Anyone else struggling with weight and fertility issues?
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MysteriousMerlin
Posts: 2,270 Member
It's difficult for me to talk about. I'm not an overly emotional person by any stretch (I'm usually the dry-eyed one at funerals), but I can't talk about this subject with people face to face, it feels like everything will come bubbling out and I'll be a tear-soaked mess.
My husband and I have been married for almost 12 years, but we've been together for almost 19. He's my heart and my best friend, but he does not understand. I can turn to him for everything else, but this...he doesn't truly get it. I think he simply can't, as a man. He tries, he's very supportive of whatever I want to do (adoption, fertility treatments, the like) but...It's in the forefront of my mind ALL the time. He never brings up the topic, never, never. It'd be different if he told me he really didn't want to have any children, I could understand that and would be ok with it, but he WANTS kids. Or at least, he says he does. I can't determine if he's just saying what I want to hear, or if those are his true feelings. I don't want to push him away either, so I don't bring it up all the time, I have seen women so obsessed with wanting to have kids that they push, push, push their partner away. I won't do that.
We've been trying for 5 years to conceive, and it's been an endless trip on the ol' emotional roller coaster. During this time, I've been diagnosed with diabetes and high blood pressure, lost 50lbs, but sadly have slowly gained most of it back. I regret not being able to keep myself motivated, I could have been at my goal weight so much sooner.
I'm not really looking for advice or suggestions on fertility methods or anything, just wanted to know if anyone else has struggled with their weight and fertility issues, and whether they've been successful or not.
My husband and I have been married for almost 12 years, but we've been together for almost 19. He's my heart and my best friend, but he does not understand. I can turn to him for everything else, but this...he doesn't truly get it. I think he simply can't, as a man. He tries, he's very supportive of whatever I want to do (adoption, fertility treatments, the like) but...It's in the forefront of my mind ALL the time. He never brings up the topic, never, never. It'd be different if he told me he really didn't want to have any children, I could understand that and would be ok with it, but he WANTS kids. Or at least, he says he does. I can't determine if he's just saying what I want to hear, or if those are his true feelings. I don't want to push him away either, so I don't bring it up all the time, I have seen women so obsessed with wanting to have kids that they push, push, push their partner away. I won't do that.
We've been trying for 5 years to conceive, and it's been an endless trip on the ol' emotional roller coaster. During this time, I've been diagnosed with diabetes and high blood pressure, lost 50lbs, but sadly have slowly gained most of it back. I regret not being able to keep myself motivated, I could have been at my goal weight so much sooner.
I'm not really looking for advice or suggestions on fertility methods or anything, just wanted to know if anyone else has struggled with their weight and fertility issues, and whether they've been successful or not.
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Replies
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It's difficult for me to talk about. I'm not an overly emotional person by any stretch (I'm usually the dry-eyed one at funerals), but I can't talk about this subject with people face to face, it feels like everything will come bubbling out and I'll be a tear-soaked mess.
My husband and I have been married for almost 12 years, but we've been together for almost 19. He's my heart and my best friend, but he does not understand. I can turn to him for everything else, but this...he doesn't truly get it. I think he simply can't, as a man. He tries, he's very supportive of whatever I want to do (adoption, fertility treatments, the like) but...It's in the forefront of my mind ALL the time. He never brings up the topic, never, never. It'd be different if he told me he really didn't want to have any children, I could understand that and would be ok with it, but he WANTS kids. Or at least, he says he does. I can't determine if he's just saying what I want to hear, or if those are his true feelings. I don't want to push him away either, so I don't bring it up all the time, I have seen women so obsessed with wanting to have kids that they push, push, push their partner away. I won't do that.
We've been trying for 5 years to conceive, and it's been an endless trip on the ol' emotional roller coaster. During this time, I've been diagnosed with diabetes and high blood pressure, lost 50lbs, but sadly have slowly gained most of it back. I regret not being able to keep myself motivated, I could have been at my goal weight so much sooner.
I'm not really looking for advice or suggestions on fertility methods or anything, just wanted to know if anyone else has struggled with their weight and fertility issues, and whether they've been successful or not.
Oh sweetie I know how you feel. I've been with my husband for 4 years, married just over a year and ttc for over 2 years. I think it must be a man thing because my husband is brilliant and I can talk to him about anything but this. He just dosent seem to understand how heartbreaking it is for me. We recently went to the hospital bit have got to wait another 3 month's for tests. I keep beating myself up about it because he's very healthy and I'm overweight and I'm so scared I can't have children.
My husband also says he wants children so I feel like a failure. I lost a stone a few years ago but have since put another 2 stone on.
You are definitely not alone, I too can't speak face to face about it to people, and nearly everyone I know is pregnant or has children.
The only other thing I'm doing as well as trying to lose weight is taking folic acid and charting my temperature and ovulation. It's a p app n but hopefully one day it will work.
Fingers crossed for both of us, feel free to add me. All the best hun x x0 -
And In 2 years I have never been pregnant. X0
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Do you have any underlying conditions that cause your weight gain? I have PCOS (dx'ed in 2009 at 19) and it causes weight gain, irregular periods among other issues. It's so easy to gain weight but hard as hell to get off. I have been losing and gaining the same 10 lbs I think for the past 2 or 3 years maybe longer.
I do have 1 child though. My son is 8 and I had him when I was 16 before my body went all crazy and I'm grateful that I had him then because at this rate IDK if I would have ever had children.0 -
Hi! I've been a member here for a little while but have just started to use MFP as it was intended. I'm recently married and am trying to conceive. I also have an underlying medical condition that doesn't help the situation. I empathize with your situation though I'm certain that my last few months is nothing compared to the years you and the other women on here have been through. I have found that MFP is full of supportive women who are in the same boat as you. I have found support and an outlet for my frustrations and fears. My husband is sweet and supportive. My friends are kind and understanding. But it's different from the support you can find on here. I've recently discovered groups on MFP that have members with infertility issues. They may provide insight and hope. Good luck.0
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Oh sweetie I know how you feel. I've been with my husband for 4 years, married just over a year and ttc for over 2 years. I think it must be a man thing because my husband is brilliant and I can talk to him about anything but this. He just dosent seem to understand how heartbreaking it is for me. We recently went to the hospital bit have got to wait another 3 month's for tests. I keep beating myself up about it because he's very healthy and I'm overweight and I'm so scared I can't have children.
My husband also says he wants children so I feel like a failure. I lost a stone a few years ago but have since put another 2 stone on.
You are definitely not alone, I too can't speak face to face about it to people, and nearly everyone I know is pregnant or has children.
The only other thing I'm doing as well as trying to lose weight is taking folic acid and charting my temperature and ovulation. It's a p app n but hopefully one day it will work.
Fingers crossed for both of us, feel free to add me. All the best hun x x
Yes, yes! I'm the oldest of all my cousins, and they've all had at least 2 kids, and most of my friends are now parents. It's a struggle to be happy for them. I don't offer to babysit either (which I used to love to do). I've tried the ovulation tests, haven't had a positive one, but I think the brand I'm using (Answer, with 20 test strips) has a reputation for not showing accurate results regularly. I don't have regular cycles either.
I appreciate your telling your situation, it was brave of you to do so. I'll keep my fingers crossed too!Do you have any underlying conditions that cause your weight gain? I have PCOS (dx'ed in 2009 at 19) and it causes weight gain, irregular periods among other issues. It's so easy to gain weight but hard as hell to get off. I have been losing and gaining the same 10 lbs I think for the past 2 or 3 years maybe longer.
I do have 1 child though. My son is 8 and I had him when I was 16 before my body went all crazy and I'm grateful that I had him then because at this rate IDK if I would have ever had children.
I've just had some testing done, but I haven't received the results just yet. A friend of mine who has fertility issues does have it, but when I've researched the symptoms/signs, I don't have but one or two. The doc is checking my thyroid as well. I think my biggest problem is stress, and excess weight of course. We even had my husband tested, he's fine, so I know it's just me.
If you don't mind me asking, do you take any medication for the PCOS?0 -
Hi! I've been a member here for a little while but have just started to use MFP as it was intended. I'm recently married and am trying to conceive. I also have an underlying medical condition that doesn't help the situation. I empathize with your situation though I'm certain that my last few months is nothing compared to the years you and the other women on here have been through. I have found that MFP is full of supportive women who are in the same boat as you. I have found support and an outlet for my frustrations and fears. My husband is sweet and supportive. My friends are kind and understanding. But it's different from the support you can find on here. I've recently discovered groups on MFP that have members with infertility issues. They may provide insight and hope. Good luck.
Good luck to you too! My mom and my sister have been really supportive (my sis has issues as well, and she's healthy as a horse). It's a relief to be able to talk about it. One thing I can't stand is people telling me "Just don't think about it, it'll happen" or "When you stop trying, that's when it will happen". That last one doesn't even make any sense to me! I know they're well-intentioned, but it doesn't make me feel any better.0 -
I've got other complications, mainly that I'll be 45 on November 10th -- my clock is definitely winding down and I'm running out of time! I have 2 kids already - a 22 year-old son and a 20 year-old daughter from my first husband...I actually think that my husband has problems...luckily, however, I've heard the male problems are much easier to fix. He's 43 and never even had a scare of getting someone pregnant (we've been together for 2 years); I think he may have defective swimmers.
He says he's fine either way - he'd love to have a child, but if we don't, he's OK with it just being me and him. I, however, really, really, really would like to have a child with my new husband. He's adopted - he has no blood relatives that he knows of - and I know deep down it's really important to him to have an offspring.
That being said, I'm lucky in that I started a new job in July - my probationary period just ended and we signed up for insurance. Lo and behold, the plan I picked has 100% infertility coverage!!! Once it kicks in, we plan on going to the doctor.
I'm going to start with me - because if my eggs aren't even viable, then we're pretty much done at that point. This may sound selfish, but we only want a child if it's OUR child - we don't want to use any donor eggs or sperm.
If I'm good, however, then he'll be the one to undergo all the testing. It's going to be a long road, but I just need to know for sure, either way...my biggest regret would be knowing that we "could" have had a child had we only sought professional medical help...0 -
I don't think it's selfish at all, I feel the same way. I'm not considering invitro as an option for us, for many reasons but the cost is just part of it. Best of luck to you!
We had to search for a while before we found a place that could test him and didn't charge an arm and a leg! Surprisingly, our insurance even picked up part of the tab. We had been told they wouldn't because it wasn't a 'medical necessity'.0 -
Hi everyone,
I have been there!! We ended up going down the invitro avenue and ended up with our second child a son (he's 14 months), our daughter is 11 (we didn't need any help with her). Anyhow the entire time ttc (10 years) the emotional toll as well as hormone imbalances left me very lethargic and depressed. Our son had a twin sister that passed away at 14 days old and we also lost grandpa so it has been a rough time for us. I started walking mainly to get the baby out of the house and discovered that I like it. I started using the food tracking and I must say I love it! I am 5 lbs down this round and I feel so much better already...!
Those of you that are having fertility issues...do not put off seeing a reproductive endocrinologist!!! Long story short..I didn't seek an RE's help for years and with one blood test he was able to figure out exactly what was going on (endometriosis damage to my egg supply) I had been seeing my OB/GYN for years asking his guidance..he kept saying keep trying blah blah blah (I do love him though)..the RE ran one test and figured it out in one visit.
I hope to be able to give and receive support here!
Denise0 -
I have had fertility issues. I tried to get pregnant for nearly 14 years. Many years of fertility treatments. I have hypothyroid and PCOS with insulin resistance. I had given up getting pregnant and 4 years ago I did the HCG diet (which i am not pushing, just telling what I did). I lost 42 lbs and was keeping it off. About 4 months after I finished HCG I had a surprise pregnancy. I had a daughter then didn't use birth control, but didn't get pregnant. Last year I started dieting again, by using a diet of lean meat, vegetables, similar to what I ate during HCG. One round of Femara later I was pregnant with my 2nd daughter. I am in no way a Dr., but for me I think the cutting of carbs or increase in vitamins in my diet may have helped my fertility. Who knows, but I think diet was key to my fertility.0
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I hope you do end up being able to have a baby, best of luck to ya. You deserve to be a mommy. :flowerforyou: Personally I don't like to talk about this either. I hate when people with children, ask why I don't have kids myself. I love children, and I work in a daycare and teach other people kids even. I have PCOS, been married to my best friend 9 years, and in those 9 years we have had 7 miscarries, I struggle with weight loss, and struggle with the fact our dreams of raising a family together might be non-existing. My husband and I once said the same thing, we want OUR child, not adoption, not sperm/egg donation, but our own child. Just last month we were talking, when I go off my birth control in April (one year mark) we will try one last time to have a baby. If it ends up being miscarry number 8, then we will become foster parents.0
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I know exactly what you're going through! I actually got pregnant at the end of May after I got off BC after being told I would never be able to get pregnant. My husband and I almost spilt up after that. Unfortunately, I lost the baby at 8 weeks, and it's been the hardest thing I've ever been through. So now I'm focusing on getting back on track and losing weight so when we try again, I can carry the pregnancy full term and have a healthy baby. Feel free to add me :flowerforyou:0
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rissadiane..I am so sorry for your m/c..losses truly are cruel.. I hope you get on track and have baby success!
PunkyRachel...So sorry as well for your losses.. I hope your next pregnancy is a success!!
I have heard of many women who have lost weight and their fertility improved. Carrying around extra weight messes with your hormone levels..I know this from experience!
Keep with eating well and living a healthy lifestyle! It does help out tremendously..just keep trying..never give up on your dream. (I saw a reproductive endocrinologist and with one blood test figured it out)
Denise0 -
Hey
I have fertility issues too. We've had four miscarriages - the one at Christmas messed up my hormones so I've developed polycystic ovaries and lost my fourth last month. Saw a gynecologist today who reckons that women with PCOS see a noticeable difference to their cycles (and fertility) if they slowly lose 10% of their body weight (I don't think there are many of us with PCOS who are underweight!!) so I'm trying my best
Good luck guys 0
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