Suicidal Ideation w/ Weight Loss? Trigger Warning

unbreakablemoth
unbreakablemoth Posts: 28
in Motivation and Support
Admittedly, I have had issues in the past (emotionally) with weight loss. I have been afraid of it for some time. (If this is a new concept, or if you feel a connection with that statement at all--the book "Fat is a Feminist Issue" really helped me nail it down. I used to feel panicked when I lost weight, dysmorphia like woah, the urge to eat ALL THE THINGS to gain weight back and gain some of my invisibility back, etc.)

So far (as far as fear goes) I have been doing good. People have been looking me in the eye more, and have been opening doors for me more, and I recognize the difference and how it relates to my size change, and have not let it make me panic. This time I feel like I am ready to be "seen." I still have a lot of dysmorphia, but I am happy rather than freaked out when someone notices me.

The thing I was not counting on was suicidal ideation getting worse. I thought the happy chemicals from exercise would counter any negative hormonal fluctuation, and that I would be happy re: losing the weight, but jenkies! For the past year I battled the ideation somewhat mildly--I keep it to myself and try not to let it bother me. Now however, with my recent weight loss suddenly my libido came back (and my cycles are crazy) and now I am comparing my body to what OTHER people want re: future relationships and it's making everything so much harder. I am a single mother. I would NEVER act on any of these thoughts--but they're still difficult to have. I am still optimistic about losing the weight, and have in mind the surgeries I'll need to cap it off at the end...and consider it within reach (I am in school learning skills toward a profession that pays pretty well), but still I keep hitting a wall. Has anyone else ran into this?

Again, I am not at risk of acting on any of this, and to be honest--I am doing better lately--September and early-mid October were the worst so far--but I could use advice and peers.

Replies

  • nomeejerome
    nomeejerome Posts: 2,616 Member
    I hope you are seeing a professional about these issues.
  • unbreakablemoth
    unbreakablemoth Posts: 28
    I haven't yet--I am worried that my insurance wouldn't cover it. I have state-funded insurance that states that the resource is there for people with severe mental illness...and while suicidal ideation isn't awesome, it's not schizophrenia or anything that impedes daily functioning (just my morale). Also, I'm a student and single parent, so the cost of sessions without coverage is daunting. I have been trying to journal it out.

    It's difficult to gauge when you're in it, I think.

    Thanks for taking the time.
  • nomeejerome
    nomeejerome Posts: 2,616 Member
    Are there resources available at your school? What about community agencies? It sounds like these issues are impacting your daily activities. While you may not have a severe mental health diagnosis, being able to talk to someone about these issues could help you feel better at some point.

    Here are some numbers you can call if the feelings become overwhelming and too much for you.

    1-800-784-2433
    1-800-273-8255

    And here is a link to check out. (for info in your state)

    http://suicidehotlines.com/

    and another link to more information.

    http://www.nami.org/
  • micheleb15
    micheleb15 Posts: 1,418 Member
    Have you actually spoken to someone at your insurance company that can confirm that there is no assistance available? You have received good advice so far - I would double check with your insurance before you decide that they can't help. They may be able to give you names of groups or offices that offer certain payment plans for someone in your position.

    Also, you mention that you are a student, so I am not sure if you are employed or not, if so, try to look into an Employee Assistance Program (EAP).
  • unbreakablemoth
    unbreakablemoth Posts: 28
    Thank you for that. I appreciate it.

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