My hard core truth!! Over 300lbs....

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KValmera71
KValmera71 Posts: 82 Member
in Motivation and Support
I am not looking for sympathy, just support and motivation. I came back to MFP after a depressing 45 lb gain. Last year I managed to lose 43 lbs and was feeling wonderful. My starting weight was 325. In November 2012 my husband was transferred to Florida and I went through a depression of having to take a job for much less money, doing something I really hate, a 90 mile commute and well, I just stopped caring for myself. I won't even mention the thoughts that went running through my mind. I wanted so hard to lose weight and the sad reality is I knew what I needed to do, but I just could not find the passion I once had. I could not find a starting point. I just gave in to all the old habits and comforting my depression with horrible choices!

Last month, I bought a scale. I stepped on and I read those number, 345.6. OMG, I have reached the heaviest point I have ever been in in my life!! Now, I have been heavy for a long time, most of my adult life and I accepted that, until last year. I started walking, at first could only walk to the corner and back. Within 4-5 weeks, I was up to 3 miles a day, walking up hills and even starting circuit training, then the news of the move came. Once in Florida, I could not find my balance.

So here I am, again. I am giving this another shot. I am doing low carb, ketogenic actually because that is what works for me! That little stick, even though I know its not 100% accurate, it holds me accountable. As long as I know that stick is pink to purple, I know I am doing this right. I have to stay disciplined!! I can't up my carbs to include a piece of bread or a small baked potato because I do not have enough self control to stop there. That's my sad truth!! But now I am armed with the truth and I know what I have to do. The key now is to DO IT! Stay focused, reach out for support and motivation and pray I can find that zone again!

I need friends on here, I need to read others stories, not the "oh I gotta lose 5 lbs" or "I want to be a size 2", nothing against them, art all, but I need to read stories like mine!! I need to know the struggles of others, the accomplishments, the good, the bad and the ugly. So if you relate to my story or have something you would love to share, send me a message, a friend request. :)

Replies

  • noahsmommy107
    noahsmommy107 Posts: 8 Member
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    Welcome back! We have a similar amount to lose and some days it seems daunting, but we can do it :)
  • jabby220
    jabby220 Posts: 23
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    I am here -- PLEASE add ME

    If anyone needs support

    You can do it !
  • beanrider
    beanrider Posts: 66 Member
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    Congratulations on being so very brutally honest with yourself! I have found that to be the ONLY way I can have any success in this journey. I am (hopefully) about half way through my loss, but I am having a tough time right now. I have been heavy my entire life, minus a brief period in college where I was too poor to eat! Please feel free to send a friend request.
  • StLCardLuver
    StLCardLuver Posts: 1
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    I too am at my heaviest ever. 246 lbs....ugh I hate that number...But I am also like you...I cannot find that starting point...I know in my head that I need to do it, but can never get the rest of me to do anything about it. I have no motivation at all...I just want to sleep all the time...or eat. It's depressing to put on a pair of pants from just a few months ago and they barely button. I need help...BIG TIME!!!
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,741 Member
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    Gonna be honest, when you started talking about ketogenic and a stick (?) you lost me. But whatever works for you! It sounds like you're in a better place emotionally now and resolved to make the changes. Good for you!!

    FWIW you look better at 345 than I did at 307 (my highest)!

    Go for it, girl!!!
  • KValmera71
    KValmera71 Posts: 82 Member
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    It's depressing to put on a pair of pants from just a few months ago and they barely button. I need help...BIG TIME!!!

    I sooo know what you mean!! We have jeans day every Friday at work and I unpacked them last week because they were always my "big" jeans. Now they are my "tight" jeans. So sad!! I understand every word you said!! I have been living that same life. Add me!! We could be good support for one another!
  • KValmera71
    KValmera71 Posts: 82 Member
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    FWIW you look better at 345 than I did at 307 (my highest)!

    Go for it, girl!!!

    Thank you!! Everyone says I hold my weight well and I can take pictures where i look 100 lighter (thanks to my father who is a photographer, lol) But I am almost 5'8 so my height works in my favor.

    And ketogenic is just a very low carb way of eating, for me 30g or less. The sticks measure ketones in my urine and if low enough, it turns the stick pink to purple. Its the only way I've been able to lose in the past. I am a carb addict in the worst way :ohwell:
  • CyberEd312
    CyberEd312 Posts: 3,536 Member
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    Just some friendly advice, if you self medicate with food to drown your emotion of your depression then I would literally start there first... I have nothing against anyone's diet choices and if keto is what you want to do go for it but if you don't get the depression under control, be prepared to ride the roller coaster because more than likely at some point you may fall again... I had to fix what was broken in my head (Severe Depression, Severe Social Phobia, Suicidal mood swings, etc), Those were the drivers behind my mindless consumption of over 10,000 calories a day and being homebound at 560 lbs. Once I got a handle on my mindset then I started focusing on the food, not eliminating it from my diet but understanding that no food is inherently bad, I could learn to control my eating and enjoy life in the process.... i am 4 years into this journey and still go to therapy to continue to progress but one thing is for sure, I am much stronger now having gone through the process..... Best of Luck to you....
  • KValmera71
    KValmera71 Posts: 82 Member
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    Just some friendly advice, if you self medicate with food to drown your emotion of your depression then I would literally start there first... I have nothing against anyone's diet choices and if keto is what you want to do go for it but if you don't get the depression under control, be prepared to ride the roller coaster because more than likely at some point you may fall again... I had to fix what was broken in my head (Severe Depression, Severe Social Phobia, Suicidal mood swings, etc), Those were the drivers behind my mindless consumption of over 10,000 calories a day and being homebound at 560 lbs. Once I got a handle on my mindset then I started focusing on the food, not eliminating it from my diet but understanding that no food is inherently bad, I could learn to control my eating and enjoy life in the process.... i am 4 years into this journey and still go to therapy to continue to progress but one thing is for sure, I am much stronger now having gone through the process..... Best of Luck to you....

    Wow! How inspiring and thank you! I totally agree with you and already working with the emotional side of it all. Thanks to a wonderful therapist. In that time, I have put in for a transfer to a local hospital which is only 10 miles away which will allow me to get back to case work which I love. I declined any meds, I just do not like knowing my feelings are altered by medicines. I prefer a more holistic approach to therapy and it's working so far. I still have a very long journey and taking baby steps along the way.....
  • sjaykay13
    sjaykay13 Posts: 74
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    Your honesty is refreshing, I feel I am in the same boat!! My highest weight was 295 this August, started to make changes and I'm down 20lbs. I'll add you so we can keep eachother motivated!
  • CyberEd312
    CyberEd312 Posts: 3,536 Member
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    Just some friendly advice, if you self medicate with food to drown your emotion of your depression then I would literally start there first... I have nothing against anyone's diet choices and if keto is what you want to do go for it but if you don't get the depression under control, be prepared to ride the roller coaster because more than likely at some point you may fall again... I had to fix what was broken in my head (Severe Depression, Severe Social Phobia, Suicidal mood swings, etc), Those were the drivers behind my mindless consumption of over 10,000 calories a day and being homebound at 560 lbs. Once I got a handle on my mindset then I started focusing on the food, not eliminating it from my diet but understanding that no food is inherently bad, I could learn to control my eating and enjoy life in the process.... i am 4 years into this journey and still go to therapy to continue to progress but one thing is for sure, I am much stronger now having gone through the process..... Best of Luck to you....

    Wow! How inspiring and thank you! I totally agree with you and already working with the emotional side of it all. Thanks to a wonderful therapist. In that time, I have put in for a transfer to a local hospital which is only 10 miles away which will allow me to get back to case work which I love. I declined any meds, I just do not like knowing my feelings are altered by medicines. I prefer a more holistic approach to therapy and it's working so far. I still have a very long journey and taking baby steps along the way.....

    Yes never went the medicated route here either, I wanted a clear mind while going through the process and if it were not for the journey and the ups and downs, i would not be the man I am today.... I could sit and look at my past and say Woe is Me, i wasted over a decade of my life secluded from the world, and gave up the Prime years of my life (30's) in the process. But I choose to not look back in regret but look back in the knowledge that I am and was strong enough to right my life and forge a new path, one that the future is yet to be written. And it All started with those same Baby Steps... Just continue to put one foot in front of the other, always moving forward and only taking time to reflect on where you have come from.... Again Best of Luck....

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