An Open Letter to my Mom: "If your mind was still healthy"

lavieboheme1229
lavieboheme1229 Posts: 448 Member
in Chit-Chat
So I posted this on my blog (http://thecraftingaccountant.blogspot.com/2013/10/if-your-mind-was-still-healthy.html), more or less as a therapy exercise for myself. But I hope this can help someone else out there. A lot of us gained weight from external stressors. One of mine is my family.

Mom,

I need to let you go. I need to let go of who you were and who I want you to be. I love you. I love all that you were, and a grieve for all you could be.

My therapist could never understand why I defend you. Always. I've always defended your actions, your mood swings, your hard, cold life lessons at too early an age. I've defended your decision to stay with an abusive husband, even after he abused me.

If your mind was still healthy, you would recognize this was the highest form of respect I could show you. Instead, you have screamed how disrespectful I am. You have put words in my mouth, you have projected your own insecurities through my voice. You have said I'm not your daughter. You have broken my heart.

If your mind was still healthy, you would see how much I need you. How much I need my mother's love and acceptance. How much I need you to say "Wow, great job! I'm impressed!" Instead you see me as a show off, a display of my superiority, I've achieved more. Instead you are jealous of everything I've accomplished. When I was little, you always said "All I want for you is the world; to have more than I ever could."

If your mind was still healthy, you would bask in the strength I've achieved through you. Instead you call me cold and calculating, admonishing me when I don't cry over your insults.

If your mind was still healthy, I could tell you these things, and you would be the mother I know you want to be.

If your mind was still healthy, I wouldn't need to tell you these things at all, because you would be one kick-*kitten* Mom.

If your mind was still healthy, this is something you would want for me. You wouldn't want to impede my life, cause me this much pain and suffering. You would want me to be happy, healthy, and thrive.

I have to let you go because I have to love myself as I know, deep down inside, you love me. I need to protect my heart the way my mother would.

Love, Forever and Always,

Your Daughter

Replies

  • roxylola
    roxylola Posts: 540 Member
    I had to walk away from my mother too. There comes a point when you realise in an unhealthy relationship that you have to put yourself first as the other party never will. I don't regret it, I feel a little sadness for her but she chose her own path in life. I hope she is healthy and happy and I wish her no ill but she has no part in my life and never will.

    I wish you all the luck and love you deserve.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    well that made me cry...lots of prayers in your healing
  • ren_ascent
    ren_ascent Posts: 432 Member
    I never want to be the kind of mom my children walk away from for their own good.
    I'm glad you were able to make the right choice for your own mental health.
  • lavieboheme1229
    lavieboheme1229 Posts: 448 Member
    thank you for your kind words. It is hard, but thankfully I have wonderful mother figures in my life. The hardest part is that it's impossible to actually replace your mom, so you need to learn to live with that hole.

    I just hope that this can help someone else who may have similar problems with a bipolar family member.
  • _Krys10_
    _Krys10_ Posts: 1,234 Member
    So sad
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    I have a card that my mother made me one year. Handmade Christmas card on paperbags, with ribbons and glitter and sequins. If her mind was healthy, I could tell her I will never throw it out.

    Her mind is not healthy. She will never be a safe person for me to tell that to. As far she knows and will ever know, I lost the card years ago.

    But it's still on my bookshelf. It always will be.

    This is a beautiful, beautiful letter. It hit home and moved me. Thank you for posting this.
  • lavieboheme1229
    lavieboheme1229 Posts: 448 Member
    I have a card that my mother made me one year. Handmade Christmas card on paperbags, with ribbons and glitter and sequins. If her mind was healthy, I could tell her I will never throw it out.

    Her mind is not healthy. She will never be a safe person for me to tell that to. As far she knows and will ever know, I lost the card years ago.

    But it's still on my bookshelf. It always will be.

    This is a beautiful, beautiful letter. It hit home and moved me. Thank you for posting this.

    Thank you for your words. I'm glad it helped. Its hard to have a parent you can't trust your emotions with. They take advantage of them and manipulate them. I'm glad you have the card, and a reminder of better days :flowerforyou:
  • UncleMac
    UncleMac Posts: 13,929 Member
    I know this won't like help but this sorrow isn't exclusive to mothers & daughters.

    The hardest thing to let go was the loss of hope when I was forced to acknowledge that nothing I could do or say would change my relationship and continuing to try was harming me.
  • ThePlight
    ThePlight Posts: 3,593 Member
    My mom was the reason for all of the stress in my life. I love my mom, but from afar. FEW STATES, apart. I'm fine now :)
    I still talk to her on the phone, though :)

    I did this myself.. I wrote a letter to her I'd never send, I let my boyfriend read it, then I burnt it. It got a lot of my feelings out. Quite a soothing method of therapy.

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