My Story

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Hcmharing
Hcmharing Posts: 4 Member
in Success Stories
Well, its D Day. One year ago today, I was by myself on my birthday. My husband had just come back from Nepal from a four week trek. A few days later I thought I needed to be by myself, without kids and go to the city. What I found was that I was alone, looking in the mirror I was disgusted with myself. I realized that it wasn't normal that I wasn't at home surrounded by my family. My husband and I had not even had sex yet. So I made a commitment to myself. It has been a great year for losing weight and getting active again. I got a dog, which my husband did not want. But I needed something to start up again. I started losing weight, everybody was noticing but my husband did not say anything, only, you have a lot more to loose. Then, I overheard a conversation early June, he had slept with someone else. He said a prostitute. It was a huge wake-up call. We started talking and spending a lot of time together. Then, a month later I found a secret phone. Really his story hadn't quite added u[ anyway the past month. He had been having an affair for 2 1 /2 years...... The last month supposedly he had still been talking to her but no intimacy since a few months back. My kids crying, I punched him, he's crying.

The story continues, but I have to get my kids ready for school right now.

BTW the girlfriend went to Nepal with him.
I have lost 24 Lbs - now at 124Lbs.
a few seconds ago · Delete
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Replies

  • ElliottTN
    ElliottTN Posts: 1,614 Member
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    I really hate to hear this. Please do not take advice from posters on this. Please find a professional to talk to.
  • mayonie1
    mayonie1 Posts: 296 Member
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    I ran out of words too...so sorry about this situation.
  • Brallen1969
    Brallen1969 Posts: 91
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    I really hate to hear this. Please do not take advice from posters on this. Please find a professional to talk to.

    Agreed with this 100%
  • p1xyn1xy
    p1xyn1xy Posts: 461 Member
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    So sorry. Just remember that you are strong and can get through this, no matter what you decide in the future.
  • paulygi
    paulygi Posts: 58
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    Wow. So sorry for you and the kids. Stand tall and hug your kids.

    Good work on the weight loss.
  • ronaldo4ka
    ronaldo4ka Posts: 56
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    This really has nothing to do with your weight... I hope you have a family member/friend or a professional to talk to... So sorry
  • Hcmharing
    Hcmharing Posts: 4 Member
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    Here is a little more:
    I am not sure how to describe the last 4 months. Anguish, mainly. Disbelieve, humiliation, hurt, sadness, anger, disoriented, not able to concentrate, solitary. We haven't told anyone. For different reasons which change all the time. Now, I just don't want to relive everything. I know what happened in our marriage. I really did never expect him to bring a third person into this. Someone I know. Someone I knew was after my husband. And for 2 1/2 years. Isn't that a life time? That is a quarter of my kids life. No wonder he was not involved in anything we did. Never came on our getaways. Always encouraging us to go somewhere. Always trying to keep me away from parties etc. Anyway, that's what you do in an affair I suppose. I need to look forward. Decide what I want now. We have seen a marriage councilor, which has been helpful. I have seen a therapist on my own. Which is great. We both know what went wrong. So we have a lot we can work with. And we have. We have been talking and being together every day. We are intimate almost every day. We seem to enjoy each others company. He really is trying very hard, is very remorseful and seems in pain himself for what he has done. If I let it, I guess it feels as if we have been given a second chance. It needed an explosion to make us see it. But: so many things plague me. Is this right? Can this be forgiven? Will trust ever come back? Do I want this? Will I be better off without him? Is he eventually going to contact her again? (he has not so far) But I am sure he is curious how she is holding up, whom she has told, if she is even still in town. What when I see her. What if we see her together. I know I am supposed to not obsess on the affair, her, them. But please tell me how you stop doing that. I think about it all day long. Sometimes it is raw, sometimes not at all.

    Did I tell you I lost 24 Lbs?? That's my success story, right??
  • walkinthedogs
    walkinthedogs Posts: 238 Member
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    Congrats on the 24lbs! I am so sorry for what you are going through. I had a boyfriend who cheated on me, constantly and then lied, also constantly and I only knew him for a year. I went through so many emotions and feelings that are so indescribable and I didn't even really have a past with him. My heart aches for you. I obviously got rid of the son of a b!tc4, but like I said, he was a boyfriend (who lived in my house) and so he was expendable. A husband/father is a different story. Whatever you decide to do, I have hope for your future. Good luck.
  • MGinAK
    MGinAK Posts: 240 Member
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    First of all, a big hug...a really Big One... Second, Congratulations on your 24 pounds!!! As others have said, professional counseling to help you figure out what you want...what's right for one person is not right for everybody... My two cents, stay focused on making your self strong, emotionally physically, etc. This way no matter what your decisions, you will be in a better position to cope. Keep your eye on the biggest prize...your children. No matter the outcome, knowing they can count on you for lunch, hugs, everything will help them feel secure. Another really Big Hug...
  • Hcmharing
    Hcmharing Posts: 4 Member
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    :-) Thank you everyone, so much. Whilst I have been journal-ling myself, as said, I haven't told anyone but the therapists. It's been lonely. Its so unreal to sit with all our friends and have dinner or whatever and them not knowing. I don't want them too, right now. Its a small community. And like I said telling is reliving and right now I am not up for it. Plus I am trying to protect the kids from all this best I can. It did make me feel like I did not want to spend time with my friends. I figure if I decided I want a divorce, then I will tell.

    It feels good to write my story here, because for me this journey has gone hand in hand.
  • astartig
    astartig Posts: 549 Member
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    This really has nothing to do with your weight... I hope you have a family member/friend or a professional to talk to... So sorry

    What I was going to say.. 150 at any height shouldn't be some sort of pariah where your husband is forced to find comfort in the arms of others. This is about your husband being a #$@$....

    it's NOT YOUR FAULT.

    Only you know what you can put up with but I don't think I would. I remember this guy when I was dating that I ended up being friends with because I somehow learned too much about him. He constantly had a marry-go-round of girlfriends plus one live in. it was sickening. If a guy is the type to cheat, somehow it seems like that's always part of their line up. they always want one on the side. I personally would never be able to trust again. I mean just the possibilities of STD's.. ugh.. in my mind not having to worry about that is one of the big reasons to be married in the first place.
  • accendo
    accendo Posts: 66 Member
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    I haven't been through this so feel free to disregard my advice. Please don't be ashamed and embarrassed, his cheating has nothing to do with you! It is all on him. if he tries to blame lack of sex or your weight call him on his BS. Please don't protect him by not telling anyone, you need the support of your friends and family and a councelor.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
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    I think the want to talk about this is forcing the topic onto a board where it won't get the support it needs. Lots and lots of members here have had marital troubles just like you have and I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this. It sounds incredibly painful.

    I'm a huge, huge fan of the share - of getting things out when and where they happen to fall. I just want you to know that if you don't get the support you need here (and since it's a situation that goes beyond what most of us are here for, that will probably be what happens), that I hope you continue to seek support in other places.

    And congrats on the 24 pounds - you've got me beat!
  • Carissa145
    Carissa145 Posts: 604 Member
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    I'm so sorry. If I could give you a cyber hug I would.
  • Landi_001
    Landi_001 Posts: 15
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    I really hate to hear this. Please do not take advice from posters on this. Please find a professional to talk to.

    Agreed with this 100%

    Agree
  • starrycarina
    starrycarina Posts: 59
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    Big hugs! I'm really sorry to hear this. I agree with quite a few others that you should seek help from a professional. I hope things work out for you and you can find some happiness and please remember - it's really not your fault at all. This is on HIM, not you.
  • Nicolee_2014
    Nicolee_2014 Posts: 1,572 Member
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    Well done on the weight loss
  • VBELAINE
    VBELAINE Posts: 8
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    So sorry to hear about this affair. If you need to IM I am a good at listening. V :flowerforyou:
  • kw1452
    kw1452 Posts: 113 Member
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    I'd like to give you some encouragement.

    I know it'll be hard, but you will feel so much better when he is finally out of your life. It sounds like he was a real drag for a long time - dead weight, and its amazing that you were able to improve yourself despite his lack of encouragement.

    Now that you are thinner, you are just that much sexier to every man out there who is looking for a woman whom he can appreciate. I am sure that once you can move past this, your confidence will blossom and every single man will notice! His affair was his problem - not yours. Do not let it eat you up inside. No woman deserves to be stuck with a man who doesn't care about her. You deserve better!!
  • Dauntlessness
    Dauntlessness Posts: 1,489 Member
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    I'm sorry but this feels very troll like.

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