

In order for you to really change you must stay positive. Don't beat yourself up everytime something goes wrong. Write down all the problems that you have and evaluate each one until you reach a positive outlook on all. If it didn't kill you it only made you stronger and you just haven't realized it yet. You can't change the way you think only the way you process what you think.. Don't give up on yourself if losing weight is something that you really want to accomplish. Just because the scale doesn't move doesn't mean you haven't lose weight. Try measuring yourself so that you can see the inches shrink when the scale doesn't change.. Working out makes the body gain muscle mass which makes you weigh heavier meaning it will seem as if you gained weight but you haven't. I encourage you to write down some positive sayings..remember them and say them everyday...You will have some bad days but don't let them get the best of you noone is perfect. If you can do something for 21 straight days it becomes a habit...so think positive, eat right and exercise and find someone or something that will be positive influences.. First and foremost know that you are beautiful no matter what , love yourself like no other, pray that God will give you strength and keep trying don't lose hope.. It will pay off in the end.. Nobody said it would be easy just know you can do it and it will pay off in the end. As long as you have negative actions you will get negative reactions. So remember stay positive...If you are of Christian faith try reading Joyce Meyers everyday Bible and also visit the website and read the material Encouragement in Difficult Times....I hope that I have helped..

yvienewton · October 2010

You have to keep in mind that EVERYONE goes off track (doesn't exercise for a week which leads to a month or has a really bad diet for a week). You just have to make yourself get back on track with your goals. I think if you look at it more on the long term side, that may help. This is not just a goal to reach, but a lifestyle to maintain your health. If you have children or are just around children, realize that you are an example to them.

Be honest with yourself. Surprisingly, and not, this seems to be one of the hardest things for people to do. Realize that you are the only person that can maintain your health. Support groups are great, but ultimately you are the one who needs to push yourself first.

Understand that while there are a million diets and different machines available, it ALL comes down to diet and exercise; there are NO shortcuts. Eat healthier and be more active. You don't have to cut out all the foods you love, but you absolutely have to limit the ones that are BAD. What you may think is not bad, maybe undoing your good. I hear and see SOOOOOO many people say, "Well, I had a salad for lunch", yet it LOADED with salad dressing, cheese, bacon, ham, pasta salad. My thought is SERIOUSLY???? Do you honestly think that what your eating is somewhat healthy? Why beacuse there are a few pieces of lettuce on your plate??? Again, it comes down to being HONEST with yourself. Sorry, I had to rant about that for a second because it drives me crazy!

Eating healthier will cost more, but being active doesn't have to. Start off slow, 1 or 2 times a week, and work up to at LEAST 3-5 times a week. ANYTHING is better than nothing, but you still have to push yourself. Jog around your block; do it in short spurts if necessary and walk in between to catch your breath. Don't make excuses for why you cannot do something, another pet peave of mine. If you are really out of shape, you need to realize that, yes it's probably going to be really hard and hurt until you get used to being active again. Your body breaks down the longer you are not active.

Best of luck on changing your lifestyle!

lessertess · October 2010

three thoughts

1 THROW AWAY THE SCALE. It is causing you a lot of unnecessary pain and exhausting you emotionally. It's not worth it. Keep doing all the right things and measure your success by how you feel and how your clothing fits.

2. Fake it. I know that sound ridiculous but there are numerous studies that have shown that when you smile and laugh, even if you don't feel happy, it triggers the release of seratonin, which improves your mood. Basically, your mood is self-fulfilling.

3. Seek couseling. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone that does not have any other agenda other than to listen to you and help you work through your problems.

best wishes

lina1131 · October 2010

I just stopped trying to figure out WTF my problem was and just started doing what I needed to do. Eventually, I started learning about my body, what it likes, what it doesn't like, what I need to nourish it with, what triggers my mind to want to eat badly, etc. It is most definitely a learning process and I have learned so much about myself and my body these past 15 months. I still step on the scale, but it does not control me. I was down to 161 1 week ago and this morning stepped on and was 165 (it's TOM, granted) but my reaction was "hmm what an *kitten* the scale is" stepped off and went about my normal life because I KNOW that I will get back down to 161. This has become my life. I don't know what to tell you in order for you to believe in yourself enough to treat your body properly and to cut yourself some slack, but when it happens, it feels so damn good. I am finally in control of my body. FINALLY. You will too...fake it until you make it.

logiesmom · October 2010

I am in the same boat as you are. I know exactly where you are coming from!! I don't feel I am in the best place to offer advice but just to let you know that there are people who are just like you and are struggling with the same issues. I keep waiting for my "emotional breakthrough" but it hasn't came yet. I often said when will I hit my rock bottom with this weight!! I'm just trying to do the best I can with what I have. I lean on people a lot. If you ever need to talk or just vent just add me as a friend. We can support each other through these difficult times.

championnfl · October 2010

How do you make that " click " , how do you change the way you think. Not - just " eating right and exercise " but i mean like in your brain.. your feelings etc.

This is not a lecture!....Just how I go about life!

1. Every goal you set for yourself always is first 90% mental...let me say that again...every goal or want is first accomplished in the brain[[[mental first!]..the other 10% is the actual doing it.
2. The mental part is so important because if you don't believe you can do it, YOU NEVER WILL!... AT TIMES ITS VERY DIFFICULT to change that mentality if you have never SEEN OR DONE IT BEFORE.
3. Start with waking up in the morning and saying to yourself, "THIS IS GOING TO BE A GREAT DAY"
4. Write your goals down on paper....READ them at least twice a day...if not more [I do this AM & PM ] This gets the brain to help solve the goal for you...PM, I read the goal right before going to bed...so you sleep on it all night,last positive thought before sleeping!
5. Ever heard these before, "Believe to Achieve" Make a plan, do the plan" " Your own worse enemy is yourself" Glass is half full, not half empty"always the darkest before the dawn.....many others. Positive thinking is important if you want to achieve! Suggestion...GO TO THE LIBRARY AND TAKE OUT positive thinking books and read them.
6. One last point consider watching a show called "Joel Osteen" half hour every Sunday,always up lifting and provides you with being your own best friend.[not enemy] On here 10AM Sunday on Fox,also shown on DISCOVERY Channel in AM.
7. Finally,do you surround yourself with positive people? Do they have your best interest at heart? & Are they positive? If any of these are not true, change your friends! Can't be what you want to be, if always around negative,no ambition,can't do attitude, & nonsuccessful friends! THIS IS HARD WHEN YOU GREW UP WITH SOME OF THEM!
Good luck,not easy, but can change your thinking, IF you want it bad enough.Put it on paper read it often>>>>[frig,desk,cell phone,tv,office,many other places..need to read it ,to do it. Add me as a friend if you want,...I AM Mr. Positive!!!!

P.S REREAD YOUR TOPIC, THEN READ MIND AGAIN,.... 5 TIMES TO LET SINK IN! Always around!

FitnessTim · October 2010

In my opinion there is one thing you are doing right and that is realizing that it is a mental and emotional challenge and not a physical one. We all have emotional baggage that stops us from being the person we want to be. I've had my struggles and while I still have a way to go I have made great progress with a few techniques that I've learned over the years.

1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: This sounds more complicated than it really easy. The concepts are simple but don't be fooled it is work.

2. Creative visualization: Another simple technique where you picture yourself as the person you want to be. Find a quiet place, relax and just visualize yourself as a confident and fit person. Imagine people complimenting you on your weight loss and imagine living the life you would live and how happy you would be.

3. Goal setting: WRITE DOWN YOUR GOALS! I can't stress that enough. That is what is great about this site is that they keep your goal in your face and they show you the progress you've made towards your goals.

Another thing to remember is that failure is always an option. It doesn't matter how many times you failed before you can always try again. Giving up is not an option.

You are not your weight. You just happen to be carrying extra body fat right now, but that is not what defines you as a person. You have to disassociate yourself with your weight problem and realize that it is just a problem that you need to work on.

Good luck and don't give up.

championnfl · October 2010

Very good input!

PJilly · October 2010

You are not your weight. You just happen to be carrying extra body fat right now, but that is not what defines you as a person. You have to disassociate yourself with your weight problem and realize that it is just a problem that you need to work on.

I agree. If you can appreciate and love yourself for you, that's half the battle. Weight loss will make you healthier and more fit, but it's not something magic that makes everything else all better. Love yourself and make the commitment to take better care of yourself. It was when I truly decided I wanted to take care of my health that I was finally successfully in taking — and keeping — the weight off.

Keep working on this. You are worth it, and you deserve it! :flowerforyou:

iamstaceywood · October 2010

I hear you (and Mac), I could have written that. I'm not sure what changed for me to make me serious this time but, im not joking. It's so different thist ime.
What keeps me going is that I love to learn and i just keep learning more and more and more about my body and calories in and out and protein and rest days and everything.
My suggestion to keep it off, do things you love. Eat foods you love. If you do these two simple things, why would you stop? Even if you want to eat that chocolate cake, it will all balance out, not be a slippery slope.
Good Luck!! (Everyone else had even better advice!)

Mamasota · October 2010

You will do it when you decide you deserve it. If you don't think you deserve it, figure out why not. If you love yourself, you will want the best for yourself. We tend to put everyone else first but we can't do the best for others if we aren't taking care of ourselves first. I can recommend this - say it out loud. Next time you are alone somewhere say I DESERVE TO BE HEALTHY - I DESERVE TO FEEL GOOD - I DESERVE TO LOOK GOOD etc. Self talk really does work. You may be able to convince yourself that you are a deserving person and then the will power and positive thoughts you need to succeed will follow. You deserve it.

superwmn · October 2010

You are me. I am you. We are simpatico in our struggle. PLEASE look at my profile and read my posts titled 'what I've learned since 2007' parts 1-5.

For YEARS I couldn't figure out why I couldn't stick with anything indefinitely. I figured I was flawed/didn't have the willpower/wasn't eating the right combination of foods/wasn't doing the right exercises...

I was the issue, but I was looking at my weight problem and so focused on THAT I was unable to see the true issue. WHY do I over eat? WHY do I escape into food? WHY am I desperate to transform? Desperate to be someone else?

For me the answer was simple:

I hated myself completely. 100%. HATED myself.

This abject hatred manifested itself in every problem I was blaming on my lack of willpower/love of food/laziness/etc. Sure, I had a weight problem, but that weight problem was the SECONDARY problem CAUSED by my self-hatred:

- I was desperate to transform so I would be loveable to the world. I needed THEIR approval because I did not have my own.
- I couldn't stop abusing food (binge eating and over eating) because the 'high' food gave me was the only joy I experienced in any given day.
- I beat myself up for not transforming quickly enough because I couldn't be this person for one more second. Living in my skin as myself was totally unbearable.
- I tortured myself in the gym and with my restrictive diets CERTAIN that was the only way to succeed. Certain this was what I deserved: torture.
- Hating myself and the comfort of food removed through restrictive dieting, it was only a matter of time before I relapsed into a binge.

You CAN decide to love yourself TODAY. I did and never looked back. I'm here if you need to talk.

Charmagne

megamom · October 2010

I think what has helped me the most the last few years was I learned to meditate. That doesn't sound like it is something that would make a difference. but there are many different types of meditations and I do one called mindful meditation twice a day that seems to focus me and over time has made me calmer and less critical of myself. Yu can find many samples on line for free and on you tube. Find one that connects with you and start doing it. Find one that is self motivating and focuses on enhancing self appreciation.

3 years ago when I first started thinking about losing weight and I looked into getting the lap band I developed a real sense of self hatred. I learned to meditate and start liking myself again. Learned how to be less critical of all my so called flaws and appreciate all my strengths. Meditating has helped me in all aspects of my life. Just a suggestion. Because I believe unless you really love the person you are you won't do all you can to help that person succeed. When I say I have made a life style change it is complete, from the mind out.

guardup · October 2010

I agree that a good therapist can make a HUGE difference in any situation where you feel like you are going 3 steps forward and 3 steps back again (or worse).

However, the cost of a therapist isn't within everyone's budget. So I would suggest a very good book that will start helping you to ask some important questions... and help you know when you are on the right track.

The book is called "Emotional Resilience" by David Viscott, MD. I am about half way through the book and have already drained 2 highlighters from all the points I want to come back to. I picked it up based on a recommendation from a therapist I know and it's amazing how much this author seems to see right into my head and heart.

It deals a LOT with unresolved pain from current and past relationships. At the very least, it can set you on a path and help start and internal dialog.

Good luck!
Meghan

bosanka · October 2010

Wow- i'm soooo touched to see so many great comments. I have read them And i will print them out - all of them - sit down with them and- reread them - think about it and try to take as many " lessons " and tips from you as i possibly can.

Amazing tips- that's all i can say. The support on this website is unbelieveble -

I will comment more- after i have read your comments in peace and with complete attention- because - again- they are great and i don't want to just " read it once and ' think- ok i know it now- no i think this tips are great and should be read more carefully .

I don't say that i have done anything about my problem so far- but i'm saying is you guys are giving me right directions.. it's hard allready as it is- but it would be devestating to learn that all the work was in the wrong direction- so i want to feel that i'm on the right track - and when you know that- eventually you will get to the finish goal- my problem was- i was never sure if i'm on the right track..

I mean - i have done this so many times allready- i've been " dieting " since i have been in the 1st grade.. so i have succeeded and failed - the same amount of times- i think it's not the " willpower " anymore- because i have proven to myself that i have been able to lose 60 lbs in about 15 months.. by myself.
It's not knowing the theories of kalories in /out.. i tried to explain that.
What made me think of this topic is- if you allready know all this stuff- why did you lose 60 lbs and managed to gain 40 of them again in a matter of 10 months ? What happened ? Why did you stop ? what made you stop ? Why didn't you finish - you were more than half way done- but something is holding you back ?

I'm not " only " trrying to figure out whats wrong with me- and sitting on the couch eating cookies and feeling sorry for myself.
That's not what i'm doing. I'm doing my part again. I want to figure out - why you stop- why you scared to finish.. i don't want to make the same mistake again. When i lost the 60 lbs- i have said so many times- if iknew how hard this was - i would probably not have done it.. and if iknew it would take this long, this much sweat and sacrifice- i would not have done it.

Well - guess what- i KNOW now- how hard it was- and it seemed like now it's even harder- but i'm digging. It only feels like i'm digging a sand tunnel with a tea spoon. For many years i have been trying to figure out how to exchange that tea spoon for a showel

or even if i stick to the teaspoon- how do i finish the tunnel - why do i get to the middle of it and than turn back to where i came from ? I have done it too many times.

I guess councling wouldn't hurt.
I don't know where to find it ? Is that something you have to go through your insurance with ? or you pay out of pocket ? .. don't know where to start with that.... but i defenetiley think - i would benefit from some one on one time

OK - Now enoug of me.. thank you for the great comments and advice .. I will add you to my friend list - like some of you said- you need positive people arround you.. and i have thought about that for some time now- it's not easy to detach yourself from some people - they don't have to be " bad " - but they are just not someone that you can benefit from - or they just make you feel bad - I need friends that will make me feel good about myself. I miss that.

soze · October 2010

I'm not one to give advice here. I weigh 350 lbs. I cannot believe it. However, what I am doing is pretty much the same as most of you. I'm not looking for short cuts so its the old fashion way for me, exercise and diet. I just recently passed all 4 sections of the cpa exam. That test is tough. I then started thinking that if I put the same effort into losing weight I will be okay.

I've had to give up some things, Chocolate Milk and Peanut Butter. Lordy I love chocolate milk. So far the really difficult thing has been hunger pangs late at night. I think that tells a story! My routine must be to eat late at night. I just didn't realize it until I started counting calories and my body started hollering at me.

I keep my weight posted on my fridge. Each time I lose I repost it and strike through the previous weight. I just joined Myfitnesspal tonight. I actually started Monday and have lost 4 lbs since I weighed myself Tuesday. I know I won't lose that fast after a while so I'm preparing myself for that.

My goal is simple. I want to be in great shape to play golf next year. My weight just gets in the way.

edorice · October 2010

273 lbs was my highest weight back in November. I became sick and tired of being sick and tired. I got fed up with disliking myself. Losing has turned into a healthy obsession for me. What is different this time is that I'm FEEDING my mind. I'm feeding it with knowledge from:
The Dr. Oz Show
The Biggest Loser
Too Fat for Fifteen
Thintervention

I'm feeding my mind with as much weight loss that I can. I read health and fitness books and subscribe to Women's Health Magazine.

This is WAR for me. All the crap that is fed to us in fast food restaurant, ridiculous portion sizes at sit-down restaurants, fast food restaurants at every corner, coworkers bringing in cake and candy...i have set it into my mind that this is war. And NO MORE.

That is how I've made this time different. This is what makes me stronger each day.

theGODwithin · October 2010

oh man i can relate to you in countless ways. i have been overweight for most of my life as well. i was 220 lbs during my sophomore year and from that point it was just pure self neglect and 250 was my peak at 19 years old. i also struggled with emotional issues concerning bad self image, social awkwardness, lack of support from family, and introvertedness. i grew up being very pessimistic and having irrational beliefs about myself and my world. but hey, now im working on it.

when you said something about "till i get there, i dont know how to deal with myself", that is SOOO me! i mean, 19 years of self neglect, i want nothing else but a complete overhaul of my life, and even though i know for a fact that weight loss and turning your life around for the better is a long and gradual process, i still struggle to stay patient and grateful for the good things already going on around me. it just sucks having to remember that 60 lbs takes about 5-ish months to lose and im thinking to myself "oh damn 50 months? think of the great times i could be missing out on.." and the worst part is whenever i think about my dreams, sometimes it makes me even more impatient. i guess its because the more i fantasize about my dreams, the more it entices me and makes me want it NOW. but after all that, im determined to be more optimistic and change the way i look at things.

i think most of your problem (and also mine) is just your outlook on life. just keep thinking that you can absolutely grow from every situation you face. the positive lesson is always there, even if you dont see it right off the bat. remember, we cant change the cards we are dealt, but we can CHOOSE how to play them. life is neutral, its how you see it that determines if its good, or bad. your negativity towards yourself is literally sabotaging you and driving you farther from your goals. when you say to yourself "stay positive" youre not actually becoming optimistic because you have an inner voice repelling those things you say.. you gotta shut that inner voice up.

im kinda getting the feeling that your doing workouts that bore you to death because you did mention that no matter how hard you try, you end up trashing hard work whenever you step on the scale. you should do some research on some programs that youll enjoy doing and maximize your results. ralph waldp emerson once said, "nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm". enthusiasm actually means "the god within" (HINT HINT! MY NAME). so you gotta unleash that GOD within you. not the God of religion, but the God meaning that powerful, strong, unstoppable, courageous, and immortal entity within you. try to find something thats a little challenging and something that takes commitment and everytime you start it, try to talk to it (the program), and just say "bring it! you cant hurt steel b*tch" or something like that hahaha!

now when i tell you this stuff.. im not implying that im some kind of motivational speaker whos perfected the art of optimism. im also struggling to embed these empowering beliefs into my head because i also drown in impatience and self doubt once in a while. but those are the things ive learned from reading self help articles online and im just passing them onto you. but id be more than happy to join you in your journey to change your physical and emotional life.

pickthebrain.com
lifeoptimizer.com
youtube search: david childerely eft

^^ those links will help you tons as it helped me. good luck and have fun!!!

toots99 · October 2010

I'm saving this to read when I'm not dead tired!

ThePhatMan · October 2010

I WISH I KNEW!!!! Good Luck

bosanka · October 2010

Thanks

Well- while i was reading your comment " theGodwithin" - one thing i've realized.

You said- something like - it takes about 50ish months to lose 60 lbs. ( and that's if we are lucky and don't have a stubborn platoe:) ..
But on the other side- how many months have i been living in this self-hatred-had i-only stuck to it -last year would-have been-done buy now - situation ?

I mean - 12 months' a year- that's hm.. about 4 some years we are talking here. .. And i have been " super fat " since about 2002- that's - 8 years- so i had about " 3 " y ears extra to get it done with.. and i didn't.- because it just seemed tooo hard, tooo l ong.. etc- but see now- the time has passed nevertheless- the only difference is- i didn't make a difference. I'm still fat. And that was my choice- Every time i had seen progress i backed out.. every time i lost weight - i gave up-

I don't think i'm missing willpower- .

i'm missing endurence - and patience. I have been losing the big picture out of my sight because the obstacle ( scale ) would get in my way- and i would give it so much attention - that i would loose the big picture.

Don't want to do that again. I know it's easy to say now while i still have motivation, and still have some energy and figting spirit in me- but when i get trapped in the same " tests' _ i hope i will remember all this - at that time. So far i was not able to pass the test of .. ' keep going - till the end, don't stop in the middle of the way "

Another thing someone previousy mentioned- is - YES i do need other people to approve of me- in this point. I need other people to " notice " to give me compliments ( even though i don't know how to take them but i like to hear them ) .. I need the " wow factor " - and the first time when i actually started going down from 285 to 220 i had the " wow factor " everyone was amazed - people couldn't recognize me- and than - the " wow " factor stopped coming - because i didn't lose any more. I was stuck for over 6 months - i just couldn't get below that 220 no matter what i tried. Increased exercise, played with kcls- etc- but it just wouldn't move.. and eventually i l ost motivation - because it was super disappointing - every single night killing myself with workouts, counting every calorie- and week after week it was 220, 221, 223, 220, 224.. 220.. i just couldn't get it done it felt like coursed to me.. and i lost it - i stoped going to Weight watchers.. i started slacking- and the weight came back on.

Yes there are " envious " people out there- some of them we tend to even call friends- and when the 285 came down to 250ish every one was " happy " for me.. after that.. the big " yaaay.. turned into .. Oh.. if you keep going like that you will look better than me ( yes - i had that comment one time ) .. " if you lose any more weight you will be a danger in our circle ) .. i heard it all - bla bla -.. so the encouragment somehow switched into negativity - or .. the people stopped complimenting me.

The people i was relying on, the people that were very close to me- once i did all the work and everyone pretended like not noticing- i started doubting myself- uhm.. i just lost 5 lbs .. and since the last t ime she saw me i have lost another 15.. is she really not noticing anything ? hmm.. guess.. i'm too fat that 15 lbs would make a difference you can notice ..

See- this is what " wrong " crowd can do to you. And see- just talking to you guys here - made me realize this stuff- just 15 minutes ago - i was not aware of this.. it just somehow came out .. it helps to talk ..

until now i have been carring this stuff in me- not beeing abl eto talk about it - because how can i talk to my friends about it- they are the ones that somehow- intentionally or not- hurt me- i don't see myself go to them and say " hey girls- can you please give me s ome co mpliments, i need them, i have no self esteem since all of you are skinny - and i'm the fat one- can you have some sympathy here but honest , sincere.. not the type " oh girl.. that's ok you look good in it, .. oh you have such a pretty face and your skin ( noticing- they switched the subject from clothes /outfit to my pretty face and skin? - it's like that all the time.. " you are a great person- don't worry so much about your looks ( 10 minutes later .. same person .. weighing 150 lbs ) .. daaang.. my jeans don't fit me anymore.. i guess i have to start exercising again, can you believe i'm now in size 8 ???

See- you see.. this's why i feel like screaming and crying and just running away - and i guess this is why i shut down - and isolated myself- it was easier to be with my own pain- allone than to keep adding more pain from others - like salt to injury..

I guess- it wasn't the right decision to " shut myself and isolate " - - the right decision would have been - seeking the positive crowd that makes me feel better.

shish.. i almost sound like " i'm giving a lecture here " - i hope you guys don't take it like that- i'm more like having a loud conversation with myself here.. it brings things out of me i wasn't aware of .. or was to scared to admit ? ..

hope i dont bug you all.. but i guess you are all here as good as a consultation

You make me think of stuff.. so .. keep it coming .

gillleeman · October 2010

bump

Kate_UK · October 2010

I think what has helped me the most the last few years was I learned to meditate. That doesn't sound like it is something that would make a difference. but there are many different types of meditations and I do one called mindful meditation twice a day that seems to focus me and over time has made me calmer and less critical of myself. Yu can find many samples on line for free and on you tube. Find one that connects with you and start doing it. Find one that is self motivating and focuses on enhancing self appreciation.

3 years ago when I first started thinking about losing weight and I looked into getting the lap band I developed a real sense of self hatred. I learned to meditate and start liking myself again. Learned how to be less critical of all my so called flaws and appreciate all my strengths. Meditating has helped me in all aspects of my life. Just a suggestion. Because I believe unless you really love the person you are you won't do all you can to help that person succeed. When I say I have made a life style change it is complete, from the mind out.

I was going to suggest meditation too. Its a wonderful tool, and letting your mind just 'be' a few times a week helps you to look at problem from fesh angles and find new ways to work through them.

Good luck.:flowerforyou:

theGODwithin · October 2010

yes see? you had the answer inside you all along. although its easier said than done, its miles from impossible. youre right about "friends" not wanting you to improve or grow because it makes THEM uncomfortable and obsolete than you.. but the next time you hear bs like that, just say in your head "then i WILL look better than you, i WILL make you obsolete" with conviction.

ive had friends like that in dance.. they started noticing that my freestyling was getting better than theirs then all of a sudden they say "oh dont waste your time freestyling just choreograph or take classes".. then i said to myself "alright then the next time we battle ill bash your head in (figuratively).

you just gotta appreciate your successes. you said one time you went from 285-220.. you know how amazing that is? you mustve felt so much happier, lighter, and more positive. the focus and try to remember how you felt when you lost all that weight. convince yourself that you did it before, and you can do it again, but better.

remember, optimism and enthusiasm.

like i said i struggle through the things youre struggling through right now, most especially the patience and losing sight of the "big picture". sometimes when i imagine about the good things in my future, it entices me so much and motivates me even more to work harder, you know that "theres a light at the end of this tunnel feeling", then out of nowhere, it just suddenly stosp and i snack back to the present, and theres a little voice in my head that says "but youre still here". i mean, the voice doesnt say "youre never gonna get there" exactly, it just says that i CAN get there, but its gonna take time, and thats what upsets me because i have this inner spoiled brat that wants the best things right now without the hard work, but we all know thats far from the truth. but i choose to be more optimistic, im not an expert at it yet since i still get a lot of setbacks, but hey setbacks are only temporary.

the late randy pausch said "brickwalls are there for a reason, they give us a chance to prove how badly we want things".. so be grateful for your brickwalls, because everytime you break one down, you a stronger person on the other side.

So, how DO you change and how DO you believe ?

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