Food Pushers

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madeinmilwaukee
madeinmilwaukee Posts: 36
in Motivation and Support
Is anyone else dealing with "food pushers" ? I'm dating someone who is always inviting me out to eat. He's a bigger guy not actively trying to change. I choose a sensible meal and he offers me food from his plate. He offers me appetizers and dessert. Every time I decline. He invited me to dinner at his place and kept trying to get me to eat seconds and take bigger portions. Then, I learned he bought me a pint of my favorite B&J's ice cream. Again, I decline. I have had a number of conversations with him explaining my journey to aggressively work off my weight.

Has anyone else experienced this and have any good advice? I will ultimately stop seeing him if it doesn't change so I would like to know what other people have done before making that decision.

Having just read what I typed, it's more clear to me what I need to do; however, please share your experience.

Replies

  • kawookie
    kawookie Posts: 813 Member
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    That is a tough one. Many times it takes family, friends and significant others time to break habits that they have grown accoustomed. For example my family would pour me coffee during lent forgetting that I had given it up. My husband used to bring me desserts or snacks when he was having them to be nice. I couldn't possibly be upset about this as it was normal for so long.

    When I told my husband that I would appreciate a new protocol of checking with me before bringing me food (as I was on limited calories), it totally solved the problem. He does the cooking so he started looking for new low cal recipes for me because this way he could assist me and still bring me things he knows I love.

    Sadly, if you have already had the converstation with this otherwise nice guy, it might be time to start declining dinner invitations and suggesting other activities to do instead. A "while I enjoy your company, I am uncomfortable with pressure that you put on me to eat more than I want to eat. While I like the fact that you are willing to share with me, I need for you to respect that I typically cannot eat appetizers, desserts or large portions. Asking me every time we eat even after I have explained my goal for a healthy weight makes me uncomfortable. For example, last time we were out you asked me to ____ and to share ____ with you. This made me feel rude for refusing and it is easier not to eat with you than to feel disrespected at the table."

    Guys are really into respect, so this is my best advice. ((Hugs)) I hope it gets through to him, as a nice guy this really should be a non-issue as a healthy SO should be a priority.
  • I_Will_End_You
    I_Will_End_You Posts: 4,397 Member
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    My in-laws are the worst. I just say "no thanks"....again and again and again and again and....... yeah. It's annoying, but that's life. I could have much worse to deal with!
  • 1longroad
    1longroad Posts: 642 Member
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    The food pushers in my life, are the people I work with. "Oh, just have a bit", or "I know how much you love rice and so I brought extra", etc. Finally, after being on my journey, they have slowed down on the 'requests' for me to eat. It took 100's of 'no thank you's', and even more 'Yes, I know a bite, or piece will not hurt me, but it will mean I am eating something I wasn't going to eatm which means I can't eat something healthier."

    One person would insist on putting chocolates where I was sitting, so I started putting them back where she was sitting. Being consistent finally worked!!

    If this guy is nice and sweet, then be consistent!! Have him to your house for a meal, without dessert, but with a lot of healthy food he can fill up on!! Tell him that this is how you CHOOSE to eat, because you want to!!! Maybe being comfortable in his body, and attracted to you, he feels like he is showing you admiration and acceptance, by encouraging you to eat. Best of luck!
  • rowanwood
    rowanwood Posts: 510 Member
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    Just remember, a lot of us were trained that food = love and affection. That's what the food pushing is about. Take the sentiment accordingly and return the loving, even if you aren't eating something you don't want.

    :)
  • kell2116
    kell2116 Posts: 77 Member
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    That is a tough one. Many times it takes family, friends and significant others time to break habits that they have grown accoustomed. For example my family would pour me coffee during lent forgetting that I had given it up. My husband used to bring me desserts or snacks when he was having them to be nice. I couldn't possibly be upset about this as it was normal for so long.

    When I told my husband that I would appreciate a new protocol of checking with me before bringing me food (as I was on limited calories), it totally solved the problem. He does the cooking so he started looking for new low cal recipes for me because this way he could assist me and still bring me things he knows I love.

    Sadly, if you have already had the converstation with this otherwise nice guy, it might be time to start declining dinner invitations and suggesting other activities to do instead. A "while I enjoy your company, I am uncomfortable with pressure that you put on me to eat more than I want to eat. While I like the fact that you are willing to share with me, I need for you to respect that I typically cannot eat appetizers, desserts or large portions. Asking me every time we eat even after I have explained my goal for a healthy weight makes me uncomfortable. For example, last time we were out you asked me to ____ and to share ____ with you. This made me feel rude for refusing and it is easier not to eat with you than to feel disrespected at the table."

    Guys are really into respect, so this is my best advice. ((Hugs)) I hope it gets through to him, as a nice guy this really should be a non-issue as a healthy SO should be a priority.

    Your husband sounds like a real diamond - lucky you!

    OP - if he's a good guy, be patient. If he's used to treating himself with food, then of course he's gong to want to feel like he's treating you too if you're the girl he loves. Good men are hard to find and if food pushing is the worst you get from him, I'd say he's doing pretty well. Good luck :flowerforyou:
  • madeinmilwaukee
    madeinmilwaukee Posts: 36
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    All great words of wisdom. He invited me over to his place again next week and wanted to make a roast. I counter-offered and invited him to my place and said we can make robust salads together. He enthusiastically accepted and thought it would be fun. Maybe I'll offer up frozen yogurt for dessert ;)

    As for saying "no" consistently, I suppose this is a skill which needs building. I think it's the same weak skill that got me where I am, needing to lose weight. So thank you for pointing that out I will make it a focus.

    And yes, so far, this is the only problem. He's an otherwise nice guy who is really interested in helping not hindering.

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