Sympathy Weight

Dbchristensen
Dbchristensen Posts: 11 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Ok, so my wife is pregnant for the second time. The first time she got pregnant I gained alot of weight, along with her. In fact, it was the catalyst to my largest fat gain.

I can see that I'm very slowly gaining the fat I had shed off ( I was 10lbs from my goal weight when she got pregnant again) and am really discouraged by it. I'm not gaining as much as the first time, but I'm definitely not losing any. I don't believe there is anything mystical about the weight gain. It seems like I just end up eating the same foods/amounts that she does when we eat. But the urge to eat is SO unbelievable.

Do you have advice? (with a small p.s., I won't pursue any discussion about changing her habits. I need things that I can do.)

Replies

  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    Forgive me, but this really cute. :bigsmile: You are pregnant right along with your wife.

    I advise you work harder to eat what is within your calorie allowance. You are in control of how much you eat, which really has nothing to do with her.
  • djeffreys10
    djeffreys10 Posts: 2,312 Member
    My advice is to stop using your wife as an excuse to over eat. As a father of two myself, I think I can safely say that a man never gains sympathy weight. He gains "lazy" weight. Or "lack of will power" weight. Or "it's not fair that she gets to eat the junk and I don't" weight. Or any other number of reasons for gaining. Calling it sypmathy weight may paint you in a better light. But a rose by any other name is still the same. You are over eating. Your wife being pregnant is in no way relevant to the issue. Seperate the two, and fix what you are doing wrong.
  • Dbchristensen
    Dbchristensen Posts: 11 Member
    So basically, I'm being lazy and lack willpower and I'm using the pregnancy as an excuse to my weight gain.

    Does anyone have any advice about not being lazy and gaining willpower?
  • djeffreys10
    djeffreys10 Posts: 2,312 Member
    So basically, I'm being lazy and lack willpower and I'm using the pregnancy as an excuse to my weight gain.

    Basically, you are making the choice to eat at a surplus causing you to gain weight. And you are using your wifes pregnancy as an excuse. It could be because you are being lazy. It could be because you lack will power. It could be that you are devoting less time to exercise and more time to spending with her. It could be any number of reasons. But your wife being pregnant is not a reason. It is an excuse. Doesn't make you a bad guy. For example, if you are spending more time with her when you used to exercise, but still eating the same amount, that would be a reason you are gaining. If that were the case, you could address by finding time to workout, or by adjusting your diet for you new activity level. Or maybe it is something else, there is no way for me to know. But simply stating that it is because she is pregnant is an excuse that does nothing to address the actual issue. Address that actual reason if you want to change it.
  • SlimJanette
    SlimJanette Posts: 597 Member
    First of all...Congrats!

    Stick to a calorie deficit and hold yourself accountable. You can do this, you did it before after the 1st baby.
  • jwdieter
    jwdieter Posts: 2,582 Member
    So basically, I'm being lazy and lack willpower and I'm using the pregnancy as an excuse to my weight gain.

    Does anyone have any advice about not being lazy and gaining willpower?

    Take some pictures of yourself. Is that what you want to see in the pictures? If not, pay some attention to yourself and get your body where you want it.
  • stealthq
    stealthq Posts: 4,298 Member
    ...
    It seems like I just end up eating the same foods/amounts that she does when we eat. But the urge to eat is SO unbelievable.
    ...

    In that case, I recommend eating something different than she does. You might need something high volume & low calorie so you can eat as much as she does, or you might need to find something higher in protein and fat that is more satiating so you find it easier to stop eating when you should. Try both methods and pick what works best for you.
  • Dbchristensen
    Dbchristensen Posts: 11 Member
    So basically, I'm being lazy and lack willpower and I'm using the pregnancy as an excuse to my weight gain.

    Does anyone have any advice about not being lazy and gaining willpower?

    Take some pictures of yourself. Is that what you want to see in the pictures? If not, pay some attention to yourself and get your body where you want it.

    Come to think of it, I think that is what both my wife and I did the first time we tried to start losing weight. I think I'll do that tonight.
  • __freckles__
    __freckles__ Posts: 1,238 Member
    I think it's pretty obvious. Stop eating so much.
  • dwh77tx
    dwh77tx Posts: 513 Member
    Fill up on large volume, low cal foods with meals or when you aren't really hungry, but just want to snack. Examples that work for me- hard boiled egg whites, huge salad tossed with fat free italian, big bowl of sugar free jello, etc etc.
  • Dbchristensen
    Dbchristensen Posts: 11 Member
    I think it's pretty obvious. Stop eating so much.

    LOL, I like that advice to. BTW, you shouldn't be typing. You are a cat.
  • Dbchristensen
    Dbchristensen Posts: 11 Member
    So basically, I'm being lazy and lack willpower and I'm using the pregnancy as an excuse to my weight gain.

    Basically, you are making the choice to eat at a surplus causing you to gain weight. And you are using your wifes pregnancy as an excuse. It could be because you are being lazy. It could be because you lack will power. It could be that you are devoting less time to exercise and more time to spending with her. It could be any number of reasons. But your wife being pregnant is not a reason. It is an excuse. Doesn't make you a bad guy. For example, if you are spending more time with her when you used to exercise, but still eating the same amount, that would be a reason you are gaining. If that were the case, you could address by finding time to workout, or by adjusting your diet for you new activity level. Or maybe it is something else, there is no way for me to know. But simply stating that it is because she is pregnant is an excuse that does nothing to address the actual issue. Address that actual reason if you want to change it.

    That's good advice. I'll think about the underlying reasons.
  • oiseau17
    oiseau17 Posts: 142 Member
    I don't really have any advice except log your food and eat at a deficit, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not the only guy in this situation. Same thing happened with my husband when I was pregnant. It's great that you're recognizing it now instead of a couple years down the line when you might have a lot more weight to shed than you do now. If your ticker is right, you're only 16 lbs from your goal which isn't far at all! Much luck!
  • afat12
    afat12 Posts: 178 Member
    Were you using MFP last time when you gained weight? Maybe this time, since you are using MFP, you can keep better track.
  • Dbchristensen
    Dbchristensen Posts: 11 Member
    I don't really have any advice except log your food and eat at a deficit, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not the only guy in this situation. Same thing happened with my husband when I was pregnant. It's great that you're recognizing it now instead of a couple years down the line when you might have a lot more weight to shed than you do now. If your ticker is right, you're only 16 lbs from your goal which isn't far at all! Much luck!

    Thanks! It's good to know I'm not alone. Great job to you too, seeing your ticker.
  • Dbchristensen
    Dbchristensen Posts: 11 Member
    Were you using MFP last time when you gained weight? Maybe this time, since you are using MFP, you can keep better track.

    No, I wasn't using MFP. In fact, I was at an age I thought that I'd never gain weight. I didn't even register when I looked at the scale. I didn't fully see it til I saw a picture of myself and my honest words in my mind were "Really? Is this you? You look terrible."

    I think your right though, I'm definitely not as heavy now as I was then.
  • Amadbro
    Amadbro Posts: 750 Member
    So basically, I'm being lazy and lack willpower and I'm using the pregnancy as an excuse to my weight gain.

    Does anyone have any advice about not being lazy and gaining willpower?

    Uhh no...weightloss/fitness is 100% self control..without it you are destined for failure..no one can control what you put in your mouth but you. That's like getting angry at a dog for barking...silly
  • __freckles__
    __freckles__ Posts: 1,238 Member
    I think it's pretty obvious. Stop eating so much.

    LOL, I like that advice to. BTW, you shouldn't be typing. You are a cat.

    Pfffff, I also shouldn't be able to give awesome advice. But I did.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    So basically, I'm being lazy and lack willpower and I'm using the pregnancy as an excuse to my weight gain.

    Does anyone have any advice about not being lazy and gaining willpower?

    Willpower is like a muscle. It gets stronger or weaker according to usage. Oh, and congrats on baby #2!
  • sarahrbraun
    sarahrbraun Posts: 2,261 Member
    Ok, so my wife is pregnant for the second time. The first time she got pregnant I gained alot of weight, along with her. In fact, it was the catalyst to my largest fat gain.

    I can see that I'm very slowly gaining the fat I had shed off ( I was 10lbs from my goal weight when she got pregnant again) and am really discouraged by it. I'm not gaining as much as the first time, but I'm definitely not losing any. I don't believe there is anything mystical about the weight gain. It seems like I just end up eating the same foods/amounts that she does when we eat. But the urge to eat is SO unbelievable.

    Do you have advice? (with a small p.s., I won't pursue any discussion about changing her habits. I need things that I can do.)

    Maybe both of you need to concentrate on eating as healthy as possible. A growing fetus only needs about 300 calories over maintenance...Daddy needs to STAY at maintenance!

    Can you increase your exercise to balance things out? My diet sucks, but I know I burn a good 3500 calories a week just in exercise. If I could get my diet under control, I would be losing instead of maintaining.

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