My Question For All Of You Is...

THISisTARRAN · October 2010

Its kind of weird. I love my fitness pal because this is where I can come and not be judged. I can try and try again and everyone is behind me. I love that about this website/app! But lets get down to the issue...

I feel like I can't be successful in more than one area at a time. What I mean to say is that if I'm doing well at work and being successful in that area of my life, I fail at the school area, or I fail at the working on me area. I guess I'm not sure how to be able to do ALL of them and keep them all good at the same time.

The things I feel like I need to do are:

Be a WONDERFUL mother & great example for her

Be a good student & keep up with my work & not drop my classes

Be successful in my job, get to work on time, show up when I'm scheduled & make sales happen.

Be a great girlfriend & friend to my boyfriend.

Be good to myself, and eat healthy & exercise!

People say that you need to make exercise a priority, like brushing your teeth. The truth is, sometimes I even have trouble doing that.

I'm baring it all. I am not sure how I can get all these things done each day. Usually when I start to mess up...Ex: Don't eat a healthy breakfast, I just give up on everything else for the day: work, being nice to my boyfriend, school, EVERYTHING. I'm not sure how I am going to fare in life.

What is keeping me going right now is the thought that I do not want my daughter to see me like this. I do not want her to grow up and think "Mommy is fat, mommy is a slob, mommy is irresponsible." I want to be that GREAT example.

So my question is for all of you out there...HOW do you manage it all? I mean...How do you keep everything together and doing everything the best that you can? Do you have moments like these? Do these thoughts cross your mind? What made you change if it did?

Thank you very much.

dwmorris · October 2010

This goes through my mind on a daily basis. But it should. They key is to maintain a good work/life balance. I am not a schedule kinda person. But it does help to have a general routine daily.

A good book to read regarding this very issue is Stephen Covey's "7 habits of highly successful people."

THISisTARRAN · October 2010

Thank you. It is good to know I am not alone.

katemoyer05 · October 2010

I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm also a mother, a wife, a student and an employee. It's not easy to balance it all, every day is the ultimate struggle.

And I can't say that I have much advice for you. I haven't lost any weight since starting myfitnesspal, though I agree that I don't feel judged here; it's very comfortabl.e

To me, the most important thing is loving the people in your life, but that includes yourself. Above anything else comes the care of my daughter, and then my marriage. After that is school. I am on the last semester of my Bachelors Degree and I'm so close that I can feel it.

But, there's always that guilt in the back of my mind: "Why haven't I worked out today?" My biggest issue is that I can find a million excuses in the world. "I walked all over campus" "I busted my *kitten* at work" "I'm exhausted"

All I need to do though is find one reason TO workout. I just got my baby to sleep an hour or so ago, did 30 minutes of walking with a walking DVD, and now I have to go to bed and read for homework.

There will always be days when you don't want to work out, or even eat well, it's just about compromise. If you can manage to get your priorities straight, things will start getting easier, even if things don't turn around in the next couple days, eventually they will.

Don't worry so much, relax and enjoy your child, your schooling and your life.

Katiekat1182 · October 2010

I think the trick is to not put too much pressure on yourself. I totally admire people who can get up and work out everyday, but i will never ever be one of those people!! At least not with a three year old and the weird hours I work right now. If I put that kind of pressure on myself I would quit!! I do what I can on my days off. And they say every little bit counts so if you can find just a little bit of time most days its still better than nothing!! Good luck finding balance! I also use work out dvds because than I can do them anytime day or night and not have to worry about the weather or if the gym is closed or crowded.

ChancyW · October 2010

Personal development is HUGE!

I've read The 7 Habits along with dozens of other books along my weight loss journey and continue to read daily.

They all go hand in hand. We need to change our insides as well as our outsides. Luck us, we have access to such a wealth of knowledge from the greatest minds that have existed over time!

You CAN do it...you must first believe you can!

P.S. Message me if you want a list of books I recommend :-)
-Chancy

mommyjos · October 2010

You sound like me! I feel like I can do well in a few areas at a time, but as soon as too much is added it all goes down the tubes! It sounds as though your goals are reasonable, they are all good things!
How old is your daughter? Maybe you can include her in the studying, have her help you put together healthy meals and lunches. It may be a little extra to teach her at first, but she may be able to be a great asset and in the process teach her good habits.
The other thing is your boyfriend. I'm sure he wants you to succeed as well. It's hard sometimes to admit you need help, but ask him for help. Let him know how he can help you. Be specific! I want to be wonderwoman and do it all, but I just can't! There's no way!

You are being a little hard on yourself to want to do it all well and change habits. You can't create a new situation overnight. Try starting with small things. So for breakfast for example. When you have a free hour (haha, I know!) ok, even just a few minutes, make some healthy muffins (Fiber One are great- add a banana and sub oil for applesauce and use only egg whites). Stick them in the fridge and when you need to grab and go they're there for you! Or make sure you have fruit washed and in baggies ready to go, or a yogurt cup with disposable spoon available. Set yourself up for success as much as you can.

With exercise and eating, don't try to fix it all at once, you will set yourself up for failure. Start with trying to do 10 minutes 3 times a week. Or work on making a better choice then you normally would with your food.
Don't beat yourself up over not being able to do it all. I do that to myself too. I've noticed, if I work on small goals I feel more successful. Looking at the big picture is scary! Try to take it a step at a time and be excited for the small victories! The great example for your daughter may be you making a life change and allowing her to help you. You don't have to be perfect. None of us are. Someone else always looks to have it together, but they may be even worse off, they just can't admit it!

Good for you for doing all you're doing! Try to stay positive! You can do it!

nuttybuttersmommy · October 2010

You sound like me yesterday... I am learning it is ok to ask for help... I am married with 2 children under the age of 5. I am currently a stay at home mom but I am looking for employment, and sometime the house work does not get done because I am busy keeping the kids busy... a calm day for me would be waking up at 6:30 to get my oldest out of bed and get my self ready for the day then wake up the baby and get her dressed, while I make sure the oldest is getting ready for the day, and then feed my children breakfast. and then at 7:30 putting the baby in her stroller and walking my oldest to school. we usually get home about 8:30ish and then its going in the my daughters room to play with her and clean up what needs to be cleaned. then serving snack at 9:00 and then attempting to clean the kitchen while the baby eats her snack and after that it going to play with the baby some more and then 11 is lunch. and 11:30 nap. and then house work and exercise is done before about 1:30 when the baby wake up and we leave to go get my oldest from school and we get back at 2:30 and then its feeding a snack around 2:45 is and then juggling my oldest homework and keeping the baby busy. and also figuring out what to do for dinner and then my husband comes home at 4:30 which does help. I get to focus more on getting dinner made. then at 7:00 is baths and getting ready for bed. and in between dinner and baths is me cleaning the kitchen from dinner and cleaning the living room.

Now that is a calm day... so tomorrow will be interesting because i am subbing tomorrow...

I am learning to do what I can when I can. And it is ok to ask for help when I need it. I have tried being super mom/wife and it has caused more problems with my family than anything...

THISisTARRAN · October 2010

Thank you for the advice and also making me feel like I'm not alone!!

Um...how old is your baby?

dwmorris · October 2010

I agree. It's like in the airplane. You have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you can help someone else.

So make sure you are getting at least your bare minimum mental and physical needs taken care of first.

And then family. They will be there when work is not.

Thirdly, work. But remember why you go to work. For me it goes back to family. I want them to have a comfortable life. I want my five kids to have college, sports, and music lessons. So sometimes me spending extra time at work is just what they need.

Just find the balance.

LuckyLeprechaun · October 2010

Here's a secret: nobody has it all together, and nobody is perfect in all those categories all of the time. We're all just doing our best, sometimes more successfully and sometimes less.

It's awesome to want to improve yourself, but it's also important to let you be acceptable to yourself (you know what I mean?) We are our own harshest critics, don't take it too far. Your daughter will be better for having a happy mom, the children of super-moms can also feel that pressure for perfection, which is hard on kids.

:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

Tennessee2019 · October 2010

I understand when you say that "you can't be successful in more than one area at a time" because I can't multi-task either. When I was working, I always put everyone else first. When I became a mom, I put my family & the housework first. IT took many years, a car accident that almost killed me & a big weight gain for me to realize that I had to put MYSELF first.
After suffering a nervous breakdown at work, I became a stay-at-home mom & realized that the house work would be there waiting for me if I didn't get to it everyday due to having a "me" day to get healthy by walking & using the Wii Fit. The same was true when it came to my family - they would always be there for me & if I upset them by having a "me" day, they'd have to get over it.
My daughter goes to a gym (a gift from her beau) but I refuse to pay money for something I can do for free because I have a home gym & a stationary bike in the garage. They are collecting dust at the moment, because I am doing it ONE STEP AT A TIME.
I tried Curves & it worked for awhile, but not as quickly as I had hoped it would. I also tried Nutrisystem & choked the food down. I lost the weight, but again not as quickly as I wanted to. When I realized that it was really digging into my finances & I wasn't getting the results I wanted - I quit.
I joined Facebook & found a lot of friends there. I even met a lady who lived in my area & we started walking together. I also have 2 dogs that love to walk (pull me) where we live.
I joined MFP & have really found the support that I was looking for. Even the few words of "alright" or "WTG" when I come in under my calorie limit puts a smile on my face.
I now have my son (17) supporting me & was surpised when he stopped drinking soda or eating ice cream. I am trying to get my husband to change his eating habits as well. If he doesn't, oh well - I'm still going to because MFP holds me accountable & I am doing this for ME.
So as you can guess, the thought of quitting has entered my mind more than once. But my family history of disease (cancer, diabetes) isn't the best. That is the final reason why I have decided to take as many "me" days as I want to in order to get healthy again.
I'm here if you need me, want to chat or want/need a "pat on the back" for having your own "me" day once in awhile.

sharebear31 · October 2010

The way i see things is like this . Love your self .Do your best .If you fall get back up again .If you do that and show the people around you that no matter what gos on in your life you are a fighter and that you love your self how you are .they will see you as a winner . going to school and working and taking care of your kid .sounds like your super woman to me . keep up the good work

sarahsmom1 · October 2010

Hi lots going on what is your major, mine is Liberal Studies, so far I have my AA in Art and my AS in Social Behavioral Science one more class and I'll have my AS in Photography I had a 37 year lapse between High School and College had getting back into the groove.

My Question For All Of You Is...

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