Discourage and inform or just nod and agree?
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I have tried discouraging in the past. I have a younger cousin who is overweight. Not much, I'd guess 40-50 lbs and was posting on Facebook about this diet she was struggling on. I dropped my 2 cents about how diets don't work along with links to MFP and she ignored it all, got sick and now is on some other diet.
Another buddy of mine who severely needs to lose weight, doesn't listen to my advice at all. Eats low fat/diet type food and doesn't understand why he won't lose weight. Again, like with my cousin, I tried to get him to sign up for MFP and use it. Says he doesn't have time. *rolls eyes*
I don't say anything to anyone anymore. It's really fusterating and just frankly I don't waste my time or energy anymore. If people ask, I'll give my advice, otherwise I just shut up and don't say anything.0 -
Don't say anything. If people aren't already doing it, they aren't interested. No one likes to hear someone else proselytize. When people decide to make changes, they will do it on their own, in their own time.
Just think about how interested you are in hearing about Jesus and having your soul saved. If you aren't there already, you don't care. It's the same with telling people about the 'Jesus' of lifting and eating clean.
Nod and smile and let people walk their own path.0 -
I'm getting to the point of just nod and agree.
I hear most days about my colleagues/friends diets.
"I'm just going to eat fruit from now on and a main meal in the evening"
"I'm juicing for 2 meals a day"
"I'm doing Slimming World"
"I'm just going to eat Weetabix"
...and the list goes on. I'm starting to get sick of saying "Why don't you just eat healthier?!" and they go "mmm" and then the next day they tell me they only ate a banana and an apple for lunch... then for dinner ate a massive unhealthy dinner.
Then I see them looking at slimming pills online.
:noway: :devil:0 -
I have tried discouraging in the past. I have a younger cousin who is overweight. Not much, I'd guess 40-50 lbs and was posting on Facebook about this diet she was struggling on. I dropped my 2 cents about how diets don't work along with links to MFP and she ignored it all, got sick and now is on some other diet.
Another buddy of mine who severely needs to lose weight, doesn't listen to my advice at all. Eats low fat/diet type food and doesn't understand why he won't lose weight. Again, like with my cousin, I tried to get him to sign up for MFP and use it. Says he doesn't have time. *rolls eyes*
Oh, and this! I once spent about 20 minutes typing out some mad long email to two female colleagues inbetween jobs at work about BMR, TDEE, gave the link to MFP etc etc... they didn't reply and then I still hear them saying "I just can NOT lose weight whatever I do, so I've given up now" whilst stuffing their faces with crisps at lunch.
It makes me quite mad, so maybe I need to stop giving a sh1t about other peoples lives and stop letting it annoy me :laugh:0 -
I don't tell them anything.
They are doing something more than laying around doing nothing. If they stick with being more active, they will discover likes and dislikes, become more informed, have changing tastes in the training world as time goes by. Who's not to say they will end up where they need to be and that they needed to experience everything along the way?
Without the freedom to make mistakes and explore different ways to do things, then there are no opportunities to learn. It's more valuable if people come to things under their own steam and in their own time and become their own people. Rather than becoming the people you think they should be.
I think I've got my answer..
But
I wish I never did a lemon cleanse... I also wish I had never eaten just a pound of boneless skinless chicken breasts a day along with a lot of vegetable..I had no idea how low in calories it was.. It was hell. Neither one of those were good learning experiences.... Injuring myself increasing running mileage/speed sucked, too... Hmmm, what other dumb nutritional stuff have I done... Bad lifting regimens...
The only lesson I learned that actually helped me was injuring myself training... Do that once or twice and you learn to take it easy and let things heal. You learn to stretch and do proper warmups and cool downs... I think that could have vbeen avoided too though... It also left me with a chronic ankle injury that will probably be there for life...
Im not sure everyone has the will power to fail as many times as I have.. I'm pretty damn good at figuring out the wrong way.
this is true...but you had to learn these things on your own. When you tell people that X cleanse or X diet is bogus they just dig in and say "so and so says this or that..." Just look at the threads on here where people who are shredded and/or in great shape tell people don't do that and you can eat this and people just say "thanks, but I will do it my way..."
I think the greatest learning experiences come from personal failure..sad but true...and story of my life..
If this theoretical person is a close friend, then I would try to have an intelligent conversation with them, but if they still wanted to do it their way then I would say OK....0 -
I can't say anything directly to my partner or he'll go and do the opposite!
Instead of saying, "If you do this you'll be slim like you used to be" I say " I'm doing this so I'll be slim like I used to be!"
I think positive encouragement and just generally talking about what we do to gain results may sink in. Some people are only happy when they think it was their idea in the first place!0 -
I used to be a little overweight (178 lb, 5'8) and lifted for more or less a year with little to no results. Then two months ago, I changed my diet to lose some weight while still doing the exact same lifting routine and I made more progress in two months with adequate nutrition then I did in a year with inadequate nutrition.
I guess doing cardio and lifting without proper nutrition is better than nothing, but the results are peanuts.
If I met a guy who did like I did for a year, I'd certainly tell him he's wasting his time. The choice to do it right would be his.0 -
I used to be a little overweight (178 lb, 5'8) and lifted for more or less a year with little to no results. Then two months ago, I changed my diet to lose some weight while still doing the exact same lifting routine and I made more progress in two months with adequate nutrition then I did in a year with inadequate nutrition.
I guess doing cardio and lifting without proper nutrition is better than nothing, but the results are peanuts.
If I met a guy who did like I did for a year, I'd certainly tell him he's wasting his time. The choice to do it right would be his.
If the 'results' were fat loss, then sure, you were spinning your wheels a bit.
However, if the results were increased c-v, or strength/bone density/muscle, then you probably got those. You also gave yourself time under the bar without a calorie deficit impacting your recovery. Helping to keep your form crisper and progress in the weights faster.
All depends on what results you are talking about really.....0 -
I just had that discussion with my mom last night about a friend of hers. In her 50's. Very overweight (maybe even obese, but I don't really know the exact number to determine) and she has diabetes running rampant in her family. She had her yearly physical a few weeks again, sugar up, cholestrol up, weight up 10lbs from last year (and she's only 4'11). The only thing she could say was "I'll join a gym, all I need to do is exercise, I don't eat that much". Denial.
I wish we as a collective group could do a public service annoucement that made people understand that exercise WILL NOT fix a bad diet. And denial and excuses will only get us fat and dead over time.0 -
I don't tell them anything.
They are doing something more than laying around doing nothing. If they stick with being more active, they will discover likes and dislikes, become more informed, have changing tastes in the training world as time goes by. Who's not to say they will end up where they need to be and that they needed to experience everything along the way?
Without the freedom to make mistakes and explore different ways to do things, then there are no opportunities to learn. It's more valuable if people come to things under their own steam and in their own time and become their own people. Rather than becoming the people you think they should be.
I think I've got my answer..
But
I wish I never did a lemon cleanse... I also wish I had never eaten just a pound of boneless skinless chicken breasts a day along with a lot of vegetable..I had no idea how low in calories it was.. It was hell. Neither one of those were good learning experiences.... Injuring myself increasing running mileage/speed sucked, too... Hmmm, what other dumb nutritional stuff have I done... Bad lifting regimens...
The only lesson I learned that actually helped me was injuring myself training... Do that once or twice and you learn to take it easy and let things heal. You learn to stretch and do proper warmups and cool downs... I think that could have vbeen avoided too though... It also left me with a chronic ankle injury that will probably be there for life...
Im not sure everyone has the will power to fail as many times as I have.. I'm pretty damn good at figuring out the wrong way.
this is true...but you had to learn these things on your own. When you tell people that X cleanse or X diet is bogus they just dig in and say "so and so says this or that..." Just look at the threads on here where people who are shredded and/or in great shape tell people don't do that and you can eat this and people just say "thanks, but I will do it my way..."
I think the greatest learning experiences come from personal failure..sad but true...and story of my life..
If this theoretical person is a close friend, then I would try to have an intelligent conversation with them, but if they still wanted to do it their way then I would say OK....
Your learning by failing made me laugh. That's how I do most of my learning starting as a kid when my mom told me not to touch the iron because it was hot. It wasn't until I put my hand on the bottom of the iron that I 'knew' it was hot. It was the same with don't touch the knife, it's sharp. I'm still, figuratively, touching the bottoms of irons. Most people learn like that.
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Why do you think that keeping the same diet and adding exercise is going to do nothing? It won't make the person lose weight if the exercise they do isn't enough to create a calorie deficit, but at least it will increase fitness and slow down the rate at which they're gaining weight, right?0
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Why do you think that keeping the same diet and adding exercise is going to do nothing?
I'm certain I never said that. You took this comment out of context or just never read it in its entirety. Or you read it and chose to misinterpret it.. "I tell em they're just wasting their time if they think its going to result in a bunch of weight loss. "Let them lift, leave them alone and watch em get strong as ****.
I like this comment and its simplicity. If they keep at it they'll probably wanna see those muscles someday and that will inevitably lead to altering their diet (or at least I;d hope)I wish we as a collective group could do a public service annoucement that made people understand that exercise WILL NOT fix a bad diet. And denial and excuses will only get us fat and dead over time.
People often do, but, as others have said, it often falls on deaf ears. People can be pretty stubborn about this stuff. Some people just gotta put their hand in the fire to know its hot. (Julie, I would said "touch the iron", but, that sounds like a weightlifting pun)
im glad my suffering was entertaining for youYour learning by failing made me laugh 0 -
I have had a very stressful 6 months. During that time I have adopted the motto: Head down, mouth shut, my four walls. Unless something directly pertains to someone I love or myself, I just simply let go and let God. 0
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im glad my suffering was entertaining for youYour learning by failing made me laugh
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I take my entertainment where I can get it. 0 -
If they're asking advice, I tell them that 80% or more of weight loss is done in the kitchen. It'd take me two hours to walk off a single Whopper Jr - and never mind the fries. You can't out-exercise a crappy diet.0
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Speaking from experience. I have a jacked up diet but I exercise and with out exercise I would be a whole lot bigger than I am. I don't exercise just for weight loss I have Osteoarthritis in both my hips my right foot and my knees. Besides I can take the stairs without my heart giving out. My body just feels better with exercise. losing weight would be a major plus but I'm taking things one day at a time and enjoying my life right where I am.0
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If they're asking advice, I tell them that 80% or more of weight loss is done in the kitchen. It'd take me two hours to walk off a single Whopper Jr - and never mind the fries. You can't out-exercise a crappy diet.
Wow I needed a lift today and you provided it. will make a fridge magnet out of those words.0 -
I think that if the person wants to start with exercise just let 'em, you know? A person who moves is healthier than a person who doesn't, regardless of size. You don't have to say anything until they start asking for advice on how to actually drop the lbs. I have a feeling, though, that they'll automatically start moving towards a calorie deficit when they start to love exercise. I personally know that when I move a lot I have less of an appetite and tend to go for less calorie-dense foods, like fruit and veg. It also ups my water, so things can sometimes fall into place if someone starts with exercise and has no initial intention to change their eating habits.0
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I say just set a good example and share with him favorite meals or snacks that you enjoy now. The information about calories in/calories out is very hard to hear. He's not going to hear it until he's ready.0
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It's seriously hard to tell people to change what they're doing, even when they know something's wrong. My dad's cholesterol is terrible and he still eats foods that will make it worse or keep it the same. People have to WANT to change what they're doing.0
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