I think I'm becoming bulimic..:\

I used to binge, and I purged not by throwing up but by starving myself, which led to another binge.. it's a nasty cycle that's hard to stop.

There's a lot of good advice on this thread. I really do think you need to stop depriving yourself and that will help a lot. If you've been sticking to 1200 for a while it can be scary to go up, and you might temporarily gain weight. But I PROMISE it is impossible for you to get to 200 lbs on, say, 1450 cals. It's just not going to happen. You will lose weight in the long run. You will lose more weight than on 1200 because you won't be so tempted to binge!

I am going to appeal to your vain side here a little. Bulimics do not typically lose weight.. They are almost always average to a little overweight. Purging doesn't come close to removing all of the calories from a binge.

I saw a post some years ago that I wish I still knew where it was. It included a photo of a 20 year old girl (my age, at the time) that had been found dead, in her home, kneeling by the toilet. She was anorexic, but had binged and her stomach ruptured while purging a large amount of food. It was gruesome and it really hit me hard. A picture's worth a thousand goddamn words and it straightened me right the hell up. I will try to find that for you.

I used to post on forums for eating disorder support. Another post was from a girl that was using a spoon and it nearly got stuck in her throat. She happened to be a pre med student that had been through helping choking infants, so she knew just how to twist it to get it out. Otherwise, she would have died. So PLEASE if you slip and purge, only use your fingers. Do not use a spoon, toothbrush, whatever.

Anyway, a key here is to fix your relationship with food and stop bingeing. I think it would be really beneficial to you to follow a meal plan similar to this: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0AjcSou1AzAJQdE1WUVVyajduN2pUNUpHV0VtWFE0Mnc&hl=en_US#gid=3 . It has you eating every few hours and eating healthy. I've been doing it a few days and feel very satisfied and the weight I was struggling with fell off. I just had a HUGE omelet and it still comes in at under 400 cals because there is a ton of veggies in this plan. I am eating the same number of calories but upping the protein and veggies while pretty much cutting out bread seems to be helping, and I am finding it a lot easier than I expected. It's simple and inexpensive and gives a basic plan that you can sub out various veggies. Don't feel bad if you stray; do better next time.

Doing a plan like that paired with strength training will help considerably with your metabolism. I didn't see any mention of exercise in your post so maybe if you pick that up that will help you feel a little less neurotic about your eating.

Hunger is the enemy for a binger! Always be armed with healthy snacks.

You can beat this! Stop before it gets to be a more ingrained habit. Bulimia will not help you get to your goals! Most importantly it will not help you establish a healthy relationship with your body and food, and that's what you really need. Feel free to chat anytime you need.

I am a nurse and you are heading down a very dangerous road. I'm not saying you have a problem yet but you are definitely exhibiting symptoms of a serious problem. Believe me I understand what you are going through, it's a vicious cycle. Please talk to someone.

I do live a pretty sedentary lifestyle when I'm not working. I'm a waitress so I'm always on my feet at work, and according to MFP, I burn anywhere from 700-800 calories a day while at work. So I'll usually end up eating back some of those calories, which is nice. it's when I have days off(like today), that I end up binging, cause I get bored from having nothing to do.

Please get some help for the bulimic part of your original post.

Reading the above paragraph, why not try averaging these extra 700-800 calories a day over the week? If you work 5 days a week, that's 3500-4000 calories a week or 500-570 calories a day. That would put your daily requirements around 1700 calories. That may keep you from being so hungry and binging. Maybe keep a few hundred calories for binging [ie eat 1400 calories per day and save (roughly) 2000 calories per week for binging]. Find a balance that works for you on a weekly average.

As for boredom, when you feel it coming on, make yourself do something. Go for a walk, read a book, call a friend, go to an art museum....anything to keep the boredom away.

This is me all over I have been doing this on and off for a year now but the past week I have being binging and throwing up 6+ times a day. I really do not want to put on more weight and get worried every time something passes my lips.

I do live a pretty sedentary lifestyle when I'm not working. I'm a waitress so I'm always on my feet at work, and according to MFP, I burn anywhere from 700-800 calories a day while at work. So I'll usually end up eating back some of those calories, which is nice. it's when I have days off(like today), that I end up binging, cause I get bored from having nothing to do.

As others said, you should seek professional counseling.

Setting that aside - I think you need to look at the overall picture. It is not as if you need to come in under your calories every single day. There can be a certain amount of "banking" of calories as they do in WW on points. As long as, overall, you are consuming less than you burn, you are in good shape.

When I was younger, I had a very active part-time job and I burned calories like crazy. I could eat whatever I wanted - no guilt. However, there were lots of days I was sedentary and ate a lot. I didn't gain weight because, over the long run, I was burning more than I ate.

Don't have snacks in the house, don't allow yourself two pieces as you can'tstick to that! Have low cal veg or fruit snacks aavailable,you won't want to binge on that . also stop the self hatred! Cherish your self and that body , and look after yourself well!

Get professional help!!!

This is serious.

I think you need to realize how weight fluctuates within the body. You likely are aware that the first few lbs people lose when reducing calories comes from water weight. Similarly, when you increase calories closer to maintenance, you are simply replenishing the water weight you previously lost. Thus, you shouldn't think of this increase in calories as "gained" weight at all. The only time a person truly gains weight is by eating above their maintenance intake.

If you are eating out of boredom, then you may want to consider finding a hobby.

^ This.

OP, you are most likely putting on water weight anytime you go above 1200, freak out, don't give your body time to adjust to the new calories (and thus shed the water weight), and instead go back down to 1200. Too low, obviously makes you prone to binges.

See a psychologist. Knowing it's bad is good, but as many of us in recovery from EDs know... you can be aware something is bad but not necessarily have the means or coping ability to stop it. See a professional. Stat.

Agreed. Bulimia is a horrible thing. Take it from someone that has been battling it for more than half her life.

Get help, and start doing some reading. I recommend "Brain Over Binge" by Kathryn Hansen and "Women, Food and God" by Geneen Roth. Don't let books replace therapy, though. You need some IRL guidance to keep you from continuing down the rabbit hole.