Need Help with Anorexia recovery!

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I am 22 years old and struggling with Anorexia. Is there anyone on here who has made it through recovery and could provide me with some supportive advice? How did you start eating again? Even though I know I need to gain weight my fears of foods are too strong for me to wrap my mind around eating anything even remotely calorie dense. I find myself filling up on coffee and celery sticks just to get me through the day.

I am a grad student and do not have time to enroll in a treatment center. I'm seeing a counselor and a Dr. (finding a nutritionist has been more difficult than it should be) and I just don't seem to be getting any better. I am well informed on what I should be eating. I just need to hear how other people have dealt with recovery emotionally. It feels like its getting worse the harder I try to make it better.
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Replies

  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    have you told your doctor this?

    i would also consider MAKING time for a treatment centre... your health is the most important thing you have...
  • Hildy_J
    Hildy_J Posts: 1,050 Member
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    Sorry you're going thro this. :(

    I don't have personal experience with an ED... but I went through a few times when I couldn't eat when I had depression. I had like a food phobia. I had no appetite. There was no point eating... because I had ceased to exist and there was no 'me' and no point in anything. I was also convinced if I ate anything solid I would be so sick that my intestines would come up. Weird I know... Anyway that always went when the depression went.

    But I've had other phobias that have gone on for years, agoraphobia - and flying was one and I went on a course for that. Which really helped - being around people who had the same issues and being given information by the knowledgeable professionals leading the course. Particularly the NLP techniques and the methods which control anxiety, breathing exercises etc.

    What I'm trying to say is... please make time to go to the treatment centre. I know it's scary and doesn't feel comfortable but it'll be so good for you. You won't regret it. x
  • benefiting
    benefiting Posts: 795 Member
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    Hello and it's great that you are taking the first step to dealing with this.

    To start eating again I think you should start with just one meal, maybe even half and work your way up. So you could have half a meal for a week then go to a full meal and then on the third week or so you could go onto lunch. Just build it up, you don't have to just bombard yourself with food.

    You may add me if you like and talk to me anytime you need support. I know it must be really hard for you but I'm sure you will find people who will help you.

    Goodluck hun. <3
  • padams2359
    padams2359 Posts: 1,093 Member
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    My high school girlfriend died from this. None of us are qualified to make definate recommendations of what you can or should do, but I can suggest start working on what you see in the mirror, not what you see on your plate. Start with the problem, not the solution. Best of luck to you.
  • Ophidion
    Ophidion Posts: 2,065 Member
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    Definitely seek professional help as this is a serious issue but MFP does support recovering ED sufferers, so hang in there OP and best of luck!
  • pebbleslaura1
    pebbleslaura1 Posts: 146 Member
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    hiya im also trying to recover from anorexia (not easy) but i want a health happy life back and after 17yrs of suffering its about time i had a life! im eating alittle better i found make one small changes so its not so fearful once your use to that change move to another change i use to try and make BIG changes but that just scared me too much. small steps work best. keep intouch both make the road to recovery by helping each other out :smile:
  • back2athlete
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    you just have to really want to get better. no one can do it for you. life will pass by no matter what so you can stay in the deep hole or decide to recover and start living a happy energetic life.
    it might take feeling so completely fed up with how you are living everyday and all the things you are missing out on in life to change anything.
  • Ophidion
    Ophidion Posts: 2,065 Member
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    you just have to really want to get better. no one can do it for you. life will pass by no matter what so you can stay in the deep hole or decide to recover and start living a happy energetic life.
    it might take feeling so completely fed up with how you are living everyday and all the things you are missing out on in life to change anything.
    Besides being captain obvious these are not encouraging words.
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
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    have you told your doctor this?

    i would also consider MAKING time for a treatment centre... your health is the most important thing you have...

    This. If you have to miss something to accommodate for a treatment centre, do it. Nothing else is going to be more important - what are grades worth when you are ill?

    People here will certainly support you, but we don't have the medical knowledge to help you. You need to talk to your doctor. Good luck.
  • Dunsirn
    Dunsirn Posts: 82 Member
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    If this post is genuine and not trolling, then no-one can help you here - the last people you need advice from is a bunch of guys trying to lose weight.

    Your behaviour is escalating and you need to see a doctor NOW.
  • inksyrup
    inksyrup Posts: 81 Member
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    Hi there. I've been recovering for about six months now, without therapy or outside help. Purely self-induced.

    There's no universal thing I can say that will make you want to start eating, because it's so different for everyone. We, the people who've went through this, all stopped eating for different reasons. I feel like it's the same for getting back to a healthy life.

    For me, it was several things. I had a cardiac scare. I was tired of sleeping 16+ hours a day. I was tired of seeing my parents cry, and the exhausted look of my mother. I was tired of going days without food, only to end up bingeing on everything in my house eventually. I was tired of being tired. The first time I ever saw my dad cry, it was at the peak of my disorder; when he stroked my hair and told me he was so scared because he could see me dying, and when he told me he checked my pulse every morning before he went to work. He was genuinely afraid of finding me dead.

    It wasn't one thing that made it click for me--it was several things that came together, and one day it just hit me full-force.

    I started off ambitiously--so. One morning, I woke up and decided that I'd eat intuitively instead to see how it went. Woke up, ate a bowl of cereal. It was one of the hardest things I /ever/ had to do, and trust me, I wanted to just throw the damn thing out the window and go back to sleep, but I persisted because I was just /so tired/ of living like I was. I went for a walk afterwards, and cleared my head. Realised that I didn't blow up, I didn't die, and I didn't burst into flames. After a few hours, I stopped by a local sushi place and got lunch. Ate lunch. Had some strawberries and yoghurt a few hours later. And for the first time in what felt like forever, I had dinner with my mom. Before I went to sleep, I had some Hershey Kisses and somehow, it felt good--not painful.

    It's hard. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to go through, and I don't think it ever completely goes away--I still deal with my ED thought patterns, and I'm still obsessed with numbers, but I feel so much better about living. I can function in social situations, and I sleep like a normal person, and I talk with my parents instead of fight with them. So every slip-up and negative "fat thought" I had was worth it to me.

    If you want to talk about anything, please feel free to message me, okay? I'm always here to listen.
  • Ophidion
    Ophidion Posts: 2,065 Member
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    If this post is genuine and not trolling, then no-one can help you here - the last people you need advice from is a bunch of guys trying to lose weight.

    Your behaviour is escalating and you need to see a doctor NOW.
    WRONG!!! :mad:

    MFP is called myfitnesspal not myfatpal there are whole groups dedicated to gaining weight on here and multiple recovering ED sufferers who get support from others.

    OP don't pay heed to this hogwash.
  • maruby95
    maruby95 Posts: 204 Member
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    Check out www.youreatopia.com. This has really helped to motivate me to change and give me a better perspective on "normal" eating.

    Blessings on your recovery
  • maQmIgh
    maQmIgh Posts: 236 Member
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    Other than the obvious comments already stated here (ie: making time to seek professional help)

    When I first joined here I was struggling to eat the required number of healthy calories (not anorexic, just no appetite)

    People suggested to me to eat the high calories in small portion meals... For example, Peanut Butter (it wont fill you up or make you feel overly full, or like you've eaten way too much... But 1 table spoon of peanut butter contains 94 calories)

    If you can stomach it then spice up your celery with some, you would then be eating 114 calories instead of 20.

    Hope this helps.

    But I still recommend seeking professional help.

    Good luck with your journey

    :flowerforyou:
  • Dunsirn
    Dunsirn Posts: 82 Member
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    If this post is genuine and not trolling, then no-one can help you here - the last people you need advice from is a bunch of guys trying to lose weight.

    Your behaviour is escalating and you need to see a doctor NOW.
    WRONG!!! :mad:

    MFP is called myfitnesspal not myfatpal there are whole groups dedicated to gaining weight on here and multiple recovering ED sufferers who get support from others.

    OP don't pay heed to this hogwash.

    No, you don't understand.

    I've been nursing for over 20 years, including 5 years in a psychiatric hospital, and looked after many advanced sufferers of eating disorders both from a psychiatric and acute medical point of view.

    OP's ticker states has lost 3lbs, is looking outwith her existing support network for advice and admits to not engaging with her medical provision - if you understood the first thing about these conditions, you'd recognise a dangerous escalation of behaviour here and this needs to be addressed right now.

    We are no longer talking about "fitness" here, or carbs, or fat, or food, or even gaining weight - we're past that at this point and talking about dangerously life-threatening behaviour. She doesn't need support or encouragement from us, she needs an urgent medical opinion.

    Go. See. A. Doctor. NOW.

    (edited for clarity)
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
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    I don't think we can be a replacement for a recovery team. If you don't think you have time to enroll in a treatment center, and that you can continue grad school on coffee and celery sticks, you are in a bad way and not thinking clearly at all. :ohwell:
  • pinkiemarie252
    pinkiemarie252 Posts: 222 Member
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    You CAN and SHOULD make time for treatment, even outpatient. Maybe it would help instead of just thinking strictly about gaining weight to think about being healthy and to focus on eating healthy foods. Maybe it will be easier to conceive of eating a bowl of oatmeal, plain yogurt or a protein shake than a king sized chocolate bar.
  • MaeRenee94
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    I tried to do this on my own. I failed.
    You need to get help, for me it was the only way.
  • Annie4235
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    Thank you all for your comments. These are all really helpful suggestions. To the person recommending not using MFP for support I just have to say that MFP has been a huge part of getting to the place I'm now. It helped me maintain a healthy diet as an athlete and it was there with me as I grew addicted to counting calories and lost 1/4 of my body weight. I feel that in order to recover it may need to be a part of the solution as well. (along with eventual treatment)

    I'm in a place now where I know that food will be my medicine, even though its the thing that causes me the most stress. I think the hardest thing is both wanting to get better but having this unbearable feeling that getting better would somehow be failing.

    I am enrolling in full time treatment in one month. I just want to finish the quarter. SInce I'm so successful here (despite my ED) I feel that quitting in the middle is only going to bring me down. I need success.
  • dockholiday8234
    dockholiday8234 Posts: 43 Member
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    Smoke weed. Have chips and munchies near by.