I need to re-train my thinking

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MrsMills712
MrsMills712 Posts: 350
in Motivation and Support
My poor hubby.

When I'm dieting and he asks me about how everything is going, inside I automatically think "Oh, so he must think I really need to diet. He's making sure i'm sticking to it."

When he asks me how my weight loss success has gone, I automatically think "Uh huh. He thinks i'm fat and wants to know how much I've lost. That's all that's important."

If he tells me I look good, I automatically think "Sure, he thinks that now. Wonder if he thought I was an ugly fat cow before I started working out."

If he tells me he's proud of me, or I'm doing well, I automatically think "Okay, well if history repeats itself, eventually I'm probably going to gain weight again in the future, and then what? He will think less of me, and will be dissappointed."

It's like part of me wishes he would never mention a word about my dieting and exercise changes because then I won't have to think anything negative.

But the other part of course, wants his attention and to catch him checking me out, and to be my friend who generally cares and wants me to share my successes with him.

And I have to say, my hubby is the absolute sweetest man I've ever met. He's never had anything negative to say about me. He tells me many times everyday how perfect he thinks I am, and that I don't need to be dieting or anything because he loves my body, and me as is. So that's what makes this all the more ridiculous.

I guess it's a mixture of the low self-esteem I've always had that makes me think the worst in myself, therefore everyone else must think the same. :P Blah. Or... I dunno. Hormones? lol.

Anyway. Has anyone else ever not known how to handle reactions from a loved one?

Replies

  • troyindallas
    troyindallas Posts: 18 Member
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    Try putting yourself in his shoes... Damned if you do,damned if you don't. I agree with the poor husband part.

    Stop worrying about how he sees you and make it a full time job to build him up. I promise the return on your investment will be tenfold.
  • mandijo
    mandijo Posts: 618 Member
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    I'm very quick to jump to conclusions with my husband like you do. It's innate and I haven' t lost much so my thoughts are constantly negative. You are right. We need to retrain our thoughts or it could cause a lot of anger between us and our spouses! You aren't alone!
  • jmmtaylor
    jmmtaylor Posts: 225
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    I'm the same way. Hubbys friend told him the other day that I look like I'm losing weight and I look good. He told me and I was all "that's nice to hear " and he goes " I tell you you look good all the time" I was like "Yeah, but you said I looked good 10 pounds ago. You would love me if I was 20 pounds heavier. It's just nice to hear from someone that doesn't love me no matter what"
  • takethepieces
    takethepieces Posts: 98
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    I often end up having the same trains of thought as you. More along the lines of will he like me better/worse when I lose weight. But I don't act on it because I know that it's how my head is working. I just tell myself this and try to forget about it. If I worry that he isn't going to be attracted to me or wasn't before, I just tell him how I'm feeling and he reassures me and then I feel better. Hope you can feel better about it xox
  • MichelleFirestone
    MichelleFirestone Posts: 212 Member
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    No way, I love it when my husband tells me I look good. or gives me that look, like once the kids are in bed, your all mine. or says my butt is getting tighter. I love the attention. But I'm straight forward with him. If I lose, I tell him, and I'm so proud. If I gained a pound, I tell him, and then it gives me motivation. when I was heavier, he would say I look good, and I would say no way. or what are you looking at. but now that I have lost some weight, I love the attention. And I want to lose more weight to look even better for him, and myself. I want to be his hot wife!
  • Robyn120
    Robyn120 Posts: 249
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    I totally relate girl! But I only think negative like that for a short time after my fiance compliments me. I know he loves me no matter what and he says these nice things to me to help boost my self esteem not make me feel worse. :)
  • MrsMills712
    MrsMills712 Posts: 350
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    I'm glad some of you ladies can relate :)

    And I better make it clear that all of those thoughts were in my head. I've never said any of it aloud, lol.
    I just smile and go with it, and leave the negativity in my thoughts.

    In fact, he has no idea I have this inner battle some days, haha.
  • Moonboots100
    Moonboots100 Posts: 23 Member
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    My partner is a guy who likes the larger lady. I thought the same thoughts as you, will he still love me / fancy me when I was alot slimmer?

    He doesnt give me compliments on how I look physically, he gives me compliments such as "I find you really sexy now you have this new confidence in yourself" or "wow, you are shining, I want to just squeeze you and never let go". This to me is a better compliment than, wow youre looking trimmer or slimmer, cos this way I dont have that "nag" at the back of my mind.

    Either way your guy means well, and thinks he is doing right by paying you compliments, so take them as they are meant xxxx
  • Knbrooks42
    Knbrooks42 Posts: 63 Member
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    I have had these negative thoughts too. Not necessarily with loved ones, but with friends of friends. For instance, this guy that I had barely talked to ever said "Whoa, you look like you've lost weight." And instead of taking it as a compliment, the first thing that popped in my head was, "Oh okay, so I was fat and ugly before. Thanks a lot."

    I agree that we must change your pessimistic thinking. Low self-esteem isn't going to improve if we don't make an effort to raise it. We need to treat these compliments as words of praise (like they are intended to be) instead of negative comments!

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