Starting Over...Again...

DragonSpark
DragonSpark Posts: 57
in Getting Started
Hey, everybody! A little about myself and my MFP past: I originally joined MFP in January of 2012 at 189 lbs. Between January and September I was able to lose 30 lbs and was only 9 lbs away from my goal weight when I hit a bout of depression and decided to eat my way out of it. I ate so much that I gained back 25 lbs in two months. Yes, I ate so much, to the point of making myself physically ill on a daily basis, that I gained 25 lbs between the months of October and December. Ever since then I've been on and off MFP. I get down to 170 lbs and then slip up and decide what's the point because I'm going to end up failing anyway and give up, get back into the high 170s/low 180s and then decide to try again, get back down to the low 170s, slip up and start the cycle over. I even deleted my old account and then started this new one in June.

This morning I decided to start over and this time I'm trying something new. Instead of worrying about my weight and determining how I'm doing based on the scale I've decided I'm not going to weigh myself. I took pictures this morning and plan on taking pictures every Friday and use that to gauge my weight loss. I know measurements are a good gauge too, but I don't want my measurements to turn into an obsession like my weight did. I don't want the numbers to make or break my attitude towards this, I just want to be happy with myself and my body. I do have measurements from a few weeks ago that I'll use for comparison once I feel comfortable doing so.

Anywho, I'm looking for a support system. I've shared my patterns of quitting and getting back on the wagon so please bear with me. My diary is open to friends HOWEVER I'm not interested in anybody critiquing it. Just a "good job logging" or "such and such was a good choice for breakfast" type thing. It's open for my own personal accountability, not because I want advice. If I want advice on something I'll ask for it. I also don't need "such and such was a good choice but you should cut back on this, that and the other." I'm only saying this because I know what has worked for me in the past and what has caused me to quit. If every single time I have a Coke (or more on "bad" days) I get bashed for it then I'm going to just quit logging it and that doesn't help me. I'm an emotional basket case, and I know it. Food is how I cope with things, but I'm working on changing that.

If you've made it this far without dying of boredom and you're interested in being friends on here feel free to add me. Thanks for taking the time to read this!

Replies

  • sepulchura
    sepulchura Posts: 95 Member
    Glad to hear you are alive and kicking Dragon Spark, I rarely weigh myself by the way. MFP is a helpful tool, use it in the way that helps you the most.

    Good luck and stay in the fight, it's worth it.
  • amberxy
    amberxy Posts: 35 Member
    Added!! Your story is a mirror of mine. Good luck to you and well done for getting back at it!

    Each day, remind yourself:

    "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”

    xx
  • onefinelakerfan
    onefinelakerfan Posts: 2
    Our stories sound familiar. I joined this week. I am also obsessed with the scale. Maybe we can motivate eachother.
  • Spreyton22K
    Spreyton22K Posts: 323 Member
    Dear Dragon,

    I was wondering if you would like to add me as possible friend for support. I am twice your age and have a daughter born in 1985, so you may not find that OK and I understand.

    But, I have been where you are now.....at your stage in life....I can truly appreciate your heartache and enormous stress levels you're talking about. Thankfully I have been able to work thru alot of these issues and have come out the other side.....mainly sane :tongue: .

    My story is on here it's called My Fat History, you may like to check it out....see what you think. I wish you all the very best.

    Cheers from
    Down Under, Under
    Karen
  • dannytrees1
    dannytrees1 Posts: 381 Member
    Hi there ,Add me as your friend if you like, I will help you.
    Plus I want to know more about the Island...I would love to go there some day.
  • DragonSpark
    DragonSpark Posts: 57
    Thank you, everyone, for the encouragement and friend requests!
  • OriginalKatie
    OriginalKatie Posts: 119 Member
    Hello Dragon Spark! I'm a bit like you. I lost the weight, then got depressed - gained half of it back - now I'm starting over again, while battling chronic pain and other things. Add me and we'll get through this together!
  • prindog
    prindog Posts: 3 Member
    I can not begin to explain all the similarities in our stories. I've had the same emotional eating problem and have decided to get back to a determined state of mind! Congrats on deciding to take pictures- i've always been too tied to the number on the scale. Maybe I can have enough will power like you to ditch that too!
  • JessHealthKick
    JessHealthKick Posts: 800 Member
    Heya,

    Feel free to add :) I am trying very hard not to get 'off track' too (on a smaller scale), as I get to be an emotional eater during stressful times with University, or just in general when I am hungry ALL THE TIME (thank you, hormones). Won't even bother looking at your diary and would only make comment if I see you under-eating for a period of time, as that is the sign of something else sinister.

    I am sure this will be your LAST start over, right?!

    Jess
  • Shun2012
    Shun2012 Posts: 2 Member
    I'm starting over again myself, I recently lost 15 pounds but in the past week it feels like I've gained it back. I'm under stress and because of that I have been overeating and not working out. It's crazy, I feel great when I eat better and exercise but I turn to food in bad times which make me feel wrost. Your not alone, it's a real fight
  • DragonSpark
    DragonSpark Posts: 57
    I just want to thank everyone who has responded, sent me a friend request, or sent me a message. I really appreciate the support and I'm hoping that because of it this will be my last restart. =)
  • j3nnal3igh13
    j3nnal3igh13 Posts: 134
    I hear you my dear. Sounds just like my story. It's been a roller coaster for me for a couple years now. Up... Down... Up... and now I'm slowly starting back on the down... Add me if you'd like. :smile:
  • ceebeez1975
    ceebeez1975 Posts: 48 Member
    I think so many of us can relate. I am the queen of yo yo weight loss. 3 years ago I lost 24 kilos ( over 50 pounds) and then we had earthquakes ( I am in Christchurch New Zealand) and for 2 years we had many shocks and shakes, and two major ones where lives were lost and people in my city were so affected including our kids....long story short, stress and anxiety caused me to fall off the weight loss wagon as I reached for alcohol and food to comfort me. I am now out of that cycle and back to weight loss and health.I just hope this time I can be successful. I see this is as one day at a time, trying not to focus on being a certain weight or a size ( my self worth is more than a number on the scale). It is about the day to day journey, not thinking too much about the end result. If you can get through the day to day stuff, you will succeed. If you have one or two bad days, and give up, you wont succeed. Winners never quit and quitters never win :) Good Luck!
  • DDSA52
    DDSA52 Posts: 11 Member
    I also battle with depression and turn to eating. Winter is a particular bad time for me. I do view diaries but do not critique what people eat. I'm bad for turning to comfort food when stressed as well.I tend to put too much emphasis on the scale reading and I'm trying to work on not doing that. I have a daughter your age but would like to add you, if that is OK.

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