what to wear/how not to care ?

aldaroya
aldaroya Posts: 55 Member
in Motivation and Support
Went shopping it didnt go well...when I was thin I bought what i wanted it all looked cute on. When I was big I didnt care as long as it fit who was looking anyway right? Now I am in the middle and I feel all I hear is "she could be cute if she lost a few" or "you have such a pretty face" how about "its ok hun you will get there someday". when I was thin people asked me about my life not my body! and when I was big people made it a point not to bring it up I was just me, but now everyone is talking about how much I have lost, how big I was:( how small will i get?? I am 40+ lbs lighter but its not the same body I had the first time I was at this weight I understand that I will never again have a beach body and I still have alot of weigh to drop but I thought shopping would be a little bit fun,not a hellish experience that would leave me empty handed and near tears. I feel like people dont see me as a person, just a work in progress! They see that girl who could be something if she just tried harder and that dosent make me want to stand infront of of a full length mirror under fluorescent lighting in my underwear...I just want to be me and I dont want to feel I dont meet other peoples expectations! so much for it being about whats on the inside guess thats what people say when they think You cant fix whats "wrong" with you so you dont feel bad about yourself... I swear I have lost just as much confidence as I have pounds!

Replies

  • mikig1
    mikig1 Posts: 13
    thats what i heard all through high school when i was chunky. then i went to college and lost weight and went to florida and lost more. i gained a lot during and after children and now im here at 350 lbs wonder what the heck i did to deserve this. ive been through all the phases you have and none are easy. just tell yourself that you are the best you you can be at this point in time. find friends who understand that, and tell those who dont to follow the golden rule - IF you cant say something nice, shut the heck up!
    wishing you the best. keep your chin up and smile because it will make them wonder. :P
  • aldaroya
    aldaroya Posts: 55 Member
    Nice to know Im not alone but Sorry to hear that you have also had to feel this way...thanks for making me smile
  • Adc7225
    Adc7225 Posts: 1,318 Member
    I know exactly how you feel but I believe it will pass. I have bad days but more good days now! I agree the change that we go through when we gain weight is like becoming invisible, when we start losing weight we are then becoming not so transparent and this results having to deal with comments from insensitive people.

    I know shopping can be very difficult but in reality that's the case for everyone in one way or another. Losing weight means yes, maybe we can wear things we could not in the past but it doesn't mean we can go into any store and find a style we like and it will fit and look good . . . I keep thinking I will be glad when I reach goal so I can find my style and size and get some clothes and be done shopping - but I never stopped shopping, and it was not because my clothes didn't fit.

    We have to keep in mind that it takes longer for our brain to catch up with our body. We do not necessarily see things the way they really are. Don't give up on shopping, I don't know who you normally shop with but maybe you need a new shopping buddy.

    I battle with my confidence as well, but it is getting better, trust me it will get better.
  • aldaroya
    aldaroya Posts: 55 Member
    Thanks ladies I love mfp its so supportive and your comments do help alot!
  • cafeaulait7
    cafeaulait7 Posts: 2,459 Member
    Awww! Don't care about other people's opinions that way, and it's perfectly fine to be in a state of change, body-wise. It's none of their business. I'd probably tell them that I'm sick of talking/hearing about weight. They might understand, lol. If not, hopefully they'd shut up in any case.

    And go on and be happy that the clothes are smaller, right? That's still fun, isn't it? Maybe not. I'm kind of sick of thinking about it all myself. Just keep on doing what you are doing, but don't sweat being sick of it as a subject. It is pretty boring, lol :) Just buy something you like enough. Done.

    I think it's totally cool if your weight is not in the forefront of your mind. Keep up the work, of course, but move on to other subjects, sure! You are not your weight, so don't let it form your opinion of yourself. Go on and immerse yourself in your other interests and hobbies and friends. The weight will keep working itself off as long as you do the boring stuff, so you are already good to go if you have that down by now :)
  • jillianbeeee
    jillianbeeee Posts: 345 Member
    We have to keep in mind that it takes longer for our brain to catch up with our body. We do not necessarily see things the way they really are. Don't give up on shopping, I don't know who you normally shop with but maybe you need a new shopping buddy.

    I battle with my confidence as well, but it is getting better, trust me it will get better.
    [/quote]


    This! I feel better when I take my grown daughters with me shopping. They are completely honest with what looks right and what is to big, to old looking for me or to young looking. I have a hard time "seeing" myself as thin. I still see that big girl in the mirror when I shop. Good shopping buddies are imperative! :)


    Edit: well THAT didn't quote right! sorry. :(
  • EdTheGinge
    EdTheGinge Posts: 1,616 Member
    I just blend into the railings and go unnoticed and I know that everyone else is too wrapped up in there own lives to spare a glance in my direction but your head says otherwise. We pick out our faults and inner most insecurities and think that's what others think, they don't.

    Feeling as we do about our bodies we overanalyse everything people say to us and if we look long enough we'll find something that sounds like a out down or negative remark. It's all a state of mind but few understand that unless they've been in our situation.

    People can joke about how I need to lose weight because I've lost so much but then I start thinking 'maybe they have a point' eventhough I know that not to be the case.
  • sloane70
    sloane70 Posts: 45 Member
    I lost a lot of weight a dozen years ago with gastric bypass, and am now working to get the weight that I've put back on since back off my body, so I can relate on a few levels.

    When people ask me how my weight loss is going, or what size I want to be, I usually tell them "Oh, my body feels great!" and "I want to be able to move better than I can now!". It confounds people when you don't answer the question that they are really asking :)

    Also, I highly, highly recommend thrift shops. Nobody waits on you, nobody cares a damn, and they don't have the money for the awful lighting in the changing room. Take a tape measure with you, and know what your waist, hip, bust, thigh, belly all measure, so that you can narrow down the options. Bonus: you can take the clothes that you've shrunk out of and drop 'em off :)

    It takes us a long time to re-work our own image of our bodies in our brains. I could not see myself as thin, even after losing over a hundred pounts; it took years for me to readjust. Don't worry too much about it - you're where so many of us have been (or will be), and it does get better.

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