My family wants me to stay fat...
qpmomma1
Posts: 220 Member
Hello. I am starting week 2 of watching what I eat and working out. The only person in my family who is supportive is my mom who lost over 100 lbs herself. My entire family is overweight. I myself am 20 lbs overweight. I would like to lose 30lbs of fat, but I also want to build muscle.
My husband is also overweight. He says he doesn't want me to lose weight because I am beautiful the way I am. Since we have been together I have gained these 30 lbs. He's also insecure because he's afraid I am going to lose weight and then leave him. He told me this.
The rest of my family, friends, and coworkers also say I am "skinny" and are "worried" about me losing weight. I don't get it. No, I am not obese like a lot of them are, but I am overweight. I don't want to get obese. That's one reason I am doing this. I also want to feel better physically and emotionally. I tell everyone "I am not doing this for you, I am doing this for me."
I don't know why my family and friends aren't more supportive of me wanting to get healthy! Everyone wants me to stay fat!
My husband is also overweight. He says he doesn't want me to lose weight because I am beautiful the way I am. Since we have been together I have gained these 30 lbs. He's also insecure because he's afraid I am going to lose weight and then leave him. He told me this.
The rest of my family, friends, and coworkers also say I am "skinny" and are "worried" about me losing weight. I don't get it. No, I am not obese like a lot of them are, but I am overweight. I don't want to get obese. That's one reason I am doing this. I also want to feel better physically and emotionally. I tell everyone "I am not doing this for you, I am doing this for me."
I don't know why my family and friends aren't more supportive of me wanting to get healthy! Everyone wants me to stay fat!
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Replies
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Will your husband not go to the gym with you? If you feed him the same things you're eating, he'll start to lose a little and I'll bet his mind would change.0
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I have invited him to the gym. He struggles with his weight and gets mad at himself. Last year he lost 75 lbs then stopped losing and got frustrated and stopped. I was supportive of him although I wasn't ready to get healthy myself. I hope he does go with me sometime. I would love to do this with him.0
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Your husband hit the nail on the head. He's insecure that you might change and become better than him. So is everybody else who looks at you as already smaller than them. If you need to lose weight, then they need to lose weight, and that makes them unhappy. You improving yourself reflects poorly on them, so they want to drag you down to their level.
Talk to your mother and see how she handled the pressure, or if she still has to deal with it.
Talk to your husband. There are a wide variety of ways to remind him that only he will get some of the special added benefits of you becoming more healthy.
Everybody else can go fornicate with a duck.0 -
It sounds like insecurity on their part. If they see you being proactive and actually doing something - it is confronting for them and their continued inertia. I hope their negativity and lack of support does not suck the enthusiasm out of you.
If you need support than MFP will be an oasis for you. There are plenty of people here who will love to be your friend, be there for when you stumble and cheer you on with your every success. And at the moment, putting one foot in front of the other with maintaining your health and well-being objectives is success in itself. Keep going with your great efforts.
What you are embarking on is truly revolutionary and will be for your long term health and happiness.
I wish you every success.
kind regards,
Ben0 -
Talk to your mom as often as possible. Let her be your rock through this. Talk to her about your frustrations and ask her to hold you accountable
As for your husband, it sounds like I read about those fears often on these type of posts. I don't know why he would fear you leaving him, but he really needs to come to terms with his insecurities. I really don't have the answers on how to make that happen because there are so many factors that could be involved. Maybe counseling?
My friends and coworkers also tell me I'm crazy for wanting to lose and be healthy. I am also about 20lbs overweight and my goals are to lose and tone. I get picked on all the time being told that I am reading too much into my own body and that I am fine the way I am. The issue is they may be fine with who I am, but they don't have to live in my body. I'm not ok having bat wings under my arms, because that was starting to happen. I am not ok with the over hang I have in my tummy from kids and surgery. I am not ok with the muffin top I sometimes experience no matter what jeans I wear. That's just the physical side of things. I'm not ok with not being able to keep up with my kids. I am not ok with feeling weak all the time. There are so many reasons. Find your reasons and keep those in mind. If you have to, make little notes to yourself on sticky notes and leave them in places you will see them each day reminding you what you want out of this. I wish you the best! If you would like, feel free to add me as a friend. I love motivating those on my friend's list.0 -
They're just projecting their insecurities onto you, the important thing is YOU are happy with what you look like. If you want to lose weight, do it. Also you should inspire your husband to be healthier, so he'll feel more secure in the relationship, just don't be too excessive and overt about it, you don't want to destroy his confidence if he's already feeling insecure. Maybe you could talk to him and explain that you want to lose weight and obtain your goal aesthetic because you want to feel beautiful to yourself, it has nothing to do with him or anyone else.0
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Just curious...what are your stats? Maybe you hide those 20 lbs so well they just don't see what you see.
I had a boyfriend who kept joking that I was going to leave him for a guy named "Jim." (Jim=gym, get it?) Lots of guys are insecure about that, especially if they don't feel so good about how they look. It's frustrating, but it's their problem, not yours.
Like others have said, talk to your mom about your weight loss stuff, and keep it to yourself otherwise.
Sorry I don't have any good advice...best of luck!0 -
It amazes me how many women have unsupportive husbands or bf's when it comes to losing weight and getting healthy. The idea that you will leave him cause you look better and feel better about yourself has to come from some deep insecurities. Hopefully seeing you make positive changes will inspire him to do the same. But be prepared that you may just have to go after your goals without much family support. Thats where mfp can be a source of positive inspiration. It would be better if you had support, but all you need is a belief in yourself to be successful! Anyone Feel free to add me as a encouraging friend if you want0
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My mom and I are going to go to the gym together so I have someone to do this with. I am very proud of my mom and she is my inspiration.
My husband's ex-wife ended up cheating on him and leaving him when she lost weight. I know that's where his insecurities come from. I am trying to show him that when I feel beautiful about myself I feel more intimate. I am very careful to tell people I am not trying to lose weight, I am trying to get healthy (when they ask).
I have a lot of reasons for doing this and all of them are for me.0 -
Families are like this. If they're loving and functional, they love you the way you are and don't want you to change. If they're dysfunctional, they don't want you to improve. Usually, there's a little of both. You have to do what is best for you. If you can get your husband involved, for his own health, great! However, you can do this alone if you need to, and you don't have to tell your family.0
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as i've approached my goal, people have told me i don't need to lose weight. but i'm under doctor's orders to lose 40 lbs, i just happen to almost be there. quitting now doesn't make sense after getting this far. when they argue my continued goal, they compare my size to their own. i'm where they want to be (those who have said it, who are 50+ lbs overweight). it's not that they want me to be fat. they just think i'm at "their" personal goal already. it's a personal choice for me to follow the doctor's orders and make do on my promise.0
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Thank you all for your advice and input! I think I needed this support today.
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as i've approached my goal, people have told me i don't need to lose weight. but i'm under doctor's orders to lose 40 lbs, i just happen to almost be there. quitting now doesn't make sense after getting this far. when they argue my continued goal, they compare my size to their own. i'm where they want to be (those who have said it, who are 50+ lbs overweight). it's not that they want me to be fat. they just think i'm at "their" personal goal already. it's a personal choice for me to follow the doctor's orders and make do on my promise.
I didn't think of it like that. Thank you.0 -
You mentioned that your husband lost 75lbs last year? So this means he "gets" it - so there is hope :-) .Maybe he just needs to find his own independent way to restart, and then become supportive again. Was he on MFP or similar? This type of site is good for figuring out and breaking plateaus.0
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You mentioned that your husband lost 75lbs last year? So this means he "gets" it - so there is hope :-) .Maybe he just needs to find his own independent way to restart, and then become supportive again. Was he on MFP or similar? This type of site is good for figuring out and breaking plateaus.
No, he just did it himself. He watched what he ate and worked out a little. He used to go to the gym a lot when he was younger.0 -
Why I want to get in shape
1) To be healthy and get my IBS under control.
2) To be a better role model for my daughter and step daughter.
3) To wear cute clothes again and feel attractive.
4) To be healthier when we have another baby.
That's what you wrote on your profile page. Say this to those who are telling you you are fine. It's not always about getting skinny, it's about health. Just because you look good the way you are doesn't mean you are as healthy as you can be.0 -
Co-workers like negativity, at least where I worked for many years. So, when the additional weight is off, you might here "she thinks she is hot now". And you will be, so some will be jealous. Just keep on smiling. All my 3 husbands and I did things separately,kind of thing for us boomers.0
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My favourite quote: Just do it!!0
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Hello. I am starting week 2 of watching what I eat and working out. The only person in my family who is supportive is my mom who lost over 100 lbs herself. My entire family is overweight. I myself am 20 lbs overweight. I would like to lose 30lbs of fat, but I also want to build muscle.
My husband is also overweight. He says he doesn't want me to lose weight because I am beautiful the way I am. Since we have been together I have gained these 30 lbs. He's also insecure because he's afraid I am going to lose weight and then leave him. He told me this.
The rest of my family, friends, and coworkers also say I am "skinny" and are "worried" about me losing weight. I don't get it. No, I am not obese like a lot of them are, but I am overweight. I don't want to get obese. That's one reason I am doing this. I also want to feel better physically and emotionally. I tell everyone "I am not doing this for you, I am doing this for me."
I don't know why my family and friends aren't more supportive of me wanting to get healthy! Everyone wants me to stay fat!
You need to do what is best for your health, peace of mind. self-esteem and happiness. You are not hurting anybody by taking better care of yourself. Focus on what is important to you and not on other people's insecurities and hang ups. This is not about them.0 -
Why I want to get in shape
1) To be healthy and get my IBS under control.
2) To be a better role model for my daughter and step daughter.
3) To wear cute clothes again and feel attractive.
4) To be healthier when we have another baby.
That's what you wrote on your profile page. Say this to those who are telling you you are fine. It's not always about getting skinny, it's about health. Just because you look good the way you are doesn't mean you are as healthy as you can be.
I think I am going to print them out and keep it with me and look at it. These motivate me a lot.0 -
And people in Hell want ice water. Do what you need to do. Their issues with it is their problem.0
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I say do what you need to do for you. But, geez, I still think it's a little better than the other side.
My sister is the first one to snap something away with a sneer and howl of, 'YOU CAN"T HAVE THAT!"
:grumble: Girl please, you don't know what I can or can't have or what I've already planned into my meals for the day.
Jealousy of watching someone eat two large pieces of pizza and still lose weight gnaws at some people.
I hate food police.
Luckily my SO is the complete opposite, 100% kind and supportive of whatever I want to do for me. He is naturally fit and not deeply worried about me being fat or slender, as long as I'm okay with health conditions under control.
I think just reassuring your husband that you love him will help. Few things reassure a man better than lovin's! So, you have your mission should you choose to accept it. :smooched:
As for the rest of your family, unless you live with them or visit them constantly, try not to worry too much about the opinions that would stall your progress. Compared to them, you're probably where they'd like to be, and they aren't, so like everyone else said, it's their own insecurities. It's their problem, not yours.0 -
Your husband hit the nail on the head. He's insecure that you might change and become better than him. So is everybody else who looks at you as already smaller than them. If you need to lose weight, then they need to lose weight, and that makes them unhappy. You improving yourself reflects poorly on them, so they want to drag you down to their level.
Talk to your mother and see how she handled the pressure, or if she still has to deal with it.
Talk to your husband. There are a wide variety of ways to remind him that only he will get some of the special added benefits of you becoming more healthy.
Everybody else can go fornicate with a duck.
THIS. Especially the last line.0 -
I feel you, I am currently going through the same thing with my own husband. I had a baby in January and haven't had the time or motivation to try and lose the weight until just recently. Don't get me wrong, she's definitely worth the extra pounds, but I miss my pre-pregnancy clothes and weight. Just do it for yourself, you can even be sneaky about it and start integrating healthier foods into your diet. That's what I'm doing
. After all, he can either eat or starve lol 0 -
I feel you, I am currently going through the same thing with my own husband. I had a baby in January and haven't had the time or motivation to try and lose the weight until just recently. Don't get me wrong, she's definitely worth the extra pounds, but I miss my pre-pregnancy clothes and weight. Just do it for yourself, you can even be sneaky about it and start integrating healthier foods into your diet. That's what I'm doing. After all, he can either eat or starve lol
I hear ya. I only gained 15 lbs when I was pregnant. I was so sick I couldn't eat. After having her I went crazy and ate like a pig. However, I breastfed so I could eat bad food and got down to my pre-pregnancy weight quickly. Then she stopped breastfeeding and I kept eating junk........now I'm overweight. I am not going to make that mistake again.0 -
Why I want to get in shape
1) To be healthy and get my IBS under control.
2) To be a better role model for my daughter and step daughter.
3) To wear cute clothes again and feel attractive.
4) To be healthier when we have another baby.
That's what you wrote on your profile page. Say this to those who are telling you you are fine. It's not always about getting skinny, it's about health. Just because you look good the way you are doesn't mean you are as healthy as you can be.
I think I am going to print them out and keep it with me and look at it. These motivate me a lot.
Exactly! (y)0 -
Everybody else can go fornicate with a duck.
My sentiments exactly. Change is hard. Don't worry about everyone else, worry about you. When your effort and success starts to show, others may join you, such as your hubby. Otherwise...NMFP. (not my f***ing problem)
S/N: On a personal level, I will share that working out with my husband has been as good for our health as it has been for our sex life.
:smooched: :devil: :smokin:
SERIOUSLY. If that doesn't het the DH off the couch...well, I have no words for you at that point. :huh:0 -
It's not about you. Just remember that when they're being unsupportive and selfish.0
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Don't tell them. Just do it. It's a private thing anyway.0
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Okay, my mother has never been supportive of my weight loss. Like yesterday I bought new jeans, I'm down to a US size 8. I think its been at least 15 years since I was in single digit clothing. I literally cried in the fitting room, happy tears of joy and shock. I was so happy that I told my mom and showed her my new clothes. First she said, "Yea right and I'm a twinkie!". I said no I really am a size 8 now and then excitingly pulled my jeans out of the bag and showed her. She immediately tugged on the jean fabric, saw that it had a little stretch to them and stated, "you bought stretch jeans, that why you can get them on." I didn't get a congrats or good job, she just ignored me and went back to watching TV. People can just be so rude and harsh. I just ignore it and don't let it get me down0
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