Last resort....

I understand what you're going through. I am back on MFP after a long break because of something the man I want to spend the rest of my life with said to me. It was crushing. I'm not going to repeat it here, because I don't want to keep it. I want to let it go, bury it, pretend it never happened.

Did you know that HE (my S.O.) did not know this? He was unaware of the profound and incredibly hurtful impact his words had on me. He just viewed it as being "honest."

So, I think for starters, you need to have a conversation with your husband about how he made you feel. You've been with him since you were 15, you are clearly in it for the long haul. To make it successful, you have to discuss these things so they don't fester.

In that discussion, it might be helpful to dig a little on why your husband has this (recent?) obsession with looks. Since you've been together from such a young age, I imagine neither of you have had any other serious relationships? I don't know him well enough to analyze what is going on in his mind, but there is likely a root to it somewhere.

I know this doesn't provide an instant feel-good, but I DO wish you all the best. 10 years is a huge accomplishment!

Thanks, calibriintx! I appreciate your POV. I think that's how my husband thinks/sees it, I just think about it/see it differently, I guess. Idk..But thanks for your input!

And that's okay. And it's okay if your feelings are hurt. But to be mad...and mad enough to not sleep in the same bed? No wonder he got pissed. Something like this should have gone down with your saying it hurts your feelings that he doesn't think you're a 10, b/c you think he's perfect no matter what. Then he gets to say sorry that bummed you out, Iove you just the way you are and I'll love you when you're a 10 or if you let yourself go and wind up a 3. Then you both laugh, kiss, and go to bed together.

jofjltncb6

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Incorrect. I want/welcome all answers. I got one "break up" and one telling me that wedding at 15 (she was incorrect by the way) was "my first mistake." The other responses I've received hold/have actual validity and have offered help even though 3/4 responses have been more "soft: (friendly) than the other, that doesn't validate your response. I even mentioned that I welcomed help and that I wasn't sure if I was overreacting or not...I'm receptive and welcoming of all valid responses.

You misunderstood my post. I meant the question you asked your husband, not MFP.

So sorry to hear your anniversary didn't go as smoothly as hoped.
It wasn't a very considerate thing for him to say, and I can understand how your feelings would've been hurt- I probably would've cried! So you did well! haha

I think, stay away from ratings. And remember that he married you for a reason. He obviously thinks you are ' the one'... that's right girl NO.1!!! Remember that. He has given his whole life to you, when he married you, remember how serious and beautiful that is.
That means far more than any superficial exterior rating scale will ever mean. He loves you and chose you because of your heart, mind and everything that makes you a beautiful person, and he chose to give his whole life to it!
Theres no bigger compliment than that, honey.

What's with the rating thing? I thought that it was something horny teenaged boys did. I would be telling him that it is not on anymore, that you are a person with feelings and not a number.

Honestly if my husband rated me and gave me a low number I'd turn to the guy next to me and be all hey dude "rate me" and let my husband hear the higher number. If husband rated me on my anniversary I'd ask the guy next to me to rate me and when I got the higher number, I'd jump in his lap and feed HIM my anniversary cake. You're husband should not be "rating" you and vice versa. The simple fact of being together IMPLIES that you have chosen one another ABOVE EVERYONE else for all the factors combined and thus no delineation of specifics is necessary. Now if you have gotten together too young and that's messing with your brain right now, and you need validation or he needs to rate ladies and you're just an innocent casualty of his youthful games, maybe a little break where you sow your wild oats is in order. Rating yourselves sounds to me like you both have some work to do.

On the whole it sounds to me like your 10 year anniversary was in your mind a time to reassure and cuddle and stroke one another ego and otherwise. For him however it sounds like it was more of a parole hearing to evaluate his situation and rate his surroundings and see if he might be up for time off for good behavior. Except his behavior was bad. But he still feels he's been there long enough. I don't know too many guys who "rate" their SO's.

BTW don't bother responding back, you must be tired of responding to every single post by now, and honestly I can already imagine the vitriol my answer will be met with but I post it nonetheless because you clearly stated and restated your request for help, and I think analysis and truth with an eye for avoiding repeating unhelpful mistakes in the future is the single most helpful thing you need right now. You need to know that your adoring, loving, supportive 10 answer was not a mistake any more than his honest, motivating, encouraging 6-7 go get that 8 was. That the simple fact of putting each other through this and especially on your anniversary was. Do you think he really went to bed thinking, "Yeah, I'm a 10, I'm such a stud."? No he probably went to bed with his own set of worries wondering if you might need eyeglasses, or will be a problem in the future with your pie in the sky ideas or man if I'm a 10 she's gonna JUMP ON the neighbor buff dude that just moved in across the street when she sees him!

You guys are mismatched a little but nothing a little staying away from instigating topics can't cure.