Abstinence Programs???

kbessey04
kbessey04 Posts: 17
in Introduce Yourself
Good morning everyone! I am 25 and 241 pounds. After gaining 30 pounds this year I have decided I cannot live like this anymore and I believe more than ever I have a food addictions (No matter how many thousands of times I have told others that's ridiculous). I have done wonders with MFP in the past and created this new username to start over, to make amends and move on with my old self.

I have done lots of research based around groups such as Overeaters Anonymous, Compulsive Eaters Anonymous, Food Addicts Anonymous, and so on and so forth and I think I need something like that. I think I need the food plan, the sponsor to help me work out the food plan, everything really.. Everything except the prayers... I know that sounds silly "How can you work a 12 step program without half the godly steps?" But I need to. I cannot be the only person who does not need god to stop eating and I hope that someone out there can help me find the help I need. Has anyone used any of these things? Please feel free to message me or comment on this and let me know your experience, positive or negative, let me know if you have a sponsor who may be willing to talk to me to figure out what is best for me. I appreciate any and all help with this.

Thank you :-)

Replies

  • kbessey04
    kbessey04 Posts: 17
    Nobody? That's a scary thought lol
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    There are a few different groups for atheists on mfp, where you will get more of a response to questions like this. Here is a link to someone asking the same question in one of the groups. I know people who said they did the 12 steps without God. And you can do the serenity prayer without God also. Just say it without the word God, as a prayer to remind yourself of your strength and wisdom. Although, I'm reading the responses and it looks like people are saying it might not be possible. I'm only familiar with the support group element such as alanon for example, and the steps are not often a strict requirement in those because it is mostly for support with others that know your struggles (and not an addiction program). I guess it might depend on the group and how flexible they are. And I only did that briefly, long ago, when I was younger. It's not something that I would do now.

    They do say: "People who are new to AA are not asked to accept or follow these Twelve Steps in their entirety if they feel unwilling or unable to do so."

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/779950-12-steps-impossible-for-atheists
  • Tulipgirl1223
    Tulipgirl1223 Posts: 91 Member
    I have no experience with any of those programs, but wanted to say good luck and feel free to add me if you'd like. I've gained 15 lbs this year, and I feel like I suck LOL (although in my defense I did quit smoking, and I'm thinking it's from that)
  • vnatural
    vnatural Posts: 48
    Good luck on that, I've never heard of such programs.
  • TheLily
    TheLily Posts: 2
    Most of the 12 step based programs don't focus on God, per se. They use higher power as it pertains to YOU. Which could simply be enjoying a beautiful sunset or rediscovering your own strength. Groups are all run independently so you may have to try different ones to find the right fit but most are not "churchy" in their presentation of what god is.
  • Hauntinglyfit
    Hauntinglyfit Posts: 5,537 Member
    Abstinence? I think I'd rather lead a life of sin, and the repent right before I die.
    Get the best of both worlds, y'know?
  • TMLPatrick
    TMLPatrick Posts: 558 Member
    I am a pretty vocal critic of 12 step programs, but I'd say the important thing is whether or not you can roll your eyes at the god-speak. If you can get past that and you feel like the support group helps, then it might not be the worst thing in the world. I will say there is a lack of evidence for the efficacy of 12 step programs over the long haul, but it may be beneficial to some, on a case by case basis.
  • AngelicxAnnihilation
    AngelicxAnnihilation Posts: 336 Member
    I just have to say that Abstinence is to avoid, and we can't avoid food because we need it to survive. I'm happy you're deciding to make a better change for yourself :) I'm not sure about any of the groups that you've mentioned but I used to sit there and eat constantly all day.. Literally all day. It didn't happen over night and I'm not eat perfect with it but I've realized that I eat when I'm bored. I started to cut back and try to distract myself so I didn't sit there and eat.. It takes a lot of self control and determination which I'm sure you have in there.

    If you can't find enough support here or on another website, you could try registering with Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig. I've heard they have some really great support systems with meetings, as well as good meal plans. Haven't tried it personally though.

    Good Luck, send me a message if you ever need a friend :)
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
    How have you dieted in the past? What was your approach?

    I'm an atheist, raised by an atheist AA sponsor. You don't have to believe in God. Higher power is as you define it.

    But again, I ask: how have you approached weight loss in the past? Common sense calorie counting? Fad diets? Fancy Jenny Craig type diets?
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
    Most of the 12 step based programs don't focus on God, per se. They use higher power as it pertains to YOU. Which could simply be enjoying a beautiful sunset or rediscovering your own strength. Groups are all run independently so you may have to try different ones to find the right fit but most are not "churchy" in their presentation of what god is.
    this! What a great response for the OP. I agree I've never been to any type of 12 step program that was 'churchy'. Now they do have 12 step recovery type programs for those that prefer a Christian base. But I've never had the desire to go to those. Some see addiction as a weakness and 12 step programs that are the typical ones you'd find in the phonebook aren't like that.

    Now individuals within the group can believe whatever they choose but in a meeting it's not brought up, not if the meeting is a real 12 step type based meeting and the person running it is a program regular.

    Hm... I've been wanting to check out some 12 step meetings myself again ... I think I'll call now and see what's open for tomorrow.

    Cheers to both of us for knowing that food and other substances can sometimes be beyond us, nothing wrong with having others help or let you know you're not alone.

    I'm very glad you posted... sort of like a message in a message for me to find!:wink::bigsmile:

    Would love to hear back how things are for you,
    Hearts:heart:
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    Most of the 12 step based programs don't focus on God, per se. They use higher power as it pertains to YOU. Which could simply be enjoying a beautiful sunset or rediscovering your own strength. Groups are all run independently so you may have to try different ones to find the right fit but most are not "churchy" in their presentation of what god is.

    Yeah, I agree with this also.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    The title of the thread may also be a reason why you aren't getting a lot of responses.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    I am a pretty vocal critic of 12 step programs, but I'd say the important thing is whether or not you can roll your eyes at the god-speak. If you can get past that and you feel like the support group helps, then it might not be the worst thing in the world. I will say there is a lack of evidence for the efficacy of 12 step programs over the long haul, but it may be beneficial to some, on a case by case basis.

    I'm generally not a fan of the model also. But, they are very prevalent as a free source of self-help combined with group support. And depending on the make-up of the group, there can be some helpful groups out there.
  • IronSmasher
    IronSmasher Posts: 3,908 Member
    How is changing the name of the 'higher power' going to make a difference if you know full well there is no 'higher power'?
  • gigglesinthesun
    gigglesinthesun Posts: 860 Member
    I will say there is a lack of evidence for the efficacy of 12 step programs over the long haul, but it may be beneficial to some, on a case by case basis.

    As someone who worked with drug addicts before I actually found that it bore more success then some other programs and it is a program that at least offers support over a long time.

    To the OP:

    keep an accurate food diary, where you write exactly what you eat, where you eat it and how you feel when you eat it and after you ate it. Since you cannot quit eating all together, your approach has to differ from the typical abstinence programs. You have to identify your triggers and put strategies of how to deal with that situation when it comes along.

    For example. I used to hardly eat anything throughout the day and then eat like it was going out of fashion in the evening. When I kept gaining weight I then stuck to low low cals throughout the day to accommodate my dinner issues. If I only ate fruit for breakfast and then had a salad for lunch, by the time 4pm rolls around I will eat my weight in cheese before dinner even came along and I couldn't help myself. If I have yoghurt and fruit for breakfast and a maybe some bread and hummus with the salad, I will have no problem eating normal for dinner. So in order for me to stop my overeating in the evening I need to evenly space my calories throughout the day.

    There might be some foods that will act as triggers and that you have to stop eating for a while, but it won't be forever. Think about the situations when you overeat. Think about what you could do differently in that same situation. Actually write your plans out. Don't come up with plans like: I always overeat when I go to see my friends at their house, so my plan is I won't see my friends anymore. If you can't stick to it (and social isolation is not helpful when trying to deal with issues), it's not a long term strategy. In the scenario above you could perhaps say: I always overeat when I go see my friends, so my plan is to have a proper meal (perhaps high protein as it keeps people full longer) before I go and I will bring low calorie snacks with me to share.

    Good luck on your journey and remember, whatever you do, don't quit. Life is a work in progress, just keep working at it :-)
  • kbessey04
    kbessey04 Posts: 17
    Rolling my eyes at the god talk isn't an issue. It's not that I don't believe he exists and such, I just don't care either way I guess and I truly believe no one is gonna stop you from eating but yourself, but some support from others going through it is what I think I need. Someone to say they've been there, and their pretty sure ice cream is ruling their lives in the form on little minions that appear in your sleep.. Ya know? :-)

    I've done a lot of research into the 12 step programs since I posted this, and it truly seems like a temporary fix. I'm not powerless to food, I'm just too lazy to fight the battle against it, and that's what I need help with. I don't want to spend the rest of my life scared to eat a piece of cake or have real pasta. I had tried a weight watchers meeting once and all they talked about was different technological products you could buy, and a really quick weigh in for members. It was the biggest waste of 10 dollars that I've witnessed in a long time. The program seems fantastic, but it is no different then MFP and costs more than I care to spend to lose weight. In the end liposuction would cost less lol.

    I really appreciate all of the replies. I know my title wasn't the greatest, 12 step programs would have made more sense, but until yesterday I wasn't really aware that ALL of them follow the same 12 steps. What I think I need is just a gold old fashioned kick in the.. Well ya know. I need to lose weight and I know it now, I've always known it, but looking in the mirror the past few days has really made it hit home. I don't fit in my jeans, I just want to wear hoodies, and even video games are over exerting myself lately. I need to change. Just need to try to keep the motivation there.. Maybe a dietitian? Maybe I'm procrastinating trying to find these things and just enjoying one. last. day. .. I don't really know. It's frustrating as all get out... Here's to hope!
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    I've done a lot of research into the 12 step programs since I posted this, and it truly seems like a temporary fix. I'm not powerless to food, I'm just too lazy to fight the battle against it, and that's what I need help with. I don't want to spend the rest of my life scared to eat a piece of cake or have real pasta.

    Yeah, I agree. I think that is a healthy way of looking at it.
  • artsycella
    artsycella Posts: 121 Member
    Not a lot to throw in, but my step-mother-in-law followed one of these programs and lost about 150 lbs 8 years ago. She looks great and says she feels great. She's kept the weight off since then, but continues to go to multiple meetings a week and has to call and speak to her sponsor several times a day, even on vacation. She also has a super restrictive eating plan, so much so that we can't go out to eat or have them over to dinner at our house. It's something like 4 oz of meat, 4 oz of salad and 1 potato per meal, every meal, forever. No deviations, nothing sweet, no alcohol, no bread/pasta/etc.

    Once again, she says that it has changed her life and she is super happy with it and loves it. From my perspective, it seems like it really dominates her thinking, and I know it's not a plan I could sustain for more than about 24 hours. But I guess if it works for her, it is successful in some way.
  • FourIsCompany
    FourIsCompany Posts: 269 Member
    I personally think YOU have the strength and wisdom you need to make this change. But if you feel that joining a group would help, then I would do that. Instead of "God", you can call on your "higher self" or "inner strength" for support.

    I don't believe abstinence works with food. I am an ex-smoker and it definitely works to abstain from cigarettes, but you cannot abstain from food. What I did was change my relationship with food. The purpose of food is to fuel our bodies. Some of us have it all twisted and look to food for comfort, solace, celebration, pleasure, etc. That's what I had to change. My relationship with food. After two years working at it, I believe I have finally licked it! I still enjoy food, but I find enjoyment elsewhere, I take comfort in other ways. I eat consciously now... not to celebrate or to experience the "dependence" on food, but to fuel my workouts.

    Good luck to you!
  • Oh_Allie
    Oh_Allie Posts: 258 Member
    Rolling my eyes at the god talk isn't an issue. It's not that I don't believe he exists and such, I just don't care either way I guess and I truly believe no one is gonna stop you from eating but yourself, but some support from others going through it is what I think I need. Someone to say they've been there, and their pretty sure ice cream is ruling their lives in the form on little minions that appear in your sleep.. Ya know? :-)

    I've done a lot of research into the 12 step programs since I posted this, and it truly seems like a temporary fix. I'm not powerless to food, I'm just too lazy to fight the battle against it, and that's what I need help with. I don't want to spend the rest of my life scared to eat a piece of cake or have real pasta. I had tried a weight watchers meeting once and all they talked about was different technological products you could buy, and a really quick weigh in for members. It was the biggest waste of 10 dollars that I've witnessed in a long time. The program seems fantastic, but it is no different then MFP and costs more than I care to spend to lose weight. In the end liposuction would cost less lol.

    I really appreciate all of the replies. I know my title wasn't the greatest, 12 step programs would have made more sense, but until yesterday I wasn't really aware that ALL of them follow the same 12 steps. What I think I need is just a gold old fashioned kick in the.. Well ya know. I need to lose weight and I know it now, I've always known it, but looking in the mirror the past few days has really made it hit home. I don't fit in my jeans, I just want to wear hoodies, and even video games are over exerting myself lately. I need to change. Just need to try to keep the motivation there.. Maybe a dietitian? Maybe I'm procrastinating trying to find these things and just enjoying one. last. day. .. I don't really know. It's frustrating as all get out... Here's to hope!

    Let MyFitnessPal be your kick in the butt. Join groups that suit your interests. Read success stories about real people that used this site as a tool to aid in their weight loss. Add friends who eat sensibly (including a piece of cake or pasta here and there) and exercise. Look through diaries to see what others are eating to pull ideas from. Use the recipes forum for even more ideas. A dietitian is an option, but isn't absolutely necessary to lose weight.

    All that said, this whole thing is a giant process and while it's not a typical "steps" program, it does take baby steps to go from Point A to Point Z. Taking the initial step, deciding to better yourself and start something here, that's Point A. Point B might be just tracking your calories. And so on. Make your own steps and goals, this is YOUR new lifestyle after all.

    I just woke up, so I hope that made sense. Feel free to add me if you like. I have a long way to go, but I'm here every day and always have room for more friends. =)

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