The last 2 times I binged felt different. What's happening?

These are some strange damn emotions I'm feeling here man. Maaaaaan.

I've been trying to be consistent on my diet and not do what I usually do, which is BINGE. I'll keep to my calorie counting for a week straight then be all proud of myself and totally abandon the very idea of being healthy in one day and in that one day, the binge starts. I start shoveling food into my fat face at an alarming rate and surely through out the day, as my hunger gets out of control and my wallet gets even more empty, I end the day feeling like total crap. Guilt ridden and shame over what I did...sometimes I add it to my fitness pal sometimes I don't. The days I do, it's between 6-8,000 calories. In a day! Erasing an entire weeks worth of work in one day leaving me totally demoralized and asking myself why I worked an entire week if I was just gonna ruin it in one day anyway. My will has gotten weaker over time. It's almost like Ive told myself "yeah you can try to count calories all you want, at the end of the weak you're gonna undo all that you've done and fail yet again". And how fitting I accidentally misspelled "week" as "weak". I'm leaving that in there.

But the last couple weeks I've felt so completely different that it's like experiencing something totally new. Ya know those lovely binges I talked about? Well I did it. Just yesterday I did it! And I felt nothing. I didn't feel satisfied when I started, during or after. I just felt nothing. It was almost like I went through it out of a force of habit,but while going through it I didn't enjoy it. Almost like I made myself do it. And this weird apathetic feeling I had was so....different. It's like I stopped caring about food altogether and just wanted to focus on something else for once. Almost like I had some kind of objectivity like seeing myself from an outsiders perspective watching myself do this and I'm like "really Marcus.. Again?! This is getting stupid. Just stop it. This isn't making you happy so why are you doing it?"

I had the money to get whatever I want. I could go get red robin, Olive Garden, Wendy's, go to the store and make food at home. Anything. But the idea of getting that next high from food just didn't matter to me. It was just kinda like "meh. It's just food. It doesn't matter. Just go bake a couple chicken strips in the oven and be happy". Has anyone else ever felt like this? Is this the end of the line for me liking food as much as I do?