Skinny Me VS. Fat Me

Okay so this is more or less an observation but something that struck me very hard today and I really wanted to post about it.

Brief history:
Female, Early twenties, Height 5'3", Starting weight between 190-185
In 2008 began to experience multiple symptoms, most severe of which were numbness and loss of feeling on left hand side of body. Was unable to function and began to get worse and worse with left sided weakness. Doctors were could not explain and began to pass her around to other doctors. Mayo Clinic twice, Chicago hospitals twice, all in all over 50 doctors were seen to get a diagnosis for a body that was rapidly failing.
Diagnosis: Depression, overweight, "You're imagining it", "Its an anomaly"

I was told as I walked with a cane due to my left leg dragging that it was all in my head. That if I got on an antidepressant, lost some weight, I would be fine. Loose weight. Loose weight. Loose weight. The end of this story? I kept fighting. I knew there was something else wrong. Did my research. Came up with a diagnosis. Found a doctor that would run the test and sure enough, I was right. Its a rare blood clotting disorder that mimics MS.

Fast forward to my life today.
Brief history:
Female, Early twenties, Height 5'3", Starting weight between 115-118
In August I started experiencing severe side pain. I do not have my gall bladder, appendix and have had a hysterectomy. My doctors were on the ball. Not once was it mentioned that I might be depressed. Not once am I pretending. Not ONCE was I even told you have an upset tummy, take a tum. Instead, multiple times its been alluded that since I "obviously" take care of myself it can't be this or that. Or since I'm the right size they can go ahead and "rule" this out.

Mind you, I don't have a diagnosis right now...but I have doctors JUMPING at me to help me rather then pushing me off onto somone else. I remember from the past a doctor appointment that lasted 10 seconds. "I already read your file. You are overweight, there is nothing I can do." Seriously?

I had a doctor's appointment today that got this thought process rolling. While I appreciate the fact that I have help, it infuriates me. It breaks my heart for the Tara that sat there for hours in the waiting room chair aching to be well...to stop STROKING. It breaks my heart for overweight people that are getting SHUNNED because of things that are out of their control. I wasn't overweight because I was eating the wrong things. I was overweight because my body was SICK. Not because I was depressed but because I couldn't move!

My doctor today was so kind. It was almost like he could read the pain in my eyes because one of the first things he said to me was "I apologize on behalf of the system for mistreating you." Thats right. They all have. How dare they. I love being the size I am now, but I was still HUMAN then.

I just wish there was a way to make the medical system open their eyes to people. PERIOD.