Help! I can't keep struggling like this!

Cristlefir · November 2013

Good evening fellow FitnessPal-ers.

I literally may pull my hair out with frustration. I'm in some serious need of help figuring out how to keep myself motivated enough to go to the gym. Here's some brief back story:

About a year ago I joined Get In Shape For Women. I am 5'3" and was 152lbs. I was feeling pretty poor about my body. Between August 2012 and May 2013 I got myself down to 137lbs. I never really felt that much skinnier and I never appreciated my weight loss. In May I moved in with my boyfriend and completely lost my motivation. I gained all the weight back from May until now, and I'm back up to (last check) 156lbs. Obviously I feel like crap about it.

Between May and now, I've been on and off at the gym like crazy. I was dieting like a pro for two weeks, then I'd just fall out of it. I've gone through the cycle of gym no-gym about five times. I get super motivated, get into it, then lose it all and gain a few more pounds. I find that, even when I'm dieting and exercising, I'm not seeing much weight loss. I gain weight like a champ, though. 20lbs in 6 months.

I know some things about myself that help:

1) Going to the gym with a friend keeps me accountable. That's why GISFW worked so well for me, because I had to make appointments to show up and work out with small groups. However, none of my friends in this area have time or live close enough to hit the gym with me. (Believe me, I've asked. I promise!)

2) Alcohol is a huge weak point, but I'm very good at cutting those calories when I'm trying to lose weight.

3) I am unusually tired all the time. I thought this might be a thyroid issue, but after having it checked, it's not. I could literally sleep at any moment for hours at a time. I'm always tired. This hinders my desire to go to the gym.

4) My motivation can get very low. Depressingly low. I don't know how to make myself WANT to go to the gym more.

I guess I'm just looking for tips, tricks, advice, on keeping myself going. I've lost the weight before, not so long ago, so I know I can DO IT, I just am having a hard time self-motivating and getting it done on my own. I don't have the accountability and I'm struggling with keeping myself going frequently. The result is that my weight is creeping up and my self-confidence is getting lower. Any advise would be much appreciated.

Thanks!
-Ashley

Will_Thrust_For_Candy · November 2013

What has you intake been like in the past and currently? I can't help but wonder if you were trying to go "fast" and restricted calories so much that you ended up binging and losing control.

Also, what exercise are you doing at the gym? If it's something you loathe, it's much easier to get complacent and stop going. You mention that you like being accountable...what about group fitness classes?

Spreyton22K · November 2013

As Vegas said, could it be that your're firing up too hard, too fast. Major calorie cutting, changing your eating preferences and hitting the gym doing something you don't like or can't sustain long term may well be causing you to burn out and get discouraged/exhausted.

Cristlefir · November 2013

I typically try to eat around 1300 - 1350, which seems to me to be more than reasonable. Sometimes I feel like I'm eating too MUCH on that many calories. And I typically don't eat junk. Lots of fruits and veggies. I have a hard time with protein. Also I use the Arc Trainer, which I really like. I'm not much of a runner and I find the elliptical to be boring. I enjoy the Arc trainer for the most part, and I've never had trouble with using it.

Once I get to the gym, I find that I don't have a hard time getting a good 40-45 minute cardio exercise in. It's GETTING there that's the issue...

jmiguy · November 2013

You don't need to go to a gym to lose weight. If you don't like working out then don't. There are plenty of ways to get exercise without ever stepping foot into a gym. You can lose all the weight you want by diet alone but adding physical activity into the mix is not a bad idea.

You said you feel tired all of the time. It could be from consuming too much alcohol and not getting quality sleep. Or it could be sleep apnea. You should visit a sleep doctor and get checked out.

Mr_Knight · November 2013

4) My motivation can get very low. Depressingly low. I don't know how to make myself WANT to go to the gym more.

Maybe the gym is not the right place for you...? I'm not saying it's not, just saying it might be something to consider.

Maybe something like getting a proper bike or joining a women's soccer team or <insert any of a billion other activities> would work better for you.

gigglesinthesun · November 2013

one step at the time, so start if your diet. Log everything you put into your mouth. Weigh it and only measure liquids. Itemise your entries i.e. not ham sandwich, but bread, spread, ham, lettuce separately. After a couple of weeks look at it and see when you ate what, whether you binged and whether you felt good about doing it. Start with a moderate deficit perhaps.

After a couple of month see how you feel about the gym. Maybe you'd prefer aqua aerobics at the local pool. Maybe just walking for 30 min a day around your neighbourhood. Maybe a Yoga class. Maybe a personal trainer.

the diet is important, because you can't outrun your fork :-)

cafeaulait7 · November 2013

Do something at home or right close by. I have the same problem with not wanting to drive all the way to the gym. I have some things I make myself do that are literally 6 feet away from where I'm sitting right now, so it's hard to make excuses, lol

Actually, I really, really enjoy my home workouts now, too. I used to be a gym-only person, but this fits me so much better for the long-term. And there's a walking track practically right up the street, so I'm on that now, too. Convenience is a biggie with me, yeah.

godsgrl33 · November 2013

You said that alcohol is an issue, but while trying to lose weight, you can cut those calories out. But, what happens when you do lose the weight? You can't go back to drinking alcohol, and still expect to keep the weight off. Either plan for it, by allowing yourself a drink a day, or cut it out all together. Once in a while, I understand that people will drink to excess and not ruin their weight loss plans. But, it might just be best to enjoy one drink once in a while. That way, you don't feel deprived. I second what jmiguy said about there are plenty of ways to exercise without going to the gym. Also, you can't wait on other people to be your workout buddy, because the first time they don't show up, you won't either. I think that you're not losing weight very fast because you probably don't have much to lose, so your body isn't in a rush to get rid of it. It's a weird phenomenon, I know, but those with more to lose can lose it faster.

morganmcclure75 · November 2013

I hear you, at times my motivation can be ridiculously low, between January of this year to August, I gained 15 pounds back. I felt so discouraged because I could feel and see the hard work I put into losing weight slipping away. You need to find a way of working out that works for you. I like going on walks or runs, going to the gym is okay for strength training, but I couldn't depend on that method to keep me going. 1300-1350 isn't too much by any means, it all depends on the kinds of calories you eat. I'd really take a deep look at why you want to lose this weight to begin with and maybe keep an old picture of yourself handy, this way you can be reminded that you don't want to be that girl anymore.

Also don't be afraid to be creative, I'm the only one in my family serious about losing weight, so usually I have to find ways to cut calories down or think on how to be as healthy as I can with what I've been given.

michable · November 2013

Hey there,

I agree with what others have posted about finding some kind of activity you like! I have never been able to make myself go to the gym either, but I have always played squash even when I couldn't bring myself to do anything else. At the moment, I am also running, and doing some Jillian Michaels DVDs at home. Don't think it's the gym or nothing.

I also wonder about your mental health - you sound really down on yourself, and drinking too much only makes you feel worse in the long term (although the short-term boost is awesome, I know). Are you sure you're not depressed? Because that can make both energy and motivation very low.

Good luck getting out of your slump.

apachebat · November 2013

I found it helped a lot to examine why I want my body to change and to get really specific with my goals. Before, I just had this really nebulous idea of how wonderful and hot I would be when I got down to my goal weight, and a lot of the positive feelings I was looking forward to once I got there were based on validation from other people: how men were going to be checking me out and think I was hot, how other moms would wonder how I did it, blah, blah, blah. It was really a bunch of superficial crap that doesn't mean anything. I was having a really hard time staying motivated and decided to take a look at what I was really doing it for.

I asked myself a lot of questions and forced myself to be specific. For example, I decided I wanted to be strong. Well, that's still pretty vague, so what do I mean by strong? I've never, ever, ever done a pull-up. I've tried and tried and can't lift my squishy body up and down, so I've set a goal of being able to do pull-ups like they're going out of style (with an initial goal of 10.) Forcing myself to come up with a list of measurable, specific goals not based on other people, but what I want for myself has helped tremendously with my motivation. Plus, I wrote them down. That way I have a list of achievements waiting to be completed that I can look at when I'd rather do anything but make good food choices and exercise.

I don't know if this will help you or not, but it's really changed my attitude.

fivethreeone · November 2013

I think there's a major mindset problem that most people have in believing that they need to feel motivated in order to work out.

Feeling motivated is an emotion, but why would you let an emotion dictate whether you do something that you need to do? Look at it this way: would you skip work for a few weeks if you didn't feel motivated to work? Of course not. Because it's not about how you feel.

Just decide that the gym isn't about how you feel. That decision changes everything, because it takes working out from the emotional level to the practical level, which makes motivation a totally moot point,

JustYandy · November 2013

Alcohol is the problem~Don't go to the gym hung over right...thats what makes you're motivation go back and fourth...well for me anyhow it was that way til I quit drinking...also causing weight gain like a champ only reason why I ever kept extra weight on.Once you accomplish being consistent that's a personality trait that no advice can help you just have to do it..Then motivation will not be a issue~Good luck!

brower47 · November 2013

I think there's a major mindset problem that most people have in believing that they need to feel motivated in order to work out.

Feeling motivated is an emotion, but why would you let an emotion dictate whether you do something that you need to do? Look at it this way: would you skip work for a few weeks if you didn't feel motivated to work? Of course not. Because it's not about how you feel.

Just decide that the gym isn't about how you feel. That decision changes everything, because it takes working out from the emotional level to the practical level, which makes motivation a totally moot point,

Beautifully stated. Really beautiful.

Cristlefir · November 2013

I appreciate all the really honest, candid feedback. As an overarching reply I'd like to say that, yes, I am down on myself a LOT, but I'm not depressed. I do a lot to keep my mental health up in other areas, this is just a big area that I struggle with. Also, I think I made it seem like I binge drink or something. When I mentioned alcohol was a problem, I mean that I drink a glass of wine a night, but in my mind those are extra calories I can't afford to spend. I don't sit around drinking away my sorrows into a cup or anything, and I don't have a problem with alcohol. I've never been to the gym with a hangover, that's for sure.

I like what fivethreeone said about a mindset problem, and I'll keep that in the back of my head when I go to the gym. You're absolutely right, and that's one of the most real things I've ever heard about going to the gym, ever.

I don't mind the gym and I seriously think I can't lose weight without going. I don't think I need to spend hours there, but I need to do some level of physical exercise in order to lose any weight. My family retains weight very well and I adopted that into my genes (lucky me!). Like I said, GETTING to the gym is hard for me. Feeling like I want to go there after work, when I'm exhausted and just want a nap, is a huge issue. One I just need to push through and just do it.

But you guys are also right that I should find something I like! I don't LOVE the gym, but I may LOVE something like yoga, or maybe another form of fitness. I'll have to search to find something that is affordable.

I really appreciate the outpouring of support everyone.

MinnieInMaine · November 2013

fivethreeone - that is a perfect analogy!

Cristlefir - finding something you really enjoy does help a lot because then it's not just a chore, it's something you look forward to doing. That said, motivation may still wane as you get tired of doing the same thing. I find doing a wide variety of things keeps me most interested. That's the great thing about going to a gym - there are tons of possibilities. When I first started working out, I'd do 10 minutes on 3 different cardio machines because I have a short attention span and it was the only way for me to get in my 30 minutes without feeling like I was going to go nuts with boredom.

I try to keep things interesting by challenging myself too. I may not want to go on the stairmill but I'll do it anyway and think "just do it for 10 minutes, you can do anything for 10 minutes". I'll push myself by going up a level higher than I did before, even if it's only for 30 seconds. Or I'll decide after 10 minutes that I can keep going and see how many floors I can do in a half hour. And some days I decide 10 minutes is enough and I'd rather be on the bike or elliptical. What really matters is you get moving and get your heart rate up.

Help! I can't keep struggling like this!

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