Dating After Weight-Loss

Yes, I lost 50 pounds a few years ago and had a pretty tough time trying to determine if a guy just wanted to get me into bed or if he was seriously seeking a relationship with me, firstly because I was naïve and couldn't tell the difference and secondly because I had the chubby-girl voice in my head too. The ability to discern comes with practice. Be prepared to be disappointed in a few dates if you're looking for something serious and the guy isn't, but also be prepared for when the guy is looking for something serious too.

My best advice is this: Decide what is important to you and you cannot live without, and decide what is a deal-breaker and cannot live with, and then stick to it. You deserve that :bigsmile:

I went on a date with a guy who was sincere, had what was important to me, didn't have my deal-breakers, and I married him 7 months later. Best decision of my life.

Dating is frustrating. I met at least a dozen guys on match.com before I started to realize what I really wanted in a guy. It's really hard to keep trying after meeting the wrong guy over and over again. Finally, I was contacted by a guy who searched for both red hair and a master's degree. That was seven years ago, and we've been married for five. Looks are important and guys will seek you out for that, but just keep trying until you find one that wants the whole package. He's out there somewhere.

Speaking as an older woman,
I recommend that you ladies go
DO something for which you have a passion,
yet does not display your newly-minted figures.
Try some volunteer work:
cleaning up beaches or roadsides,
tree planting,
food banks,
book clubs,
free legal clinics, etc.
Then you can meet someone who'll admire you for what's in your heart.

Yes, I lost 50 pounds a few years ago and had a pretty tough time trying to determine if a guy just wanted to get me into bed or if he was seriously seeking a relationship with me, firstly because I was naïve and couldn't tell the difference and secondly because I had the chubby-girl voice in my head too. The ability to discern comes with practice. Be prepared to be disappointed in a few dates if you're looking for something serious and the guy isn't, but also be prepared for when the guy is looking for something serious too.

My best advice is this: Decide what is important to you and you cannot live without, and decide what is a deal-breaker and cannot live with, and then stick to it. You deserve that :bigsmile:

I went on a date with a guy who was sincere, had what was important to me, didn't have my deal-breakers, and I married him 7 months later. Best decision of my life.

LOVE THIS

Over the past 2 years or so I've lost and kept off almost 40 lbs. During this time, I was in a relationship which I ended a couple of months ago. I'm getting back out there and look and feel 100% times better than the last time I was single. However, I still have that "chubby girl" voice in the back of my head and even though I've come so far I don't think I see myself the same way others do. This obviously hinders my self-confidence.

I don't want to sound arrogant, but I know that I'm not ugly and I'm very proud of my body and all that I've achieved. So, how come when it comes to dating I STILL feel like the girl I was 2 1/2 years ago?

Writing this prompted a thought. I've noticed that a few guys have really own shown interest in my looks and not my intelligence or personality. So maybe now I'm self-conscious about being more attractive. I don't know. Dating is frustrating.

Has anyone else gone through the same thing?

Never have I ever been through the same thing, at my largest and my norm. I don't relate to the chubby voice but I've lived to witness that my skinny voice and my skinny me were around as I gained. Size was always my issue, the skinny me judgment of the fat girl in my reflection when I'd let go, not the guys. In that at least I know they really did like me and still do for years. I am so sorry.

To solve your inner turmoil, seeing you still as your chubby self of 2 and a half years ago, have you considered professional help? I mean that would be the extreme end of possibilities for you. What helped me was my self-acceptance following a Mastery workshop that I had crossed a line and I'd had to embrace my truth of self-neglect ~ I was fat!

Part of this Mastery required going home, divesting yourself of all your clothes and just looking at yourself in the mirror for 3 minutes, per side (front, side, back, side). Following the 3 mins (x4) we were asked to look at ourselves per side for 3 mins again saying out loud "I accept you, " "I love you," "I need you" and "I'm angry with you because ..." After this set then there was another 12 mins@3mins per side to audibly isolate to yourself at your reflection, "I love my (feature/body part/etc)" and you have to look for it; No judgment; No negatives; Naked. Thereafter you are to greet each of your 4 sides, "Hullo me" and "Hullo (your name)" "Hullo (your nicknames)" "Hullo (your online pseudonyms)." I found that to be the quickest route to self-realisation for me. Nothing gets you there, then to be looking at yourself in a nuddie for over 12 mins. The longest 3 mins per side, each time, in my entire life and it drags :laugh:

Unfortunately for you, men much like us women are physical beings, whether it's your life partner, your residence, your vehicle, your educational institution, the determinants of "Yay" or "Nay." ~ what appeals to you in that sweet spot second. Like it or not, it is worth an estimated 75% (+/-) to influence attraction impulse reaction. Your education and personality requires more interaction in order for them to come into play or be relevant. Factoring in one of your previous posters area of expertise@nuclear engineering, one can only imagine, how she would find it difficult to work in her brain-self to the average guy; The average guy for most women can relate to a model; She is put in your face; She is on every street corner at a magazine stand; She might be on the bus, the tube station, the billboard, tv; She's relatable and accessible. He is going for the commonality, down to the baser filters of the individual man to woman. The man is choosing you, not the lawyer, not the nuclear physicist, not the CEO, it's the man; His basic mock-up is choosing you. Don't over think or complicate the whys; Just know and be comfortable with the knowledge that your packaging works for him.

Think of yourself as his impulse buy; One he'll buy before he tries because everything about you, works. At first glance, that first millisecond, you work. Your personality, education and all the trimmings are "the hook." The saying goes you bait him with your looks and nail him down with your personality and add-ons. Your add-ons and the personality can not be the lead, unless that's his thing, then yes. There are men who only select MBA graduates. Just as there are men who only date Lawyers and Doctors. Guys who only favour Nurses. Their selection criteria starts there ~ The add-ons. So in summation, fix the you with yourself, find the perfect wave and ride it. Don't think, just ride.

ETA: Italics

I agree with all of the above..I am married to the man of my dreams but it took me 30 yrs to find him....He and I share some much in common and that is what has kept us together.
Those only looking to get in your pants will not stick around if you do not "put out" right away.