Friends or no friends - that is the question ...

Llamedos1960
Llamedos1960 Posts: 78
in Introduce Yourself
I had an account on MFP for a few months (for anyone who remembers me I was LaserMum) and it was working quite well in the beginning but then depression started setting in again. Real depression – self loathing, total feeling of being incapable of doing anything, totally worthless, etc.
I found it very difficult to be positive and whereas I had always tried to be supportive and encouraging to my MFP friends I started to find that it was becoming more and more difficult to be upbeat and I was totally losing the plot with my diet! I felt (and still feel) so guilty at not being able to continue supporting my MFP friends so I deleted my account and started this new one.
I created this account just to check out the forums and log my food although I’ve found logging food a bit of a chore and have not really got back into the swing of it yet.
I’m still not feeling great about my work situation but can’t decide whether to risk asking for friends on MFP again or not. I don’t want to end up disappointing people or being needy or not being able to support and encourage my friends.
Does anyone have any thoughts on this that might help me?

Replies

  • epi01
    epi01 Posts: 8
    no thoughts on friends or no friends, but if you need one, I am happy to be here for you! I have suffered and been challenged with Depression in the past and know it is hard to snap out of. exersize! I am sure you have heard that before but it really does work. friend me if you like.....
  • lkh1234
    lkh1234 Posts: 41
    Everything in life is easier with a few friends !!! I think it would be better than trying to go alone. Friend request sent !
  • TheBoldCat
    TheBoldCat Posts: 159 Member
    life is about being up n down...being up we enjoy the time with friends...being down that's when our friends are here for...to support us as we support them when they need...
  • asianmonkie
    asianmonkie Posts: 264
    I think the problem with a lot of people is that they think they can only post when they're doing a good job. When they fail, they feel like they messed up and are too embarrassed to admit it. I post a status when I am at my weakest because that's when I need support the most. Don't get me wrong, I love being praised for doing good but I can't be good all the time. Feel free to add me if you're up for the same kind of support. I'd be more than happy to oblige. =)
  • pita7317
    pita7317 Posts: 1,437 Member
    Just make some friends and you will find out quickly if they work for you or not.
    If yes, awesome
    If no, just delete.
    No big deal.
    Your success with this is up to you.
    Sharing good days or bad is fine and a good thing, but a balance of both.
    That is the way I look at it anyway.
    Good luck. :)
  • punkyjones
    punkyjones Posts: 70 Member
    I think friends help! I don't expect my friends to comment a lot, it is nice when they do comment. I only ever delete people if they haven't logged in months.

    Feel free to add me if you want. :-)
  • IdaBigelow
    IdaBigelow Posts: 23
    I also suffer from severe depression (being medically treated). I have went through twice and deleted my friends when I am on a real low. I always argue with myself about starting friends again but feel bad when I get in one of those moods and just delete everyone. I often wonder now how they are doing. Don't get me wrong I never delete because I am doing bad logging or anything like that I just get down and think "who cares about what I have to say" and delete them :(
  • helena_jj
    helena_jj Posts: 200 Member
    For me friends is the main benefit of this site. Because friends help us to stay motivated. I real life we have so many other problems and we are alone at our weight loss journey. At least I choose it to be this way. It is so easy so lose focus, as life takes our attention. But here are a lot of people who don't let me forget about this part of my life. There are a lot of people here who are not complete strangers for me now. I really care how they are doing, and I think they care about my successes too. So I return here, I will never forget about it, it became really important for me. All these really increased my motivation, and only lack of motivation prevented me to lose weight previously. So for me the answer is "yes". Add me, if you want.
  • goldfinger88
    goldfinger88 Posts: 686 Member
    If you don't want to support others, comment to at least some of their posts, and get involved, it's best to not ask for friends. Pals on here, like in real life, is a two way street. People support you, you support them. I know depression is a *****. We all have it at times. Perhaps yours is clinical. I don't know. But don't expect people to give you support unless you're able to care enough to return that support.

    But why would you want to be on here if you don't want a few friends you can share with?
  • Llamedos1960
    Llamedos1960 Posts: 78
    Thank you all so much for your thoughts on this. I really appreciate it. I hope all your journeys are smooth and trouble free.

    goldfinger88 - I didn't say that I don't want to support others. I love commenting on other people's progress and encouraging them. Neither do I expect any support from them. My problem is when I get to feeling down (and when I mean down I REALLY mean bottom of the barrel, what's the point in breathing, type of down - and yes, it's clinical and properly diagnosed, etc.) ... well, when I feel down, I find it difficult to initiate any positive posts about myself. I still want to support and encourage my friends but I don't want to post anything negative about myself because I don't want to bring my negativity into their lives too. There are other reasons for being on here too - it's good to keep a food diary whether you want to lose weight, watch your macros, etc. or if you want to keep a check on your exercise.

    IdaBigelow - you said best exactly how I feel sometimes. Thanks.

    Thanks everyone!
  • VelveteenArabian
    VelveteenArabian Posts: 758 Member
    I think if you don't mind giving and receiving occasional praise and input then get friends. I like sometimes cheering someone on but I don't feel bad when I don't. I've got other things to do and so do my MFP friends. We can't be looking over each other all the time.

    If you simply cannot do it without a cheer leading section then there's something going on wrong on your end. People get too hunt up on "needing" "support" and "motivation". No one else can do this for you. If you can't do this without a bunch of pictures if other people having done it or stories then it might just not be important enough to you to do it just yet. Don't do this for the praise or to prove something to someone. Do it for you.
  • ekz13
    ekz13 Posts: 725 Member
    my 2cp...

    friends are a doube edge sword... they can be your greatest inspriation and build you up and keep you going, or they can drag you down with negativity..
  • nouranfayed
    nouranfayed Posts: 7
    If it feels like a burden encouraging your mfp friends just don't and don't feel guilty about it maybe its your friends time to support you :)
  • THECaptainObvious
    THECaptainObvious Posts: 399 Member
    Morning! I think the people here are awesome and if you start adding friends and some are constantly negative, delete them. I was having a really bad day yesterday, my depression was flaring up big time for no reason and coming on here made me feel better about myself. No matter what your progress is day by day, we are here to support eachother. Feel free to add me :)
  • BrettWithPKU
    BrettWithPKU Posts: 575 Member
    If you thrive in the "support group" scenario, where you can carry each other to the finish line of your goals then yes: get yourself some active friends and throw words back and forth.

    In my case, no one can drag me into anything if I'm not already gung-ho about it. I had friends a while back, but (despite their best efforts, god bless em') they did nothing for me. So I have no friends--by choice.

    Motivation is something I have to do for myself, but I've adjusted to that fact over the years. I have my own stimuli, and over time I've come to figure out what those stimuli are; the only challenge now is figuring out how to trigger them. Right now, I admit, my stimuli are triggering on all cylinders, and as a result I've lost 13 pounds in the past month.

    In short: Figure out what you need, then figure out how to get it. If you need outside encouragement, get friends.

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