What I Did about My Never-Ending Battle with Binge-Eating

So here's the thing. I love food. I've always been passionate about it. I love to eat it, I love to cook it, I love to look at it, and watch it on TV. Food is awesome. So I knew when I started controlling what I ate, it was really going to be a challenge for me.

My journey wasn't very difficult at first. The most important key to my weight-loss has been changing things GRADUALLY. I lost weight slowly, but I lost it and never gained during the process. I started by changing the portions of what I was already eating. I didn't change anything else. Then I added light exercise to the mix once I got used to my new eating habits. Just doing those 2 things alone I dropped from 150 lbs. to 130 lbs. in about a year (I'm 5'3"). It seems slow, but it wasn't about the weight loss for me as much as it was the lifestyle change. I needed to do something I knew I could do for the rest of my life. No quick fixes.

Once I got to 127, I started MFP. It was the first time in my life I had ever considered calories in and calories out. With the occasional bad day, I was doing great. Still losing weight gradually and adding more changes to my diet and exercise routine, I made it down to 117.

I always thought that thin people just had crazy self-control. they must never deal with problems like binge-eating. Now that I was thin, I realized, it doesn't matter how big you are, anyone can struggle with binge-eating. Suddenly, my original concept of portion control began to go out the window. It got to a point where I couldn't go a single weekend without at least one day of completely disgusting, uncontrollable, self-loathing binge-eating. I would make up for it during the week with healthy eating and exercise, which just kept me at a plateau. I kept going through the same process, maybe this is too hard for me to keep up, maybe I should just go back to not caring so much about health and fitness, maybe my body wants to weigh more, what if I never get to enjoy yummy food the way I want again?...chomp, chomp, chomp...nom, nom, nom...mindless eating...delayed regret...stomach ache. Eat healthy during the week, rinse, repeat, weekend hits...out of control again. Am I the only one this keeps happening to?

So I finally came to a conclusion. One thing was for sure. No matter how many battles against binge-eating I won, the war would never be over. So was there an alternative to warring with binge-eating??...ding, ding, ding, light-bulb! Maybe instead of battling the inevitable and hating myself every time I failed, maybe I could take control of it instead? Maybe I could negotiate a deal with binge-eating that's on MY terms? I could have all the power and the binge-eating monster could be fulfilled too?

Yup, that's what happened. I began scheduling ahead of time days that I wouldn't count calories. I could eat whatever I felt like and not feel guilty about it. Seeing the calories on my bad days often made me want to eat even worse. I would think "well I was already this bad, why not just get crazy with it?". So I started to plan ahead. What's the next special occasion I have where it's going to be very tempting to eat a lot of good food? I would make note of that date and eat healthy and work hard until then. Now I had something to look forward to, something to keep me going, and something to work hard for. Every time the BE monster would rear its ugly head and say "hey, let's eat everything", I would say "no, not until ___ day".

This has actually worked for me. I still binge eat, that hasn't changed. But now I do it less frequently. It's predictable and planned out. Also, since I don't count calories, I actually eat less as a result. I pay attention to how my body feels and just eat what I feel like rather than emotionally eating way more since I am depressed about binge-eating in the first place.

Listen, I get it. For some people, this method is not for them, and I respect that. Some people can eat perfect, clean, and healthy every day and wonder how others could ever struggle with a problem like this. They may even read this and think this is a horrible idea. But for me, this isn't a temporary thing. I plan to do this for the rest of my life. If I have to eat perfect and never enjoy indulging in delicious food for the rest of my life, I will go crazy. This method is what's going to keep me sane. I hope there is somebody out there who also had a light bulb go on after reading this. This is the way to not just eat to survive, but eat to LIVE. Enjoy