After 106 lbs I Reached a Six Year Goal (pic)

Today I checked off one of my last major milestones that I longed for over 106 pounds ago. The first was to surpass 347 lbs, the second, to get below 330, third, get to the weight I was in 2007 (around 290) and the last, get below 230 lbs (the lowest adult weight I can remember). Today, I have accomplished 3 out of four of those goals.

In the summer of 2007 I had a significant amount of pictures taken between a trip to Egypt through my University and a Family trip to Alaska. At my heaviest I would often look back through my Facebook pictures and think to myself, I looked better then, just heavy and possibly normal looking. I hated and longed to look at those pictures because they showed me exactly how far I had fallen, but they also showed an obtainable goal and that it was worth getting there. I kept a picture of me and my sisters from that year by my bed as a reminder of a time when I didn’t cringe at every picture of myself.

I kept two dresses from these trips, partly due to the nostalgia and because they had become symbols of where I once was. For six long years they remained an unattainable goal. Since I started losing weight this time around I came across these dresses multiple times and would try them on, just to see where I was. Each time I couldn’t get them over my head. Dejected I would try to hold on to any small positives or just repeat “you’ll get there one day”.

Today, I came across those same dresses and like each time before I had a moment of hope that they would fit. Today, my heart jumped as they not only went over my head, but my chest and hips. They finally fit! I’ll admit I stared at myself in the mirror in disbelief for a long time. I was honestly shocked. After being disappointed so many times before, when I was so confident that they would fit, it’s hard to not be stunned.


Left: Trip to Egypt in 2007 Right: me today


Compare that to me at my highest weight

Part of me is beyond ecstatic and another part is disappointed. It’s obvious why I would be excited, but this sadness is unexpected. I can only assume it is because I so desperately wanted to be at those weights at my lowest moments, holding on to those numbers as symbols of hope. I’m not completely surprised. I had similar surreal feelings as I reached those first two goals and it’s only logical that I would feel the same way now. I have learned it is the unexpected goals that bring me the most joy, without a single shred of negativity. Now, after accomplishing what I thought I never could, I understand that these goals are only milestones; investing further emotion in them only leads to conflicting feelings and possible setbacks.