My Story

Hcmharing · October 2013

Well, its D Day. One year ago today, I was by myself on my birthday. My husband had just come back from Nepal from a four week trek. A few days later I thought I needed to be by myself, without kids and go to the city. What I found was that I was alone, looking in the mirror I was disgusted with myself. I realized that it wasn't normal that I wasn't at home surrounded by my family. My husband and I had not even had sex yet. So I made a commitment to myself. It has been a great year for losing weight and getting active again. I got a dog, which my husband did not want. But I needed something to start up again. I started losing weight, everybody was noticing but my husband did not say anything, only, you have a lot more to loose. Then, I overheard a conversation early June, he had slept with someone else. He said a prostitute. It was a huge wake-up call. We started talking and spending a lot of time together. Then, a month later I found a secret phone. Really his story hadn't quite added u[ anyway the past month. He had been having an affair for 2 1 /2 years...... The last month supposedly he had still been talking to her but no intimacy since a few months back. My kids crying, I punched him, he's crying.

The story continues, but I have to get my kids ready for school right now.

BTW the girlfriend went to Nepal with him.
I have lost 24 Lbs - now at 124Lbs.
a few seconds ago · Delete

ElliottTN · October 2013

I really hate to hear this. Please do not take advice from posters on this. Please find a professional to talk to.

mayonie1 · October 2013

I ran out of words too...so sorry about this situation.

Brallen1969 · October 2013

I really hate to hear this. Please do not take advice from posters on this. Please find a professional to talk to.

Agreed with this 100%

p1xyn1xy · October 2013

So sorry. Just remember that you are strong and can get through this, no matter what you decide in the future.

paulygi · October 2013

Wow. So sorry for you and the kids. Stand tall and hug your kids.

Good work on the weight loss.

ronaldo4ka · October 2013

This really has nothing to do with your weight... I hope you have a family member/friend or a professional to talk to... So sorry

Hcmharing · October 2013

Here is a little more:
I am not sure how to describe the last 4 months. Anguish, mainly. Disbelieve, humiliation, hurt, sadness, anger, disoriented, not able to concentrate, solitary. We haven't told anyone. For different reasons which change all the time. Now, I just don't want to relive everything. I know what happened in our marriage. I really did never expect him to bring a third person into this. Someone I know. Someone I knew was after my husband. And for 2 1/2 years. Isn't that a life time? That is a quarter of my kids life. No wonder he was not involved in anything we did. Never came on our getaways. Always encouraging us to go somewhere. Always trying to keep me away from parties etc. Anyway, that's what you do in an affair I suppose. I need to look forward. Decide what I want now. We have seen a marriage councilor, which has been helpful. I have seen a therapist on my own. Which is great. We both know what went wrong. So we have a lot we can work with. And we have. We have been talking and being together every day. We are intimate almost every day. We seem to enjoy each others company. He really is trying very hard, is very remorseful and seems in pain himself for what he has done. If I let it, I guess it feels as if we have been given a second chance. It needed an explosion to make us see it. But: so many things plague me. Is this right? Can this be forgiven? Will trust ever come back? Do I want this? Will I be better off without him? Is he eventually going to contact her again? (he has not so far) But I am sure he is curious how she is holding up, whom she has told, if she is even still in town. What when I see her. What if we see her together. I know I am supposed to not obsess on the affair, her, them. But please tell me how you stop doing that. I think about it all day long. Sometimes it is raw, sometimes not at all.

Did I tell you I lost 24 Lbs?? That's my success story, right??

walkinthedogs · October 2013

Congrats on the 24lbs! I am so sorry for what you are going through. I had a boyfriend who cheated on me, constantly and then lied, also constantly and I only knew him for a year. I went through so many emotions and feelings that are so indescribable and I didn't even really have a past with him. My heart aches for you. I obviously got rid of the son of a b!tc4, but like I said, he was a boyfriend (who lived in my house) and so he was expendable. A husband/father is a different story. Whatever you decide to do, I have hope for your future. Good luck.

MGinAK · October 2013

First of all, a big hug...a really Big One... Second, Congratulations on your 24 pounds!!! As others have said, professional counseling to help you figure out what you want...what's right for one person is not right for everybody... My two cents, stay focused on making your self strong, emotionally physically, etc. This way no matter what your decisions, you will be in a better position to cope. Keep your eye on the biggest prize...your children. No matter the outcome, knowing they can count on you for lunch, hugs, everything will help them feel secure. Another really Big Hug...

Hcmharing · October 2013

:-) Thank you everyone, so much. Whilst I have been journal-ling myself, as said, I haven't told anyone but the therapists. It's been lonely. Its so unreal to sit with all our friends and have dinner or whatever and them not knowing. I don't want them too, right now. Its a small community. And like I said telling is reliving and right now I am not up for it. Plus I am trying to protect the kids from all this best I can. It did make me feel like I did not want to spend time with my friends. I figure if I decided I want a divorce, then I will tell.

It feels good to write my story here, because for me this journey has gone hand in hand.

astartig · October 2013

This really has nothing to do with your weight... I hope you have a family member/friend or a professional to talk to... So sorry

What I was going to say.. 150 at any height shouldn't be some sort of pariah where your husband is forced to find comfort in the arms of others. This is about your husband being a #$@$....

it's NOT YOUR FAULT.

Only you know what you can put up with but I don't think I would. I remember this guy when I was dating that I ended up being friends with because I somehow learned too much about him. He constantly had a marry-go-round of girlfriends plus one live in. it was sickening. If a guy is the type to cheat, somehow it seems like that's always part of their line up. they always want one on the side. I personally would never be able to trust again. I mean just the possibilities of STD's.. ugh.. in my mind not having to worry about that is one of the big reasons to be married in the first place.

accendo · October 2013

I haven't been through this so feel free to disregard my advice. Please don't be ashamed and embarrassed, his cheating has nothing to do with you! It is all on him. if he tries to blame lack of sex or your weight call him on his BS. Please don't protect him by not telling anyone, you need the support of your friends and family and a councelor.

quirkytizzy · October 2013

I think the want to talk about this is forcing the topic onto a board where it won't get the support it needs. Lots and lots of members here have had marital troubles just like you have and I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this. It sounds incredibly painful.

I'm a huge, huge fan of the share - of getting things out when and where they happen to fall. I just want you to know that if you don't get the support you need here (and since it's a situation that goes beyond what most of us are here for, that will probably be what happens), that I hope you continue to seek support in other places.

And congrats on the 24 pounds - you've got me beat!

Carissa145 · October 2013

I'm so sorry. If I could give you a cyber hug I would.

Landi_001 · October 2013

I really hate to hear this. Please do not take advice from posters on this. Please find a professional to talk to.

Agreed with this 100%

Agree

starrycarina · October 2013

Big hugs! I'm really sorry to hear this. I agree with quite a few others that you should seek help from a professional. I hope things work out for you and you can find some happiness and please remember - it's really not your fault at all. This is on HIM, not you.

Nicolee_2014 · October 2013

Well done on the weight loss

VBELAINE · October 2013

So sorry to hear about this affair. If you need to IM I am a good at listening. V :flowerforyou:

kw1452 · October 2013

I'd like to give you some encouragement.

I know it'll be hard, but you will feel so much better when he is finally out of your life. It sounds like he was a real drag for a long time - dead weight, and its amazing that you were able to improve yourself despite his lack of encouragement.

Now that you are thinner, you are just that much sexier to every man out there who is looking for a woman whom he can appreciate. I am sure that once you can move past this, your confidence will blossom and every single man will notice! His affair was his problem - not yours. Do not let it eat you up inside. No woman deserves to be stuck with a man who doesn't care about her. You deserve better!!

Dauntlessness · October 2013

I'm sorry but this feels very troll like.

MyJourney1960 · October 2013

hugs honey and remember - your husband's cheating has nothing to do with your weight (which wasn't very high anyway), it has to do with him and his moral compass (or lack thereof).

whether you can move past this or not - learn to trust him or not - is something you, he and your therapists will have to work on.

good luck!

TavistockToad · October 2013

if you decide to stay with your husband, maybe dont assault him in front of your kids again.

wifeymou1112 · October 2013

I'd like to give you some encouragement.

I know it'll be hard, but you will feel so much better when he is finally out of your life. It sounds like he was a real drag for a long time - dead weight, and its amazing that you were able to improve yourself despite his lack of encouragement.

Now that you are thinner, you are just that much sexier to every man out there who is looking for a woman whom he can appreciate. I am sure that once you can move past this, your confidence will blossom and every single man will notice! His affair was his problem - not yours. Do not let it eat you up inside. No woman deserves to be stuck with a man who doesn't care about her. You deserve better!!

This is exactly right. Yes, he is remorseful (boohoo for him, he got caught) no to all the other questions in your head that you keep going over. Will it always be in the back of your mind when he gets off the phone and you don't know who it is? Yes. Will you wonder where he's been when he's late? Yes. Bla bla bla... The trust is gone and he KILLED it.

Don't get me wrong it will be hard for a good few months or perhaps even a year... It will feel raw and you will feel hurt but it will fade. You will stop creating reasons for his behavior and begin to see that HE is a scheming (2.5 YEARS!!?!?!?), manipulative (Maybe it's best if you take the kids alone/don't join me at the party), smutty (4 weeks on holiday with mistress(mistrust!)) and doing it all the while behind yours and your children's backs! GROSS

It will be hard. You must stay strong. We only get one life. You deserve to be treated good with the level of trust that comforts you. I believe that you will find this :-) maybe not tomorrow... Maybe tomorrow :-) The future is bright.

Well done on the weight loss and all the best good luck :-)

katimama · October 2013

I know what you are going through and it's horrible. Indescribable really. It's great you are getting professional help both as a couple and for yourself. Focus on yourself and continue to make yourself strong... bettering yourself will make your decision to leave (if you decide that is your best route) that much easier. If you are a person of faith, then pray ... a LOT. Remember that your self worth is not in your husband.

Greywalk · October 2013

As a professional who has seen and heard this type of story more then I really thought it was possible in small town America...I would stay with the professionals. Your relationship with your husband and your family and friends is your business and your decision. You have done well and have a lot to work with...I use the word with deliberately it is not an mistake in English. As you go through all of this you will want to open up to people and we are here for that. But when it comes to advice, in your situation, only you and those you fully trust will be able to work with you though all of this...the good news is...there is an end to the misery part...the good news also is you have the ability to influence your story. Enjoy the journey is it self educating for sure. IN THE MEANTIME congrats on your successes, weight loss and counseling. In a throw away society it is refreshing to see someone who does not think throwing things or people away as the first option. Best thoughts.

mmouse90 · October 2013

Congrats on the weight loss. You are doing everything right about getting counseling for your marriage and yourself. Having the thoughts and questions you are having I would assume is normal since this is a huge thing. Not telling friends and family right now is probably a good idea since they would just keep asking you questions like how are you doing and some would try to give you advice. Wait till you figure out what is best for you and your kids then consider telling people. Even if you end the marriage you and your husband would have to be on good terms since that will help the kids adjust to the divorce so working through this now helps you in the long run either way.

Striving4Fit_MrsOrtiz · October 2013

I'd like to give you some encouragement.

I know it'll be hard, but you will feel so much better when he is finally out of your life. It sounds like he was a real drag for a long time - dead weight, and its amazing that you were able to improve yourself despite his lack of encouragement.

Now that you are thinner, you are just that much sexier to every man out there who is looking for a woman whom he can appreciate. I am sure that once you can move past this, your confidence will blossom and every single man will notice! His affair was his problem - not yours. Do not let it eat you up inside. No woman deserves to be stuck with a man who doesn't care about her. You deserve better!!

This ^^^ and.. From reading your posts it sounds to me that you might feel your weight had something to do with his affair. If it did, he's a ba#tard! Why?? Because you're the mother of his children acc there's more to someone that just that number on the scale. Unfortunately, it is going to be hard to forget it ( as in not thinking about the affair everyday). It is a very painful thing to go through. I would suggest going to the next closest person like your mother or a sister. My sister in law has went through this with my brother and she's been through it twice. After the first time he promised her he'd never do it again 2 1/2 years later he did it again. I wouldn't put up with it. Be strong. Quit protecting him. I understand you about the children. But if you're all bottled up, thats not good for you either. Your the victim not him. Hope that all gets better!!

Hcmharing · October 2013

With regards to punching him in front of the kids: I know. That was terrible. I hope I will never feel that hopeless and out of control again.

CardiC333 · November 2013

Ohh WAH WAH BLAH BLAH to people that are telling her this isn't the place for this topic.
We ALLL have our issues with our bodies for certain reasons and our own stories.
That's why were here no? To share our situations, get help and spread what we've learned.
Nooooo ones alone. And this is really going to give future and past people IN this situation or not a lot of inspiration. So sthu and go to church if your in shock for people sharing deep issues.
TALK TALK TALKITY TALK girl!!!!! Your doing amazing. And I'm so happy you shared.
Grrrrreat luck!! And I'm sorry. But congratulations! (:

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