I see no difference....

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LMHuff
LMHuff Posts: 5
in Health and Weight Loss
Just wondering if anyone else has had this problem...some help/advice would be great...

I use to be 170, recently just lost 30-35 pounds (I just got surgery and was a bit sick before so I'm in-between 140-135 for right now). This all happened in just a couple of months ( I worked my *kitten* off). I worked my *kitten* off thinking when I was 170 " Wow, I'll never get into the 130's ...but if I do EVER get there...that'll be an amazing difference. I'll love the way I look then." ... Only when it came down to it, when I finally got off of 140 and hit the 130's I stood in the mirror wanting to cry because I saw no difference in my body. Sure I see little differences, but in the end they mean nothing. When I got to 135 I thought that'd be amazing because that's for sure in my right weight range for my height. But, no I feel just as fat at 135 as I did at 170. It's eating away at me because I've worked so hard.

I have people coming up and telling me all the time " holy cow you lost a lot of weight over the summer!!" Not kidding, TONS of people. I go to a small college and I know for a fact I was the talk of the school for a couple of weeks because of my weight loss. I thought coming back from summer and only wishing I got those compliments and remarks ...it'd just make everything right, I'd love myself. I thought having guys thinking I was hot would make me extremely happy, turns out with guys my age I wasn't missing out on anything. And,turns out I don't give a rats *kitten* what other people think because I don't see it/believe it myself.

It's like no matter what I do, it's not enough. I have a perfect image of what I want to look like. And, it's not there, it's nowhere close to being there. I was told maybe I'll be ok with how I look once I reach my goal weight of 125. But at this point, I don't see how losing 10 more pounds could make that big enough of a difference I want to see.

I just want to look at myself for once... like the way I look... SEE a difference, really see it.

Has anyone else gone through this? Did you eventually ever see a difference? I feel so stuck right now. I love my life. I seriously feel like I am living an amazing life, the only thing that is wrong in my life is my weight. Why it's driving me nuts, it sucks.

Replies

  • haleighallen
    haleighallen Posts: 209 Member
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    Just rejoice in the fact that you are healthy!! You truly have accomplished something that many try to accomplish and fail at! You're one of the lucky few!! But if you need a little more than that, try finding a full body picture of you at your heaviest weight, and then take a full body shot of the way you look now :) I'm certain that it will help :) Stop beating yourself up! You're awesome girlie :)
  • suzi67
    suzi67 Posts: 162 Member
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    I have the same issue, I've lost 20 pounds, but I don't see it. The only way I know I've lost weight is the change in my clothing size. I am also hoping that I'll see a difference once I reach my ultimate goal. I'm just trying to keep it from being the total focus on my life.
  • LMHuff
    LMHuff Posts: 5
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    Thanks sweetie:). But, see I've done that. Recently my sorority girls and I took TONS of picture from bid day. I saw I was looking BETTER, but it's still not near what I want. So I just feel so hopeless.

    To be honest, when I hit 135 and I was so bummed .... I worked so hard ... I went off my diet for so long because of that. Just ate everything I could cause I just thought to myself " **** it"... I did all of this for NOTHING. Still kind of feel hopeless in that way.


    To be honest, I don't care that I am healthy, I only care about how I look right now. I'm seriously obsessed with it. It's ruling my life. And, I'm not going to be ok with myself until I reach exactly my perfect picture I have for myself in my head.
  • sbusarah
    sbusarah Posts: 163 Member
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    Losing more weight isn't going to change the way you feel about yourself. You have to change your thinking for that to happen. You may want to consider going to a counselor on campus (usually free) to help you with this process. Then you will have the right thoughts to go with your new body.

    I have the opposite problem I was always skinny as a kid and teenager, so I rarely see myself as fat. I feel skinny and am reminded of my body when I see pictures. It has taken me time to come face to face with reality and realize that I needed to do something about it.
  • meagalayne
    meagalayne Posts: 3,382 Member
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    Just wondering if anyone else has had this problem...some help/advice would be great...

    I use to be 170, recently just lost 30-35 pounds (I just got surgery and was a bit sick before so I'm in-between 140-135 for right now). This all happened in just a couple of months ( I worked my *kitten* off). I worked my *kitten* off thinking when I was 170 " Wow, I'll never get into the 130's ...but if I do EVER get there...that'll be an amazing difference. I'll love the way I look then." ... Only when it came down to it, when I finally got off of 140 and hit the 130's I stood in the mirror wanting to cry because I saw no difference in my body. Sure I see little differences, but in the end they mean nothing. When I got to 135 I thought that'd be amazing because that's for sure in my right weight range for my height. But, no I feel just as fat at 135 as I did at 170. It's eating away at me because I've worked so hard.

    I have people coming up and telling me all the time " holy cow you lost a lot of weight over the summer!!" Not kidding, TONS of people. I go to a small college and I know for a fact I was the talk of the school for a couple of weeks because of my weight loss. I thought coming back from summer and only wishing I got those compliments and remarks ...it'd just make everything right, I'd love myself. I thought having guys thinking I was hot would make me extremely happy, turns out with guys my age I wasn't missing out on anything. And,turns out I don't give a rats *kitten* what other people think because I don't see it/believe it myself.

    It's like no matter what I do, it's not enough. I have a perfect image of what I want to look like. And, it's not there, it's nowhere close to being there. I was told maybe I'll be ok with how I look once I reach my goal weight of 125. But at this point, I don't see how losing 10 more pounds could make that big enough of a difference I want to see.

    I just want to look at myself for once... like the way I look... SEE a difference, really see it.

    Has anyone else gone through this? Did you eventually ever see a difference? I feel so stuck right now. I love my life. I seriously feel like I am living an amazing life, the only thing that is wrong in my life is my weight. Why it's driving me nuts, it sucks.

    Yes... Boy oh boy. I am at a similar place. I mean I *see* a difference. I can tell in my face and neck that I have lost weight. Nearly 55lbs, actually. I am currently around 135lb, which is supposed to be really healthy for my height, but I still feel like I look "skinny fat" instead of fit and healthy. I am not toned AT ALL and my whole body feels like a wobbly mess. Yes, I am smaller than I was - significantly - but since I haven't been weight training I still look like a fat person, just a much smaller one. I REALLY want to feel good about the way I look, and I know that I am really hard on myself for having extra weight around my stomach and thighs, considering how minimal it is compared to what I used to weigh, but I just really am not satisfied with this...

    So - I am still working hard. I've changed my goals and I am going to increase the weight and resistance training over time. I want to be toned and fit and LOOK the way I feel. Everything takes time and this will be no different. Weight loss is one thing, but looking the part of being FIT is entirely another. Wish you success on your journey LMHuff - Just keep plugging away. Remember: This is a lifestyle thing. It's not over yet :)

    -Meag
  • LMHuff
    LMHuff Posts: 5
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    @sbusarah- My thinking is messed up because of my weight, and how I look. I'm very real with myself, I'll KNOW when I look my best. I just thought it'd already of happened.

    I actually have seen a psychologist about this ...basically she just told me to do something about it so I can feel better about myself.

    That is exactly what I am doing, I do feel better about myself, that I actually am not lazy and eating well. But, it doesn't change if I like how I look and to me that is all that matters in the end...I look in the mirror I still see the same person exactly as I did when 170. It's NOT how I envisioned myself looking at this weight, at all.

    I'm just so frustrated.

    Maybe it'll just take time to be ok with myself like you said it took time for you.
  • camaris
    camaris Posts: 36 Member
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    FWIW, I know exactly what you mean. I have lost 15kg so far (33lb) and I can't help but be disappointed. People are always telling me that I look like I have lost weight but I just can't see it. Objectively, I must have, because my clothes are baggy and I am fitting into stuff that I haven't for years, but when i look in the mirror I am definitely not where I want to be. I thought that when I got to this weight I would have a flat stomach and no moobs but they are still there, and I can't help but think...how much more do I have to lose!? 5kg? 10kg? I wish I knew what I had to target so there was an end in sight.

    But, the other side of it is that I am know I am healthier and fitter because of the life changes I have had to make to get this far. . I used to eat just for the sake of it, but now I am always concious of my calories (even when I am being bad). And, I have much more self discipline when it comes to going to the gym when I have never been able to stick to it before. I notice the difference playing cricket, I am not the slowest and unhealthiest guy on the team, running laps is much easier now. I can play a whole game of basketball rather than having constantly sub out or feel like I will die.

    This really isn't just about the appearance side of it. It is a lifestyle change and I can feel the changes in myself, in my character and outlook, even if I can't always see them.

    So, despite the disappointment and disillusionment, those things have made the journey so far worth all the hard work. I hope that you can find things to hold onto as well.
  • thefallguy
    thefallguy Posts: 23
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    I'm stuck at the same weight, too. I have the same problem sometimes, it's called low self-esteem. It keeps you going for perfection.

    Buuuut..... You need to stop being so hard on yourself! Love yourself more, get pedis, dress up for no reason, go out. You're in a pit and it doesn't matter if you're 100lbs, you'll still be in that miserable pit if you don't fix yourself inside out.

    If it's really about seeing a difference, try taking pictures of yourself half nude (for your own viewing of course). This is something that helps you see the changes side by side. No one is with you as much as you are with yourself, so feel you look the same everyday. You may also want to try measuring your neck, arms, abd girth, hips, waist, thighs, etc... This will give you a better idea of what and where you're losing the weight/inches whether or not the scale moves.
  • lordofultima
    lordofultima Posts: 293
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    I hate to say it, but it could be because you didn't lose quality weight. It all depends on how long it took you to lose that weight. If you cut too many calories, you can be excited by how fast you drop scale weight, but a large portion of that weight isn't going to be fat...It's going to be muscle. So this is what is called skinny-fat syndrome, people don't weigh a lot, look a little scrawny (because of the loss of muscle), but still have large fat reserves on parts of their body.

    I'm in no position to judge however, I'm just making silly assumptions. The stubborn weight that you want to lose doesn't come until the end unfortunately...I recommend measuring bodyfat percentage since it'll more directly show the results of your exercise and nutritional planning.
  • sjaudio
    sjaudio Posts: 52
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    LMHuff, a purely practical question for you. Are you doing any weight training? If you're not toning up your muscles, it won't really matter how much weight you lose: things will still look "fat". Meagalayne referred to is as "skinny fat" If you're not doing any weight training, try putting some into your fitness routine. If you are already, perhaps you need to up your intensity a bit.

    Good luck.
  • LMHuff
    LMHuff Posts: 5
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    I hate to say it, but it could be because you didn't lose quality weight. It all depends on how long it took you to lose that weight. If you cut too many calories, you can be excited by how fast you drop scale weight, but a large portion of that weight isn't going to be fat...It's going to be muscle. So this is what is called skinny-fat syndrome, people don't weigh a lot, look a little scrawny (because of the loss of muscle), but still have large fat reserves on parts of their body.

    I'm in no position to judge however, I'm just making silly assumptions. The stubborn weight that you want to lose doesn't come until the end unfortunately...I recommend measuring bodyfat percentage since it'll more directly show the results of your exercise and nutritional planning.

    Hm, I sure hope not. I didn't lose the weight that fast, I only lost 2 pounds a week really (except the first ten came off FAST)... and once I hit a plateau I just worked out even more and harder to break it. I just worked really hard. My whole entire life revolves around eating right and working out.

    I am on a strict diet ...well lifestyle change. Actually, someone looks over my diet and exercise plan and He definitely knows what Hes talking about so I know for sure I am doing it the best way possible. It's high protein low carb.

    I do cardio for an hour and a half or an hour and then weights for 30 minutes .... every day.... I don't know how else to eat better or workout better even? I feel like I am doing all I can?? :(
  • LMHuff
    LMHuff Posts: 5
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    And, thanks to everyone else for their input. Think you all have some pretty valid points .... just some things I need to stick with and work on I guess.

    At least I am not the only one who feels this way.
  • thevetchling
    thevetchling Posts: 21 Member
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    Sounds like the biggest problems are to do with self image rather than just weight. It's not surprising. The whole advertising industry, which pays for the media coverage of the world, has to construct dissatisfaction amongst the population. It's not an accidental side effect, it's how advertising works. If you were satisfied with yourself(your body or your life) you're less likely to hand over your hard earned cash to companies selling stuff.
    What does this mean? Don't get angry with yourself or your body, get angry with those who've actively encouraged you to feel this profound sadness. It was a mean thing to do to you. Cheer up. They haven't necessarily won.
  • sjaudio
    sjaudio Posts: 52
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    Have you ever spoken to a trainer regarding your workouts? If you haven't done so in a while (or ever), perhaps that might help.
  • stella77
    stella77 Posts: 282
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    Losing more weight isn't going to change the way you feel about yourself. You have to change your thinking for that to happen. You may want to consider going to a counselor on campus (usually free) to help you with this process. Then you will have the right thoughts to go with your new body.

    I totally agree with this!
  • pamp1emousse
    pamp1emousse Posts: 282 Member
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    Congratulations on the weight loss! I remember losing about 25lbs over a summer when I was 16, and everyone commented but it took me a really long time to see the difference because it came off so fast. Even if you stuck to 2lbs a week, a big change over not very long is going to take a while for you to adjust to. Can you see a difference when you look at old photos? If not, just give yourself time for it to sink it... youre probably still seeing the pre-loss you, but youll get used to it! i only did once i stopped losing weight, so if its really getting you down you could consider taking a break from weight loss, maybe just focusing on toning up for like 4 weeks and then once youre used to your new body, start again? just an idea :smile:
    congratulations anyway!
  • Ubiguchi
    Ubiguchi Posts: 14
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    It's a very common problem and I believe it's a mild form of body dysmorphia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder), although it's quite natural so don't fret about that disorder word.

    Before you lose weight you form an image in your mind of how your body will look, but after you've lost some weight everyone else notices it while you can only very vaguely see it yourself.

    Having gone through this myself, I think the best thing to do is to listen to others (particularly if there's tons of them) and appreciate what they're saying. It can take some time to realise your body has changed, but the best indications are your weight, your size and the opinions of others *not* your own subjective opinion.
  • modernfemme
    modernfemme Posts: 454 Member
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    A lot of people who lose weight really fast, their skin is still kind of flabby in some parts because it hasn't stretched back yet. You should try doing some yoga, strengthening some of those areas, and maintain your current weight. Yoga is awesome. I've only lost 8 pounds, but my arms are pretty toned at this point.
  • iluvwdw
    iluvwdw Posts: 287 Member
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    I think it is commonfor people to not be able to see themselves as they really are and to accept their new body once they have lost weight. The mind still "sees" the old you. I have heard this before. IT takes time to adjust. It is your thinking and have to adjust your brain that you are now thinner.

    If you are still having trouble you could talk to someone about this to help you accept the new changed you. The inside has to match the outside. You have to believe that you are worthy of change and good health or you will never believe that you are thin enough and you will always still believe that you have to lose more weight and then be happy. be happy now with what you have accomplished and be ready to face the world as a new you!

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