Joke Thread (its Friday)

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heberlonghurst
heberlonghurst Posts: 156
in Chit-Chat
Why a joke thread? Because it is Friday and I am not being as productive as I planned on being today. So I might as well start a joke thread.

Clean jokes, dirty jokes, highbrow jokes, lowbrow jokes no joke is excluded. So, come on and post some jokes!

Replies

  • Carissa145
    Carissa145 Posts: 604 Member
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    Growing up, I had an uncle that was conjoined with my dad from birth. We always called him our "uncle on our dad's side." Finally, the went through the surgery of being separated. Now we call him our "uncle once removed."
  • TeamDale54
    TeamDale54 Posts: 186
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    A man walks into a bank and asks if anyone has lost a roll of $100 bills with a rubber band around them. Everyone raised their hand. He says “Good, I found your rubber band.”
  • karl39x
    karl39x Posts: 586 Member
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    Hitler and Stalin are sitting at the bar. A patron walks up to the bar and asks the barman if thats Hitler and Stalin sitting over there. He says yes. The man goes over to Hitler and Stalin and asks what they are doing. "We're planning world war 3" says Stalin. "We're going to kill 14 million jews and 1 bike repair man" says Hitler "Why the bike repair man?" The patron asks. Hitler says to Stalin "See? I told you no one would ask about the jews."
  • TheGirlsATimeBomb
    TheGirlsATimeBomb Posts: 434 Member
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    Hitler and Stalin are sitting at the bar. A patron walks up to the bar and asks the barman if thats Hitler and Stalin sitting over there. He says yes. The man goes over to Hitler and Stalin and asks what they are doing. "We're planning world war 3" says Stalin. "We're going to kill 14 million jews and 1 bike repair man" says Hitler "Why the bike repair man?" The patron asks. Hitler says to Stalin "See? I told you no one would ask about the jews."

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • crazorbaq
    crazorbaq Posts: 74 Member
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    What do you find at the bottom of a pond?

    Bass-turds....!
  • Dubby83
    Dubby83 Posts: 21
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    How many Vietnam veterans does it take to screw in a light-bulb?

    You don't know because you weren't THERE man!
  • heylookitsval
    heylookitsval Posts: 1,141 Member
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    How does a Raiders fan change a light bulb? They don't, they just talk about how good the old one was.
  • BrainyBurro
    BrainyBurro Posts: 6,129 Member
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    How does a Raiders fan change a light bulb? They don't, they just talk about how good the old one was.

    bazinga.gif

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  • ren_ascent
    ren_ascent Posts: 432 Member
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    How does a Raiders fan change a light bulb? They don't, they just talk about how good the old one was.

    Gonna be ticking some co-workers off with this one!
  • karl39x
    karl39x Posts: 586 Member
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    A man goes to the doctor and says, "I need birth control for my 10 year old daughter."
    The doctor replies "She's 10 years old and sexually active?!"
    The man says, "Active? Hell no! Most of the time she just lies there and cries."
  • BrainyBurro
    BrainyBurro Posts: 6,129 Member
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    A man goes to the doctor and says, "I need birth control for my 10 year old daughter."
    The doctor replies "She's 10 years old and sexually active?!"
    The man says, "Active? Hell no! Most of the time she just lies there and cries."

    incest jokes??? really???

    nice-things.jpeg
  • karl39x
    karl39x Posts: 586 Member
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    What did one tampon say to the other?

    Nothing. They're both stuck up *****es.
  • Parson_M
    Parson_M Posts: 6 Member
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    After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room.
    Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking was helping.
    His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it from Sammy's ear. Sammy was delighted.
    In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed, and then cheerfully demanded, "Do it again, Dad!"
  • Toneyear
    Toneyear Posts: 60
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    Hot BathFeeling edgy, a man took a hot bath. Just as he’d become comfortable, the front doorbell rang. The man got out of the tub, put on terry cloth slippers and a large towel, wrapped his head in a smaller towel, and went to the door. A salesman at the door wanted to know if he needed any magazines. Slamming the door, the man returned to the bath.

    The doorbell rang again. On went the slippers and towels, and the man started for the door again. He took one step, slipped on a wet spot, fell, and hit his back against the hard porcelain of the tub.

    Cursing under his breath, the man struggled into his street clothes and, with every move a stab of pain, drove to the doctor. After examining him, the doctor said, “You know, you’ve been lucky. Nothing is broken. But you need to relax. Why don’t you go home and take a long hot bath?”.

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