Sensitive issue
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FitnessTim
Posts: 234 Member
I have found that people who are overweight can be extremely sensitive about their weight. While this is understandable, this sensitivity may be harmful. They may have family and friends who want to encourage them to lose weight and get healthy but they are afraid that they may hurt their feelings.
If you were to go up to a person with cancer and say, "I hate that you have cancer.". The person with cancer would probably thank you for caring. If you were to go up to a person who is overweight and say, "I hate that you are overweight.", most likely the overweight person would get angry and lash out.
I think society's obsession with looks and having that certain image has actually contributed to the epidemic of obesity. Feelings of shame cause people to shut down and ignore their problem as opposed to recognizing it and working on it.
The CDC reports that as of 2009, 26.7% of the U.S. population is obese. That is obese and not merely overweight. Being overweight is now considered normal. People who are fit over 30 are considered remarkable or as having a high degree of self discipline.
As the Hollywood elite have shown us, being thin of fit does not mean you are a better person or have a higher degree of self control.
I'm pretty fit and I'll tell you a secret other fit people don't want you to know. We don't have a better sense of self discipline than overweight people. If is not self discipline that makes me eat right or exercise. It is habit. I live the way I do because I'm used to it. It is easier for me because I don't have to deal with feelings of self doubt or shame as those who are overweight.
The key is to develop the same habits as fit people. People lose weight and gain it back again because they fall back to their old habits. If you can internalize the habit of exercise and eating right, you will keep the weight off.
Losing weight and keeping it off is a two stage process. First you need to operate on a significant calorie deficit for an extended period of time to lose the weight initially. Second you need to develop the habit of exercise and diet as a way of life. In a way the challenge doesn't start until AFTER you have lost the weight.
If you were to go up to a person with cancer and say, "I hate that you have cancer.". The person with cancer would probably thank you for caring. If you were to go up to a person who is overweight and say, "I hate that you are overweight.", most likely the overweight person would get angry and lash out.
I think society's obsession with looks and having that certain image has actually contributed to the epidemic of obesity. Feelings of shame cause people to shut down and ignore their problem as opposed to recognizing it and working on it.
The CDC reports that as of 2009, 26.7% of the U.S. population is obese. That is obese and not merely overweight. Being overweight is now considered normal. People who are fit over 30 are considered remarkable or as having a high degree of self discipline.
As the Hollywood elite have shown us, being thin of fit does not mean you are a better person or have a higher degree of self control.
I'm pretty fit and I'll tell you a secret other fit people don't want you to know. We don't have a better sense of self discipline than overweight people. If is not self discipline that makes me eat right or exercise. It is habit. I live the way I do because I'm used to it. It is easier for me because I don't have to deal with feelings of self doubt or shame as those who are overweight.
The key is to develop the same habits as fit people. People lose weight and gain it back again because they fall back to their old habits. If you can internalize the habit of exercise and eating right, you will keep the weight off.
Losing weight and keeping it off is a two stage process. First you need to operate on a significant calorie deficit for an extended period of time to lose the weight initially. Second you need to develop the habit of exercise and diet as a way of life. In a way the challenge doesn't start until AFTER you have lost the weight.
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Replies
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well stated, Tim.....thanks.......though I have not suffered w/ low self-esteem, I do agree w/ your comments........and I am sure that my confidence will only grow as I lose.0
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It's so true Tim. HABITS are so important.
Every day I get up and workout first thing, because it's a habit that I trained myself into. No, I don't like getting up that early just to workout but now I don't mind because I am in the habit!
It's a touchy subject...the obesity. Especially when I am still at the TOP portion of my BMI (for being a healthy weight) and hear comments about being too skinny. It's strange how when you are almost a normal weight you become "too skinny." I am far from where I would like to be both in my overall fitness level and 11 lbs from my end weight.
Thanks for the topic :-)
-Chancy0 -
Good post.0
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Losing weight and keeping it off is a two stage process. First you need to operate on a significant calorie deficit for an extended period of time to lose the weight initially. Second you need to develop the habit of exercise and diet as a way of life. In a way the challenge doesn't start until AFTER you have lost the weight.
I can so agree with this I have never had a problem loosing the weight it is the keeping it off for more than 6 months to a year that I am going to need the help with...
Thats why I like this site so much I really feel like I'm learning to change my unhealthy habits and learning to lose the weight in a smart way.0 -
It's a touchy subject...the obesity. Especially when I am still at the TOP portion of my BMI (for being a healthy weight) and hear comments about being too skinny. It's strange how when you are almost a normal weight you become "too skinny." I am far from where I would like to be both in my overall fitness level and 11 lbs from my end weight.
This seems to happen a lot, people commenting that you don't need to lose anymore weight when you still want to lose some. My family is already saying that and I've still got 70 lbs to lose! I think it's a combination of them being used to seeing us as heavier, so in comparison we look much slimmer. It's also because so many people are overweight. It's funny to me that people have no problem commenting when they feel you are "too skinny", or don't have need to lose more - but no one is really willing to point out that you've let yourself go and gained too much weight.0 -
@red01angel- So true!!0
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Tim you make some really good points but something that you don't understand - as someone who hasn't been there - is that being obese is the result of an addiction. Yes, you can be addicted to food and the fast majority of us who fight being overweight/obese fight addiction just like those who are addicted to alcohol or cigarettes. The big difference between being addicted to food vs something else is that you can stop smoking and still live but you can't stop eating. So, it does boil down to "habits" but it isn't just a matter of changing what you do it is a matter of figuring out why you have an addiction, addressing that problem and then learning the new habits you need to learn to lead a healthly lifestyle.0
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Tim you make some really good points but something that you don't understand - as someone who hasn't been there - is that being obese is the result of an addiction. Yes, you can be addicted to food and the fast majority of us who fight being overweight/obese fight addiction just like those who are addicted to alcohol or cigarettes. The big difference between being addicted to food vs something else is that you can stop smoking and still live but you can't stop eating. So, it does boil down to "habits" but it isn't just a matter of changing what you do it is a matter of figuring out why you have an addiction, addressing that problem and then learning the new habits you need to learn to lead a healthly lifestyle.
As someone who has been there, it's not always about an addiction or addressing a problem. For me, it was really about building a brand new set of habits. I was someone who had always been heavy and whose family was heavy. I never thought I could lose any weight or keep it off. However, when I built my new set of habits - writing down what I ate, working out, weighing myself regularly - the weight came off: 75 pounds worth. When I let up on those habits, the weight has crept back on. I'm here now to work on the 10 pounds I have gained back since my initial loss 3 years ago.
For some people, the issues become an excuse not to begin building new habits. Sure, analyze your motivations if you find that helpful, but don't let that stop you from building the new habits you need to become successful.0 -
The difference between judging someone who has cancer and someone who is obese is your assumptions about their underlying causes. In most cases, the cause of cancer is considered to be uncontrollable, and you feel sorry their misfortune. Whereas, the cause of obesity is construed as laziness or a lack of will power.
In all actuality, they're both some combination of environmental and genetic causes. A smoker who gets cancer had as much, if not more, of a role in her misfortune as someone who is obese. But most people don't see it that way. So, when you say you "hate" someone for being obese, you're actually insulting their character by implying that he is also lazy (you'll quickly see why this is untrue by looking around at some of the hard working members of MFP). And when you say you hate someone for having cancer, you're implying that you hate their misfortune, not their character. However, the smoker and the skinny-guy-with-the-fast-metabolism-who-eats-poorly should also be insulted by you saying that you hate that they have cancer. Their lack of will power increased their chance of getting cancer.0 -
The difference between judging someone who has cancer and someone who is obese is your assumptions about their underlying causes. In most cases, the cause of cancer is considered to be uncontrollable, and you feel sorry their misfortune. Whereas, the cause of obesity is construed as laziness or a lack of will power.
In all actuality, they're both some combination of environmental and genetic causes. A smoker who gets cancer had as much, if not more, of a role in her misfortune as someone who is obese. But most people don't see it that way. So, when you say you "hate" someone for being obese, you're actually insulting their character by implying that he is also lazy (you'll quickly see why this is untrue by looking around at some of the hard working members of MFP). And when you say you hate someone for having cancer, you're implying that you hate their misfortune, not their character. However, the smoker and the skinny-guy-with-the-fast-metabolism-who-eats-poorly should also be insulted by you saying that you hate that they have cancer. Their lack of will power increased their chance of getting cancer.
I don't think you meant to but you misquoted me. I did not say that I hate someone for having cancer. The quote was "I hate that you have cancer". Also, it was just a hypothetical quote and not something I said.
You raised a point that cancer can sometime be a result of bad habits but that was not the point I was trying to make. I should have picked a disease that could be in no way attributed to bad habits.
In either case, I don't judge someone for being overweight or for having cancer due to smoking. It is not my place to judge.
I do see that you are implying there is a similarity between obesity and any other disease. We need to be compassionate regardless of the cause.0 -
It's a touchy subject...the obesity. Especially when I am still at the TOP portion of my BMI (for being a healthy weight) and hear comments about being too skinny. It's strange how when you are almost a normal weight you become "too skinny." I am far from where I would like to be both in my overall fitness level and 11 lbs from my end weight.
This seems to happen a lot, people commenting that you don't need to lose anymore weight when you still want to lose some. My family is already saying that and I've still got 70 lbs to lose! I think it's a combination of them being used to seeing us as heavier, so in comparison we look much slimmer. It's also because so many people are overweight. It's funny to me that people have no problem commenting when they feel you are "too skinny", or don't have need to lose more - but no one is really willing to point out that you've let yourself go and gained too much weight.
I think depending on the people, some family could be worried that your striving for an unhealthy weight...since your mom is likely not looking at the scale when you weigh yourself lol. Like you said, they've been used to you being heavy, and I think when people are even 20lbs off from their goal they look so different, that to someone close to them, they might look "to skinny"...and with out really knowing your actual weight etc...they could be worried that your being the unhealthy...but in the opposite way. I can't say for other places, but I know in the US body image is a big issue...we seem to have 2 extremes...obese...or underweight with an eating disorder...its very disturbing.
My cousin went from being overweight to underweight...She started out healthy eating right - exercise, but it gradually turned into anorexia and a constant need to exercise. We found out when she passed out and went to the hospital. So how was anyone supposed to know when she was just skinny enough, and when to say something. A lot of people who are overweight have self esteem/body issues...and obviously one experience doesn't speak for the majority (as we can see on MFP so many people doing well :O) ), but I really do think that's why some people say things like "you look to skinny, eat something". lol0 -
I have found that people who are overweight can be extremely sensitive about their weight. While this is understandable, this sensitivity may be harmful. They may have family and friends who want to encourage them to lose weight and get healthy but they are afraid that they may hurt their feelings.
If you were to go up to a person with cancer and say, "I hate that you have cancer.". The person with cancer would probably thank you for caring. If you were to go up to a person who is overweight and say, "I hate that you are overweight.", most likely the overweight person would get angry and lash out.
I think society's obsession with looks and having that certain image has actually contributed to the epidemic of obesity. Feelings of shame cause people to shut down and ignore their problem as opposed to recognizing it and working on it.
The CDC reports that as of 2009, 26.7% of the U.S. population is obese. That is obese and not merely overweight. Being overweight is now considered normal. People who are fit over 30 are considered remarkable or as having a high degree of self discipline.
As the Hollywood elite have shown us, being thin of fit does not mean you are a better person or have a higher degree of self control.
I'm pretty fit and I'll tell you a secret other fit people don't want you to know. We don't have a better sense of self discipline than overweight people. If is not self discipline that makes me eat right or exercise. It is habit. I live the way I do because I'm used to it. It is easier for me because I don't have to deal with feelings of self doubt or shame as those who are overweight.
The key is to develop the same habits as fit people. People lose weight and gain it back again because they fall back to their old habits. If you can internalize the habit of exercise and eating right, you will keep the weight off.
Losing weight and keeping it off is a two stage process. First you need to operate on a significant calorie deficit for an extended period of time to lose the weight initially. Second you need to develop the habit of exercise and diet as a way of life. In a way the challenge doesn't start until AFTER you have lost the weight.
I think its funny how you can be overweight, and not realize HOW overweight you are...I'm considered morbidly obese...but when I hear that word...I personally think of people a few hundred pounds bigger than me, like people who can't get out of their own bed.... but here I am...up in that area...I can't wait to just be considered "over weight" again. I think talking to someone about their weight, is like talking to someone with a drug habit or a drinking problem. Unless they are ready for help, and willing to admit it, they are going to lash out because they want to avoid the subject all together. I know their have been a few times I just wanted to be left alone to wallow in self pity with my Big Mac, Large Fry and Giant Choc late Shake...and if someone were to come up to me at that moment and say that I shouldn't be eating that...well...I might have gone to prison for murder lol.
That's what is so great about MFP, I've seen more healthy and positive people and encouragement on this site than any other weight-loss website. Where you eventually stumble on some very scary advice....like only eating an apple a day etc.0 -
I have been overweight for all of my life til I lost 100lbs. (I have some before and after pics if anyone wants to see.) I have maintained the loss for 11 months. Prior to this I had tried all sorts of diets with varying success that was short lived. My family and friends were very encouraging and had nothing but good intentions but sometimes I just didn't want to hear another 'well meaning' person try to talk me into something that I already wanted so badly anyway. Even when I said I didn't care about being bigger, I did. I just felt I couldn't do anything about it. Once I was into the diet however and on a roll, the support was invaluable and definitely kept me going - one of the best things I have EVER seen was my dad's face when I was finishing my first 10k!!
I think in some respects I will always struggle with food. I don't keep biscuits, candy, chocolate, cake, cheese etc in the house because I do not trust myself around them. (Although I allow myself some treats if I am out or have visitors etc.) I am always alert to overeating if I am stressed or tired and I never relax my boundaries. I think there were lots of reasons I overate and it was very helpful for me to have CBT to work out how I could reprogramme my mind/thoughts...but I also relied and will always rely totally and utterly on my healthy habits. I have a stock of foods I eat, I exercise a lot, I don't change portion sizes etc. I won't reward myself with food. Sometimes when I'm tired, stressed, upset and the old thoughts come about stuffing my face, it has really helped me to just tell myself to keep sticking to the programme, that the urge will pass, that I have a choice about staying where I am or going back and that my motivation will return - and so far it has worked. I know it doesn't sound exciting but doing the same things over and over again without negotiation works.
For me, because of these attitude changes and habits formed, maintaining a healthy weight hasn't been as hard as I thought (so far) it wasn't as hard as starting the final diet...but when I finally began to lose weight successfully, I tried to think about the changes I was making as lifelong changes rather than temporary ones and decided to say bye forever to certain foods. At the time it felt like a relationship break up lol and there were definitely some tearful goodbyes but it was so worth it.
Just wanted to add my experience and say I agree with lots of the views expressed here.
Gail0
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