Getting to know someone

RoadDog
RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
edited September 2024 in Chit-Chat
Just an observation, as I have met many people on this site that know I would like if I met them. (Sure I p*ssed off a couple, too)

Just from the posts people here make to some of the comments and email conversations, I feel I can get a good sense of the hearts and minds of many of these people.

Here is my sad observation -- Why is it that in the real world, people put more stock in the physical attributes and appearance than the person within?

We tend to take a look at someone and that decides whether we will open up and get to know the person within.

Replies

  • Caperfae
    Caperfae Posts: 433
    Great observation.
    Reminds me of that tv show that aired last year .. maybe you've seen it. Couples meet in total darkness and have dates etc ... they get to know one another without knowing what they look like and as soon as they are revealed in the light of day they seem to part ways. Physical attraction seems to gain more merit than intellectual attraction which is sad.
  • kuntrygurl
    kuntrygurl Posts: 154
    I completely agree!
    Well said!
    Are you a mind reader?
    Just kidding!
    Have a great day!
  • lt3ag4s
    lt3ag4s Posts: 835 Member
    It is the way we are wired and trained.

    We do a recon with our eyes and evaluate the people, places and things that we see before having any direct contact with them.

    In the online world, we can edit and censor how we present ourselves. There is a safety and comfort in that. Even in this reply, I have done some editing which I would not be able to do if having an actual conversation with you.
  • ShellyKay67
    ShellyKay67 Posts: 489 Member
    I totally agree.....unfortunately I've been guilty of forming an opinion sometimes based on "first" impressions without knowing the person.
    I try very hard not to do that now as I would have missed out on some really awesome people that just because they look different are really no different on the inside. (For me, it's not really weight as I've been overweight most of my life) but the tattoos, piercings and body modification. I just don't get that, but their physical appearance generally has NOTHING to do with who they are as a person!
    Let's all commit to not having preconceived notions of how a person is due to their physical appearance!
  • TennVolsGal
    TennVolsGal Posts: 218 Member
    Just an observation, as I have met many people on this site that know I would like if I met them. (Sure I p*ssed off a couple, too)

    Just from the posts people here make to some of the comments and email conversations, I feel I can get a good sense of the hearts and minds of many of these people.

    Here is my sad observation -- Why is it that in the real world, people put more stock in the physical attributes and appearance than the person within?

    We tend to take a look at someone and that decides whether we will open up and get to know the person within.

    I hated that part of dating so I met my husband ( 5 years strong) on match.com......
  • sallyLunn
    sallyLunn Posts: 381
    I have a very broad view of what's attractive and yet.....
  • binary_jester
    binary_jester Posts: 3,311 Member
    My only possible explanation is that people here share a common cause which opens people up more quickly. I remarked people here probably know more intimate details about my health than my friends on Facebook.
  • PlumCrazyGirl
    PlumCrazyGirl Posts: 1,463 Member
    I wil state I HAVE MET one of my MFP friends. Work sent to me the city which she worked in.
    It was a great dinner... soo glad to have met her.

    There's a motivation & support group I'm in from this site. She was one of the members. I am positive if I met the other members in the group in person, I would enjoy being with them. FYI -- all of the members in this motivation & support group have also become friends on Facebook. Let me share - we are all from different states. I didn't know any of these ladies until MFP. So, we are sharing not only our weight struggles & victories as well as our personal life.

    Perhaps I just got lucky.
  • JStarnes
    JStarnes Posts: 5,576 Member
    My only possible explanation is that people here share a common cause which opens people up more quickly. I remarked people here probably know more intimate details about my health than my friends on Facebook.
    What he said. I like his answer
  • Fesse
    Fesse Posts: 611
    You know I was actually thinking the same thing. I noticed a few of my "new" friends didn't even post a picture of themselves on their profile. I thought maybe they are too embarassed to even post their picture, which is ridiculous! Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and if some people don't get that well then they loose out on maybe one of the best relationships they could possible have.
    BTW, I saw your big heart right away. I think you're the biggest teddy bear and have a real soft spot. Your tuff look makes you look charming but your kind sole shines through.
    I still think you're a cool cat and proud to call you my friend.
  • just4peachy
    just4peachy Posts: 594 Member
    Just an observation, as I have met many people on this site that know I would like if I met them. (Sure I p*ssed off a couple, too)

    Just from the posts people here make to some of the comments and email conversations, I feel I can get a good sense of the hearts and minds of many of these people.

    Here is my sad observation -- Why is it that in the real world, people put more stock in the physical attributes and appearance than the person within?

    We tend to take a look at someone and that decides whether we will open up and get to know the person within.

    I hated that part of dating so I met my husband ( 5 years strong) on match.com......

    This really is a sad truth and probably why so many people are finding lasting relationships (friendly and romantic) online that don't fare as well IRL.

    (That was NOT a comment about your marriage! I met my bf online 3 years ago. I just feel like we were some of the lucky ones)
  • azmomof2
    azmomof2 Posts: 714 Member
    Re-reading what you said I'm taking it as "Why do people judge a book by it's cover?" am I right? I don't understand this either, but I honestly think partly because we live in a judgemental and sometimes fear driven society where we have been taught to judge looks before we even talk to the person. I really hate that it just bugs me to the point where I'm always very aware of how people talk about others in front of me and my kids. I don't tolerate it well at all.

    As far as physical attraction my hubby is a big 6'3 burly ex-marine and I absolutely love it and him! :) But people think all the time because of his looks that he's some big meany and he intimidates others, those that know him know he's a big teddy bear. So not all are attracted to the lean and muscular although mine is very muscular he's not lean by any means and he still after 17yrs makes me feel like when I met him in highschool :)
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    That's why I don't have a close up of myself on here. I'm very insecure about my looks and shy also. Not so much insecure about my weight but more about my physical features. I don't think I'm very attractive but I am a very nice person.
  • RoadDog
    RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
    That's why I don't have a close up of myself on here. I'm very insecure about my looks and shy also. Not so much insecure about my weight but more about my physical features. I don't think I'm very attractive but I am a very nice person.

    We are always hardest on ourselves. I don't believe you are not attractive. Look at yourself through the eyes of those that care about you.
  • chrissyh
    chrissyh Posts: 8,235 Member
    That's why I don't have a close up of myself on here. I'm very insecure about my looks and shy also. Not so much insecure about my weight but more about my physical features. I don't think I'm very attractive but I am a very nice person.

    Momma-you are one of the MOST beautiful people on this site and I love you!
  • m2kjenn
    m2kjenn Posts: 1,671 Member
    That's why I don't have a close up of myself on here. I'm very insecure about my looks and shy also. Not so much insecure about my weight but more about my physical features. I don't think I'm very attractive but I am a very nice person.

    Momma-you are one of the MOST beautiful people on this site and I love you!

    I second that!!!
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    Roaddog, I know you're right. I like me and I know my family and friends love me just the way I am. The last time I saw my late boyfriend, George, he told me I was very pretty and my sister who was with us agreed. It's their opinions that count.

    Chrissy and Jenn thank you. I love you too.
  • lfondots
    lfondots Posts: 216 Member
    As I get older I realize that the inside for me is more important then the outside. I have met some wonderful people this way. I will go home today and put my pic on here. LOL. I just haven't had time. I've always been over weight so outside has never been that important to me. I have know gorgeous people and once they open their mouth I loose interest. I figure right now I'm getting my body to show how lovely I am on the inside. LOL.
  • RoadDog
    RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
    Roaddog, I know you're right. I like me and I know my family and friends love me just the way I am. The last time I saw my late boyfriend, George, he told me I was very pretty and my sister who was with us agreed. It's their opinions that count.

    Chrissy and Jenn thank you. I love you too.

    The votes have been counted.
  • JStarnes
    JStarnes Posts: 5,576 Member
    That's why I don't have a close up of myself on here. I'm very insecure about my looks and shy also. Not so much insecure about my weight but more about my physical features. I don't think I'm very attractive but I am a very nice person.

    Momma-you are one of the MOST beautiful people on this site and I love you!

    I second that!!!
    I'll 3rd that!
This discussion has been closed.

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