Rant regarding my relationships with people

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teamnevergoingback
teamnevergoingback Posts: 368 Member
in Motivation and Support
I know that the best way to lead my own life is sober. I've done it before, no alcohol no weed and I just succeed. I work out, I get good grades in school and I do what I need to do. Right now in life, I am so focused on being a healthier person and an overall better person in general. It has been a dream of mine for my whole life to move out of state and, therefore, my goals are set on saving money for my future and working towards goals that I want to achieve, which are many. The problem is, I have no one else like me. My boyfriend loves to just drink beer, smoke pot and watch TV all day. Now, this does not hinder my goals at all other then my wanting him to be more like me. But everyone just wants me to hang out and drink with them all the time, it feels like I say no almost daily! I just really want to focus and me and my goals right now and I guess I'm just a little frustrated that I feel alone. Everyone around me is lazy and doesn't want to be a better person like I do. I just feel so full of wants, goals, desires and I want to learn and soak up all this information that is surrounding me! Ugh, sorry friends, just get a little irritated I guess! Anyone going through something similar?

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  • gsnthensome
    gsnthensome Posts: 23 Member
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    my husband and i both know how you feel. he grew up in ut. i grew up in wa. he left his whole life and his family to go to wa to start over and make a better life for himself. i grew up around seattle..... you can imagine how bad it was there. people were not just selling drugs at school, but guns too! i moved to a smaller town to get away, and found that my principal had a rum&coke on his desk every day, my english teacher had a liquor cabinet in the back of her class room and the football coach partied with the team. i felt totally alone and felt like no matter where i went i couldnt break free. EVERYONE was bringing me down. ......then i went to 20 different churches, found THE BEST one, found my husband, and found friends that will uplift instead of tear down.

    it doesnt really matter where you go because that kind of stuff is everywhere. just find PEOPLE who will help you be the best you, you can be!

    i know it sucks, but sometimes that means letting go of those you are closest too, or the ones you are most comfortable to be around. what matters is you. if your "friends" wont support you...... find new friends.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
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    I had to make new friends and cool things off with some old ones when I decided to make huge changes in my life as well. It sucked because I had been close with some of them since childhood. However, they weren't lifting me up anymore. They were simply bringing me down, and they were not particularly discreet about it. They would get mad and say I was acting like an old lady because I didn't want to go out to bars multiple times per week with them, and I felt that they were being childish by thinking that lifestyle is normal for an average person in their mid thirties. It just got to the point where I wanted us to remain on good terms, and it was really for the best.
  • happysherri
    happysherri Posts: 1,360 Member
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    Sounds like you're evolving (for the better in my opinion), and they are staying the same. You've probably heard surround yourself with positive people and it's true! Branch out and find some individuals that are interested in some of the same things as you. (fitness class- approach someone, online in your area (obviously be careful but a fit group), whatever your hobby might be) Just don't be surprised that making new inspirational friends you may leave some behind.

    ps - Good for YOU!
  • Slrajr
    Slrajr Posts: 438 Member
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    You sound like someone who knows what she wants and is driven! T:smile: his is awesome, be proud of yourself and don't change:smile:
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
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    You would do yourself a favor to start spending time with friends who share your goals and like to do some of the things that you like to do. You don't have to dump your old friends. Just don't be around if they want you to drink or use drugs.

    Oh, I see that you're in Manteca - I'm in the Sierra Foothills. Have you thought about taking classes as a way to meet new people, and move toward some of your goals that way? There's MJC, Stan State, and UC Merced to your south, and Sac State to your north.
  • alamogirl04
    alamogirl04 Posts: 9
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    I know that the best way to lead my own life is sober. I've done it before, no alcohol no weed and I just succeed. I work out, I get good grades in school and I do what I need to do. Right now in life, I am so focused on being a healthier person and an overall better person in general. It has been a dream of mine for my whole life to move out of state and, therefore, my goals are set on saving money for my future and working towards goals that I want to achieve, which are many. The problem is, I have no one else like me. My boyfriend loves to just drink beer, smoke pot and watch TV all day. Now, this does not hinder my goals at all other then my wanting him to be more like me. But everyone just wants me to hang out and drink with them all the time, it feels like I say no almost daily! I just really want to focus and me and my goals right now and I guess I'm just a little frustrated that I feel alone. Everyone around me is lazy and doesn't want to be a better person like I do. I just feel so full of wants, goals, desires and I want to learn and soak up all this information that is surrounding me! Ugh, sorry friends, just get a little irritated I guess! Anyone going through something similar?

    First, congratulations on setting some goals and going for it! Anytime you make changes in your life, you're going to leave some folks behind. That's just the way it is. When I decided to go back to college in my 40's, my friends thought I was nuts. They tried to discourage me. I didn't listen, and I went back to school. Most of my friends stopped calling me all together. For starters, I was too busy and too focused on my schoolwork. I didn't have time to hang out. I graduated, and I graduated with honors. Start to surround yourself with people who have the same goals. Surround yourself with successful people. Good luck to you.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    Get new friends.
  • teamnevergoingback
    teamnevergoingback Posts: 368 Member
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    We'll it looks like I'm not alone if I hang out on MFP :blushing: Thanks for responding, everyone! I'm going to sit down with my boyfriend and talk about it tonight, you know... My feelings about it :embarassed: I am going to go to Stan State hopefully next year so I should be able to meet people who want to be "nerdy, no fun, old ladies" like me! ...
  • TMLPatrick
    TMLPatrick Posts: 558 Member
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    I struggle with the same thing as far as the alcohol and/or money goes. I've spent 10 years building up a social network of people who love to drink and suddenly I don't find that as amusing as I did when I was 25. Now I have to figure out how to balance my social life with my desire to do good things for myself. I don't want to totally ditch my friends, but have been gradually distancing myself from that stuff. For me, its mostly been about saying no to people wanting to drink every day of the week, and occasionally going out to concerts and things that aren't entirely focused on drinking. It is probably harder for you, if they are coming to your place, though. I at least have the relative luxury of staying home and avoiding it altogether.
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
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    We'll it looks like I'm not alone if I hang out on MFP :blushing: Thanks for responding, everyone! I'm going to sit down with my boyfriend and talk about it tonight, you know... My feelings about it :embarassed: I am going to go to Stan State hopefully next year so I should be able to meet people who want to be "nerdy, no fun, old ladies" like me! ...

    That's awesome! There's a universe full of things to do that don't involve drugs or drinking. Do you know what you want to study?
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
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    I kinda went through this and had to sober up and move away. when I had to move back I at least had my **** together and had cut ties from negative influences, but it was really really difficult until I could move away once more (this time permanently). if the people in your life aren't helping you better yourself they're not worth being around. sorry if that doesn't help any, but surrounding yourself with people who bring you down is not going to get you any closer to your goals.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    sometimes a move (alone) is the best thing you can ever do for yourself
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,141 Member
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    Yeah but on a different level...I'm 44 and all my friends of similar age keep saying they're too old and tired to do anything. I only have 2 friends that will still go out to have a good time and there is only one that works out. I find it really sad that they consider themselves old already, what on earth will they be when they're 70/80??!
  • Cre8veLifeR
    Cre8veLifeR Posts: 1,062 Member
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    I went through the same thing too. You will outgrow him, and it will be sad, but it will be good for you, OR you can inspire him to change when he sees how happy you are (but in my experience people who aren't ready for growth will try to keep you down with them - like the crawdads in the bucket).

    I saw this today and I LOVED it because I am now a very big goal planner - meaning I do the little things daily that add up to the life I want.. There are two choices for the future. One is that you look back and say "I see how I got here, I worked my *kitten* off" VS. looking back and saying "How the hell did I get here??" (Which I have done, and don't care to do again.) Stay true to what makes you feel whole and happy because being true to yourself opens amazing doors and brings amazing people into your life!! :flowerforyou:

    change_zps5e034125.jpg
  • eric_sg61
    eric_sg61 Posts: 2,925 Member
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    Your growing as a person. Do not surround yourself with people who will stifle that growth. We only have limited time to get things done. You either grow, stay the same, or regress.
  • PJ64
    PJ64 Posts: 866 Member
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    In 1990 after years of partying I just decided that I had enough. I had tried several times before but I kept trying to hang on to what I thought was "fun" and who I thought my friends were. It wasn't until I decided that I wanted to do it for ME and nobody else. That I got sober and stayed sober ever since. The first thing I did was change Playmates & playgrounds. It sounds tough but as my Dad used to say "You hang around a Barber shop you're gonna get a haircut" so tell your friends that you really need to be away when they do what they do and if your BF wants to smoke & drink around you, you need to take a long hard look at how important it is to you to be sober and how important He is, sorry there is just no way to sugar coat that S#*T!
  • teamnevergoingback
    teamnevergoingback Posts: 368 Member
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    Yeah! it's harder then you'd think to meet friends once you're out if college! I've been a bartender for 3 years now, so I'm surrounded by this environment. Not that there is anything wrong with that, a don't mind a drink here and there, especially social.

    It's like I'm the only person I know that is in college, I'm studying accounting and will have my AA in June, but everyone wants to hang out every day of the week! Including my man, who does not go to school and says his only hobby is working on his car, but that is an expensive hobby for him to have right now because we BOTH want to move and work on our future. It was actually him that brought up the idea of having kids in the next 2 years! So I'm going to sit him down and try to explain.... If you want to have kids soon, we need to work on any bad habits that we dont want to have when they come. We always talk about how we want to be great parents and amazing examples for our kids! Regarding working out together, he has the body type where he can eat whatever he wants all day and always looks super slim and beautiful :love: But the I'm going to work on a list of topics that I want to discuss tonight so everything gets handled.
  • djsupreme6
    djsupreme6 Posts: 1,210 Member
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    Pretty much the same here...ive lost friends because their lifestyles differed
  • kristelpoole
    kristelpoole Posts: 440 Member
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    Does he have a job? A passion? I know how frustrating it can be to make the choice to go from partying and drinking a lot to caring about goals and personal empowerment and general self-improvement. I did it too, while I was bartending. I lost some friends from that group, but not all of them, and some of them have since gone on to do some pretty awesome things. I was lucky that my boyfriend was feeling the same way and we "re-prioritized" together. We're NOT perfect and sometimes we're not even good about it, but overall, we've made positive changes.

    In the past, I had a boyfriend who smoked weed allllllllllllll the time and drank a lot, too, and after a while, I just couldn't take it anymore. You should be able to go to the movies without getting high. Idiots.

    Anyway! The point is that you know what is best for you, and if that means cutting some ties, you gotta do what you gotta do.

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