Kind of a serious topic, stalker at work.....

nyla2120
nyla2120 Posts: 370 Member
in Chit-Chat
So I work for a cosmetics company in a department store. Several months back I helped this one customer who from the very beginning made me feel very uncomfortable. She wanted to get a new foundation & powder, so I sat her down & applied some to her face to make sure I found her the best match for her skin. Well, normally when I do this on someone they look straight ahead or stare off into space whatever. This girl looked me straight in the eyes the whole entire time, it just felt so intrusive & uncomfortable. Then out of nowhere she just started drilling me with personal questions about my life. Even after our transaction was finished she kept trying to talk to me & hang out out the counter. She finally left but every few weeks she comes back to get products & it's always with the staring & personal questions. Even if she just wants something quick like a lipstick, she is always just asking me questions about myself & looking at me in this strange way. I know some people are friendly & talkative, but the way she acts goes beyond it. It like done in an obsessive way. Well about 2 weeks ago she came by the counter, I helped her with a product & then she asked me for one of my cards (which has my name on it). Well she left & my day went on. About 2 -3 days later these phone calls started. If I picked up the phone the person would hang up, if someone else picked up the phone she would ask if I was there & they would tell her I was then she would hang up. Then she called & asked one of my coworkers for my exact work schedule & they luckily told her that they can't give out that information. She has been calling every day asking if I am there, yet she doesn't want to be put on the phone with me. It's like she is trying to know where I am at all times or something. I don't know what she wants or why she is doing this. My biggest fear is that she is in the store watching me without me knowing or that one day she will be waiting in the parking lot for me. All my coworkers & manager are aware of the situation. But I don't know her name or anything about her other than what she looks like. I have talked to the police about it & since she hasn't threatened me or anything there is nothing that can be done. They just gave me the typical advice like having someone walk me to my car when I leave, make sure nobody is following me etc. I am just so angry & frustrated! I feel so helpless & I don't know what to do. Has anyone been in a similar situation? What did you do?
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Replies

  • nyla2120
    nyla2120 Posts: 370 Member
    38303374.jpg

    Bye
  • IntoTheSunset
    IntoTheSunset Posts: 25
    I think maybe you should confront this stalker. Call her out and put her on the spot. It takes a bit of guts to let someone know to their face that they're seriously creeping you out but it might embarrass her into backing off. ( Maybe clear that with your manager first though since it seems likely you'd have to confront her during work hours) Sometimes the best way to deal with an uncomfortable situation is just to face it head on.

    The absolute worst thing that could happen would be that she might act like you're the crazy one. But if the situation is that troublesome, it might be worth the risk of feeling a little stupid.

    Calling and asking for your work schedule is way past the boundary of normal behavior though.
  • pawnstarNate
    pawnstarNate Posts: 1,728 Member
    Is she hot? next.....do not and I mean DO NOT watch this 1992 film.
    SingleWhiteFemale.jpg
  • Naomi0504
    Naomi0504 Posts: 964 Member
    I agree with confronting her in some way. Or having several people around when she comes by. That whole thing is just weird, the staring at you while doing her makeup, geez :-/
  • nyla2120
    nyla2120 Posts: 370 Member
    I think maybe you should confront this stalker. Call her out and put her on the spot. It takes a bit of guts to let someone know to their face that they're seriously creeping you out but it might embarrass her into backing off. ( Maybe clear that with your manager first though since it seems likely you'd have to confront her during work hours) Sometimes the best way to deal with an uncomfortable situation is just to face it head on.

    The absolute worst thing that could happen would be that she might act like you're the crazy one. But if the situation is that troublesome, it might be worth the risk of feeling a little stupid.

    Calling and asking for your work schedule is way past the boundary of normal behavior though.

    I agree with confronting her. She hasn't show herself in my department since the calls started. But if I see her I will definitely ask her about it & make sure my manager is around to be a witness in case she does try to turn it around on me.
  • WeepingAngel81
    WeepingAngel81 Posts: 2,232 Member
    I think maybe you should confront this stalker. Call her out and put her on the spot. It takes a bit of guts to let someone know to their face that they're seriously creeping you out but it might embarrass her into backing off. ( Maybe clear that with your manager first though since it seems likely you'd have to confront her during work hours) Sometimes the best way to deal with an uncomfortable situation is just to face it head on.

    The absolute worst thing that could happen would be that she might act like you're the crazy one. But if the situation is that troublesome, it might be worth the risk of feeling a little stupid.

    Calling and asking for your work schedule is way past the boundary of normal behavior though.

    I agree with confronting her. She hasn't show herself in my department since the calls started. But if I see her I will definitely ask her about it & make sure my manager is around to be a witness in case she does try to turn it around on me.

    This is probably your best bet, but I wouldn't let my gaurd down for a while even after confronting her. That whole situation is just creepy! Hopefully your manager backs you up on this.
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
    that is some freaky ****. do you have security in your store? I would have someone pull her picture up from the surveillance video and give it to security and the cops. that is what I did when we had this girl who stole stuff from my store all the time and when I finally caught her in the act she made some pretty serious threats and hit my manager on the head with her purse. way different situation but they caught her over at the mall a couple weeks later stealing more stuff. that is some pretty weird behavior though.... good luck.
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
    very long shot but are you dating or married, could she possibly be someone involved with your significant other if you have one? Then she might wanna know where you are all the time. Long shot I know but wanted to give you another possible angle. I agree with the confronting, You need to RECORD it though if at all possible, have a coworker secretly start recording if she come around or at least be ready to if you need to.
  • RockinTerri
    RockinTerri Posts: 499 Member
    I agree - confront her.

    One question though - you stated you don't know her name at all. Does she pay with either a check or a credit card? Or does she always pay in cash? If it's the first one, maybe pull records of payment history (even if your store doesn't have it on file, you should be able to access the info through your bank or merchant service).
  • QuincyChick
    QuincyChick Posts: 269 Member
    very long shot but are you dating or married, could she possibly be someone involved with your significant other if you have one? Then she might wanna know where you are all the time.

    This was my first thought too.
  • LauraElectric
    LauraElectric Posts: 51 Member
    very long shot but are you dating or married, could she possibly be someone involved with your significant other if you have one? Then she might wanna know where you are all the time. Long shot I know but wanted to give you another possible angle. I agree with the confronting, You need to RECORD it though if at all possible, have a coworker secretly start recording if she come around or at least be ready to if you need to.

    That was my first thought but didn't feel brave enough to say!
  • Beautifulreflections
    Beautifulreflections Posts: 86 Member
    very long shot but are you dating or married, could she possibly be someone involved with your significant other if you have one? Then she might wanna know where you are all the time. Long shot I know but wanted to give you another possible angle. I agree with the confronting, You need to RECORD it though if at all possible, have a coworker secretly start recording if she come around or at least be ready to if you need to.

    Funny...kinda my first thought too. Why call to see if your at work to NOT come by?
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
    So, you have someone that is a repeat customer and will basically buy anything from you every few weeks? The only issue is they make you feel uncomfortable and are trying to invade your life.

    Just up sell her on everything and make a few extra bucks for some personal protection.
  • prosperkat
    prosperkat Posts: 59 Member
    Start documenting everything about her, include time and dates of when any contact happened, the names of coworkers who talked to her, etc. If the situation continues to develop those details will help you get help.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    I know the police can't do anything, but it is good that you have at least contacted them and placed a report. I do think you should continue to contact them as needed. As much as you can try to record and have documentation. Unfortunately the police can't do anything until something bad has already happened, but if you at least have it set up that if something were to happen that you would be able to defend yourself as best as possible, get away, and go to the police with the ability to do something about it (because her identity is known, it's been documented, and it was reported right away). Don't park your car far from the mall. Have someone always walk with you to your car. I would confront her in a public space just to inform her that you know she is stalking you and that the police know as well. Take self defense. Sorry, I really don't know what to do and do not have great advice. These are just some thoughts and potential ideas. That does sound creepy. I mean sometimes teenagers do weird stuff like that, but this is very odd behavior for an adult (it's the phone calls that make it creepy).
  • VelvetMorning
    VelvetMorning Posts: 398 Member
    That's really messed up. Do they have recordings of this woman on the store's security footage? If she's phoning you and hanging up that is REALLY weird. If you can figure out her name you can get an injunction.
  • SkinnyFatAlbert
    SkinnyFatAlbert Posts: 482 Member
    Just break up.
  • MagicalLeopleurodon
    MagicalLeopleurodon Posts: 623 Member
    Get your CCL. If you see her outside of work-you make sure EVERYONE in that area hears it. Tell everyone you know to keep an eye out for her-and if she makes you uncomfortable-get a coworker to help her.
  • ShaSimone
    ShaSimone Posts: 270 Member
    Definitely record your next encounter with this lady, either in person or on the phone. She doesn't seem to be bold enough to actually be upfront with her intent. My advise would be NOT to be threatening or combative because you never know what will trigger a person to go off. Maybe next time she comes start grilling her on her personal life and don't let her change the subject or switch the topic to you. Some people really just need attention.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
    Buy a gun. And a personal protection permit.
  • NeverCatchYourBreath
    NeverCatchYourBreath Posts: 197 Member
    bump to see responses.

    I agree with confront next time she comes in and watch out for your significant other being fishy.
  • lynnkieu
    lynnkieu Posts: 67 Member
    If she comes in again, yes- confront her, but also pull out your cell phone and take her picture, follow her out to the parking lot and take a picture of her vehicle and license plate. This way if anything happens later and she goes any further with her crazyness, you will have a way to identify her to the police. They can find out who she is by looking up her license plate. You might feel a little weird and she might get upset at you for doing this, but it is for your own safety and will also probably get her to back off.

    Good luck and stay safe!

    Side Note:
    One morning my friend and I were out running- super early, like 5am and it was pitch black outside. This car started following us around it really creeped us out. He would turn down a street and then come back and find us again and hit his breaks like he was going to get out. He did this a lot. So I called my husband and described the vehicle to him in case something happened to us. My husband got in his car and tracked us down but we didn't know where the guy was. My husband went to the closest gas station to fill up and the guy drove by us again! I called my husband and told him he was driving towards the gas station that my husband was at. My husband saw him pull up and the guy started filling his car with gas and went inside. Husband took a picture of the guys car and license plate and when the guy came back out he looked up the road in the direction of where we were running. My husband stood 10 feet away from him and just stared him down while he finished getting gas. Guy got in his car and hit the freeway and we never saw him again.

    A little intimidation can be nice.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    You work for a cosmetics counter in a department store? So there are cameras, no? Your HR department should be aware of this and if she shows up, security made aware so they at least have footage of the woman. And HR should be mandating you have an escort to/from the building to your vehicle. If they aren't, they suck.

    Also, Gun. And Pepper Spray. And Rotweiller.


    Or you're over-reacting.

    *shrug*
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
    She sounds mentally ill. I'm not certain confronting her would be the right thing to do if that is the case. Perhaps your manager could talk to her on the phone the next time she calls, and tell her that she has been reported to the police, etc.

    Carry pepper spray. Have someone walk you to your car. I'm so sorry you are going through this.
  • nyla2120
    nyla2120 Posts: 370 Member
    I think maybe you should confront this stalker. Call her out and put her on the spot. It takes a bit of guts to let someone know to their face that they're seriously creeping you out but it might embarrass her into backing off. ( Maybe clear that with your manager first though since it seems likely you'd have to confront her during work hours) Sometimes the best way to deal with an uncomfortable situation is just to face it head on.

    The absolute worst thing that could happen would be that she might act like you're the crazy one. But if the situation is that troublesome, it might be worth the risk of feeling a little stupid.

    Calling and asking for your work schedule is way past the boundary of normal behavior though.

    I agree with confronting her. She hasn't show herself in my department since the calls started. But if I see her I will definitely ask her about it & make sure my manager is around to be a witness in case she does try to turn it around on me.

    This is probably your best bet, but I wouldn't let my gaurd down for a while even after confronting her. That whole situation is just creepy! Hopefully your manager backs you up on this.

    Yes my manager totally backs me up on this luckily.
  • nyla2120
    nyla2120 Posts: 370 Member
    that is some freaky ****. do you have security in your store? I would have someone pull her picture up from the surveillance video and give it to security and the cops. that is what I did when we had this girl who stole stuff from my store all the time and when I finally caught her in the act she made some pretty serious threats and hit my manager on the head with her purse. way different situation but they caught her over at the mall a couple weeks later stealing more stuff. that is some pretty weird behavior though.... good luck.

    Wow what a crazy girl! There is security in my store, but they would only have her on video if they were watching my particular dept. during the time she was there. They said they don't have any footage from around that time. They are never any help unfortunately.
  • nyla2120
    nyla2120 Posts: 370 Member
    very long shot but are you dating or married, could she possibly be someone involved with your significant other if you have one? Then she might wanna know where you are all the time. Long shot I know but wanted to give you another possible angle. I agree with the confronting, You need to RECORD it though if at all possible, have a coworker secretly start recording if she come around or at least be ready to if you need to.

    I am married & I wondered if that might be the case too. But this girl calls all the time night & day. Times when I know for a fact my husband is busy at work & wouldn't be out around town or anything. All my coworkers are aware & if I see her coming I'm letting security know right away to get her on camera as well as my coworkers.
  • amylite
    amylite Posts: 40 Member
    and make sure you have a few witnesses hanging around when you do this!

    I think maybe you should confront this stalker. Call her out and put her on the spot. It takes a bit of guts to let someone know to their face that they're seriously creeping you out but it might embarrass her into backing off. ( Maybe clear that with your manager first though since it seems likely you'd have to confront her during work hours) Sometimes the best way to deal with an uncomfortable situation is just to face it head on.

    The absolute worst thing that could happen would be that she might act like you're the crazy one. But if the situation is that troublesome, it might be worth the risk of feeling a little stupid.

    Calling and asking for your work schedule is way past the boundary of normal behavior though.
  • nyla2120
    nyla2120 Posts: 370 Member
    I agree - confront her.

    One question though - you stated you don't know her name at all. Does she pay with either a check or a credit card? Or does she always pay in cash? If it's the first one, maybe pull records of payment history (even if your store doesn't have it on file, you should be able to access the info through your bank or merchant service).

    I honestly don't remember. But HR told me the only way they could even look into that is if she was threatening me & the police were involved. If I had known this would happen I would have made sure I got her name somehow.
  • nyla2120
    nyla2120 Posts: 370 Member
    Start documenting everything about her, include time and dates of when any contact happened, the names of coworkers who talked to her, etc. If the situation continues to develop those details will help you get help.

    I am, I'm writing down the times & dates of the calls now to see if maybe I can figure out a pattern.

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