Relationship advice desired!

suppakana
suppakana Posts: 307 Member
in Chit-Chat
My problem's fairly simple. I've been single for a long, long time - with the exemption of two butt faces who used me for nothing but sex (one of whom was kind of borderline abusive, and I got my *kitten* out of there fast). So, obviously, I feel this need for human companionship, preferably of the male variety. By the way, by a "long, long" time, I mean about 2-3 years.

So I kind of "latch on" to any guys that I get close to; you could call it a crush, but I'm usually not very sure.

Anyways, point is: I've been talking a lot to a guy who I used to be friends with in high school (3-4 ish years ago), and I've been getting a bit of a crush on him - but I'm not sure if I actually have a crush on him, or if I'm just feeling lonely and he happens to have male genitalia.

In my situation, would you attempt to start something up, or wait it out?

Replies

  • _noob_
    _noob_ Posts: 3,306 Member
    At 20? Don't try too hard, and have fun while you're finding out who you are. Respect yourself.
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
    Don't do anything you'll regret just because you're lonely.
  • anro86
    anro86 Posts: 790 Member
    Friends first... see how it goes. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there and get to know him better and see if there are sparks, but don't get too clingy too fast... and keep an eye out for red flags that he is also just a butthead, and if you see any of those red flags, back off and wait for the next one. Good luck, have fun, meet lots of people, and when the time is right you'll find the one :flowerforyou:
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    Take it slow and try to figure out what you want before pursuing anything serious. If you want just sex, then realize that is what it is. If you are looking for long term, then realize that. Just do not go around jumping from guy to guy because you are lonely and confused.
  • Love4fitnesslove4food2
    Love4fitnesslove4food2 Posts: 711 Member
    If you have to ask then maybe it's not anything worth pursuing right now. Wait it out and see what happens. You'll never regret making a friend if that's all that comes of this.
  • Madame_Goldbricker
    Madame_Goldbricker Posts: 1,625 Member
    No harm in continuing to chat/catch up with him. Concentrate on yourself in the time being & spend time doing things socially with friends so the boredom factor doesn't set in. There is nothing wrong with being single and it gives you the opportunity to find out what you want from life outside of a relationship.
  • suppakana
    suppakana Posts: 307 Member
    Haha! Thank you for the serious replies guys - and yes I count vibrators as a serious response ;)

    I think I'll follow the general advice and keep it to friends for a while. If he makes a move, I'll let him know what's up and see where it goes from there.
  • cupcakes_and_cardio
    cupcakes_and_cardio Posts: 369 Member
    Idk, it's either/or because you're still young, but seeing how you've been in some pretty bad relationships and tend to "latch on" quick, I'd tread carefully, but not too carefully as to push, possibly, a great guy away.
  • keithmustloseweight
    keithmustloseweight Posts: 309 Member
    At 20? Don't try too hard, and have fun while you're finding out who you are. Respect yourself.

    I think we all know what this is code for.
  • ThePartyGoblin
    ThePartyGoblin Posts: 42
    First off- ignore these people who are telling you to make sure you 'respect yourself'. It basically translates to "if you have sex I won't find you respectable" which is total garbage, really.
    I was where you are 5 years ago, I was single without a 'real' relationship under my belt, and I was incredibly lonely. I had a guy that I had been talking to for a while but wasn't sure if he was into a relationship or just wanted to mess around, and I decided I wanted to hang out with him more. We started having movie nights and really got to know each other and it took off (we've been together 5 years now).
    I guess what I'm saying is do what you think will make you happy. If you think pursuing this dude will do it for you then go for it! If you think you'd be happier keeping your options open and seeing what else is out there, then do that!
    The best advice anyone could give you (as far as dating) is to just be yourself. You seem to be intelligent, fun, and outgoing, and those are absolutely traits people value in their partners. You're only 20, and I know you're feeling pressure to find someone, but believe me, when you stop paying attention to the arbitrary 'milestones' that society has set for you (get a boyfriend, get married by 30, have babies by 35, etc) life gets a LOT easier.
    Good luck!

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