Addicted and in denial....

PNGmeri2000
PNGmeri2000 Posts: 37 Member
in Introduce Yourself
I have been on MFP for a few months now but have been off and on for about two years. In the past i have always felt so embarassed and defeared and gross that ive just deleyed my account or quit completely. This time, i really loomed at my issues straight in the eyes.
I have been watching a couple documentaries and after processing through them, I realized I am addicted to eating food. I am disgusted with myself and have gone through a absolute denial stage which I am still somewhat in. I feel like its not possible to be addicted to food, but I am. I eat food and hide it so my husband has no idea how much I eat. I eat huge snacks of treats right before I serve dinner and then eat a full dinner so my husband has no idea. and then I eat dessert like its the only treat I've had all day. I just tell myself I am hungry and its all healthy and in proportion even though its not either. Then I went thru a defeat stage,which I am also in currently. I am addicted and cannot beat this so why even try. Last week as I was struggling thru all this, I went to cub foods three times and bought three donuts each time and ate all of them within half an hour. I am so embarrassed to say that! I feel like I am headed towards an immobile life stuck in my bed as the worlds fattest woman and will be interviewed on TLC and need gastric bypass surgery and all that. This is my future and I cant change it so I might as well embrace it. But I know that's not true and I am in charge of my future and I CAN and NEED to change it but I have no idea how to change it. I feel so trapped. I have really struggled with writing this but I knew it was my first step to helping myself. I am so ashamed of myself and feel hopeless and helpless. Does anyone know these feelings and know how to move on? I need baby steps to take and ridiculous amounts of accountability and I am petrified I will just lie and sneak to get my food fix. What do I do? How do I conquer this battle?
Any help or ideas or steps to take would be greatly appreciated and any friends who are willing to be my friend are welcome - although I feel like I don't deserve any friends. HELP!

Replies

  • lcransaw
    lcransaw Posts: 95
    First, it is great you have admitted that you have a problem. There are professional groups like Overeaters Anonymous, and other therapies that may help you find the root of your eating disorder. The hardest part of the journey is getting control of your mind. Try to get professional help to help with your poor self image issues. You are worth the fight! Good Luck!
  • Lexandreia
    Lexandreia Posts: 82
    We're here for you :) I totally know what you're going through. I've had these horrible binges that made me want to die and feel so ashamed of myself. Feel free to add me and talk any time. You'll get through this
  • ShapenerFiterrati
    ShapenerFiterrati Posts: 111 Member
    To start off with, I'm proud you're able to realize you have a problem. Second of all, you have two choices:

    1- You messed up, so mess up more and ruin the rest of your life forever.
    OR
    2- You messed up, but you're gonna stand up and fix your problem and become the most beautiful ever.

    I have a feeling you already chose the second one.
    Add me- I'll be more than happy to stick by you!! :) We can talk more about this in private if you want, I'll help you with anything I can since I'm an emotional binge eater as well... but hopefully changing :)
  • cfischer69
    cfischer69 Posts: 9 Member
    I know disgust and compulsive addictive behavior. I know eating a whole box of donuts or 4 double cheesburgers. I know eating until I feel sick. I know the hopelessness and helplessness. I know there are people on here hoping to lose 20, 30, 40 lbs. They probably haven't experienced these things. Then there are others who have lost 200 even 300 lbs. These folks almost certainly know what you are talking about.

    For me, it's about taking charge of one small decision at a time. If I look at the entire road ahead of me, I would quit right now. I'm taking two small steps. 1) I'm counting my steps, aiming for 5,000 steps a day (using a Fitbit) 2) I'm counting calories, following MFP's suggestion of 2400 calories per day. I'm not too worried about fat, protein, carbs, fiber, sodium all that on day one. Are those things important? Sure. But if I try to change/fix everything at once, I might as well quit now. One small decision at a time. Starting with the first meal of the day.

    I've found that my food addictive behavior was worst when I was eating lots of simple carbs. There is a little quiz http://www.carbohydrateaddicts.com/caquiz.html that may help you see if you fit the profile. When I followed the carbohydrate addicts eating plan was the time I felt MOST in control of my eating/binging.

    The other thing I need to do (past, current and future) is find a replacement for food as my life crutch. IF I don't replace using the comfort of food as my means of support/coping with life, I will never be free, truly free.

    I don't know if any of this relates to you. If it does, hope this gives you a little insight.
  • Trace232
    Trace232 Posts: 2
    Hi I'm also looking for support PLEASE, been on this merry go round way way too long and mostly its going up not down.
    An emotional / bored eater thats had enough.

    I know where to start i just dont keep going on with it... i feel like im pathetic that i cant even stick to a diet for 6 weeks.
  • slim4health56
    slim4health56 Posts: 439 Member
    You're in really good company here. Is it all foods or sugary foods? Are you able to recognize the emotions that trigger your binges? Sad, angry, bored? I've been known to go off on a binge when I'm really happy and excited, too!

    There are some tricks that work for me. Can't guarantee they'll do it for you, but try a few...

    1. Drink lots of water. If I'm hydrated, my craving for sugary Coke is almost nonexistent.
    2. Throw out the temptation (at least until you get a grip on a new lifestyle). I don't keep my usual binge foods in the house...chips, chocolate, et cetera. Munch on a sweet piece of fruit (I love apples and plums), and you'll make less trips to the convenience store for junk.
    3. It's true...don't go grocery shopping when you're hungry. I eat before I make out my list and then get right to it.
    4. Establish small goals and stick to them. Losing 2 lbs in a week might be a small loss, but it's a loss. Those small wins help establish healthy lifestyle changes and are motivating long term.
    5. If you slip, it's a set back not a quit. Jump right back in the saddle and continue.
    6. Avoid the "extreme" diet stuff, avoid the "diet" gimmicks, and don't get sucked into fast weight loss programs that you can't stick with. If you can't stick with it, don't do it.
    7. Weigh/measure EVERYTHING. Log it. All of it.
    8. Get a little exercise every day. Again, nothing extreme. Start with small changes you can live with.
    9. Be kind to yourself. It takes about 30 days to change a habit and you can't get rid of a habit if you don't replace it with a better habit. Instead of watching TV and rooting through the fridge during the commercials, do sit ups during the commercials or better yet...go for a walk.
    10. Little steps. Nothing extreme. Be kind to yourself.
  • 2bugsmomma
    2bugsmomma Posts: 2 Member
    I am so proud of you for posting this! You are right, you are in charge of your future! And facing what is causing you shame is a great step toward getting the future you want. You are not alone. Many people, including myself, struggle with binge eating. That is a HUGE challenge in weight loss! Keep logging your food and include the binges no matter what. Shame can't persist without secrecy. Just making that commitment will reduce your binging. Also it will give you real data on how the binges are effecting your goals. That data is important to changing your habits, too. Keep up the good work, friend!
  • lafilledelarue
    lafilledelarue Posts: 66 Member
    I'm sending you a private message. Please check your email icon. :-)
  • apociask
    apociask Posts: 5
    Wow, these are some great posts, and very comforting in knowing that although we are all so different, we are quite similar still! I like the old saying that a journey of a thousand miles begins with one foot step. The journey begins with a step of acknowledgement. Acknowledging that we have a problem is paramount. The second step is accountability, which this site helps with. Third is follow through. Which may seem like the hardest, but we've all done the hardest part. It is so hard to take a look at yourself and not like what you see. That's where we come in, support and encouragement. So I applaud everyone for taking a stand against this disease! Cheers
  • mwooderson
    mwooderson Posts: 254 Member
    I am currently in the throws of fighting binge behavior myself. Never though I would find myself in this situation. It consumes your intentions, your hard work and your body. Seek folks who have offered to help and hang in there. Unfortunately I don't have any advice as I am in the middle of a major addiction war myself. HANG IN THERE!!!
  • lafilledelarue
    lafilledelarue Posts: 66 Member
    I'm sending you a private email. :smile:
  • Binkie1955
    Binkie1955 Posts: 329 Member
    http://www.oa.org/

    get started. if its an addiction, deal with it.good luck. we'll be here waiting to help.:happy:
  • andreagenther
    andreagenther Posts: 67 Member
    Dito. I know how you feel.

    I have a problem binging, on and off since my teens, and usually hide it. I have been doing GREAT the last month or 2 and am finally getting a handle on my food issues. Feel free to add me and we can work towards our goals together.
  • srm1960
    srm1960 Posts: 281 Member
    :flowerforyou:
    You are in a good place here girl....this is a journey that takes work, & you are worth the work!!
    I'm here daily, if you need support....add me????????
  • fiercekindness
    fiercekindness Posts: 31 Member
    Hi everyone, I am also really struggling with this problem. I just got out of a eating disorder treatment center, but it did not help me very much at all. I am however working with a private therapist. But I don't have a lot of outside support besides that. I've been on myfitnesspal on and off for some time now but I lack consistency with the whole accountability thing. And it would be nice to have people who would be interactive with me so we could support each other. I am making some progress and reading a lot about my problem and soforth. So I have NO doubt that we all can get through this together!
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
    bump
  • mamadon
    mamadon Posts: 1,422 Member
    Food addiction is a very real thing. So many of us on here struggle with it. Your not alone. It's tough because it's not like alcohol, drugs or cigarettes because we have to eat. In the past ( and I still struggle with it today) food has filled a hole I feel within myself. I kind of look at it as a something I just need to manage day by day for the rest of my life. You can find some wonderful support on here though, as you seen by the responses. The only advice I can think to give you is this, take it one day at a time. One meal at a time if you need to. Try your hardest not to indulge in self loathing. We are all only human and have our weaknesses.
    I don't know about you, but it's so easy to fall into this viscous cycle. I would eat because I hated who I had become, which would make me hate myself even more. People tend to think losing weight is all about the physical, when it is as much if not more a mental thing. We need to learn to not beat ourselves up for our mistakes and punishing ourselves with more food. I am no expert in this, I just know from my own experience. You can do this.
  • breakhearts
    breakhearts Posts: 110 Member
    I was extremely addicted to food! I would eat 2500+ a day (This is just a random guess, might have been more) on a good day! I was constantly thinking about food. I used to hide and eat a whole bunch. I would literally make myself sick on a daily basis. One day when I stepped on the scale and saw how entirely high my weight was, I freaked out! I vowed to make a change, and I did. It was hard at first because I had the mentality that fitness was all or nothing, when it's really not. It's a hard thought to fathom, but once you understand it, it can seriously be the difference between giving up and moving on. I overcame my addiction to food, and finally began losing weight! i'm happier than I've ever been. It feels really good knowing that I overcame an addiction. So can you!


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  • DanielleLisa222
    DanielleLisa222 Posts: 17 Member
    Sending Hugs. I know exactly how you feel. I to, am a food addict. I have been raised to find comfort in food. I'll usually eat most when I'm stressed and unhappy. First step is realizing what emotional void you're attempting to fill by gorging. Otherwise, you can attempt every program, diet and heathy lifestyle you want and it will never fix the core issue. Give the self the credit you deserve. It's not an easy disease to live with. As humans, we need to eat to survive, and unlike many other common addictions, food is everywhere. Every small victory is a victory. Every healthy option you choose, every short walk you take is a fight in the battle. Keep your head up honey. Patience is key. Take it ONE day at a time. Give it time, and you will see results. I'm here for support. Here for you, and anyone else who shares this disease. xo Love and Light :)
  • milliecurie
    milliecurie Posts: 4
    I know what you mean. I'm trying to retool my eating and exercise habits. I've been overweight for awhile now but the important thing is to not give up on yourself.
  • a_stronger_me13
    a_stronger_me13 Posts: 812 Member
    You're trying to lose 10lbs and sounds like that's all you've been working towards for a couple years... unless you are compensating with anorexic or bulimic behaviors, how do you figure you're addicted to food?
  • Inshape13
    Inshape13 Posts: 680 Member
    I went through the same exact thing for so many years and still battle it when I get really stressed or am overly tired. In the beginning there is a feeling that you CAN'T beat this, but that is just your mind at work trying to find a way to keep avoiding the emotions....it really is not reality. It is a defense mechanism to protect you from what you feel you could not emotionally handle.

    I had to face dealing with my past having both a rape and an abusive relationship of many years that left my self esteem so low that I thought I could never be strong enough to deal with things and overcome this and food was my only comfort. I went with the attitude of fake it til you make it because there was zero way I could convince myself that I could do this so I just went forward with blind faith that I would find the strength somehow. It took some time, but it got easier each day I got through without binging. It just takes one day or one hour at a time of defeating the binge.

    You can do this and anyone looking for some support feel free to add me.
  • MagicalLeopleurodon
    MagicalLeopleurodon Posts: 623 Member
    I wish i could hug you! Realizing you are addicted is such a hard first step, many never take it. There is such a great group of supportive people on here-friend request them and let them be your safety net! This site iscworldqide-soneobe id ALWAYS online.

    Small steps are key. Think before snacking. Think-do ibneed this? Should i want it, or am i bored?

    You are rewiring the entire way you think-this will be a hard process. But you have people here to help!
  • twooliver
    twooliver Posts: 450 Member
    Awesome post!!! This is how you do it...detox the thoughts...get them out of your head and writing them out is one way to do that!!!

    Next take it one day at a time! Set a goal for today...like no donuts... journaling honestly...and then celebrate you successes one day at a time...

    Glad you're here!!!
  • lighteningjeanne855
    lighteningjeanne855 Posts: 566 Member
    Please look up THE ELIMINATION DIET.
    Uncontrollable binging may be triggered by allergies--
    we actually CRAVE the foods to which we are allergic.

    I took stock of the kinds of foods which made me feel voracious!
    They are:
    refined sugar
    wheat, in any form
    corn, in any form
    rice
    soy
    legumes
    dairy foods

    Some of these are infamous as allergens,
    and trigger binges which cannot be satisfied
    without over-stuffing one's stomach.

    I discovered that dairy products trigger
    arthritis pain in my knees and hands.

    Best wishes, everyone!

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