What is wrong with me?
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julesyb1982
Posts: 136
I'm fat. Very fat. I am 5'5" and weigh 235 lbs. I've struggled somewhat with weight my whole life, but there for many years I was healthy and in ok shape. Since 2009 that's just gone to crap. I just looked at a photo of myself from a few years back when I weighed 125 and wore a size 6. I started bawling like a baby. I don't want to leave my house anymore. I'm depressed. I'm no fun. Yet... I cannot stick to any sort of healthy diet or exercise plan. No matter what I do. I drink wine every night to ease my depression. Then I crave junk food at home and work. I've tried counting calories, weight watchers, Nutrisystem, Paleo, Mediterranean, Medifast, low carb, and just watching portions. I cannot follow anything. I feel like the biggest failure ever. I'm going to Germany in March and wanted to lose 50 lbs before then, and I haven't dropped a single pound. I hate my career so much it makes me want to drive off a bridge.. so it doesn't help.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Oh and I'm on antidepressants which clearly don't make weight loss efforts easier.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Oh and I'm on antidepressants which clearly don't make weight loss efforts easier.
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Replies
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Please stop beating your self up. I know how you feel. You will do it some day... you just have to find the right way.
Here's what I just learned: look up "VIRTUAL gastric band". You get hypnotised to not be hungry, to feel like you have a real gastric band, and you really feel full after small portions. I know someone who lost 70 or 80 pounds with this. You also need to drink a lot of water.... because when the fat starts to melt you have to flush it out. You also skip white carbs, like bread, cake, and potatoes. Fruit and veg is ok, but you eat your protein first. You get cds to listen to to reinforce the sessions. There are 4 to 6 sessions.
Worth a try I say! Message me if you want more info. Have hope!
Dome give up. You are worth it. You can do it, if you find the right way!
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FYI you breath out fat you've used.
My advice is to keep a journal of when you eat, why you eat, and what you eat. Figure out why you are eating what you are eating. Figure out something to substitute for the eating that you think is in excess. For example. Had a bad day at work, sat down, turned on the tv, ate a pint of ben jerry's. Replace that with went for a walk or played with the dog/cat/kids, etc.0 -
I read something the other day that was hugely impacting to me: This is a Facebook update from a woman named Amber Rogers who goes by "Go Kaleo" on Facebook and on her blog:
"The reason I struggled unsuccessfully with my weight for 25 years was because I was struggling with my weight.
My weight wasn't the problem. My weight was a symptom of the problem.
The problem was my habits. I treated myself poorly. My internal dialogue was abusive and unkind. When I exercised I did it to punish myself, and when I dieted I allowed myself an inhumanely small amount of food. These are not behaviors and habits that will produce a healthy body. These behaviors tear a person down, reduce self esteem, trigger binge eating, make exercise unpleasant, reduce a human to nothing more than a collection of body parts that are treated with contempt. And I did it to myself. And I bet many of you reading this do it to yourself."
You have to get to the root of why you do the things you do. You must find your validation and self-worth from some place other than your dress size. Who you are is so much more valuable than the body you wear...
:flowerforyou:
EDIT to ADD: I just quit drinking a week ago... if you can get rid of that distraction and deal with the actual emotions you're feeling while sober, you'll probably be better off.0 -
For me, binge eating is a way to self-harm as a symptom of a much deeper emotional issue. I too struggle with depression on top of those issues, and it does make it very difficult. The fleeting comfort of that drink or that dessert or that cheeseburger just leads to a lower self-worth, and then the cycle starts over again. Mrsbigmack (who is an awesome MFP) is very right in her advice to find something about yourself that makes you feel good, completely separate from your weight or size. You deserve to feel good, and above all, you need to be kind to yourself. Would you let anyone else treat you as poorly as you do yourself? I doubt it. If you need to see a therapist to get to the root of the issue, do so. There's no shame in taking control of your health both mentally and physically. I wish you all the best and I hope you feel fantastic for your Germany trip.0
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I hear you. For the past 5 years I've been struggling at work. I am a very conscientious person, when I am done with a project, it's done to the absolute best of my ability, and will have been checked for mistakes 4-5 times before I'm done.
My boss at this time was an unhappy, miserable, mistrusting, lazy, racist excuse for a human being. If she was having a bad day, we were screamed at, literally screamed at. We're grown women, for God's sake.
There was nothing I did that was good enough for her. I worked overtime, weekends, evenings, midnights, with no complaining, but it was not enough for her. I took her on-call when she was on vacation, I had to cover for her when she didn't know something, and I was subject to her snide, jealous remarks when I actually did manage to lose some weight. I look back on those times and wish I'd had the guts to leave.
Fortunately, our department underwent some major changes, including obtaining an actual manager. She's a wonderful role model. She has helped raise me up to be the best lead I can be. She's offered to let me take leadership classes, is always available when I have a question, but doesn't micromanage in the least.
My attitude has done a complete 180. I'm happy when I wake up in the mornings. I look forward to seeing my coworkers and manager every day. I'm proud of the work I do.
For your own sake, if you are not happy with what you're doing, DO SOMETHING ELSE. If you absolutely can't do something else, then CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE. You have to make the decision to change, no one can hold your hand and guide you along. You may not be able to change how things are happening around you, but you can change how you REACT to those stimuli.
There are times when you just have to make yourself be first. You have to take that first step. Start small. Stop feeling guilty for eating something you wanted, just make it count towards a daily calorie goal. Use the calorie counter here, it's been extremely helpful for me. Just be honest with it. There's no point in not adding something, it's still something you ate that will eventually show up on your body.
You have to feel you deserve to change. Work on your attitude. Feel free to message me anytime, I'm always willing to chat.0 -
Hi,
Please read my profile. Hopefully, it will give you a boost and some confidence to go forward. Best of luck.0 -
How long have you been on your anti-depressives? Because it sound to me like they are not working as well as they should.
If you have the means to do so, I would talk to a nutritionist who can help you design a meal plan that works for you and you can stick with.
What helped me in the end was giving up on calling it a diet and just eat healthier and to practice portion control. Take recipes you love and then simply tweak it to make it a little healthier.
For snacking, again it's about either portion control or to replace your go to snack with something with a lower calorie content. My new go to snack, that I always have in the freezer, is frozen grapes instead of ice cream.
But first, go talk to your doctor to see if there is a better fit of anti-depressants for you.0 -
This recent blog post might be helpful to you:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/Pu_239/view/my-real-secret-to-weight-loss-192lbs-down-5949420 -
I'm fat. Very fat. I am 5'5" and weigh 235 lbs. I've struggled somewhat with weight my whole life, but there for many years I was healthy and in ok shape. Since 2009 that's just gone to crap. I just looked at a photo of myself from a few years back when I weighed 125 and wore a size 6. I started bawling like a baby. I don't want to leave my house anymore. I'm depressed. I'm no fun. Yet... I cannot stick to any sort of healthy diet or exercise plan. No matter what I do. I drink wine every night to ease my depression. Then I crave junk food at home and work. I've tried counting calories, weight watchers, Nutrisystem, Paleo, Mediterranean, Medifast, low carb, and just watching portions. I cannot follow anything. I feel like the biggest failure ever. I'm going to Germany in March and wanted to lose 50 lbs before then, and I haven't dropped a single pound. I hate my career so much it makes me want to drive off a bridge.. so it doesn't help.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Oh and I'm on antidepressants which clearly don't make weight loss efforts easier.
If you are drinking wine every night while on antidepresssants - this is not helping you very much at all. I wish that in hindsight that I could have stopped myself from doing that, but... I did it for a very long time. It can also be dangerous depending on the combination. Please take careful consideration. I just had to throw that out there, because I've been there.0 -
My weight wasn't the problem. My weight was a symptom of the problem.
The problem was my habits. I treated myself poorly. My internal dialogue was abusive and unkind. When I exercised I did it to punish myself, and when I dieted I allowed myself an inhumanely small amount of food. These are not behaviors and habits that will produce a healthy body. These behaviors tear a person down, reduce self esteem, trigger binge eating, make exercise unpleasant, reduce a human to nothing more than a collection of body parts that are treated with contempt. And I did it to myself. And I bet many of you reading this do it to yourself."
You have to get to the root of why you do the things you do. You must find your validation and self-worth from some place other than your dress size. Who you are is so much more valuable than the body you wear...
Exactly what I was going to say.
2 years ago I was just like the OP. Fat...very fat! Depressed, didn't like to go out, lost the fun in me. I didn't like looking at myself in the mirror and every night I would lie in bed miserable. I was self-harming and it took me a long time to realize that about myself.
Let's face it, deep down inside we already know the things that are bad for us but we chose to avoid it. I had to face my own demons. I wasted so much time thinking of how miserable I was that if I had put the same amount of effort into dealing with my issues I would have been done in half the time.
You need to figure out why you are reaching out for those bad things, once you do and you learn to forgive yourself for it, things will start falling into place. Each day is a new chance at being awesome 0 -
have you tried prayer? God may be able to change you faster than you can.0
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I read something the other day that was hugely impacting to me: This is a Facebook update from a woman named Amber Rogers who goes by "Go Kaleo" on Facebook and on her blog:
"The reason I struggled unsuccessfully with my weight for 25 years was because I was struggling with my weight.
My weight wasn't the problem. My weight was a symptom of the problem.
The problem was my habits. I treated myself poorly. My internal dialogue was abusive and unkind. When I exercised I did it to punish myself, and when I dieted I allowed myself an inhumanely small amount of food. These are not behaviors and habits that will produce a healthy body. These behaviors tear a person down, reduce self esteem, trigger binge eating, make exercise unpleasant, reduce a human to nothing more than a collection of body parts that are treated with contempt. And I did it to myself. And I bet many of you reading this do it to yourself."
You have to get to the root of why you do the things you do. You must find your validation and self-worth from some place other than your dress size. Who you are is so much more valuable than the body you wear...
:flowerforyou:
EDIT to ADD: I just quit drinking a week ago... if you can get rid of that distraction and deal with the actual emotions you're feeling while sober, you'll probably be better off.
Thank you for this absolutely wonderful post! I needed this. I needed to read this.0 -
OK, first breathe.
Then log starting where you are now. Set your calories for maintenance level. No rules, no forbidding, no changes. See what it looks like. Then keep doing it. Choose one thing to change. Don't make crazy restrictive rules or forbid things or make big grand statements, just pick something you could do different/better and adjust it - keep it small. Easy peasy small. So small it's meaningless to you. Then repeat the process. It's mini steps towards control - not one big unmaintainable swing to the right.
And just start moving. Walk - just a little - around the block - to the corner and back. If that's too much, get dressed to go walking and then don't. Psychologically it's harder to prepare to do something and not go on with it. Then log it when you walk.
This IS how I've done it. I came with rules in mind and let them go. Friend me, I'll help if you want to try this way. If you don't you can still friend me, and I'll cheer you on either way. If whatever you choose doesn't stick - come back to this idea.0 -
My weight wasn't the problem. My weight was a symptom of the problem.
The problem was my habits. I treated myself poorly. My internal dialogue was abusive and unkind. When I exercised I did it to punish myself, and when I dieted I allowed myself an inhumanely small amount of food. These are not behaviors and habits that will produce a healthy body. These behaviors tear a person down, reduce self esteem, trigger binge eating, make exercise unpleasant, reduce a human to nothing more than a collection of body parts that are treated with contempt. And I did it to myself. And I bet many of you reading this do it to yourself."
You have to get to the root of why you do the things you do. You must find your validation and self-worth from some place other than your dress size. Who you are is so much more valuable than the body you wear...
Exactly what I was going to say.
2 years ago I was just like the OP. Fat...very fat! Depressed, didn't like to go out, lost the fun in me. I didn't like looking at myself in the mirror and every night I would lie in bed miserable. I was self-harming and it took me a long time to realize that about myself.
Let's face it, deep down inside we already know the things that are bad for us but we chose to avoid it. I had to face my own demons. I wasted so much time thinking of how miserable I was that if I had put the same amount of effort into dealing with my issues I would have been done in half the time.
You need to figure out why you are reaching out for those bad things, once you do and you learn to forgive yourself for it, things will start falling into place. Each day is a new chance at being awesome
These two! But before anything else, slow down a bit. Baby steps. Start by putting down the wine glass (or regular glass, as I used to do). Alcohol is a depressant and will make the depression worse, despite it's initial numbing effects. Find something you can do that will allow you to clear your head and do some thinking about what is going on, where you want to be, and what you need to do to get there. For example, I find that long drives and gentle swimming provide me with thinking time.
You will never get there if you allow it to overwhelm you. Find smaller, manageable, and sustainable goals to start with and follow through. Develop a small group of supportive friends, and move forward. One step, one minute, one day. That is all you need to do for now. Don't think about what comes next. Focus on today.0 -
What is the main trigger for your depression? Is it something you can change within six months? Can you find a job that requires similar abilities/credentials and make a transition or is there a different position available at work that you could transfer to?
How long has it been since you've checked in with your doctor to discuss your prescription? It doesn't sound like it is working very effectively and you maight want to consider a dosage change or switch to a different kind. Everything you have said should be told to your doctor.
Finally, diet systems haven't worked for you because they are complicated. Keep it simple. Play with herbs and spices and fruit you've never tried and give yourself one treat a day, during the time you need that pick-me-up. I eat half my calories for the day at dinner and evening snacks.
Look up the forum post called "in place of a roadmap" It's a ton of information butrit helps to plan out what your healthy life will look like, explains all the complicated stuff and will give you the guidance you need to get yourself going. Nothing will work until you find out why you are using fat to hide from life.
You can do this.
You've got brains in your head and feet in your shoes, you can steer yourself any direction you choose.0 -
This is exactly right!!have you tried prayer? God may be able to change you faster than you can.0 -
OK, so you sound a bit like me...I am 65, 5'4, and my current weight is 193, about 6 years ago I weighted 135 and wore a size 8,,,,but I am now almost back to my highest...
What is wrong with you, it's called being human...but I did see a post about prayer, and try it you would be amazed...I haven't been doing that recently but I think it's about time....
I to was on WW, and I lost my weight on it, but when they changed the program, is when I started struggling. Hang on you can do this...we will all do it together...0 -
You have taken the first step by coming on this website and ackowledging that you are overweight and need to deal with it. There's nothing wrong with you by the way; being overweight, feeling bad about it and then eating more and feeling worse is a vicious circle I'm sure many people on here are familiar with. But you can break this cycle and change your habits!
When I was at my heaviest 3 months ago I was sick of feeling bad and decided to make a change. I started really small, just adding in 30-60 minutes of walking a day whilst calorie counting. I didn't start a drastic exercise regimen or starve myself. Just 2 changes: more exercise and less junk. 3 months later and I have lost a stone, slowly.
I write this to hopefully inspire you because I was where you are now just a short 3 months ago. Reading stories about peoples' success by making small changes inspired me to get started and inspires me now to carry on. Even if you only lose 1lb a week, after a month you could have lost 4lb, which can make the difference between dress sizes and is a real boost to your motivation.
It only takes one day to start making changes. Good luck!0 -
This is exactly right!!have you tried prayer? God may be able to change you faster than you can.
FWIW, I'm all for this too :bigsmile:0 -
Bumping to see if OP is responding...0
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