Advice for a friend

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cuinboston2014
cuinboston2014 Posts: 848 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I've had a friend for 7-8 years now and we have recently gotten closer. I have gained some weight since meeting her, lost 100 and now am looking to lose 30-40 more. She also gained, and lost, but then gained again. She wants to lose and I want to help. I want to be encouraging and try to find the "sweet spot" that will resonate for her as a kick in the butt to get going and lose the weight she wants once and for all.

So let me throw this out there - when you are going through these body changes what did it for you? What advice/encouragement/motivation would you share with a struggling friend in the hopes to nudge them in the right direction?

She is more than capable of losing what she wants and getting what she wants. She does seem to deal with feelings of worthlessness (as I think a lot of overweight people - myself included do). But we know we have to feel worthy to start.

No - this friend is not me being cryptic :) Let me know your thoughts!

Thanks everyone!!!

Replies

  • Stage14
    Stage14 Posts: 1,046 Member
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    I think the best thing you can do is a be a good friend and support her. Giving unsolicited advice and trying To give her a friendly "kick in the butt" will likely backfire. The best people in my life tell me "you can do it" and "don't give up" when I'm down and are proud of me when I succeed. The worst people are the ones trying to tell me HOW to do it or WHY I should do it. Even though they mean well, they often come off as superior and unsympathetic to my personal struggles. I think this is even more true when the person struggling has low self esteem.

    If she asks how you did it, be honest. If she talks about wanting to lose weight again, encourage her to try MFP or a similar app/community or offer to be her workout buddy. But the bottom line is you can't do it for her and you can't make her do it. There is no motivational magic bullet. Just love her and be there for her.
  • Katla49
    Katla49 Posts: 10,385 Member
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    You can't do it for her, but you can do it with her. The thing is that SHE has to want to participate along with you. Good luck. Here are some practical ideas if she wants to participate:

    :flowerforyou: Introduce your friend to MyFitnessPal, and show her how it works.

    :flowerforyou: Do fun things with her like taking walks, participating in a Komen breast cancer fund raiser, or...

    :flowerforyou: Go out for a treat meal at a restaurant that posts nutrition information on line and challenge yourselves to stay within a particular calorie target.

    :flowerforyou: Ask for a "togo" box at the beginning of a meal and divide the portions...

    :flowerforyou: Shop for diet tools together, and each get an digital food scale and dishers to measure portion sizes.

    Good luck to you and your friend.
  • cuinboston2014
    cuinboston2014 Posts: 848 Member
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    Thank you! I completely understand and do get scared that I come off as a know-it-all when trying to be helpful and I hate that about myself. I did refer her to the site yesterday and try not to give any advice aside from her to uncover the reasons why she wants to lose weight so she can hopefully discover that herself.

    Don't you wish there was a motivational magic bullet? :) I'd probably push people out of the way to get on that train when I hit a slump lol

    Thanks again
  • cuinboston2014
    cuinboston2014 Posts: 848 Member
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    Let me add one more thing - we can't physically work out together as we live in different cities. Has anyone ever done any virtual challenges or know anything about them we could maybe use?
  • lachanho
    lachanho Posts: 2 Member
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    every day should be a diet day- there is no secret recipe for weight loss, everyone needs to move 30 minutes aday regardless if your 100 pounds over wieght or 10 1bs- eating habits are formed- stop and think what it is you really want for your self-
    all the food you can eat or feeling great with the right choices
  • Retiredmom72
    Retiredmom72 Posts: 538 Member
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    I think the best thing you can do is a be a good friend and support her. Giving unsolicited advice and trying To give her a friendly "kick in the butt" will likely backfire. The best people in my life tell me "you can do it" and "don't give up" when I'm down and are proud of me when I succeed. The worst people are the ones trying to tell me HOW to do it or WHY I should do it. Even though they mean well, they often come off as superior and unsympathetic to my personal struggles. I think this is even more true when the person struggling has low self esteem.

    If she asks how you did it, be honest. If she talks about wanting to lose weight again, encourage her to try MFP or a similar app/community or offer to be her workout buddy. But the bottom line is you can't do it for her and you can't make her do it. There is no motivational magic bullet. Just love her and be there for her.
    This! It will not end well.

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