Funnies from icandoit

Proof that Men Have Better Friends...

Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning
she told her husband that she had slept over at a
friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best
friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he
told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's
house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.


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A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle
When he spotted a well-known Cardiologist in his shop.
The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and look at his bike
When the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "
So Doc, look at this engine.
I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish,
It works just like new.
So how come I make $49,000 a year, and you get the really big bucks ($1,696,000)
When you and I are doing basically the same work?'
The cardiologist smiled, and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic...



'Try doing it with the engine running!'

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Officer, this is how the fight started...I rear-ended the car in front of me... I admit that... It was my fault... So, we both pull over to the side of the road, and slowly the driver of the car I hit gets out of his car...
And you know how you just-get-so-stressed... And life... Sometimes life seems like... Suddenly funny???Well, the driver of the car I hit is a DWARF!!! He gets out of his car and I get out of my car...
He is frowning and scowling and he storms over to me... Right up close at me he looks up in my face and says,
'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' And I don't know what possessed me, officer, but I looked down at him and
I said, 'Well, if you're not Happy -- which one are you???'And that's when the fight started...

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PLEASE READ AND HAVE A GOOD LAUGH...


The family is sitting at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?' The father, surprised, answers, 'Well son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round & firm. In her thirties & forties, they are like pears,
still nice, but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions.'
'Onions?' 'Yes, you see them...and they make you cry.!?!!'


This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter says, 'Mom, how many types of 'willies' are there?' The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willie is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties & forties, it's like a birch tree, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.' 'A Christmas tree??'

'Yes dear, dead from the root up... and the balls are for decoration only.'