Unsupportive Spouse
love2peddle
Posts: 2
Am I the only one dealing with an unsupportive Spouse?
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Replies
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I have unsupportive better half........He just don't get it.
Plus he can eat whatever whenever and never gain an lb.0 -
It does make the journey harder. You can try having a talk and explaining your plan and why you are doing this. If it doesn't help just remember, you are in charge of what you do and what you eat. Be strong.
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Check out the search function above - there have been several threads about (supposed or actual) unsupportive spouses.
FYI, I say supposed because I think in a lot of cases, people just take things the wrong way and don't bother to actually communicate with their spouses. It's easier to get butt hurt and come online and b1tch about it to random strangers instead. It's also easy to blame your spouse for your failings instead of actualy coming up with a plan to make it better.
OP and PP, I have no idea what your situation is so I'm not judging you either way, just saying what I've read in past posts.0 -
My bf hated what I was doing until we had a chat. My focus is on getting fit, but he was worried I was turning anorexic (totally impossible, I love food too much). Now he does stuff like sharing dessert with me instead of having one each, and when he gets himself some chocolate, he'll get me an apple instead. ^^
Sit down and have a respectful and honest exchange of views. Communication is key ^^0 -
Am I the only one dealing with an unsupportive Spouse?
This is your journey not his, at the end of the day do this for you and you only. This is something I have learnt, once you make peace with yourself that this is for you, block him out. He will come round, I am now getting compliments, before he was not taking me seriously, because I have been done this road so many times.
Comments like: you are finally getting your figure back; your arms are really getting smaller, your stomach is getting smaller (muffing top leaving). Even though I thank him for the praise, I do not let it get to my head because it is so easy to get sidelined. I am in this for the long haul, by June 2014, my goal is to be 140.
Turn the negative into a positive and look ahead to what you would like your final goal to be.0 -
It's not that your spouse is being unsupportive, it's that he likes you for you, not for what you look like.0
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It happens for many reasons. Don't do this for anyone else, do it for yourself.
My husband used to be a ripped sexy beast. Since he's an accountant and dedicates most of his time to work, it's taken a toll. He's still a sexy beast, just minus the ripped part. I have asked him to start working out with me because I think it would help his metal state. He has no desire. If I talk about what I want to accomplish next, he could careless. I personally think it came from girls in his past constantly being focused on being skinny and not eating. It's ruined him. I don't have a desire to be skinny. So what do I do, I don't talk about it. I do this for me. I will reap the benefits and hopefully one day he will come around and take his health seriously.0 -
My husband has never been unsupportive, but it did take him some time to realize the need for better food choices. He does all the cooking and would not understand why I would ask him to not make fresh bread 4 times a week or could he use less oil (even though it was canola) in the sauce he made...etc. He started using the recipe calculator and flipped out! He had no idea. Of course, he changes his recipes, limited his portions and dropped 30 lbs in 4 months (and has kept it off for nearly 2 years) while it took me 12 months to lose 30 lbs!!
In the end, we are both healthier for it. Sometimes it just takes a little longer for the information/importance to sink in to someone else.0 -
Can you please post examples of how your spouse is unsupportive so I can laugh at all the 'you should leave him' replies that will inevitably follow?0
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I have a very supportive spouse, and I know that I am lucky. I see these threads a lot and honestly it seems like most of the time (not all of the time) there's one of 2 major issues happening:
1. You expect him to make the same dietary changes and do it right along with you. Don't. Everyone has to choose their own path in life and that includes diet, exercise, etc. It may be difficult if and when he's eating loads of lasagna, cake and chips and you sit down with a grilled chicken breast or celery...but you can still have treats together too, as others have mentioned. Food can be a source of pleasure & companionable good times, and you don't have to completely cut that out!
2. You don't explain what you're doing, how and/or why. So many people like a previous poster, have family and friends who are worried about drastic changes in their loved one's habits and/or appearance. When it's understood, it's much better. My father started a better diet and pretty drastic *for him* exercise program in his 60's and a lot of people were worried that he was ill. Now that he's explained, we're all happy with the newer leaner Dad.
In these threads most people seem to jump on a bandwagon of "Your spouse wants to keep you fat and miserable so he/she will feel superior, in control, and/or not lose you to someone fitter" I think that's very rarely the problem.
Good luck!!0 -
Can you please post examples of how your spouse is unsupportive so I can laugh at all the 'you should leave him' replies that will inevitably follow?
Mine is unsupportive because he likes my "stripper butt" as he calls it. But he better watch out because this "stripper butt" is about to get serious! I should so leave him huh? ;-)0 -
I sort of have this. He's actually lovely but a bit enabling. So he'll buy ice cream and be a bit sad if I don't share it. He is skinny as a rake and has never had to worry about his weight so he doesn't really understand.
Oh, yeah and he also likes the way I look now.0 -
Can you please post examples of how your spouse is unsupportive so I can laugh at all the 'you should leave him' replies that will inevitably follow?
Mine is unsupportive because he likes my "stripper butt" as he calls it. But he better watch out because this "stripper butt" is about to get serious! I should so leave him huh? ;-)
Definitely. Insinuating you look like a stripper is just insulting and therefore falls into the 'unsupportive' category. You should only be with a man that compliments you every day and changes his eating and exercise habits entirely to suit your dietary plan.0 -
just break up0
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It happens for many reasons. Don't do this for anyone else, do it for yourself.
My husband used to be a ripped sexy beast. Since he's an accountant and dedicates most of his time to work, it's taken a toll. He's still a sexy beast, just minus the ripped part. I have asked him to start working out with me because I think it would help his metal state. He has no desire. If I talk about what I want to accomplish next, he could careless. I personally think it came from girls in his past constantly being focused on being skinny and not eating. It's ruined him. I don't have a desire to be skinny. So what do I do, I don't talk about it. I do this for me. I will reap the benefits and hopefully one day he will come around and take his health seriously.
heyyy! I'm an accountant AND a sexy ripped beast!
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No, you're not alone.
Mine wasn't supportive at all. Told me I was obsessed, wasn't fun anymore, got annoyed with me, didn't help, would try and sabotage my new healthier diet, then she just... Got on board with it. Push through, you'll get there. Eventually your new lifestyle choices become old habit and once your partner knows it's not going to change then you learn to live with the differences.
I did also have to make compromises too, don't expect everything to change without a little bending on your part either.0 -
It happens for many reasons. Don't do this for anyone else, do it for yourself.
My husband used to be a ripped sexy beast. Since he's an accountant and dedicates most of his time to work, it's taken a toll. He's still a sexy beast, just minus the ripped part. I have asked him to start working out with me because I think it would help his metal state. He has no desire. If I talk about what I want to accomplish next, he could careless. I personally think it came from girls in his past constantly being focused on being skinny and not eating. It's ruined him. I don't have a desire to be skinny. So what do I do, I don't talk about it. I do this for me. I will reap the benefits and hopefully one day he will come around and take his health seriously.
heyyy! I'm an accountant AND a sexy ripped beast!
He works from 8 am till 3 am most days. If he's not at his desk slinging numbers then he's in class getting his brain healthy, lol...
And yes you are a sexy ripped beast 0 -
I agree with several replies that this is YOUR journey. It's for you and your own body and health. My best advice is for you to talk it out with him. If you're looking for support from him, explain yourself and if one approach doesn't work, try another. 0
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Can you please post examples of how your spouse is unsupportive so I can laugh at all the 'you should leave him' replies that will inevitably follow?
Mine is unsupportive because he likes my "stripper butt" as he calls it. But he better watch out because this "stripper butt" is about to get serious! I should so leave him huh? ;-)
Definitely. Insinuating you look like a stripper is just insulting and therefore falls into the 'unsupportive' category. You should only be with a man that compliments you every day and changes his eating and exercise habits entirely to suit your dietary plan.
Bahaha, I asked good stripper or bad stripper. I could have been offended but he pulled though on the "compliment"...0 -
im totally in this boat, my boyfriend laughs at my inability to "stick to it" I feel like a total favour at times, and he really takes the micky of my increased size and the fact the my chest has grown so much due to weight gain.
I know he is only joking and he tells me he loves me often. but I don't feel good about myself anyway, and wish he could understand. he tells me im doing it wrong etc cos I like to lift weights (body pump) and tells me i should not be drinking protein shakes as snack. its a constant struggle0 -
My husband has been amazingly supportive this time around, but we did have to have a serious discussion about my plans for weight loss surgery, why I wanted to do it and what I needed from him to be successful at it. He stepped up to the plate nicely despite his concern that my losing weight would hurt us. That was his insecurity and he knows it. He hasn't made all the changes I have and that's OK. This is my journey, my responsibility. He also needs to be better about eating healthy, but that has to be his decision.
Your spouse may be feeling insecure within him/herself, fearing that the as you start looking better you will be getting more attention and that you may at some point decide you can do better. Point being that this may not be about you.0 -
Did anyone even bother to notice that OP is male. Almost all the quotes I've read made the immediate assumption that he was female and the unsupportive spouse was being a male a**hole.
*le sigh*0 -
Did anyone even bother to notice that OP is male. Almost all the quotes I've read made the immediate assumption that he was female and the unsupportive spouse was being a male a**hole.
*le sigh*
Duh, because we are the only ones who can be bad spouses.0 -
Well I am a guy and my other half is incredibly unsupportive. Mother in law as well. Both of them actively sabotage me. It is very annoying grrr0
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I choose to focus on the ways in which my spouse IS supportive. My husband never thought that I needed to lose any weight, and he wasn't interested in losing weight either. I'm the one who wanted to shape up, and that only happened when I took responsibility for myself. I cook, so he ends up eating healthy meals. He eats whatever snacks he wants. Exercise has been a different story. He agreed to join the gym, and we both go. My husband enjoys outdoor activities, and we get a lot of exercise together.0
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No you are not.
I am lucky mine is quite supportive as is my son. Built me a squat rack, bought me new bars for my Bday...
But that being said......spouses who are not supportive typically are scared you are on your way out.....not to the gym either.
That you are going to get all healthy and fit and hot and see something you like better outside the home, or they are selfish and want all of your attention, or they are missing the time spent with them now that you spend it on yourself.
Open communication is the key find out why they aren't supporting you then fix the issue and that doesn't mean giving up on what you want it means letting them know their fears are unfounded, and spending more time with them....unless they are just being selfish....that is on them not you.0 -
Did anyone even bother to notice that OP is male. Almost all the quotes I've read made the immediate assumption that he was female and the unsupportive spouse was being a male a**hole.
*le sigh*
Duh, because we are the only ones who can be bad spouses.
Not true, women suck too0 -
Did anyone even bother to notice that OP is male. Almost all the quotes I've read made the immediate assumption that he was female and the unsupportive spouse was being a male a**hole.
*le sigh*
Duh, because we are the only ones who can be bad spouses.
Not true, women suck too
Well aware of that, sarcasm doesn't always come through.0 -
Did anyone even bother to notice that OP is male. Almost all the quotes I've read made the immediate assumption that he was female and the unsupportive spouse was being a male a**hole.
*le sigh*
Actually, I assumed OP was female because 99% of the time it is women moaning that their husbands dare to eat cake in front of them when they are on a diet. Men usually aren't as sensitive,0 -
Did anyone even bother to notice that OP is male. Almost all the quotes I've read made the immediate assumption that he was female and the unsupportive spouse was being a male a**hole.
*le sigh*
Actually, I assumed OP was female because 99% of the time it is women moaning that their husbands dare to eat cake in front of them when they are on a diet. Men usually aren't as sensitive,
We are, we just don't usually talk about it as much.0
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